Divorced Men/Women Who Are Bitter

I've been a member since last October but this is the first time I've seen this part of the forum. I'm happy for those of you who are in loving, solid relationships/marriages. I miss the togetherness of being half of a caring couple - my husband is now in a hospice facility but I took care of him before that. I grew up in a big family where I was the oldest so I'm used to living where there is a fair amount of noise. Now it's very quiet. I'm now in my third marriage and it has certainly been the best of the three - first 2 husbands seemed like good fellows in the beginning. First husband was a very successful person but turned out to be a problem drinker with a penchant for abusing women; second spouse had so many emotional problems, one of which was chasing after women in general.

Subsequently, I saw that my ability to choose mates wisely was seriously flawed and decided to drop any further notion of marriage. At that point, hubby number three showed up and we just had our thirtieth anniversary. He has been in pretty poor health for a long time and has been in hospice care for awhile now. I miss the fun times we once had and I sure miss his being here at home, but he is being very well cared for.

I used to feel like a dumb idiot because I got married 3 times but I had to learn to like myself first before getting seriously involved. I finally learned this lesson which helped me make a better marriage the 3rd time around. If you have a beloved someone with you, please give them all the love and hugs possible. Every day you're together is a priceless gift!
 

Kath said:
I miss the togetherness of being half of a caring couple - my husband is now in a hospice facility but I took care of him before that. I grew up in a big family where I was the oldest so I'm used to living where there is a fair amount of noise. Now it's very quiet.
At that point, hubby number three showed up and we just had our thirtieth anniversary. He has been in pretty poor health for a long time and has been in hospice care for awhile now. I miss the fun times we once had and I sure miss his being here at home, but he is being very well cared for.
If you have a beloved someone with you, please give them all the love and hugs possible. Every day you're together is a priceless gift!
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Kath, I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is in hospice, I can't imagine how you feel, my heart goes out to you. I'm touched by your story and your advice to those of us who are fortunate enough to still have someone with us that we love, I agree, every day is truly a priceless gift. Hugs. :rose:
 
AprilT said:
I'm not sure where these droves of bitter divorced people reside, I rarely encounter them, sure there are some, but, I wouldn't generalize and say divorced people are more so bitter than not. I meet way more divorced individuals that have remarried or are out and about hoping to make another love connection. I think sometimes as we grow older if we haven't reconnected some of us get used to having our own space and it just gets more comfortable to live that way. The angry bitter individuals are out there, but their abundance is over exaggerated.

Also, we've mostly heard women being discussed as the ones being bitter, but have you heard some of the things the bitter males say about their exes, oh my. I've gone out on some dates and the check couldn't get to the table fast enough, it so nauseating listening to what some had to say about their ex-wives. Unless there's some real need to go into a deep discussion about the divorce circumstances, I leave the past in the past. Sometimes one person was the main culprit, sometimes both parties had some part in how things went bad, but, why dwell on the past. Learn from it and move on.
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Exactly! The longer I'm alone and as I grow older, I'm more comfortable with my own company and love having my own space. Really not sure I could live with someone again unless he was super-special.;)
Co-workers used to bad mouth their spouses in front of me all the time. One time they made a derogatory remark to me about being single. I reminded them of how they talk about their spouse. Some said they would rather have a crappy marriage then live alone.
I'm with April....why dwell on the past. Learn from it and move on. I can't deal with bitterness....I wonder if these people are unhappy inside.
 

The only thing I have to admit I was bitter about was the fact my ex did not ever pay any maintance for the kids who were 4 years and 18 months old .at the time of separation.
He was involved in a religion the one who won't allow blood transfusions, and could afford to give them money, but couldn't as much as buy the kids a pair of shoes.
We split up because of the religion,and the reason was explained to me by one of the elders in the church that he could no longer attend the church if I was in his life, and he choose them.
The reason all this happened was my youngest son ( who is now 40 years old) anyway he was in the old weights 10 pound when he was born, he grew very quickly into quite a chubby baby, then one day when he was 6 months old his hair fell out, not that he had much, the next day he was vomiting and could not keep a thing down, I took him to the doctors who admitted him to the hospital in the 10 days he was there he lost half his weight as all tests showed he had no infections or causes for the vomiting
As they could not answer my questions about my son who was dying in front of my eyes I took him from the hospital and caught the next bus to Adelaide ( I was living in what we refer to as the Riverland at the time in a small town called Renmark about 250 km from Adelaide) On arrival in Adelaide I was dropped at the hospital by the concerned bus driver late at night, I was informed my son had an hour to live if they didn't take some drastic action right away, they put him on a drip feeding him soy milk as they suspected he may have been allergic to Cow products.
I was given a room close to my son in the hospital to stay in, the next morning I received a call from the elder of the church that I had defied my husband in taking my son to Adelaide, and was not welcome home as I was a wicked woman,as I should have believed my husband That Jehovah would take care of my son.
I spent two weeks in Adelaide and when I returned I had an eviction order waiting for me to not enter the home.
The end is my son recovered it took many months and the doctors were correct it was purely he was allergic to cows milk and products today he is ahealthy 40 year old.
My ex passed away about 15 years ago
 
