Has anybody lost their husbands or wives and decided to stay alone after that?

E

Eric

Guest
I lost my wife some years ago and after wallowing in self pity and grieving alone for a couple of years drinking a lot more than I ever did I went out on a few dates with some lady friends. Even if I felt a connection with one I didn't want any serious relationships anymore. Anybody else here feel the same way? I still go out sometimes but go home alone to sleep on my dear wife's pillow, corny but I feel close to her doing that.
 

Guess it depends upon the person. Some keep grieving until they're in their own graves.

While others finally feel they've grieved long enough and get on with what's left of their own lives.

Hey, We can't bring 'em back. Why prolong the misery? We'll still miss them of course.

I'm not trying to be cold about this..........just practical.
 
Thanks Falcon guess I'll never stop grieving her loss and I've been trying to get on with life but just can't ever see myself getting married again or even living with someone. Guess you can't teach an ol' dog new tricks.
 

Eric, my sympathy for your loss. :rose: I think I would be like you. My husband and I are very close, I think I'd be devastated if anything happened to him. I realistically don't see myself ever living with someone else or marrying them if that happened. Touching that you still use her pillow...hugs.
 
SeaBreeze said:
Eric, my sympathy for your loss. :rose: I think I would be like you. My husband and I are very close, I think I'd be devastated if anything happened to him. I realistically don't see myself ever living with someone else or marrying them if that happened. Touching that you still use her pillow...hugs.
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Thanks seabreeze.
 
My first wife died at age 53 in 1989 after a great 32 year marriage. I was 55 years old and started dating the following year. I felt comfortable about this because we had discussed this kind of scenario and agreed that prolonged grieving did not suit either of us. I dated 30 different women. I realized real quick that as a well off widower I was a hot item and was cautious about whom I would get serious with. I met and fell in love with a woman that was recently divorced and had a net worth equal to my own. We both retired at the same time and married. We then went on to enjoy 23 years of great travel & spending much of our time in New Zealand, many cruises, lots of scuba diving, white water rafting and golf. As we aged, we no longer wanted to do as much travel and wanted to be closer to our respective families that were in two different countries. After separating our respective assets we were able to complete a very inexpensive and amicable divorce which was finalized in early 2015. We are still good friends and communicate via email and phone.

I have truly loved just two women in my life time and lost both. One to death and the other to divorce and now as a aging octogenairian am missing both of them.
 
Thanks for telling your story Lon I know you must miss them at least you're still friends with the one you divorced.
 
Eric, I believe I would react like you have. I had 2 bad marriages when I was younger but I've been happily married for the past 16 years. I feel like Ike in that if I was widowed no one else would measure up.
 
I've already decided that if Don goes first, I'll never pair up again and I've told him that, but I've also told him that if I go first, he shouldn't feel bad if he finds someone else to spend his last years with. He needs someone to be with him far more than I do. He would be too lonely and he's a terrible cook so he'd either starve to death or eat so much restaurant food that his heart would give out in short order:).
 
My wife and I separated and divorced at the turn of the century. No hanky panky on either side. Just that she got disillusioned with married life with me. She moved in with someone else and eventually they remarried. But he turned out to be a complete moron, even keeping a photo of his favourite hooker in his wallet.
So she left him and moved up here to Scotland. Tragically, she had lived up here only a few months before she fell violently ill and in just 5 weeks, succumbed to cancer. My daughter was at her wits end with panic as she didn't drive and the hospital was over 20 miles away. So she did the only thing she could do and called upon me. I was in two minds about getting involved but decided that she needed help.
So I spent the remainder of my wife's life, holding her hand and helping her through her last days.
I'm happy to say that bridges were mended and we spent some beautiful moments together, right up until the end.
The cruellest irony hit me just afterwards when it occurred to me that I had been by her bedside whilst our daughter came into this world, only to be by her bedside with our daughter, when she left this world!

To get back to the thread topic. It never entered my mind ever, about finding another partner, before or since her passing. Infact , my daughter put it perfectly to someone, who on hearing of her mother, asked "Has your dad got someone else?" To which my daughter apparently answered "No! Mum was the only love of Dads life!"
 
Debby said:
I've already decided that if Don goes first, I'll never pair up again and I've told him that, but I've also told him that if I go first, he shouldn't feel bad if he finds someone else to spend his last years with. He needs someone to be with him far more than I do. He would be too lonely and he's a terrible cook so he'd either starve to death or eat so much restaurant food that his heart would give out in short order:).
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My wife and I had agreed to that too, Debbie. After a long and happy life together I'm not interested. If your hubby lost you, he might very well welcome going with a heart attack. There are still some things that interest me, and I live for my son and grandsons, but life is not the same. I'm really done here.
 
Goldfynche said:
My wife and I separated and divorced at the turn of the century. No hanky panky on either side. Just that she got disillusioned with married life with me. She moved in with someone else and eventually they remarried. But he turned out to be a complete moron, even keeping a photo of his favourite hooker in his wallet.
So she left him and moved up here to Scotland. Tragically, she had lived up here only a few months before she fell violently ill and in just 5 weeks, succumbed to cancer. My daughter was at her wits end with panic as she didn't drive and the hospital was over 20 miles away. So she did the only thing she could do and called upon me. I was in two minds about getting involved but decided that she needed help.
So I spent the remainder of my wife's life, holding her hand and helping her through her last days.
I'm happy to say that bridges were mended and we spent some beautiful moments together, right up until the end.
The cruellest irony hit me just afterwards when it occurred to me that I had been by her bedside whilst our daughter came into this world, only to be by her bedside with our daughter, when she left this world!

