Ethical decisions for me and my sister during inheritance

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RandomName

Member
I'll try to condense this. Mom died with a bank account of $50,000. Also stocks worth about $200,000. Stocks had named beneficiaries and were in Mom's name only. Stocks have been disbursed to beneficiaries already.

But the bank account had both my Mom and my sister's names on it. Sister has taken Mom off the account, so is in her name only now. Also had named beneficiaries.

I have been too embarrassed to confront my sister about whether she is legally obligated to disburse the $50,000 to the named beneficiaries (if they are still on the account). She keeps talking about 'getting around to it' as the last part of the inheritance process. She has been spending from the account for expenses of the inheritance, which I am OK with.

She has been doing a good job with it. Her husband is the executor. They both put in a lot of hours and work and hassle getting things done, and I know that an executor can charge a fee for his services. So far no mention of a fee.

What am I asking? I think the reality is that the named beneficiaries were taken off the account when my sister took Mom's name off, so my sister legally can keep all of it. Maybe she made a mental note that she would share it anyway, even though not legally required to.

So far she has just talked about disbursing the $50,000 or whatever is left after expenses, but she hasn't done anything yet. It's the last part of 'estate'. I am 50/50 about whether I should pursue the issue. I want a good relationship with her. But if she keeps it all, I will resent her. I wish she could just be honest about it, and say something like ' the named beneficiaries came off the account, and I'm keeping it all, for expenses and hassle I had working on the inheritance.' But she says nothing.

I am sure the other beneficiaries aren't expecting anything from the bank account, and may not even know it exists.

I suppose I want to just forget about it. My share would have been been 20% of the account, so $10,000.
I don't want to be one of these people who no longer speak to a sibling. Also don't want to be taken advantage of.
 

If this is important to you, consult a lawyer. Find out what the law says about this. If necessary, the lawyer may need to write a letter to your sister asking her to comply with the law. If she does not, you may have to take her To court. I’m not a lawyer, but the above would be my plan, if………..

Is the above worth what may probably be a lifetime of bad feelings between you and your sister? I don’t know.

My personal opinion is that if you want your children to hate and fight with each other, don’t make a will and leave a vague and confusing financial and property mess when you die.
 
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IMO it depends on how your mom and sister’s names appeared on the account.

If it was a joint account I would assume that your Mom’s interest would pass to your sister upon your Mom’s death and that the account would not be a part of her estate.

This happened twice in my family.

My Dad and oldest brother were joint on his checking account and my brother chose to keep the balance.

My Mom and I were joint on my Mother’s checking account and I chose to distribute the balance among my brothers and sisters.

Sometimes what’s legal and what’s right are two very different things.

I would let it go and see what happens but I wouldn’t forget if my sister chose to keep it.
 
I would talk to the other beneficiaries. Maybe they've already asked your sister about it and she had a good reason, or they are like you, waiting for some action and you can all agree about what to do.

When my father died he had stocks, savings, a hoarded up house, and a brand new car. My brother and I were co-executors and meant to divide everything. We waited the requited amount of time and then spent exactly one day taking care of the money things. My husband, brother and I emptied out and trashed the hoard in one day, he sold the house and sent me half. It really shouldn't be as hard and lengthy as your sister is making it so I'm suspicious.

I will third what Brookswood and MackTexas said. We've already put my son on the house deed and added him as joint owner on our bank accts -- he didn't have to know or sign anything. We're having our bonds gradually put into out saving account. It all should be fairly simple for him.
 
RandomName said:
I'll try to condense this. Mom died with a bank account of $50,000. Also stocks worth about $200,000. Stocks had named beneficiaries and were in Mom's name only. Stocks have been disbursed to beneficiaries already.

But the bank account had both my Mom and my sister's names on it. Sister has taken Mom off the account, so is in her name only now. Also had named beneficiaries.

