Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.****
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'****
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'****
_______________________________________****
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'****
The father replied, 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'****
_______________________________________****
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week.'****
'That's very fair, your honour,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'****
_______________________________________****
A doctor, examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'****
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really Good with the kids.'****
_______________________________________****
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.****
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'****
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'****
_______________________________________****
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:****
1. The DNA all matches.****
2. There are no dental records.****
_______________________________________****
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from **San Francisco** to ****New York City**** ?'****
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'****
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.****
_______________________________________****
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.****
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.****
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.****
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'****
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'****
_______________________________________****
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'****
Joe: 'Really?'****
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'****
_______________________________________****
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.****
'I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.****
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.****
'Oops!'****
_______________________________________****
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was tremendous bolt of lightning and a massive clap of thunder, followed by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...****
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'****
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'****
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'****
_______________________________________****
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'****
The father replied, 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'****
_______________________________________****
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week.'****
'That's very fair, your honour,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'****
_______________________________________****
A doctor, examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'****
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really Good with the kids.'****
_______________________________________****
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.****
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'****
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'****
_______________________________________****
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:****
1. The DNA all matches.****
2. There are no dental records.****
_______________________________________****
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from **San Francisco** to ****New York City**** ?'****
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'****
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.****
_______________________________________****
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.****
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.****
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.****
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'****
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'****
_______________________________________****
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'****
Joe: 'Really?'****
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'****
_______________________________________****
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.****
'I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.****
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.****
'Oops!'****
_______________________________________****
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was tremendous bolt of lightning and a massive clap of thunder, followed by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...****
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'****