OMG Kadeee...what a horrible story. I'm so glad your son survived because of your fast reactions, but do tell us what happened after you got home and faced the eviction order,.. where did you go?
 
123Testing said:
I realize I'm new here, so I'm trying to tread carefully. Also realize this thread has sizzled. I just wanted to say about 'bitter'.... I'm divorced twice, and have remained divorced since 1992. Raised the 4 sons, as a single mom. Men didn't want anything to do with me, because I was a woman with 'baggage' (4 boys). I understand that. I really do. It was my own lack of solid judgment that now put myself into the 'unworthy' pile of dating. Then there was the elderly parents. Life was stressful. Was I bitter? YES! I was bitter at LIFE!

The boys grow up and leave the nest. The elderly parents both died 2008. For the 1st time in decades, I have a chance to live a life for ME! Guess what happened in 2009? I met the most wonderful man. He became my north, my south, my east, my west. He was my morning sun and my evening rest. He was my compass. I loved him so! We were making plans! We were going to sell our homes, and start a new life TOGETHER!

Then the Cancer call came. Next thing you know... well.... I'll spare you the details. He died Sept 2012. I know grief has many stages, but let me tell you.... BITTER was the one stage I couldn't get past. I was bitter at LIFE!

It's been over 2yrs now. I'm just now feeling like I might be ready to give dating a try again. Bitterness comes in many stages, for many different reasons.
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How terribly sad! Hope you can find happiness again.
 
hollydolly said:
OMG Kadeee...what a horrible story. I'm so glad your son survived because of your fast reactions, but do tell us what happened after you got home and faced the eviction order,.. where did you go?
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To answer your question as to where I went, I moved into shed at my parents home 15 km away.
When all this happened I was working cleaning the home of the manager and his wife of the commonwealth employment office,they were aware of my situation and shortly after a house keeping live in job came up on a farm close to another small town in the area called Loxton, The couple who I was working for put in a reference for me and I got the job, where I lived for 11 years, I only left there after meeting my husband in 1986.

The children were only 18 and 20 when their father passed away and I took them the service and call me rude you like but the lies that were told during the service were unforgivable,I could not help but let our a huh, a few times they went on what a wonderfull father he was , he was remarried. For the fourth time but sepperated and his wife was not mentioned.

His coffin was not in the hall while the service was being conducted but parked by the toilets in the same building, yes call
Me bitter he got what he deserved, he passed away after doctors tried to slow his heart rate and it stopped it
The religion still knocks on my door from time to time I'm afraid I'm not to polite to them , I have never been a person who uses foul language but I can still get the message accross to them to get lost,yes I still have some bitterness, and still remember the name of the " elder"who phoned me back in 1975. My son was born in October 1974
 
