Divorced Men/Women Who Are Bitter

ClassicRockr

ClassicRockr

Well-known Member
I guess a bad previous marriage can turn some man or woman totally against the opposite sex.
I've heard these statements before:
"I don't want a man!"
"I don't want a woman!"
"I'm perfectly fine on my own!"
"I absolutely don't want a man (or woman) telling me what to do or what not to do!"
"I don't want to tell someone whenever I want to do something!"
"Get married again, oh He** no!"

Three 55 Plus ladies where we live seem to really have this attitude towards men. At times, when wife and/or I have talked to them, they seem so bitter. They aren't this way with their single/divorced female friends, but when it comes to men.........two words come to my mind that they will think to themselves, "stay away!" One lady was still married, but hubby lived in different state, but would visit her once a month. Reason for "living in another state" was that he worked there. He couldn't find a job in the area where she worked/lived. She told us that he had bought a fishing boat, just after they had moved here and "I hated that boat" she told wife and I. She would "trash talk" men around me to the point where I had to tell her "enough is enough with downgrading men" and I walked away. Her husband ended up getting very sick and passing away. Anyway, was sure glad to see two of these ladies move out!

I knew a guy that managed the storage area where our boat is and he basically never had anything nice to say about women. He called them "whores" when talking to me about any women he knew. I would ask him if he could find a nicer word and he said "nope, that's what all women are to me". I got to the point where I wouldn't talk to him anymore in his office. He doesn't work there anymore and I sure don't miss him.

So, I really wonder why there are men and women who seem so bitter towards the opposite sex? Wife and I have been thru two divorces before we met and we sure weren't bitter like this. Guess we didn't go thru the kind of divorces these "bitter" men and women have.

Have you ever know someone this bitter about the opposite sex?

You feelings?
 

Yes..when I split up from my husband I met a man who did nothing but talk about his ex..what a cow she was..how much he had ripped him off for...he ended up being quite disrespectful...so I left him alone..to talk to himself..
 
Bravo for you, Twixie! Definitely "Bravo"!

Twixie said:
Yes..when I split up from my husband I met a man who did nothing but talk about his ex..what a cow she was..how much he had ripped him off for...he ended up being quite disrespectful...so I left him alone..to talk to himself..
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There was so much hurt..so many misunderstandings..I suppose it was his Macho way of dealing with it..

Didn't want to be seen crying!
 
BTW, my SIL (69) seems to be both bitter and very happy at the same time.

Bitter b/c she thought she'd be married for life, even with the problems she had in her marriage. Divorce hasn't happened yet, but her hubby moved out b/c of his health and she says that she can't take care of him. Actually the "move" was agreed on by both of them and she helped him find a place to live where he'd get medical attention when he needed it. I noticed, and I was the only one who did notice, that she wasn't wearing her wedding set when wife and I met up with her and our niece's family in Orlando a couple of years ago. My wife, her brother, the niece and her husband didn't notice the wedding set gone from her hand.

"Very Happy", b/c she doesn't have to listen to him complain to her about clearing out her old e-mails on the computer and clearing voice messages on her phone. We've called her before and couldn't leave a message because her V/M was full. He told us that she would push the wrong keys and mess up their computer also. "Very Happy", b/c when she goes anywhere nowadays, she told us "I don't have to tell him where I'm going or when I'm coming home". She hangs out quite a bit with her single, some divorced, girlfriends.

And, yes, she would "trash talk" her husband at times.

A lot of times I think she doesn't like talking to me b/c I'm a male.
 
Twixie said:
Yes..when I split up from my husband I met a man who did nothing but talk about his ex..what a cow she was..how much he had ripped him off for...he ended up being quite disrespectful...so I left him alone..to talk to himself..
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I met a guy exactly like that. Nothing had been his fault, everything had been his (2) ex wives fault, and he spent every minute talking about how horrible and evil they were, and how they'd both had him arrested for spousal abuse ( all invented by them of course) and how they wouldn't let him see his kids . We were on a first date..and under a supposed jokey comment he made 2 derogatory comments about me, God almighty I couldn't get away from him fast enough:eeew::danger:
 
Another thing about this Thread, don't even think about telling one of these bitter men or women that you are in a nice/happy marriage! I've been told "well, good for you" said very sarcastically. One thing for sure, they don't want to hear about any "nice/happy marriage".
 
I've met some people who were done pretty dirty by their ex's, maybe even from getting taken financially in the divorce. They were definitely against the opposite sex, and had much distrust, l always figured their opinion would change when they found a nice person to start a relationship with.

I did know a lady who was a senior at the time, and her husband passed on. She didn't hate him, or other men, but she did voice that she wanted to spend the rest of her years on her own, and enjoy the freedom she never had when she had the responsibility of her husband and children for most of her life. I can understand that.
 
