How do you deal with losing your youthfulness

M

Mary

New Member
Location
Charleston SC
I'm new here, just introduced myself as Mary from Charleston. This question may have already been covered in the past, and if so, I apologize.

I've noticed the last few years that I'm having a hard time dealing with losing my youth, not to even mention "looks" at 68. I live daily thinking about memories of my past youthful days. Times that were full of excitement and fun. These days it's just a matter of getting up and getting going on my "to do list".

I walk, exercise, work-out, my body is slower but still going strong and for that I am grateful. But this morning I ran into a neighbor with her new face lift and it really hit me when I came home and looked in the mirror. Not that I'd want to do that, but she really looked great.

I listen to songs from the 70's and '80's on my earphones; that makes me feel youthful again. But it's all a matter of delusion. Is that what it takes? Being delusional?

I find myself lately thinking that I may only have maybe a decade or two at best to still be alive and it sends me into anxiety.

Does anyone else go thru this kind of thinking?
 

Hi Mary, welcome to the forums.

Yes, losing youthfulness is a real challenge- as they say: "getting old is not for the faint of heart".

I try to get and keep my body in shape, as best as I can. I kind of reject the past(long story) but still do indulge in nostalgia sessions periodically.

Best of luck, take care.
 
I'm new-ish,too ! This place is filled with wisdom from great people ..I'm sure alot of us can relate to the way you're feeling :)

For me - I go to our local senior center. I'm one of the "younger " ones there .( I never thought I'd call myself young at 63 !) LOL The older men and women amaze me with their outlook on life . They have positive energy , spunk,and are genuinely fun to be with . If I didn't have them, I'd wither up and die. Their company is what stops me from worrying about aging.

I'm sure you'll get some better advice in the coming replies. Welcome !
 

Dealing with nostalgia is the hardest part. I think about it daily. I wonder if I am glorifying memories. I know it wasn't all that great.. some of the hardest parts of life were lived when we were young. But also some of the most exciting times of living were when we were younger. I miss the exciting parts. Life at this age seems to have become dull and predictable and I'm having a hard time dealing with the daily repeatitiveness of it. I need to quit fighting it, but it's hard to do.
 
There's not a day that goes by that I don't reminisce about what I would call my good old days (even though some weren't necessarily all that good).......things I've seen, people I've known, places I've been, things I've done, etc.

I don't like the fact that I'm getting old so therefore I don't ponder over getting older / losing my youthfulness but like Ponce de Leon I would really like to find the Fountain of Youth.
 
Mary said:
Dealing with nostalgia is the hardest part. I think about it daily. I wonder if I am glorifying memories. I know it wasn't all that great.. some of the hardest parts of life were lived when we were young. But also some of the most exciting times of living were when we were younger. I miss the exciting parts. Life at this age seems to have become dull and predictable and I'm having a hard time dealing with the daily repeatitiveness of it. I need to quit fighting it, but it's hard to do.
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I agree!
 
Reminds me of that song "Glory Days". I feel Youthful when I crank up the sound on the oldie channel full of the old '70's and '80's music and dance like I was in my 20's again.

But yes, they weren't always that good. Some were downright miserable. But at least I felt alive and full of emotions.
 
I don't think I'm dealing with it all that well either, Debbie. What are we to do? Like mentioned to Ike, I crank up the oldies on the FM station and dance like I was 20-something again, becoming delusional in my mind thinking of myself as a young-un again full of energy. It wears me out after a few minutes, but So far, it's the only solution I've come up with.
 
When it comes to the deterioration of my looks, my looks & movements were seen to others for many years as younger than my age. This felt good of course. :) However, this past year I've gained a lot more weight & I've also stopped dying my hair blond. At my age of 81 its natural color is dark charcoal. Yuk. I don't like it but I've finally gotten to the point I've got to face the real me. No fun. lol However when I see how young & pretty my year older sister looks, well, that puts a chink in my accepting my 81 year old age looks. :)

Hearing boogie music & not being able to boogie as quickly & easily as I once could is disappointing.

There is nothing in my past I can think of right now that I miss. Except the joy I felt each time I birthed my three children. Looking back for me is boring--even recalling fun times. I can't experience them anymore, but I can experience new things if I put my mind & actions, to it.

Yeah, when you first see signs that your youth beauty is fading, it can be tough to face for quite a while. But what can you do--it's nature doing what it does, taking over. :)
 
When I retired earlier this year at age 70, I swore not to "recline and decline". I play golf 5 to 7 days/week. Have a pretty good golf game and can go up against most young flat-bellies and compete. So, I don't feel as if I've lost my youthfulness there.

I do have quite a few aches and pains. Too many broken bones and injuries over the years. If something hurts, I know I woke up. None of the aches and pains slow me down so I just walk/play/drive/live through the pain. Many of the aches and pains have been in this body for years. The only medication prescribed is an Aspirin every morning and a statin for cholesterol. So, I don't feel as if I've lost my youthfulness there.

We don't spend time with any "old folk". Certainly, we do know some of the older generation at church and around town. If they are those who whine and complain about their health... we ain't that durn old so look elsewhere for company.

We both are fully enjoying retirement. Not traveling to exotic places. Just some short trips to see kids and/or other relatives. Just haven't had it hit either one of us that we have lost anything from, say, 50 years ago.

One of these days, I'll either keel over with a heart attack or get that unwanted cancer diagnosis or something else will slap me up side the head with the reality that there's not a lot of time left. But, what's a "lot of time"? Not at all ready to attempt defining that until I lose my youthfulness!!!!! :)
 
I don't think I'm dealing with it very well. I try not to do the nostalgia thing, because generally it just makes me sad and gives me a sense of great loss. Most of the people who populated my "good old days" are dead and gone.

