Giving Cash as a Gift. Is it Vulgar?

[January]

As for wedding gifts. I was shocked when brides started registering their gift list at department stores. Aren't we supposed to pretend we don't expect gifts at all? Now some of them are specifically asking for cash! What next, asking for tickets at the door? They might just find that people don't care enough about watching them be the center of attention in their five thousand dollar dresses to even show up.

Most weddings here have a wishing well where people can put cash in envelopes into - usually they write i n a card and put money in it.
Many invitations have some wording saying there will be a wishing well at the reception
People can still give non- cash things if they want to - and you often see a couple of wrapped presents there as well

I dont think anybody has found people don't then care enough t o come - it is very standard practice here to do that now and has been for many years.
(not sure what you mean by "the center of attention" - of course the bride and groom are centre of attention at their wedding )

 

[Della]

(not sure what you mean by "the center of attention" - of course the bride and groom are centre of attention at their wedding )

Of course they are the center of attention, I wasn't saying they shouldn't be, only that watching them get married may not be quite the thrill for others that they think it is. So that if they start making lots of rules about what guests should and shouldn't do and what they should wear and what sort of gift they should bring, some people might just decide that for the same amount of money they could go watch something more entertaining.

 

[-Oy-]

 

[January]

Of course they are the center of attention, I wasn't saying they shouldn't be, only that watching them get married may not be quite the thrill for others that they think it is. So that if they start making lots of rules about what guests should and shouldn't do and what they should wear and what sort of gift they should bring, some people might just decide that for the same amount of money they could go watch something more entertaining.

well, sure - I have never seen that though. Just wording that there will be a wishing well or we would appreciated contributions to our honeymoon fund or something like that.

Not a rule or something you have to do or any mention of how much.

 

[oscash]

I don't think giving cash is vulgar and I don't think anyone I know would think so. I remember back in the day, besides putting cash in birthday cards, where I come from, people put cash in sympathy cards as well. These days, for birthday and thank you presents, many appreciate a thoughtful gift card. My BFF, who comes to New Jersey a couple of times a year and my son's GF each refuse to let me pay for lunches and dinners, etc. It makes me crazy because sometimes I want to treat.

One separate occasions when they were not with me at the same time, they've even managed to circumvent my instructions to the waitresses not to accept payment from them! So I got generous gift cards for each of them for their favorite supermarkets. Just ordered my BFF's yesterday; it will be sent directly to her. Everyone has to eat, right?

I've told all my loved ones...don't buy me anything for my birthday. Take me someplace and spend time with me. At my age, I value that more than anything. And they know I don't need money.

Ditto ; the same with me. I always tell my sons to just take me out to a lovely restaurant. No presents, just their presence.

 

[Della]

well, sure - I have never seen that though. Just wording that there will be a wishing well or we would appreciated contributions to our honeymoon fund or something like that.

Not a rule or something you have to do or any mention of how much.

They way I was brought up (and Miss Manners still agrees with this) you never hint for gifts, whether it's cash or china from a particular store, you're hinting for gifts. Saying "there will be a wishing well" or mention of a "honeymoon fund" is asking for money, no matter how coy you word it. Just because you are not demanding it under law or stating a certain amount doesn't change that. You're not only asking for a gift you're stipulating how you want it -- in this case cash. I wouldn't call it vulgar but I would call it very tacky.

 

[January]

It isn't asking for money, it is giving people the option of giving it.

Miss Manners seems out of touch with reality - despite what she thinks, it is very much the norm here and not considered tacky at all.

Like you said earlier and I agree - you are the only one who still thinks this.

 

[Della]

It isn't asking for money, it is giving people the option of giving it.

Miss Manners seems out of touch with reality - despite what she thinks, it is very much the norm here and not considered tacky at all.

Like you said earlier and I agree - you are the only one who still thinks this.

Well I'm informed now and ready to get up to date!

The next time I have people over for dinner or a cook out, I'm going to wait until the end of the evening, and wheel out my cardboard wishing well to give them all the option of coughing up some some cash to help pay for the meal and maybe a little bit over toward my next vacay.

Not tacky at all!

 

[Nathan]

Giving Cash as a Gift. Is it Vulgar?

Reminds me of:

 

[January]

he next time I have people over for dinner or a cook out, I'm going to wait until the end of the evening, and wheel out my cardboard wishing well to give them all the option of coughing up some some cash to help pay for the meal and maybe a little bit over toward my next vacay.

Oh come on - we all understand context - obviously a wedding is different to a home dinner.

I have been to BBQ's where people have asked in advance for a reasonable amount to cover cost of meat, if the host is supplying it all. No problem with that.

But clearly that is completely separate topic.

 

[oscash]

I always think it is common curtsey to bring along some wine or even chocolates. If money was offered, they would be insulted.

 

[horseless carriage]

It isn't asking for money, it is giving people the option of giving it.

My church has adopted the digital era, we no longer have a collection plate, but a digital platform.
It's called Papal.

 

[January]

I always think it is common curtsey to bring along some wine or even chocolates. If money was offered, they would be insulted.

to a home dinner - yes I agree.

or often i n Australia we might ask everyone to bring a sweet or salad t o share - and if the host is supplying all the meat for a large group for a BBQ, people would chip in for the cost.

Obviously a completely different scenario to a wedding.