Fun With Funeral Planning

Medusa

Medusa

Senior Member
Location
DC
Does anyone else find comfort in designing their own funeral? I do; it eases my pain, soothes me, when I’m struggling. (Also, and importantly, it's a kindness to my family, to ease the burden of planning, allowing them to simply grieve, for the most part.)


I've looked around a little bit and haven't seen a thread specifically for this particular topic here so I thought I'd bring it up as it is of interest to me and I thought might be so to others, as well. Because it’s a thing that happens to literally everyone. Why not make it fun? And, if you do, the only way to do that is beforehand because of the being dead thing.


I have been looking at designs and examples for my funeral dress, which I would like to make for myself (I sew), but will resort to buying if necessary. It is going to be a long, hooded, long-sleeved, medieval-type dress and I will be lying in what will hopefully be a cardboard box, as I plan to be cremated, surrounded by Sunflowers and holding a bunch of them at my waist.


My hair will be pulled forward and my daughter will know how to apply my liquid moisturizer, mascara and eyeliner. I would like my fingernails to be painted a light shell pink and my toenails to match. No shoes and just the tips of my toenails showing beyond my dress.


Also I would like there to be no memorial service as I am reclusive and it would only be a pointless waste of money for my family and my one very close friend from childhood. They can have a little service at our house if they want to and actually, ---it’s just become part of my plan, now that I think of it. I’ve just incorporated it.


My only requirement (or wish I suppose is a better word) for the “after party” is the presence of enchiladas, good chocolate and excellent coffee.


I have researched funeral homes and crematoriums and put some information in a folder for my family so that they won't have too much to think/worry about and, importantly, won't have to spend too much money.


I actually found a cremation service that was having an urn sale, as in you get a free urn with your cremation. That cracked me up because we have always been very frugal and I would just love that; it would make my people laugh.


That's about as far as I've gotten, but as I say, it comforts me, the planning. I will die someday and when things are hard I find this exercise quieting.


I did see a thread (on a different site) about choosing funeral songs which is something I had not considered. I'll have to think about that because I think that's something nice that I would like to have at my little family memorial.

Anyone else do this?

Also, when lying in bed sometimes, does anyone else breathe out really slowly and pretend it’s their last breath? Or is that just me? -- That was a joke. I've been told I have a bit of a Wednesday Adams sense of humor so cut me some slack, but seriously, joking. Ha! I made an oxymoron.
 

I got that in order about 3 years ago. I looked into a "green burial". I will be wrapped in a cloth, lowered into the grave, no plaque, and return to Mother. I will be buried on a tall Missouri hill next to black servants of white privileged masters. I told the black funeral arrangers that most of my best friends have been black and that it felt just right to be buried next to them. As I write this I am aware that there is that growing death wish in me...a place to finally rest.
 
When my wife got Cancer we both went to the funeral home here & made our arrangements. We both are being cremated & I have her ashes here on the fireplace mantle along with 3 of our dogs.

The Funeral director said it would be best this way & cheaper as they don't have to open the gravesite twice. So when I pass, then my D.I.L who has my power of attorney will take dogs & wife to the funeral home, then after I'm cremated & my present dog that 10+ years old put to sleep & cremated.

Two of the dogs that were wife's dogs & two that were mine will be put with each of us then in a burial ?? then in graves opened by our marker that's already there & put in the ground. NO services.
 
Paco Dennis said:
I got that in order about 3 years ago. I looked into a "green burial". I will be wrapped in a cloth, lowered into the grave, no plaque, and return to Mother. I will be buried on a tall Missouri hill next to black servants of white privileged masters. I told the black funeral arrangers that most of my best friends have been black and that it felt just right to be buried next to them. As I write this I am aware that there is that growing death wish in me...a place to finally rest.
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This is a beautiful heart-touching plan. It sounds peaceful and giving of yourself even to the very last.