One of the things that triggered my sense of loss was my ultimate retirement. When I was still working I still felt part of things and involved in stuff that "mattered" and wasn't so aware of the age thing. Once that was gone, I began to feel useless and sort of "invisible." I'm still struggling with that; though I do remain active, it just isn't the fun it used to be. And lately I've been having a bad flare up of my arthritis, and that doesn't help one bit!
 
Mary said:
Dealing with nostalgia is the hardest part. I think about it daily. I wonder if I am glorifying memories. I know it wasn't all that great.. some of the hardest parts of life were lived when we were young. But also some of the most exciting times of living were when we were younger. I miss the exciting parts. Life at this age seems to have become dull and predictable and I'm having a hard time dealing with the daily repeatitiveness of it. I need to quit fighting it, but it's hard to do.
Click to expand...

I miss the excitement of being young also. Everyday was an adventure and I never knew where it would take me or what pleasures I would experience.

I don't think you should fight a desire for excitement. It means you're alive and vital inside and looking for a challenge perhaps? There's nothing wrong with that. When you find something that excites and challenges you again, you'll love it.
 
I was the one that of 4 girlfriends who desired to travel the world & the one who did not. As time went by, my shaking (Essential Tremor) got worse & my embarrassment over it kept me from facing exposing my tremors so I avoided traveling when I was old enough. It took quite a few years for me to not feel bad about not traveling. Anyway, I had other things occupying my mind in time---marriage & children, etc.

But when I joined an Internet forum on Essential Tremors and read the different unpleasant experiences people who shake had been/are put through, I started to put their experiences into (amateur) story poems, with a touch of humo(u)r as best as I could manage. They were enjoyed by many members so I kept writing story poems. I enjoy doing this and it has helped me lose my feeling of being worthless, noncontributory to society.

I do my traveling through watching documentaries on various countries & realize that all traveling experiences end up gone, though are memories to appreciate. It is now where I am and experience good & not so good happenings that I'm interested in.

Also, I've very fortunate to not have any physical pains.
 
I don't dwell on the past...instead, I just try to concentrate on staying fit and healthy, and looking forward to as many good years as I can possibly have. Life has been good, so far, and I hope to extend that as far into the future as possible. I've made my share of dumb moves in the past, but have learned from those events, so as to not repeat them.
 
I use a picture of myself when I was three years old as an avatar and I go onto the internet and act like a three year old.

That's what works for me.
 
I waited a time before answering this because it took some time for me to come up with an answer. It's a great question/topic for this forum so I wanted to participate.

I guess what I have done, without realizing it or planning it out, is make adjustments on the fly that fit in with my interest, my opportunities, my health/physical ability, and financial situation as best I could. For instance, instead of long backpacking trips or long day hikes like I did for many years, I take shorter walks/hikes in local parks. These days I take a dog with me and early in the mornings there is a loose group of other dog walkers that show up at the park I frequent and we do a little socialising. That's mostly it for me these days.
 
I am about your age, Mary, and lost my youthfulness long ago like evryone else.
I don't deal with it well. Am not into nostalgia and do not play my large record CD
collection. I prefer silence. I cannot pursue younger women I am very attracted to because I am obviously too old.
The ones my age are rarely attractive to me and I have little in common with them. So I had to give up
on that and other dreams I had. I look younger but feel old. I recommend a book by a research psychologist
The Myths of Happiness, much scientific evidence in it about life. I discovered that if you feel unhappy,
you may look back one day and realize that you were happy then but didn't realize it.
 
At mid 70's I don't think I've lost my youthfulness, I've adjusted my thinking to what I'm physically capable of doing now. 12 or 15 mile hikes in a national park not going to happen, working out in a gym 5 or 6 days a week doable.


Realizing and not regretting the structured life of youth of going to work and looking forward to doing something is gone. Replaced by getting up when I wake up and looking forward to whatever the day might hold in store for me.


The really good part of remembering what was is in the ability to remember. Having senior dementia is not a happy way to live.
 
as long as i can still move arround i dont worry about youth--i will be 84 on my next birthday-- i had a younger sister all she did was sit or lay arround she finally lost use of her legs and now she is gone --i excercise and do housework i am not too thrilled about shopping any more --i go out when i have too and come right back home
 
Toomuchstuff said:
I'm new-ish,too ! This place is filled with wisdom from great people ..I'm sure alot of us can relate to the way you're feeling :)

For me - I go to our local senior center. I'm one of the "younger " ones there .( I never thought I'd call myself young at 63 !) LOL The older men and women amaze me with their outlook on life . They have positive energy , spunk,and are genuinely fun to be with . If I didn't have them, I'd wither up and die. Their company is what stops me from worrying about aging.

I'm sure you'll get some better advice in the coming replies. Welcome !
Click to expand...

I agree !! :encouragement:

When I first started playing golf I was in my late 30's early 40's. Seems I always enjoyed it more when I was playing with retired folks. They really knew how to make the day and have a good time. That set a template for me when I retired, and now I'm doing my best to enjoy life.
Sure I miss my youth, but there were many worries back then also. Seems these days the worries are less or maybe I've just learned how to look at them better.

But that's just me .. :untroubled:
 
Actually I'm somewhat of a fatalist. My life became a lot easier when I accepted that things happen the way they are supposed to and it's up to me to adjust to the circumstances as they are. I'm 84 next month and look back on my life as one well lived. A few successes, a few failures - lots of happy times as well as some very sad ones - but overall a satisfactory life. I'm OK with who and what I am today. Might be a little happier if I was a little younger, a little richer, a little healthier but who knows. Happiness can be very elusive.
 

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