How alone are you?

Victor

Member
Location
midwest USA
Living alone runs the gamut or range from totally alone at one extreme
to very sociable and outgoing at the other end.
I have known people who live alone but friends, club members and or family members constantly call
and they frequently go out and enjoy. They live alone but that is all. They are rarely
lonely and not for long.

At the other end, those who live alone (not counting pets)
rarely or never get calls to talk or hang out together. This may be fairly
recent or your entire adult life. No human ever to come home to. After your college years
are over, only occasional friends, BFs and GFs and some dates.
No one cares about your weekend or even asks. You don't know what it is like to
have someone care about you, except possibly your parents. One could die and no one
would know.


Which group do you fit in? Or in between?
 

Aunt Bea

Well-known Member
Location
Near Mount Pilot
Victor,

I'm at the other end, LOL!

I have no close family or friends left.

My only human contact is with merchants, chance meetings on the street and the internet.

It's not a life I chose it's simply the life I have.

I have made efforts to meet people and develop new friendships but for me, it's just too uncomfortable a process so I stay in my comfortable little rut.

My only concern at this point is that I don't have anyone that I can depend on in an emergency but I've decided that is what 911 is for.

Why do you ask?

B
 

paxtonstafford

New Member
Location
midwest
aunt bee my description of myself...however there are many blessings there if we look at them..at least for me...fewer if any stupid obnoxious and rude people-- mostly younger, to deal with....and I suspect we die alone anyway, even if in a crowd-- yep I know the clerks at Walmart- they are old as I am ..most can use the money but I suspect it is a mix for them social/money/and purpose...but only guessing, some, I know really need the money--

they other thing I cannot stand stupid people -the older I get the more of them their are ..or at least I am more attuned to them... so alone...51% --stupid people 49% --I am good-
These are Cipolla's five fundamental laws of stupidity:
Always and inevitably each of us underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
The probability that a given person is stupid is independent of any other characteristic possessed by that person.
A person is stupid if they cause damage to another person or group of people without experiencing personal gain, or even worse causing damage to themselves in the process.
Non-stupid people always underestimate the harmful potential of stupid people; they constantly forget that at any time anywhere, and in any circumstance, dealing with or associating themselves with stupid individuals invariably constitutes a costly error.
A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person there is.

generally stupidity is deliberate and self inflicted for various reasons that make no sense to most of me. It seems to me anyway...and I am in the midst of them...hahhaha
 

moviequeen1

Well-known Member
Location
Buffalo,NY
Victor, I've lived by myself for most of my adult life,my choosing. I'm the only member of my family who decided to stay here in my hometown,Buffalo,NY because its where my job was.I stay in contact with my siblings,talk every Sun with my brother who lives downstate.My sister lives in England,hear from her via email every so often
I have a group of friends I've made over the yrs,they are my 'other family' would do anything for them and vice versa.They are either single,widowed,married. Two of the people in this group,Marcia&her hubby,Dave 'adopted me' a couple of yrs ago,I do lots of things with them on a regular basis.Marcia is my local emergency contact ,their youngest son,Alexei is my 'movie buddy' .I walk the family dog whenever they need me to,which makes my day since we can't have pets in our co-op building.
I like being by myself,other times I do get lonely,I deal with it..I'm sure I would be a very different person if I didn't have these friends in my life Sue
 
I am sort of in between, neither an extrovert nor an introvert. I have family, but they all lead busy lives, we keep
in touch by phone or facebook; but I know they are there if I really need them. I have made friends here at the
residence and we do things together, but I also like my time alone. My apartment is my sanctuary and I am quite
content reading, on the computer, TV, or just pottering around. I have one dear friend, who I have known for over
60 years and we get together every couple of months for a meal, otherwise keep in touch by phone.
Am I lonely? Yes, occasionally, but I find something to do , or go for a walk.
 

Camper6

Well-known Member
During the day it's not a problem.

It's at night when you wake up and no one around.

That's when the alone hits home.

Even if you wanted to go out. Nothing is open. The streets are deserted and hardly any places are open 24 hours a day anymore because of holdups.