"As I write this I am aware that there is that growing death wish in me...a place to finally rest."

That resonates with me as well; we get tired, don't we? That's why, in part, the planning eases me; it reminds me that rest is coming.

Disclaimer: I do feel the need to point out that I have a good life with people who love me which I am in no real hurry to give up. -- It's just... we get tired sometimes.
 
Della said:
Great idea for a thread. I, too, want to have all the decisions made and written down so that my son wont be worried forever that he did something wrong.
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That's caring and motherly of you, to want to ease your son's emotional state around this subject going into his future, even when you're not there to say the words. ♥
 
Tom 86 said:
When my wife got Cancer we both went to the funeral home here & made our arrangements. We both are being cremated & I have her ashes here on the fireplace mantle along with 3 of our dogs.

The Funeral director said it would be best this way & cheaper as they don't have to open the gravesite twice. So when I pass, then my D.I.L who has my power of attorney will take dogs & wife to the funeral home, then after I'm cremated & my present dog that 10+ years old put to sleep & cremated.

Two of the dogs that were wife's dogs & two that were mine will be put with each of us then in a burial ?? then in graves opened by our marker that's already there & put in the ground. NO services.
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The idea of having the dogs you both loved's ashes buried with yours is so touching and, I don't know... just perfect.

I hope you don't mind my stealing your beautiful idea but I must. My most best beloved Boxer, Howie was lost to our family in March of 2019 and I still cry sometimes. We have a little shrine for him in the living room with his ashes, leash, paw print, etc.

I want that too, to have my Howie's ashes mixed with and scattered with mine. We will blow into the wind together.

How amazing. You have a lovely heart.

PS: The only glitch here is that my daughter may have an issue as she was/is Howie's "other mother," and we truly raised him together. -We'll have to discuss.

I want to Whatsapp my daughter right now and tell her about it. But, it's before 10:00 am and she's a body piercer; the them that's like, 5:00am.

Thank you for this post.
 
Medusa said:
The idea of having the dogs you both loved's ashes buried with yours is so touching and, I don't know... just perfect.

I hope you don't mind my stealing your beautiful idea but I must. My most best beloved Boxer, Howie was lost to our family in March of 2019 and I still cry sometimes. We have a little shrine for him in the living room with his ashes, leash, paw print, etc.

I want that too, to have my Howie's ashes mixed with and scattered with mine. We will blow into the wind together.

How amazing. You have a lovely heart.

Thank you for this post.
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Medusa;
Feel free to take anything I post here. I believe that anything I post is up for grabs If you want to use it.

My wife & I had many discussions about when we cremated our pets on what we were going to do with them. We feel they are "part of our family" so they go with us. If I passed first she would do what I did, & she would put my ashes on the mantel & wait for all of us to be buried at once.
 
Plans made years ago. Everything from cremation & burial plot to organizing all financial information. Sons made aware of everything planned out. Wasn't fun but having covered the inevitable removes the worst part for surviving family members. That part being what needs to be done.
 
Jeni said:
well have told kids in general and suggested certain music but most likely would shore up details on paper or something

My grandmother pre-planned was a great stress reliever and not discussions/ fights about what she wanted
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That's what our funeral director did. Everything is in writing & paid for in advance. So When I pass there will be no problems with payments or anything else. It's all spelled out in the contract.

I learned this years ago when my Mom went & did pre-arrangements for her funeral at the same time my Dad died. She had it all in writing & also paid for it. When she died about 10 years later the funeral director told me there is nothing to pay as she has done that years ago. He did say it was a good thing as for her funeral the way she wanted it now would have been about $1,500.00 more.
 
I preplanned and prepaid my funeral because I wanted to keep it simple and inexpensive.