To get back to the thread topic. It never entered my mind ever, about finding another partner, before or since her passing. Infact , my daughter put it perfectly to someone, who on hearing of her mother, asked "Has your dad got someone else?" To which my daughter apparently answered "No! Mum was the only love of Dads life!"
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I hear you. Well done, Goldfynche. Its interesting that you mention spending some beautiful moments together holding hands at the end.
Some of the most loving moments in a long and very loving marriage were the ones we spent together holding hands at her bedside in my wife's last months.
 
Wow Goldfynche, lovely story and thank you for sharing such a private and loving time with us! That's the kind of love that we need more of in this world! When old hurts and wounded feelings are put aside for the sake of doing the greatest kindness! Hats of to you sir!

And underock1, I think there are probably lots of us who feel that way about our significant other. I tease my husband that I simply don't feel like retraining another husband, but really it's more that I just can't imagine someone else sitting 'in his chair' or walking through the door with me. Totally loyal like a faithful old dog I guess, but he's it for me too.
 
Debby said:
Wow Goldfynche, lovely story and thank you for sharing such a private and loving time with us! That's the kind of love that we need more of in this world! When old hurts and wounded feelings are put aside for the sake of doing the greatest kindness! Hats of to you sir!

And underock1, I think there are probably lots of us who feel that way about our significant other. I tease my husband that I simply don't feel like retraining another husband, but really it's more that I just can't imagine someone else sitting 'in his chair' or walking through the door with me. Totally loyal like a faithful old dog I guess, but he's it for me too.
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I congratulate you, Debbie. You obviously have the real thing. Not everyone gets that. Nothing more noble, more valuable, more needed in this world than a faithful old dog.
 
I have a great life, keep it simple and can't imagine wanting to be romantically involved with anybody again, I met my darling late in life and lost him 3 years ago, he wasn't my first love but I'm sure he'll be my last
 
Wren said:
I have a great life, keep it simple and can't imagine wanting to be romantically involved with anybody again, I met my darling late in life and lost him 3 years ago, he wasn't my first love but I'm sure he'll be my last
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Sorry for your loss. Keeping it simple becomes really important at this stage. We learn to accept people's foibles over time. A new romance comes with a ton of baggage. Not saying it doesn't work well for many, but alone does have some things going for it.
 
I think it depends on the age you are and what kind of marriage you had.

If you are younger... say in your 50's I think you would tend to want to remarry... especially if you had a very good and satisfying 1st marriage... why wouldn't you want to have that happiness again?
 
QuickSilver said:
I think it depends on the age you are and what kind of marriage you had.

If you are younger... say in your 50's I think you would tend to want to remarry... especially if you had a very good and satisfying 1st marriage... why wouldn't you want to have that happiness again?
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Agreed. One size does not fit all.
 
Underock1 said:
Agreed. One size does not fit all.
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For sure. I was widowed at age 52. I have remarried.. The most painful part of it was having friends and family look down their collective noses because I chose to. I can recall so many hurtful comments and insinuations. It was very distressing. My advise to anyone facing this is to do what your heart and head tells you is right for you. Don't pay attention to what others say. At the end of the day, THEY get go home to their loved one... They have no idea what it is to be in our situation. I have always contended that it is very easy for someone to be so sure of what they would do.. without having a clue.
 
QuickSilver said:
For sure. I was widowed at age 52. I have remarried.. The most painful part of it was having friends and family look down their collective noses because I chose to. I can recall so many hurtful comments and insinuations. It was very distressing.
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I worked with this man who lost his wife. Within a short period of time he met someone and started dating, soon he married the woman. I couldn't believe how judgemental people were criticizing him behind his back with comments that I won't even repeat. I didn't particularly like the man, but I defended him, saying that everyone is different, and everyone grieves differently. Some people may take years, while others never stop grieving. Some like him decided to move on with his life when he met someone he liked, and I didn't see anything in the world wrong with that. His wife had passed on, she probably would have wanted him to go on with his life and try to find happiness again.
 
SeaBreeze said:
I worked with this man who lost his wife. Within a short period of time he met someone and started dating, soon he married the woman. I couldn't believe how judgemental people were criticizing him behind his back with comments that I won't even repeat. I didn't particularly like the man, but I defended him, saying that everyone is different, and everyone grieves differently. Some people may take years, while others never stop grieving. Some like him decided to move on with his life when he met someone he liked, and I didn't see anything in the world wrong with that. His wife had passed on, she probably would have wanted him to go on with his life and try to find happiness again.
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I am really surprised at this and Quicksilver's experience. What is wrong with these people? i have found it usual for couples to give their blessing to each other to remarry after the death of one. Loving people care about each others happiness. I know we did that. I am just not interested.
 
SeaBreeze said:
I worked with this man who lost his wife. Within a short period of time he met someone and started dating, soon he married the woman. I couldn't believe how judgemental people were criticizing him behind his back with comments that I won't even repeat. I didn't particularly like the man, but I defended him, saying that everyone is different, and everyone grieves differently. Some people may take years, while others never stop grieving. Some like him decided to move on with his life when he met someone he liked, and I didn't see anything in the world wrong with that. His wife had passed on, she probably would have wanted him to go on with his life and try to find happiness again.
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Oh... I know the comments...

1. He/she didn't even wait for the body to get cold

2. He/she must not have really loved her/his late spouse.

3 I could never replace my husband/wife so easily

4... He /she must have had this one "waiting in the wings"

5. Obviously she/he is afraid of being alone.
 

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