That's why I loved Las Vegas. Get up anytime and go for a cup of coffee.
 
aunt bee my description of myself...however there are many blessings there if we look at them..at least for me...fewer if any stupid obnoxious and rude people-- mostly younger, to deal with....and I suspect we die alone anyway, even if in a crowd-- yep I know the clerks at Walmart- they are old as I am ..most can use the money but I suspect it is a mix for them social/money/and purpose...but only guessing, some, I know really need the money--

they other thing I cannot stand stupid people -the older I get the more of them their are ..or at least I am more attuned to them... so alone...51% --stupid people 49% --I am good-
These are Cipolla's five fundamental laws of stupidity:
Always and inevitably each of us underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
The probability that a given person is stupid is independent of any other characteristic possessed by that person.
A person is stupid if they cause damage to another person or group of people without experiencing personal gain, or even worse causing damage to themselves in the process.
Non-stupid people always underestimate the harmful potential of stupid people; they constantly forget that at any time anywhere, and in any circumstance, dealing with or associating themselves with stupid individuals invariably constitutes a costly error.
A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person there is.

generally stupidity is deliberate and self inflicted for various reasons that make no sense to most of me. It seems to me anyway...and I am in the midst of them...hahhaha
My experience has taught me that malignant intelligence can create far more damage than unconscious stupidity. Also, I have found that “stupid, obnoxious and rude people” come in all age groups. Some of the most negative people I have met are intolerant and caustic seniors. Some people become more compassionate with age, some slip into anger and bitterness.
 

KingsX

Senior Member
Location
Texas
.

My siblings were a lot older than I... so I was practically raised as an only child.
In other words, I am used to being alone and actually prefer it that way.
 

debbie in seattle

Senior Member
Location
Seattle
I too, am alone. My husband passed May 14, this year. It’s terrible. I have friends, but they’re married, have kids, grandkids, etc. one of my daughters live in Az., the other not 10 miles away, but hates me, yes, hates me because she feels I should split the money my husband and I had prior to his death into thirds, naturally, 1/3 to her. Yes, it’s crazy. I am at a total loss, what do I do with all my time? It’s terrible.
 

Camper6

Well-known Member
I too, am alone. My husband passed May 14, this year. It’s terrible. I have friends, but they’re married, have kids, grandkids, etc. one of my daughters live in Az., the other not 10 miles away, but hates me, yes, hates me because she feels I should split the money my husband and I had prior to his death into thirds, naturally, 1/3 to her. Yes, it’s crazy. I am at a total loss, what do I do with all my time? It’s terrible.
Volunteer with some organization and have somewhere to go and someone to depend on you.

It's really fun. It's something to look forward to every day.

I am a volunteer with a golf organization. We run tournaments and sponsor golf for juniors.
 

KingsX

Senior Member
Location
Texas
I too, am alone. My husband passed May 14, this year. It’s terrible. I have friends, but they’re married, have kids, grandkids, etc. one of my daughters live in Az., the other not 10 miles away, but hates me, yes, hates me because she feels I should split the money my husband and I had prior to his death into thirds, naturally, 1/3 to her. Yes, it’s crazy. I am at a total loss, what do I do with all my time? It’s terrible.

First of all, don't let anyone talk you into giving away some of your money now. It's your money. You can leave it to whomever you want in your will or spend all of it on yourself if that is what you want to do. Experts advise not to make important life-changing decisions immediately after a death in the family... to wait at least a year.

Now is the time to be your own person, to do what YOU want to do [within reason :)] One is never bored pursuing one's dreams.

.
 

SeaBreeze

Endlessly Groovin'
Location
USA
I agree with KingsX Debbie, excellent advice. If she hates you because she can't demand and control what you do with YOUR money, she needs to get a grip and a reality check. I'd ignore her until she shows you more consideration. Don't rush into anything to keep busy, just try and go out a little bit and do something enjoyable, perhaps with a group of other seniors in your area. Stay positive, don't let others bring you down...your hubby would want you to be happy now. :love_heart:
 

RadishRose

SF VIP
Location
CT USA
I agree Debbie, don't make large financial decisions yet, it's too soon. I'm sure you know there's a lot you can do like the senior's center, volunteering, etc....but I understand your heart is still heavy and you may yet be too sad to go out and enjoy these things just now. You're still grieving.