Well, I'll speak from the perspective of a woman that has been divorced for more than a two decades, I've since been engaged, and in several lovely relationships beyond that time, but, presently, I am perfectly content not to be involved with anyone or to ever get married again. I don't hate men, but, yes, I don't need to have one occupy my space. It has nothing to do with hating the opposite sex, I rather enjoy the company of men as long as they go home to their own space when I'm done with them. LOL I'm still capable of falling head over heels, I've had several strong crushes here and there, but, nope, I'm too cranky to want anyone up under me 24/7. Need and want, two very different things.
 
When I had that "freedom", from a divorce, I only liked it for the first 6 months of the divorce. But, then again, I, like my wife, hated being single (thru divorce) and that is one major thing that we had compatibility in........hated being single.
 
Sort of funny, but the one lady who moved out, same age as my wife (66), told wife and I a few times "I'm a bit** and proud of it". I looked at her and said "why do you look at yourself like that?" and she said "because I am". Conversation ended at that. Later I told my wife, "I can just imagine what would happen if she met a really nice guy. Seem to me the only kind of guy she would get along with would have to be an a**hole." I was just looking at it the way this lady talked.

AprilT said:
Well, I'll speak from the perspective of a woman that has been divorced for more than a two decades, I've since been engaged, and in several lovely relationships beyond that time, but, presently, I am perfectly content not to be involved with anyone or to ever get married again. I don't hate men, but, yes, I don't need to have one occupy my space. It has nothing to do with hating the opposite sex, I rather enjoy the company of men as long as they go home to their own space when I'm done with them. LOL I'm still capable of falling head over heels, I've had several strong crushes here and there, but, nope, I'm too cranky to want anyone up under me 24/7. Need and want to very different things.
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Sir, are you call me a b. :D Won't be the first time someone has. LOL But, no, I like kind, men strong of mind, last guy I had and still have a bit of a crush on was someone I was working a volunteer event with, he's a wonderful man in so many ways, but, we wouldn't ever work out in a relationship. I've met the woman he finally ended up with and she's a very intelligent seemingly strong woman in her own right, but, very submissive to him.
 
Have to admit, some of what you say here, sounds exactly like the three ladies I talked about. Only thing is, those ladies didn't want anything at all to do with men.........not even totally on THEIR terms (the ladies).

Funny, but some folks would say that wife and I were too "needy" when we met. Actually, that "neediness" is what brought us together and we both know that. I was a "marriage minded man" that got VERY lucky and met a "marriage minded lady".

AprilT said:
Well, I'll speak from the perspective of a woman that has been divorced for more than a two decades, I've since been engaged, and in several lovely relationships beyond that time, but, presently, I am perfectly content not to be involved with anyone or to ever get married again. I don't hate men, but, yes, I don't need to have one occupy my space. It has nothing to do with hating the opposite sex, I rather enjoy the company of men as long as they go home to their own space when I'm done with them. LOL I'm still capable of falling head over heels, I've had several strong crushes here and there, but, nope, I'm too cranky to want anyone up under me 24/7. Need and want, two very different things.
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Well, I've lived through more bumps and endured more than many the average person, so I've had to grow a tough skin, if I seem a bit of a b, I feel I earned it and have no shame in that veneer. I like men, just am not needy when it comes to being in a relationship of such kinds. My only longings are for the closeness of great platonic friendships in general and that can be with both men and woman now friendships, even if it's just one or two persons, that I need.


ClassicRockr said:
Have to admit, some of what you say here, sounds exactly like the three ladies I talked about. Only thing is, those ladies didn't want anything at all to do with men.........not even totally on THEIR terms (the ladies).

Funny, but some folks would say that wife and I were too "needy" when we met. Actually, that "neediness" is what brought us together and we both know that. I was a "marriage minded man" that got VERY lucky and met a "marriage minded lady".
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NO, no, no. Remember, this lady called herself a "b" when talking to wife and I.
Another area that you sound like these ladies here...........the word I use is "strong minded". I told one lady that she reminded me of a Marine Drill Sargent and she agreed.
When I was single/divorced, I met a couple of ladies that said to me, not exactly in these words, but close........"It's my way or the highway!" Well, I took the highway!
Wife and I are both "submissive" to each other. Works for us. She's definitely not a "toughie", but when it comes to a credit card charge that she disagrees with, the "toughie" can come out.

AprilT said:
Sir, are you call me a b. :D Won't be the first time someone has. LOL But, no, I like kind, men strong of mind, last guy I had and still have a bit of a crush on was someone I was working a volunteer event with, he's a wonderful man in so many ways, but, we wouldn't ever work out in a relationship. I've met the woman he finally ended up with and she's a very intelligent seemingly strong woman in her own right, but, very submissive to him.
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hollydolly said:
I met a guy exactly like that. Nothing had been his fault, everything had been his (2) ex wives fault, and he spent every minute talking about how horrible and evil they were, and how they'd both had him arrested for spousal abuse ( all invented by them of course) and how they wouldn't let him see his kids . We were on a first date..and under a supposed jokey comment he made 2 derogatory comments about me, God almighty I couldn't get away from him fast enough:eeew::danger:
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Yes Hollydolly..you can feel the aggression..can't you?
 
