Do you try to instil ambition into your children?

[grahamg]

Do you think you should try to instil high ambition in your children, or did you try to do so?

My ex, before she was my ex, so the former Mrs G, used to speak about our child when she was nowt but a bairn, that she wanted her to go across the globe in her chosen career, or something like that anyway. .

Although my parenting style or level of ambition for me child was more modest, I wasn't averse to planting the idea in her head she might become a doctor, or air!one pilot, so pretty "lofty" ambitions its true! However I wasn't so keen on the idea her career might take her around the globe, (so far she's travelled widely, though only worked abroad as a student, and low and behold she is a doctor). .

I imagine being very ambitious, or high achieving is a cleft stick, as obviously you expect great things of yourself, and much responsibility is thrust upon your shoulders, once you're a high earning professional, trying to juggle family life with work. .

However, whatever else, it is nice to think you're child is a high achiever, and whatever success I had myself academically, I'm sure my mother's insistence upon the importance of education played a big role. Still, above academic ambition, or ambition to be a high achiever in a profession, or financially, my main wish for my child was that she would become a good, warm, honest, loving person, to the benefit of others, and in turn herself ! .

 

[Nathan]

I wanted my daughter and son to be decent people, treat others the way they would want to be treated. I wanted them to get educated, and know of the world and how it works. I wanted them to be self reliant / self supporting. They did all these things, and are happy, decent people.

 

[Rosemarie]

My father was determined that I should have a career. As soon as I showed an interest in anything, he would spoil my pleasure by pushing me into studying it seriously and making it my ambition. This had the opposite effect to what he intended, and I soon stop putting any effort into my school work.
As a result, I let my own children go their own way, and make their own decisions. Ironically, they have all gone to university...got degrees and had successful careers. A lesson there for other parents!

 

[asp3]

Besides being a nice person we wanted our sons to live up to their potential. They were both very smart but they both had issues with grades from time to time. It was really more a matter of applying themselves as opposed to not being able to do the work.

My biological son was kept lying to us about various things so that his privileges, computer play time, video games, etc... were gradually reduced until he could only use the computer for school work or read. He applied his extra time to his schoolwork and ended up getting straight A's for the first time that semester. That lesson stuck with him and he was co-valedictorian at his college and won a number of fellowships and awards during his higher education. Looking at his grades in his freshman and sophomore years in high school one never would have guessed that was in his future.

Our other son really didn't like school that much but understood the importance of it. He went to college, ended up not getting a degree but now is an IT manager at a fairly well known Silicon Valley company and earns a fair amount more than I do. He's not that ambitious overall, but is ambitious in regards to his career and salary.

 

[JaniceM]

I guess it'd be called that, but not extreme. My kids knew from their earliest years that they could do/become/be whatever they chose, and that I'd back them every step of the way. And never tried to influence their choices/decisions.

 

[Lewkat]

I instilled in my son a work ethic that my dad instilled in me. We had some rough patches but he is an IT specialist with his own very successful business.

 

[Phoenix]

So they don't sit on their behinds and do nothing.

 

[Judycat]

My daughter was a high-achiever. I used to encourage her to slow down and give it a rest sometimes, but she was driven. Unfortunately, she became crippled with mental illness and became the bright light that burned out too fast.

 

[Phoenix]

My daughter was a high-achiever. I used to encourage her to slow down and give it a rest sometimes, but she was driven. Unfortunately, she became crippled with mental illness and became the bright light that burned out too fast.

How old is she? Is she in counseling? What kind of treatment is she getting? Could her issues be menopause or parimenopause related? They can mimic mental illness. Low blood sugar can also mimic mental illness.

 

[Judycat]

How old is she? Is she in counseling? What kind of treatment is she getting? Could her issues be menopause or parimenopause related? They can mimic mental illness. Low blood sugar can also mimic mental illness.

My daughter commited suicide at age 34 five years ago. She was under the care of mental health professionals. She suffered for 10 years and progressively became worse. She tried many treatments, but ultimately believed taking her life was the only option left. I miss her every day.

 

[grahamg]

My daughter commited suicide at age 34 five years ago. She was under the care of mental health professionals. She suffered for 10 years and progressively became worse. She tried many treatments, but ultimately believed taking her life was the only option left. I miss her every day.

Very moving and although I'm sure it doesn't help much, please accept my condolences for your loss.

 

[Phoenix]

My daughter commited suicide at age 34 five years ago. She was under the care of mental health professionals. She suffered for 10 years and progressively became worse. She tried many treatments, but ultimately believed taking her life was the only option left. I miss her every day.