It wasn't my idea of fun, but it does give me a feeling of satisfaction to know that it has been taken care of.

death-funeral-deaths-died-dying-teenagers-rrsn302_low.jpg
 
I will be cremated and the ashes placed into the grave of my father which will be reopened for that purpose. I got the particulars from the cremation service of cost, etc. My nephew has all he needs to know when the time comes because I wrote it all down including keys for the house, will etc. which he all has. I made one of my checking accounts a joint account with my nephew so he can have immediate access to the funds to take care of business.
 
Medusa said:
Does anyone else find comfort in designing their own funeral? I do; it eases my pain, soothes me, when I’m struggling. (Also, and importantly, it's a kindness to my family, to ease the burden of planning, allowing them to simply grieve, for the most part.)


I've looked around a little bit and haven't seen a thread specifically for this particular topic here so I thought I'd bring it up as it is of interest to me and I thought might be so to others, as well. Because it’s a thing that happens to literally everyone. Why not make it fun? And, if you do, the only way to do that is beforehand because of the being dead thing.


I have been looking at designs and examples for my funeral dress, which I would like to make for myself (I sew), but will resort to buying if necessary. It is going to be a long, hooded, long-sleeved, medieval-type dress and I will be lying in what will hopefully be a cardboard box, as I plan to be cremated, surrounded by Sunflowers and holding a bunch of them at my waist.


My hair will be pulled forward and my daughter will know how to apply my liquid moisturizer, mascara and eyeliner. I would like my fingernails to be painted a light shell pink and my toenails to match. No shoes and just the tips of my toenails showing beyond my dress.


Also I would like there to be no memorial service as I am reclusive and it would only be a pointless waste of money for my family and my one very close friend from childhood. They can have a little service at our house if they want to and actually, ---it’s just become part of my plan, now that I think of it. I’ve just incorporated it.


My only requirement (or wish I suppose is a better word) for the “after party” is the presence of enchiladas, good chocolate and excellent coffee.


I have researched funeral homes and crematoriums and put some information in a folder for my family so that they won't have too much to think/worry about and, importantly, won't have to spend too much money.


I actually found a cremation service that was having an urn sale, as in you get a free urn with your cremation. That cracked me up because we have always been very frugal and I would just love that; it would make my people laugh.


That's about as far as I've gotten, but as I say, it comforts me, the planning. I will die someday and when things are hard I find this exercise quieting.


I did see a thread (on a different site) about choosing funeral songs which is something I had not considered. I'll have to think about that because I think that's something nice that I would like to have at my little family memorial.

Anyone else do this?

Also, when lying in bed sometimes, does anyone else breathe out really slowly and pretend it’s their last breath? Or is that just me? -- That was a joke. I've been told I have a bit of a Wednesday Adams sense of humor so cut me some slack, but seriously, joking. Ha! I made an oxymoron.
Click to expand...
I love this thread. I am donating my body to medical science. I have a contract with an organization called Science Care. They will retrieve my body and forward it to a facility doing teaching or research. There will be no funeral expenses for my family to bear. No funeral director will get any part of my kids' inheritance. When my body is done providing all the benefit it can, it will be cremated and returned to my family if they want it. They accept bodies in any condition, no matter how hollowed out you are.
 
tortiecat said:
Prepaid plans made years ago, costs have gone up
over 300 % since.
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My grandmother's funeral home tried to charge my mom and her sister for the cost difference. Just know that you signed an agreement with your funeral home, so they are legally bound to the amount you agreed on. Let your kids (or whomever) know that. My mom and aunt won that argument and weren't charged anything.

BUT, some funeral homes are including a clause that says they WILL make your kids (or whomever) liable for cost adjustments. So if your agreement says that then you should set some money aside for it if you can.
 
Tom 86 said:
The Funeral director said it would be best this way & cheaper as they don't have to open the gravesite twice. So when I pass, then my D.I.L who has my power of attorney will take dogs & wife to the funeral home, then after I'm cremated & my present dog that 10+ years old put to sleep & cremate
Click to expand...
Why do you want to kill your dog, does your dog get a vote?
 


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