Do you know a really good listener?

R

Rose65

Well-known Member
Location
United Kingdom
Most people talk too much, about themselves and interrupt constantly. Rare is a friend who really listens.

I have one such friend. I still remember a long time ago, I was in a very bad way, devastated. I met my good friend for a long lunch and after eating I told her all about it. I must have talked for two hours solid. All that time she sat opposite, silent. Every now and then a big tear dropped and she brushed it slowly away. How I valued her empathy and shall remember it.

If you read the Book of Job in the Bible, King James Version, Job lost absolutely everything, including his health. His three friends came to comfort him. When they saw how great his grief was, they sat with him in silence for 7 days. SEVEN DAYS.

That teaches me that silent listening is a most valuable thing. These days people have to pay to get therapy like that , or call the Samaritans and hope they get one properly trained to shut mouth.
 

Rose, You are absolutely right. Good listeners are hard to come by. I had forgotten the story about Job. He even lost his children. It's a remarkable story dealing with empathy and compassion.
 

@Rose65...

a friend recently suggested I visit the following website

https://www.7cups.com

7 Cups of Tea is a web platform that trains active listeners online to provide anonymous emotional support through a web-based active listening service. Visitors can access 7 Cups of Tea via the web or on mobile devices with iOS (Apple) or Android operating systems.

I only registered the other day and still have to spend some time familiarizing and learning to navigate the platform. this friend is really impressed, so with her recommendation, I may have to give it a go.
 
Last edited:
Rose65 said:
Most people talk too much, about themselves and interrupt constantly. Rare is a friend who really listens.

I have one such friend. I still remember a long time ago, I was in a very bad way, devastated. I met my good friend for a long lunch and after eating I told her all about it. I must have talked for two hours solid. All that time she sat opposite, silent. Every now and then a big tear dropped and she brushed it slowly away. How I valued her empathy and shall remember it.

If you read the Book of Job in the Bible, King James Version, Job lost absolutely everything, including his health. His three friends came to comfort him. When they saw how great his grief was, they sat with him in silence for 7 days. SEVEN DAYS.

That teaches me that silent listening is a most valuable thing. These days people have to pay to get therapy like that , or call the Samaritans and hope they get one properly trained to shut mouth.
Click to expand...
It's wonderful to have a friend like that. There is no substitute for a wise friend. šŸ¤—
 
No, No one ever listened except my late husband.
If I ever got mad, I'd be jabbering away like Donald Duck.
(throwin a little fit!)
Jack was 6 ft 1 inch, and would stand in front of me to listen
intently to every little squawk until I ran out of words.
He would listen, not saying a word.
Then he would ask, " You done, little darlin?"
I thought for a few minutes and finally said, "OK, I'm done!"
Then he would always laugh, hold me and kiss me.
I never could remember why I happened to be so upset!
 
SmoothSeas said:
@Rose65...

a friend recently suggested I visit the following website

https://www.7cups.com

7 Cups of Tea is a web platform that trains active listeners online to provide anonymous emotional support through a web-based active listening service. Visitors can access 7 Cups of Tea via the web or on mobile devices with iOS (Apple) or Android operating systems.

I only registered the other day and still have to spend some time familiarizing and learning to navigate the platform. this friend is really impressed, so with her recommendation, I may have to give it a go.
Click to expand...
I've been a listener on 7 cups for a couple years now, and it's a pretty good platform. As you might expect, you get a mix of people, some with real problems and troubles, some just needing someone to talk to, and a few others that seriously need real therapy. But overall, a lot of people appreciate just having someone who will listen and maybe offer a little advice from life experience. You get LGBTQ issues, relationship issues, problems at work, career decisions, depression, sexual issues, anger, jealousy, and a host of others. You can get burnout though after a bit, and you just need a break.
 
This is very good @Rose65 A good listener is hard to find. I even tried going back to a therapist a few years ago. The woman was nice but she talked too much about herself. I mentioned how bad high school was, she started talking about her HS trials. I cancelled my last appointment stating it was an "affordability issue." Which was only partially true. I just didn't think she was worth the money.
 
I have had people pour out their souls to me while I largely just sat there and listened, feeling totally inadequate and helpless in the face of their litany of serious woes and travails. At the end of their purging, almost all have thanked me for ā€œhelpingā€ when I did little but listen. My conclusion is that the world is desperate for sympathetic listenersā€¦
 
Good listeners are difficult to find. Most people don't pay attention because they're not present. Their mind is on their own thoughts, or they're busy thinking about what they're going to say. They're not listening. Later, they can't really remember what you talked about. If I'm talking to someone and I sense that they're drifting off, I stop talking. What's the point, I might as well talk to myself, at least I don't interrupt myself.

I'm willing to listen when someone needs to get something off their chest. I let them get it all out. That's what friends do.
 
It is true that many blue collar working class people have poor listening skills. Especially in informal social situations. As someone working in situations often explaining things to others, I have experienced much with quiet subordinates that listened but then later were found to be confused. Many so, are also less likely to speak up with questions because they feel inhibited in exposing their lack of understanding. In the SF Bay Area are large numbers of immigrants with English as a secondary language. It is obviously more difficult for some of them to understand spoken English.

As one rises in the corporate world with professionals, ratios of good listeners to poor increases significantly because such is important for success. Such college educated people tend to be better listeners because unlike in high schools students where many may daydream without consequences, one must critically understand lectures. That noted, yes there are some in management with poor listening skills but generally not. What one will find are those that only listen carefully when listening to superiors while not with subordinates. In fact, some managers are uncomfortable with subordinates like this person that are not afraid to do more than just listen.

In corporations I worked for, there were occasional HR compulsory team interpersonal communication training classes that of course emphasized having balance between speaking and listening. One reason I was successful working in engineering groups for decades was because of an ability to carefully listen to engineers in order to offload some of their work so they could attend to more important tasks. Such highly educated people appreciate listeners that will also ask meaningful questions and paraphrase directions that shows what a speaker related was understood. In social situations persons that listen and communicate well in work environments are also more likely to do so among their acquaintances because such is a practiced skill.
 
My BFF of 46 years, my son, my oldest grandson and my honorary daughter (HD) and honorary son (HS) come to mind first but I have other relatives and friends who are good listeners too. However, my BFF, HD, HS and one of my good friends are the only ones with whom I discuss personal issues that are troubling me.
 

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