I am so very sorry for you loss. Mental illness is such an enigma. There is no one sure way that works to deal with it. Are you okay? Is there any way I can be of comfort? I'm willing to listen.

 

[WhatInThe]

In this day and age 'ambition' is a dicey proposition. Between technology & instant gratification and a philosphy that says try to steer or track students into things they like or are good at too much ambition good lead to disappointment or sense of entitlement.

The basics in life including courtesy, health, domestic, financial ,mechanical abilities etc ie fix and/or build for ones' self. Along with academic competance in any subject. Self sufficiency first then worry about pursuing optional jobs/careers. How can one take care of a company or organization if they cant take care of themselves.

 

[grahamg]

So they don't sit on their behinds and do nothing.

How would you describe your parenting style? .

 

[Aunt Marg]

Dear husband and I gave our children as much encouragement and support as we could, but as for needling them to become doctors, lawyers, presidents, and such, we didn't, and we never pushed any of them to achieve high grades.

 

[Phoenix]

How would you describe your parenting style? .

I chose not to have any for a number of reasons. One was zero population growth. When I have a need to mother something, I mother a cat or a dog. My husband's children are cases in point for sitting on their backsides. He tried really hard to be a good parent. It didn't work. It's a crap shoot.

 

[grahamg]

In this day and age 'ambition' is a dicey proposition. Between technology & instant gratification and a philosphy that says try to steer or track students into things they like or are good at too much ambition could lead to disappointment or sense of entitlement.
The basics in life including courtesy, health, domestic, financial ,mechanical abilities etc ie fix and/or build for ones' self. Along with academic competance in any subject. Self sufficiency first then worry about pursuing optional jobs/careers. How can one take care of a company or organization if they cant take care of themselves.

You worry a bit about the sort of company your child might keep, and whether they make friends easily. I guess it says a lot about any of us, if you look at those we choose as friends, or whether we have any real friends perhaps(?).
It is a mixture of competing influences, just as you suggest, and as a parenting wanting your child to show resilience, and self sufficiency, whilst generally hoping perhaps, this doesn't make you totally redundant! .

 

[Aunt Marg]

I chose not to have any for a number of reasons. One was zero population growth. When I have a need to mother something, I mother a cat or a dog. My husband's children are cases in point for sitting on their backsides. He tried really hard to be a good parent. It didn't work. It's a crap shoot.

Bingo! I couldn't have said it any better.

 

[grahamg]

I chose not to have any for a number of reasons. One was zero population growth. When I have a need to mother something, I mother a cat or a dog. My husband's children are cases in point for sitting on their backsides. He tried really hard to be a good parent. It didn't work. It's a crap shoot.

You were still a parent to someone else's child though weren't you, (or have I missed something? )?

 

[Phoenix]

You were still a parent to someone else's child though weren't you, (or have I missed something? )?

My husband's children were grown before I met him. I was never their parent.

 

[grahamg]

My husband's children were grown before I met him. I was never their parent.

I see, so a parent, or step parent in name only.
Did you form an opinion as to what went wrong with his children in spite of his best efforts? .

 

[Phoenix]

I see, so a parent, or step parent in name only.
Did you form an opinion as to what went wrong with his children in spite of his best efforts? .

His exwife was one of the problems. But the bottom line was they wanted to do drugs, get involved with the wrong crowd, steal from him, disregard him as a person, etc. I'm not willing to say more. It violates his privacy and theirs.

 

[grahamg]

His exwife was one of the problems. But the bottom line was they wanted to do drugs, get involved with the wrong crowd, steal from him, disregard him as a person, etc. I'm not willing to say more. It violates his privacy and theirs.

Ah, good idea, I often think its worth avoid asking or answering too many questions.
One last point that comes to mind is this, moving away from the situation concerning those children you mentioned, I suppose, to an extent, everyone we meet might try to "parent" us to an extent, and vice versa, (or so some management training guru or expert once told me, quoting a famous psychologist whose name escapes me right now?). .

 

[Gary O']

Do you try to instil ambition into your children?


'Ambition'.....hmmmmm

Lets just call it incentive

 

[grahamg]

Do you try to instil ambition into your children?


'Ambition'.....hmmmmm

Lets just call it incentive

Call it whatever you wish, (was it Shakespeare said "a horse is a horse by any other name", or was that my mixing up his famous line from Richard III, "a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!"). .