I have been too embarrassed to confront my sister about whether she is legally obligated to disburse the $50,000 to the named beneficiaries (if they are still on the account). She keeps talking about 'getting around to it' as the last part of the inheritance process. She has been spending from the account for expenses of the inheritance, which I am OK with.

She has been doing a good job with it. Her husband is the executor. They both put in a lot of hours and work and hassle getting things done, and I know that an executor can charge a fee for his services. So far no mention of a fee.

What am I asking? I think the reality is that the named beneficiaries were taken off the account when my sister took Mom's name off, so my sister legally can keep all of it. Maybe she made a mental note that she would share it anyway, even though not legally required to.

So far she has just talked about disbursing the $50,000 or whatever is left after expenses, but she hasn't done anything yet. It's the last part of 'estate'. I am 50/50 about whether I should pursue the issue. I want a good relationship with her. But if she keeps it all, I will resent her. I wish she could just be honest about it, and say something like ' the named beneficiaries came off the account, and I'm keeping it all, for expenses and hassle I had working on the inheritance.' But she says nothing.

I am sure the other beneficiaries aren't expecting anything from the bank account, and may not even know it exists.

I suppose I want to just forget about it. My share would have been been 20% of the account, so $10,000.
I don't want to be one of these people who no longer speak to a sibling. Also don't want to be taken advantage of.
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Probate in your state or country may have rules about Executor's Fees.
:) I'd let it go for now. Plenty of time to react after your mom's estate is closed.
 
RandomName said:
I suppose I want to just forget about it. My share would have been been 20% of the account, so $10,000.
I don't want to be one of these people who no longer speak to a sibling. Also don't want to be taken advantage of.
Click to expand...
You mention other beneficiaries combine them & estate settlement expenses your share would be less. Then there is no mention of your mothers health & how her last years were spent. Why only your sister on the accounts? Why your sister's husband was the executor?

Then you have to ask yourself. Would whatever amount left really be taking advantage of you?

Your post should be a wake up call to others that haven't made out a clear document showing who gets whatever is left.
 
If that account was held in your mother’s and sisters names as co-owners of the account…the account is your sisters. The beneficiaries inherit when the account holders are deceased. The bank should be able to explain this to you. But…I am pretty sure I am right. If your sister chooses to disperse that account it will be because she feels like she should… not that she has to. I wish you well negotiating this…call a bank and ask.
 
Knight said:
You mention other beneficiaries combine them & estate settlement expenses your share would be less. Then there is no mention of your mothers health & how her last years were spent. Why only your sister on the accounts? Why your sister's husband was the executor?

Then you have to ask yourself. Would whatever amount left really be taking advantage of you?

Your post should be a wake up call to others that haven't made out a clear document showing who gets whatever is left.
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I was wondering, too, if the sister was the caregiver for the mother and was on the account so she could make purchases for her mother. It might also be a power of attorney sort of thing which would be a different set up.

In so many cases there is someone who lives closest to the parent and ends up doing a whole lot of work for them, even if the parent isn't actually living with them. In my case it was one of my brothers. During his gradually growing dementia years, my father was at this brother's house every single day with questions or just to talk. If he had left everything to my brother I would have felt fine about it and would have consider it earned.
 
Cars you say? Before my father died his car was a nice new Camry. I think he bought it just so he could make his joke about not being able to find film for it.

My brother and his wife, Linda, are millionaires and are always driving really expensive SUV's. I was driving my 1998 Neon. My Dad said to me that he was going to leave his Camry to Linda because he didn't think I would be able to drive it. I just laughed. I've never had a ticket or any kind of accident, but I was a silly heart when I was a little girl and in his mind I never changed. LOL Wills bring out all sorts of family issues.
 
Living trusts can be very sticky too. Like a live-in boyfriend; "May live in the home as long as they want."
Jewels can get pawned off to pay bills, etc. Extended illnesses like Parkinson's may bankrupt the estate.
The invalid being carted around 2 -3 nursing homes. The ill becoming more and more desperate.
The Trustee just doing whatever the invalid asks.
 
