Holding your tongue, (or trying to learn to do so)

[grahamg]

Its often said what a good idea it can be to hold our tongue sometimes, (at the same time, contrariwise there can be times in our life we'd all wiahed we had spoken up better than we did, but we'll leave that for now).

This then is a thread about holding your tongue, when you feel you did so for good reason, or if you've ever learnt the benefit of doing so(?).

 

[Jamala]

Don't agree with that...if there is something to be said, say it.

 

[George1959]

To me it depends on the subject. Highly controversial topics as topics on politics or religion I tend to avoid since such threads often lead to flame wars. At the Royal court of GB I think there were some topics to avoid, such as politics, health, religion and perhaps some other topics too I might have forgotten. But then in the end there remains only the weather to talk about.

 

[horseless carriage]

Credited to both Abraham Lincoln & Mark Twain:
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.

 

[George1959]

Credited to both Abraham Lincoln & Mark Twain:
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.

Our minister for foreign affairs Annalena Baerbock is a good example, since every time she speaks she removes all doubt.

 

[NorthernLight]

Depends what I'm there for. I'm on SF to offer and receive support for senior concerns, not to make enemies.

If I think someone's being rude or an idiot, I can ignore them.

My late fiance and I disagreed about certain politiclal issues, and I tried to make him see the light. One day he said, "Let's not talk about these things any more. It doesn't matter what we think; nobody's going to do what we want anyway."

 

[CallMeKate]

If I think someone's being rude or an idiot, I can ignore them.

I admire you for that and wish I could be better at doing the same. I try really hard, but there are a nameless few that dig and dig to get a reaction. It's even getting easier to know what they're going to say and do BEFORE they say or do it. I'm never sure which saying is going to work.... "ignore them and they'll go away" or "if you don't speak up, they know they can push you around and it will empower them to get worse."

 

[Myrtle]

I have worked very hard to learn to take a minute to think about how I say something. It can make all the difference especially when talking to someone who is important to me but also when typing online. Online there are no visual or tone of voice clues to help us understand someone’s intent.

Sometimes after waiting a minute I’m glad I didn’t say it at all.

 

[Alligatorob]

If it's something that could lead to escalation or argument or something of the like I try to only say something if I think it would help. So if someone and I profoundly disagree on politics or religion or the like then I try to say nothing. Exceptions are people I know can engage on a non-personal way and talk about the subject or explain their bases rationally. Then I am happy to talk.

Things here are a bit different, as @NorthernLight says most of us are here to make friends and a lot of light chat. If I can think of something to say in those situations I do.

I also sometimes respond to more controversial issues here, like Covid. I know I am unlikely to change the minds of most people who post there, however I think some of those threads have a wider audience. Often my responses are for those folks more than the person I am answering. Again when people disagree with me on those issues and offer reasonable discussion as to why they disagree I am happy to engage. I find I often learn more interacting with someone I disagree with

 

[oldaunt]

It is better to remain silent and be thought ignorant than to speak and prove it.

 

[Nathan]

Credited to both Abraham Lincoln & Mark Twain:
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.

Timeless and true, anyone can blurt out whatever trash they think is "truth". With some actual thought that same person could contribute a meaningful comment.

 

[Jace]

A good time to keep your mouth shut...

is when you're in deep water.

 

[grahamg]

Don't agree with that...if there is something to be said, say it.

My mother used to call my father "The bell man" sometimes, because she felt he was too open and wouldn't/couldn't keep a secret, (my dad wouldn't have chosen to live his life in any other way than he did, and overall he did well having the open attitude to life).

 

[grahamg]

To me it depends on the subject. Highly controversial topics as topics on politics or religion I tend to avoid since such threads often lead to flame wars. At the Royal court of GB I think there were some topics to avoid, such as politics, health, religion and perhaps some other topics too I might have forgotten. But then in the end there remains only the weather to talk about.

It is true we both find discussions about the weather endlessly fascinating, and at the same time an innocuous discussion point to raise with anyone you might meet as a kind of icebreaker.

 

[Capt Lightning]

Or as my mother would say, "Haud yer Wheesht!".

 

[Jamala]

My mother used to call my father "The bell man" sometimes, because she felt he was too open and wouldn't/couldn't keep a secret, (my dad wouldn't have chosen to live his life in any other way than he did, and overall he did well having the open attitude to life).

Nine times out of ten if one does not speak up, the results can
be detrimental.
I don't think one should divulge a secret, but certainly there are times when holdng your tongue can cause more damage bargained for.

 

[grahamg]

Nine times out of ten if one does not speak up, the results can be detrimental.

Grahamg wrote: I think its maybe nearer to 50%:50%

I don't think one should divulge a secret, but certainly there are times when holding your tongue can cause more damage bargained for.

I think my mother could have spoken up more than she did and benefitted us all, but I'm not sure I can really know, (she was pretty canny and knew more about human nature than I ever gave her credit for when she was with us).

 

[Been There]

You don’t have a choice in the military when speaking with an Officer that out ranks you. (Simply put.)

 

[Tempsontime65]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... all I do is hold my tongue, you think my wife is gonna let me walk away with the last word???

 

[Remy]

I've done it too much. Conditioning. Since I went into what is considered the fawn state when my mother raged at me.

I've let people say things to me and they thought they got the best of me. But they had no idea what I was thinking and I most certainly realized what was going on. My thought is anyone who treats me like I'm as dumb as I look, is a fool. I speak up more than I used to but not enough. People don't want to hear it from me.

Years ago, I had a boss who said something highly inappropriate to me and it regarded what would be a protected class. It never occurred to me to go to the boss of the building. I knew what she said was wrong. I would have reported her today.

 

[Happy Retiree]

I left about 4 jobs where I wanted to tell the bosses I worked for to go to hell and f...off. However, each time I kept my tongue and managed to obtain excellent references whereby I got much better jobs with great bosses.

 

[grahamg]

Having a good boss is a great plus in life obviously, and I think I've been very lucky overall in my career, and yes "had to watch my p's and q's when speaking to the top man, (though he treated me as a friend most of the time really).

I came across one fairly extreme example of someone who refused to be quiet in my working life. The man concerned worked at a large government funded organisation in London. He took the step of getting the top man into a basement area, (when the boss came to look around the building where he worked), and then locked him in so he could speak to him in private.

The boss obviously took umbrage at this subversive move, but when the worker explained himself thoroughly, and what he was objecting to really well, the boss listened and he didn't lose his job as had been threatened!