Have gotten myself into a worrisome funk

Marie5656

Marie5656

Well-known Member
Location
Batavia, NY
I have always felt I have been doing well since Rick passed. Have gotten used to being alone (sort of), being social, getting out when I feel the need.

But lately I have found I am starting to neglect things around the house. Not having the motivation to want to keep it clean. I mean, it is not turning into one of those hoarder houses. Just need to push myself to keep up with the day to day housekeeping. I feel a bit guilty about it, and hope it is just a phase.
So this afternoon, I decided to get my butt in gear and start getting the house in good order. I have been in the kitchen cutting down card board boxes for recycling, and organizing stuff there. A friend told me to take it one room at a time. So for today and tomorrow, it is the kitchen.
I have decided to try doing what parents do with kids...using the internet and television as a "reward" system. Do so many hours of housework, and then spend time on computer or with TV. It may sound lame, or juvenile, but I need to do something,

Any other recently widowed having this issue? As a reminder (especially for new members) My husband, Rick, died in April, after being ill for several weeks.
So, if I am here sporaticly, this is why
 

Marie are you still going to the grief support group you told us about?

The grief and loss surrounding the passing of a loved one can manifest in different ways and at different times. Though I haven’t lost a beloved spouse, I’ve been exposed through my Naranon group and the loss of loved ones resulting from drug use. The death of spouses, children, siblings etc are each and every one devastating, and my heart has broken countless times for the attendees who have recounted their ongoing struggles with the grief and loss.

Be kind to yourself. I think you’re doing so well. I urge you to continue to attend a support group if you’re not already doing so. Folks who’ve been through this are the ones who can relate best of all and help you with strategies for what you’re currently experiencing. 💕
 
No need to feel guilty about it, one of the pluses of being single is ''doing it my way". A messy house is only bad if it's unhealthy or it makes you feel bad. I let my house go sometimes and when the mess starts to bother me I clean it or get rid of it. No one is there to dictate how to live my life and that's exactly how I want things to be.
 
PVC said:
No need to feel guilty about it, one of the pluses of being single is ''doing it my way". A messy house is only bad if it's unhealthy or it makes you feel bad. I let my house go sometimes and when the mess starts to bother me I clean it or get rid of it. No one is there to dictate how to live my life and that's exactly how I want things to be.
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I agree!
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Marie, when my husband died, I went through all sorts of strange stages. For a while, I was afraid of going up and down stairs and standing on a stepstool. Then I had trouble shopping. Then.....well, you know what I'm talking about.

What I'm saying is that when something like this happens, your psyche has received a terrible blow and it's normal for your behavior and way of looking at things to get awry for a period of time. Be easy on yourself, be good to yourself, give yourself some excuses. Things WILL get better. Time heals. It leaves scars behind, but it heals.
 
Marie5656 said:
I have always felt I have been doing well since Rick passed. Have gotten used to being alone (sort of), being social, getting out when I feel the need.

But lately I have found I am starting to neglect things around the house. Not having the motivation to want to keep it clean. I mean, it is not turning into one of those hoarder houses. Just need to push myself to keep up with the day to day housekeeping. I feel a bit guilty about it, and hope it is just a phase.
So this afternoon, I decided to get my butt in gear and start getting the house in good order. I have been in the kitchen cutting down card board boxes for recycling, and organizing stuff there. A friend told me to take it one room at a time. So for today and tomorrow, it is the kitchen.
I have decided to try doing what parents do with kids...using the internet and television as a "reward" system. Do so many hours of housework, and then spend time on computer or with TV. It may sound lame, or juvenile, but I need to do something,

Any other recently widowed having this issue? As a reminder (especially for new members) My husband, Rick, died in April, after being ill for several weeks.
So, if I am here sporaticly, this is why
Click to expand...
Not recently widowed but still relate. It's a chore to keep up the housework. I need to clean out the kitchen cupboards. I want my kitchen to smell fresh again!
 
Take a room at a time. Put things into 3 piles/boxes, keep, discard and donate. When you have done all the rooms, start over and do it again, anything that hasn't been used for over a year goes.
 