V
Kadee46 said:
The only thing I have to admit I was bitter about was the fact my ex did not ever pay any maintance for the kids who were 4 years and 18 months old .at the time of separation.
He was involved in a religion the one who won't allow blood transfusions, and could afford to give them money, but couldn't as much as buy the kids a pair of shoes.
We split up because of the religion,and the reason was explained to me by one of the elders in the church that he could no longer attend the church if I was in his life, and he choose them.
The reason all this happened was my youngest son ( who is now 40 years old) anyway he was in the old weights 10 pound when he was born, he grew very quickly into quite a chubby baby, then one day when he was 6 months old his hair fell out, not that he had much, the next day he was vomiting and could not keep a thing down, I took him to the doctors who admitted him to the hospital in the 10 days he was there he lost half his weight as all tests showed he had no infections or causes for the vomiting
As they could not answer my questions about my son who was dying in front of my eyes I took him from the hospital and caught the next bus to Adelaide ( I was living in what we refer to as the Riverland at the time in a small town called Renmark about 250 km from Adelaide) On arrival in Adelaide I was dropped at the hospital by the concerned bus driver late at night, I was informed my son had an hour to live if they didn't take some drastic action right away, they put him on a drip feeding him soy milk as they suspected he may have been allergic to Cow products.
I was given a room close to my son in the hospital to stay in, the next morning I received a call from the elder of the church that I had defied my husband in taking my son to Adelaide, and was not welcome home as I was a wicked woman,as I should have believed my husband That Jehovah would take care of my son.
I spent two weeks in Adelaide and when I returned I had an eviction order waiting for me to not enter the home.
The end is my son recovered it took many months and the doctors were correct it was purely he was allergic to cows milk and products today he is ahealthy 40 year old.
My ex passed away about 20 years ago I really don't remember the exact time / date
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I feel very sad for what you've had to go through, Kadee. So many things you spoke of reminded me of situations in my own life. Some of the horrible sting of the past starts to recede when focus changes from what happened before to a focus on all the possibilities going forward. Every day spent thinking of past pain is only conceding to yesterday's adversaries. Your spouse and his zealotry are now defunct so you don't have to spend one more minute of your life facing backward. When my earlier marriage crumbled, I wrote out a list of things I was not able to do before. It was a really long list and included stuff like learning woodworking, changing jobs, going back to college, and finding a decent and caring person to love. Writing that list helped push me away from the past pretty quickly and I started feeling hopeful for the first time in eons. My present spouse is in hospice and when the time comes I'll most likely make another list.
 
Kath said:
I feel very sad for what you've had to go through, Kadee. So many things you spoke of reminded me of situations in my own life. Some of the horrible sting of the past starts to recede when focus changes from what happened before to a focus on all the possibilities going forward. Every day spent thinking of past pain is only conceding to yesterday's adversaries. Your spouse and his zealotry are now defunct so you don't have to spend one more minute of your life facing backward. When my earlier marriage crumbled, I wrote out a list of things I was not able to do before. It was a really long list and included stuff like learning woodworking, changing jobs, going back to college, and finding a decent and caring person to love. Writing that list helped push me away from the past pretty quickly and I started feeling hopeful for the first time in eons. My present spouse is in hospice and when the time comes I'll most likely make another list.
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Thank you for your kind words, I don't even really think,about the past or him, but felt the need to express something when I seen the post. My daughter still has a photo of him up on the wall but I don't even mention him. He missed out on the children's lives and being involved with their schooling and sporting events, Grandchildren .The Son I mentioned won the state championship for his age in judo when he was 13) The religion he was involved with also don't celebrate birthdays or Christmas so it was all his loss.
 
Kadee46 said:
To answer your question as to where I went, I moved into shed at my parents home 15 km away.
When all this happened I was working cleaning the home of the manager and his wife of the commonwealth employment office,they were aware of my situation and shortly after a house keeping live in job came up on a farm close to another small town in the area called Loxton, The couple who I was working for put in a reference for me and I got the job, where I lived for 11 years, I only left there after meeting my husband in 1986.

The children were only 18 and 20 when their father passed away and I took them the service and call me rude you like but the lies that were told during the service were unforgivable,I could not help but let our a huh, a few times they went on what a wonderfull father he was , he was remarried. For the fourth time but sepperated and his wife was not mentioned.

His coffin was not in the hall while the service was being conducted but parked by the toilets in the same building, yes call
Me bitter he got what he deserved, he passed away after doctors tried to slow his heart rate and it stopped it
The religion still knocks on my door from time to time I'm afraid I'm not to polite to them , I have never been a person who uses foul language but I can still get the message accross to them to get lost,yes I still have some bitterness, and still remember the name of the " elder"who phoned me back in 1975. My son was born in October 1974
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OH Kadee, I've just caught up with this thread and your reply to my question. My goodness who could blame you for being bitter about a man who caused you such unhappiness and difficulty in life for many years. How strong you were to get through it all , and what a toll it must have taken on you too. Bitter, ?...it seems to me you had every right to despise that man , and proof that it's easy for outsiders to be judgemental about situations of which they have no knowledge.

Good for you for coming out the other side, a lovely person despite those years of grief and setbacks.
 

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