Della said:
In so many cases there is someone who lives closest to the parent and ends up doing a whole lot of work for them, even if the parent isn't actually living with them. In my case it was one of my brothers. During his gradually growing dementia years, my father was at this brother's house every single day with questions or just to talk.
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When our Mother became uber old I became an only child! 😉🤭😂

I didn’t mind but I did learn a lot about my brothers and sister.

IMO you have to give family a pass but you don’t have to forget.
 
The more I think about this, post #13 @Muskrat sums it up. Generally, if one party to a joint bank account with rights of survivorship dies, the account becomes the sole property of the surviving account holder. This is because the "right of survivorship" feature automatically transfers ownership to the surviving account holder upon the death of a co-owner.

If the account indeed was set up with rights of survivorship, then it seems that your sister became sole owner after your mother passed away, leaving her an unchallenged right to remove any beneficiaries that may have been previously named on the account.

If your mother left a Will, there may be provisions in it that could change these circumstances. For example, if she specified in her Will that a certain dollar amount from funds she had on deposit in a particular bank account (the one in question) shaIf, upon her death, be distributed to heirs specified by name. From the detail you provided, that doesn't appear to be the case.
 
Sister came up every weekend from another state to help my widowed stepfather. He was stricken with emphysema. Got her name on his bank checks, got his car registered and insured in her name (I mentioned that to him when I found out and surprised he said his car may be in her name but it was STILL his car!) Although I lived miles closer to his country-side home, rarely were my working children free to drive me to his home to help him.

Sister and 2 of her adult sons would visit/cheer widower stepfather some weekends. Wasn't that nice? Of course how I helped with chores he couldn't do meant nothing. Mowing his humongous lawn with gas powered lawn mower, plus other chores I did for him meant nothing--hey her good ol boys would drive him to his favorite bar where his friends hung out. Once when I phoned my stepfather, ... got no answer and, worried about him,

I phoned the bar where he had friends and asked owner (who knew hiim well) if she would ask around to see if any of his friends there would drive out to check on him. I don't remember her answer but I do remember her asking if I had 2 grown sons. I said no, (2 daughters and one son (non drinkers, btw). She told me then how disgusted she was that the 2 adult guys with stepfather refused to drive him home when he started to feel rotten, they weren't ready to stop enjoying themselves. Inheritance, not much, but in the end guess who loaded up their cars with all that wasn't junk--
 
RandomName said:
So far she has just talked about disbursing the $50,000 or whatever is left after expenses, but she hasn't done anything yet. It's the last part of 'estate'. I am 50/50 about whether I should pursue the issue. I want a good relationship with her. But if she keeps it all, I will resent her. I wish she could just be honest about it, and say something like ' the named beneficiaries came off the account, and I'm keeping it all, for expenses and hassle I had working on the inheritance.' But she says nothing.
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I'm confused, you say "she says nothing" but you also say "she has just talked about disbursing the $50,000 or whatever is left after expenses". That sounds to me like she has told the plan, and the plan is to disburse the money after all expenses are taken care of.

I'd expect that to take at a year. Also, even when you get the money, very likely you would have to give the money back if obligations show up later (at least that is what the form said when I got money after my mom died, I think that is so unfair and it might have just been state law or something, luckily it has been many years now and no unexpected bills showed up).

Your state might have a law about how much the executor's fee is (I think in Nebraska it is 4%).

If your mom died this year, it is possible she would owe some taxes and I think the final tax preparation can't be done early because there might be 1099s or other tax forms that won't be available until early the following year.

One thing I regret is not searching for unclaimed money under my mom's name, there is at least a few hundred of that and also Wells Fargo kept trying to refund $100 to my mom after she died, but my brother had already finished up all the executor stuff and closed whatever account was involved and so he just tells me it is too late for him to get that money.
 

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