BTW, my wife does like it when I say "no".......because it saves us money. But, I don't say "no" all the time. No way! I kid with folks and tell them "she has a heck of a right hook and I don't want to feel it". My wife will laugh and say "no way".

Both of us went thru some hard times in our previous marriages, but it definitely didn't make us "hard"......for-to-say. Did find out, before she moved, the one lady told us that there was some "spousal abuse" in her marriage, but that was all she said to us. A reason to be the way she was, yes, but perhaps she got "too tough" on the inside.
 
LOL! I take no offense, I do tend to have a tough shell to some degree, but I'm quite the softie and am very feminine for the most part. I like how you say you and the wife are submissive to each other, that's sweet. I can be pliable to the right guy as long as he knows when to yield as well. Like how King Leonidas was with Queen Gorgo in 300 :D Love when that man would bend on his knees to his queen. ha, ha, ha,. They each had their place of leadership neither were weak within that union.

ClassicRockr said:
NO, no, no. Remember, this lady called herself a "b" when talking to wife and I.
Another area that you sound like these ladies here...........the word I use is "strong minded". I told one lady that she reminded me of a Marine Drill Sargent and she agreed.
When I was single/divorced, I met a couple of ladies that said to me, not exactly in these words, but close........"It's my way or the highway!" Well, I took the highway!
Wife and I are both "submissive" to each other. Works for us. She's definitely not a "toughie", but when it comes to a credit card charge that she disagrees with, the "toughie" can come out.
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I was widowed 7 years ago; and believe me; I was very very angry.....
i have mellowed a little since then; but I still don't want a man invading my own selfish space.

Don't get me wrong; I enjoy men's company; if they are funny, helpful, intelligent etc; but they still can't replace him..
 
Thing is...I don't want to start again..snogging at the front door..meeting their (sometimes) quite hostile family...I feel I have to wear younger clothes to impress them..What do they want??...Sex..companionship..I don't know them..it's scary..They have had a life before me that I know nothing about..

So instead I sit with a box of chocolates..wearing pyjamas...no sweat!!..sorted...
 
Getting away from the "bitter" feelings can be done, but it does take time. For those that absolutely say "no" to a companion, they should stay single. When a person is very adamant against having a man or woman in their life, or marriage again, absolutely.........don't do it!
My SIL acts like she is extremely happy being single and doing whatever she wants, whenever she wants and so-called "answering" to nobody........especially a man. Some men and women do call it "answering to a man (or woman)" while I call it being respectful. Sometimes, when my wife gets up from her recliner, I will ask her "where you going" and she will tell me. No problem. If I go to the mail boxes in our complex, I will tell her "Honey, going to get the mail". She will say, "ok". That's it. If we have a problem, we don't run out of the apartment and slam the door, we take a little break, where I will go into the bedroom and shut the door, and in a couple of minutes, I will either come out or she will come in and we will talk. No yelling, just talk. After the talk, a hug, kiss and things are settled. To us, this is called "respect" and "love".
 
My hope is.........these men/women who have "bitter" feelings due to a past marriage, can somehow get over those feelings.

I remember reading, and replying, to one member's Thread about "sharing life with someone". The way I see it, some of us have been in "not-so-good" marriages and, for some, this has really "soured" the feelings about meeting someone new to share things/life with. Fortunately, I never got those feelings and neither did my wife. We weren't afraid to "take a chance on each other" and it really worked out.

I know that some single/divorced older people just want to stay single and not share things in their life with another man or woman. Guess that's just their "thing".
 
A few years ago..I was involved in an abused women's charity..i would sit there listening to their horrific stories..I decided that a couple of them could do with a night out..One of these ladies had been severely beaten.and the other had been forced by her husband to commit the most disgusting sex acts for him and his friends..

We got into the bar and the band was about to start..when one of the ladies went white...''he's over there'' she said..''I've got to go!'' and left...5 mins later the other woman's husband walked in..So we both left..

The thing was that both these men were chatting and laughing as if butter wouldn't melt..
 
I think that divorced men and women tend to be on the bitter side. When I found myself single 12 years ago, I made it a point to date only widowers.. I found them to be less tainted and more interested in marriage.. which is the status I personally prefer.
 
I'm not sure where these droves of bitter divorced people reside, I rarely encounter them, sure there are some, but, I wouldn't generalize and say divorced people are more so bitter than not. I meet way more divorced individuals that have remarried or are out and about hoping to make another love connection. I think sometimes as we grow older if we haven't reconnected some of us get used to having our own space and it just gets more comfortable to live that way. The angry bitter individuals are out there, but their abundance is over exaggerated.

Also, we've mostly heard women being discussed as the ones being bitter, but have you heard some of the things the bitter males say about their exes, oh my. I've gone out on some dates and the check couldn't get to the table fast enough, it so nauseating listening to what some had to say about their ex-wives. Unless there's some real need to go into a deep discussion about the divorce circumstances, I leave the past in the past. Sometimes one person was the main culprit, sometimes both parties had some part in how things went bad, but, why dwell on the past. Learn from it and move on.
 

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