Manatee said:
Take a room at a time. Put things into 3 piles/boxes, keep, discard and donate. When you have done all the rooms, start over and do it again, anything that hasn't been used for over a year goes.
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Well, since I started this thread, I am pretty much doing that. I have been tackling the kitchen and front hallway, as they are connected. I have my laundry area in front walk way too. I am pretty close to done. Have 2 bins of recycling to go out on next trash day. Plus stuff set a side as to go. A friend is coming out this weekend to help me take the donation stuff out. A couple things he knows I am donating he asked if he could have. I said yes...so long as he takes them that day.
 
Marie5656 said:
Well, since I started this thread, I am pretty much doing that. I have been tackling the kitchen and front hallway, as they are connected. I have my laundry area in front walk way too. I am pretty close to done. Have 2 bins of recycling to go out on next trash day. Plus stuff set a side as to go. A friend is coming out this weekend to help me take the donation stuff out. A couple things he knows I am donating he asked if he could have. I said yes...so long as he takes them that day.
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I bet it feels real good to release yourself from all the unnecessary material things. I felt so much better getting rid of stuff that accumulated over the years. It was a lot of work but the donation places benefitted from my cleaning house! I just did a little at a time as I felt like it. Another thing I did was start volunteering in my local community. It helped me to stop feeling sorry for myself and starting thinking of others. It does help put things in perspective and I have made some wonderful new friends along the way.
 
Marie5656 said:
I have always felt I have been doing well since Rick passed. Have gotten used to being alone (sort of), being social, getting out when I feel the need.

But lately I have found I am starting to neglect things around the house. Not having the motivation to want to keep it clean. I mean, it is not turning into one of those hoarder houses. Just need to push myself to keep up with the day to day housekeeping. I feel a bit guilty about it, and hope it is just a phase.
So this afternoon, I decided to get my butt in gear and start getting the house in good order. I have been in the kitchen cutting down card board boxes for recycling, and organizing stuff there. A friend told me to take it one room at a time. So for today and tomorrow, it is the kitchen.
I have decided to try doing what parents do with kids...using the internet and television as a "reward" system. Do so many hours of housework, and then spend time on computer or with TV. It may sound lame, or juvenile, but I need to do something,

Any other recently widowed having this issue? As a reminder (especially for new members) My husband, Rick, died in April, after being ill for several weeks.
So, if I am here sporaticly, this is why
Click to expand...
Hi Marie, I wanted to tell you I am sorry for the loss of your husband. I can't imagine what that would be like. I am glad you are here on the forum still, since returning it is really good to see some of the old gang.

One reason I've come back around is lonliness, and isolating too much. Some of that isn't by choice, just not close to family geographically, or in any other way either. I have been in my place for 4 years now and I used to be a lot more energetic about house-keeping, and still do ok, like you, not turned into a total slob. Just a lack of interest that I used to have.

I hope mine is a phase too. I did decorate the whole place finally, and so far, only think about some additions, or changes. It's pretty small (1 bedroom apt.). I know I catch myself saying "well no one is coming here anyway" but then I'm learning too that doing it for me is good. I still don't have that gumption to just keep busy doing something besides sitting in my recliner watching the tube, or playing online.

I think for me, having a little, very part-time responsibility as a sort of teacher's aid will help me feel like I am contributing to society again. I just think it's hard to live alone. But hey, I wasn't good at living with the men that came into my life either. Oh well, as they say, and I get sick of hearing, but guess it's true, "it is what it is". Geesh, who came up with that no-brainer, :ROFLMAO::LOL:
 
PVC said:
No need to feel guilty about it, one of the pluses of being single is ''doing it my way". A messy house is only bad if it's unhealthy or it makes you feel bad. I let my house go sometimes and when the mess starts to bother me I clean it or get rid of it. No one is there to dictate how to live my life and that's exactly how I want things to be.
Click to expand...

Ditto. The only good thing I can say about flying solo is taking it easier regarding household chores.
 
My dear wife passed Jan 30 this year. I think about her every day and after prayers I talk to her at night. I am keeping the house clean and doing what needs to be done. I am very limited in that both my knees are completely shot so I use my rollator full time. You don't easily cope when after 48 years of being married to your best friend you have to hold her hand and watch life leave her. The last words my honey said was in response to my I love you, she was slipping into a coma from which she never awakened but in her little weak voice she said "I love you too, Jim". She never uttered another word. I'll never again be whole.
 


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