Please keep these activities in the back of your mind for when you're ready and not sink into a rut. Start small. One of your friends, married or not, may enjoy going to lunch with you one day, then maybe stop into a store to look around. Just a few hours, and see how you feel. My best to you.
:)
 

AprilSun

Senior Member
Location
USA
Deb, first of all, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It's too soon to make any big decisions about anything. I know when my husband passed away and that's been several years ago, I couldn't think clearly and since it's so fresh for you, I'm sure you are the same way. Don't let your daughter control you either. It sounds like we have a daughter just alike. One of mine tried to control me after her Dad passed away but I didn't let her and don't you let your daughter either. Don't make any decisions now that you may regret later. It helped me to find hobbies, etc. to keep me busy. That's the main thing is to stay busy or at least it was for me.
I live alone but I know I have family if I need them and especially friends.
 

debbie in seattle

Senior Member
Location
Seattle
Thanks everyone, absolutely agree about no decisions for at least a year. I have friends and go and do, but in the back of my mind is always, “What do I do when I get home, I’m alone again.” Intellectually, I know that’s stupid, can’t have someone with me 24x7. Nights are the absolutely the worse!!!! Not emotionally ready for volunteering for anything right now. JUST WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK. I was all for getting a dog, but now have poopoo’d that, can’t even think about a goldfish.
 

rgp

Well-known Member
Location
Milford,OH
Thanks everyone, absolutely agree about no decisions for at least a year. I have friends and go and do, but in the back of my mind is always, “What do I do when I get home, I’m alone again.” Intellectually, I know that’s stupid, can’t have someone with me 24x7. Nights are the absolutely the worse!!!! Not emotionally ready for volunteering for anything right now. JUST WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK. I was all for getting a dog, but now have poopoo’d that, can’t even think about a goldfish.

This will sound like a smart a$$ answer....it is not intended that way at all.

But you cannot get your old life back....period. Life goes on. And IMO you will only frustrate yourself if you continue to hang on to that thought. Your life has changed, you need to make adjustments to create the next chapter of it.

It is not 'stupid' to be / feel lonely...
 

rgp

Well-known Member
Location
Milford,OH
I'm sort of in the middle...Not married , live alone, no kids, friends..some dead, the rest older now as well, and they older than I. So the social scene has pretty much dried up. One friend has just moved back from out of state...but again, age. Lets face it, two guys 69 & 71 don't go out 'clubbin'..... chasin' skirts...LOL...So?

Use to travel allot but, health issues have ended that.

But I guess I have become [we] get used to it,.. gradually ? Two posters noted about the nights being the worse & they are . Don't know why that is...but it sure seems to be.
 

AprilSun

Senior Member
Location
USA
Thanks everyone, absolutely agree about no decisions for at least a year. I have friends and go and do, but in the back of my mind is always, “What do I do when I get home, I’m alone again.” Intellectually, I know that’s stupid, can’t have someone with me 24x7. Nights are the absolutely the worse!!!! Not emotionally ready for volunteering for anything right now. JUST WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK. I was all for getting a dog, but now have poopoo’d that, can’t even think about a goldfish.
I had a cat and still do, and she has helped me through everything! She would be waiting at the door for me when I got home and that plus she loves to cuddle, helped me so much! Pets give us something to do and they depend on us which helps so much during our times of need!
 

Kitties

Member
I'm in the second camp. Utterly alone. I've never fit in anyplace in my life. I feel very isolated even around people such as at work. My stepfather just returned home after breaking his hip and being in rehab 7 weeks. Much stress, just waiting for something else to happen. My brother can't even give me verbal support from 3000 miles away. He discounts everything I say and explain I have done and then acts like he cares so much when his words prove he doesn't. I'm really alone in all this and it's horrible.
 

AprilSun

Senior Member
Location
USA
I know you’re right April about a pet. It’s like I’m frozen as far as making any decisions. Dog? Cat?
That would be a hard decision to make if I liked one as much as the other. I didn't have to make that decision because we had gotten this cat many years before he died. But, even if we hadn't, I wouldn't have had a problem deciding because I've always been a person that loves cats better. I like dogs but just haven't wanted one for myself. Cats have always won for some reason for me. Good luck on your decision making on everything!
 

peppermint

Member
Location
East Coast
First of all, I feel for Debbie....I do have a suggestion....Get together with some lady friends and go to lunch every so often....It get's you out of the house....I do that with my friends....Not as often when we were a little younger, but
we try.. We don't talk every day but keep in touch....I do have my husband and we have our son 2 blocks away...My daughter is an hour from us....Yes, getting older is a different world....
 


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