I Finally Added My Son As Co-Owner On My Accounts...

[Blessed]

I agree totally, if we do not make them aware of all the accounts how are they supposed to collect the funds. I made copies all the paperwork, showing what accounts are where, that the paperwork showed when the accounts were set up POD. It shows the account numbers, who it is to be released to. I gave copies to my son and have a duplicate set her in my files, just in case.

My will also contains who my belongings, house etc, and monies should go to should my son predecease me or God forbid something happens to both of us at the same time. I think I may have one more time I have to make revisions if another grandchild comes along to set up a college account. Keep your fingers crossed, I hope that happens in 2023!!

 

[OneEyedDiva]

MDS,

You have made a wise decision and are fortunate to have a trustworthy son. I became a co-owner of my stepfather's accounts and doing so saved me untold grief when I had to execute his will.

Thank you MDB! I feel I did and have no regrets about it. Also see my posts #20 & #28. For some reason, it's not letting me tag people in this thread or at least it's not showing up in blue like it usually does.

 

[OneEyedDiva]

I have set up all my accounts as POD for son at this point. If my health goes south I will add him to my accounts so he can pay my bills, transfer funds etc. If it gets really bad he is already set up as my POA when the time comes.

I understand about the nursing home/care. I also promised my Mom she would never have to go into care. She came to live with me at 85. Prior to that, she had already bought a home one block over, next corner from me, so it was easy for us to just walk around and help, take here home made meals, etc. When she came to live with me, it was after a fall. She got well, went home for about a week. Called and said she wanted to come back. I think she got used to being treated like a queen as she deserved. So we sold the house in 4 days and she came here.

Everything went great. I enjoyed having her here with me, loved spoiling her, cooking her meals etc. After that first year, dementia came in fast and hard. I could keep up with everything, bathing, dressing, etc....made sure she ate well, gave medication. The thing was I could not keep her safe at night. She would get up and fall.

There were many injuries during the night time. Broken bones, brain bleeds etc. My sister and I came to the realization that I could no longer keep her at home safely. She was placed into assisted living about a mile from my home. It was very nice, they had very good food and she was well taken care of but it still bothers me that I could not keep my promise.

I would say for me, I have told my son that if I can not stay at home to place me in care not only for me but also for him. I do not want him to have the pressure or burden of my promise to my Mom. It is hard to break that promise but sometimes must be done. I guess God stepped in because she did not really know what had to done. She settled in her new home quite well.

Blessed, our stories are similar. I said I wouldn't put my mother in a nursing home. She had fallen a couple of times at home and couldn't give an account of why and how. She wound up having to go to the ER both times. At the time I had a heart condition that did me pretty badly sometimes, plus I had to drive to her old apartment building at night, not in the nicest neighborhood. So like you, I had her moved much closer to me (she lived in public housing) so I could check on her more easily. The new apartment was much nicer and made things easier. I'd check on her two or three times a day. The 2nd time she wound up in the ER, she told me she wanted me to put her in a home and told my husband the same thing after I left to pick up some lunch. She knew I wasn't well and sometimes it was difficult for me to care for her. Our doctor, a very caring man, told me flat out that if she fell again, she would need to go into a nursing home.

One night I was at her apartment and had such a bad episode of atrial fibrillation, that my grand uncle, who visited her often, had to come and take care of us both. As close as I lived, I couldn't even make it home. At that time I was having episodes more frequently, despite my meds. That's when I realized I couldn't continue to take care of her at home. I talked about it with my (half) brother (not her child) and thought he was going to tell me I shouldn't do it. He told me just the opposite. She fell again and was admitted to a local nursing home. Blessedly after removing her from there (it looked good but had poor service), we found the best place for her. She was well taken care of and well loved...yes I said loved! Although I never promised not to put her in a home, I felt guilty about it even though I knew I had no choice.

I realize that my son may have to wind up putting me in a nursing home against his will. That is one of the reasons I continue to save/invest regularly even in retirement...so I'll have enough to pay out of pocket, if the time comes. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You did what needed...what had to be done out of love and concern for your mother's safety.

 

[Pecos]

Thank you MDB! I feel I did and have no regrets about it. Also see my posts #20 & #28. For some reason, it's not letting me tag people in this thread or at least it's not showing up in blue like it usually does.

MDS
This has turned out to be an excellent thread and worthy of the attention of all of who are dealing (or will deal) with this range of issues. I learned quite a bit even though I thought that I was well informed.
I am mystified as to why the “tag” function is behaving erratically.
Stay warm and safe my friend.

 

[OneEyedDiva]

MDS
This has turned out to be an excellent thread and worthy of the attention of all of who are dealing (or will deal) with this range of issues. I learned quite a bit even though I thought that I was well informed.
I am mystified as to why the “tag” function is behaving erratically.
Stay warm and safe my friend.

Thank you again MDB! You and Mrs. Pecos stay safe and warm as well. Your weather hasn't been much better than ours!

 

[WhatInThe]

I just revised my beneficiary designations for my brokerage accounts last week, something I make sure to do whenever necessary. I also let my beneficiaries know which brokerage(s) to contact upon my death. It's unfortunate that some people have money coming and they don't even know it because things of this nature are not discussed in their families.

'beneficiary designation form' is the way to go. I did that and benefited being a designated beneficiary. They'll need a death certificate and maybe paper work from a lawyer. Keep them updated if someone passes. In some respects that's better than a will especially for non physical assets ie money, stocks, insurance policies etc.

 

[Brookswood]

not the point .... it isnt about trust . it is about unknown events that can put that money at risk

Absollutley correct. Your child can be the most honest, trustworthy person in the world. He get sued because of an accident and YOUR money is also at risk.

Sometimes you just have to have faith.

Do you know the story of the man who died in a flood. First a police car came by his house to rescue him. He refused help saying god would save him. Then a neighbor in a boat came by, again he refused help since he had faith in god. Finally, a helicopter flew over his house and offered to haul him up in a sling. He again refused. He was swept away by flood waters and died. Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates he asked St. Peter why god had not saved him. "He sent a car, a boat and a helicopter. What more did you want?"

 

[OneEyedDiva]

My son is third owner on our house title and on our bank accounts, but we haven't mentioned it to him because he would worry about it -- he worries about everything. It's just something I plan to mumble to him when the time comes for him to start paying bills, etc.

I have made him promise to put me in a nursing home if the going gets rough. Particularly if I get to the diaper or deep dementia stages.

Not to be morbid but what if you go before you get a chance to mention it to him? I've known people who had no clue what they were entitled to and trying to find out was going on with their parents' estate matters was very stressful for them, especially during the initial stages of grief.

 

[OneEyedDiva]

'beneficiary designation form' is the way to go. I did that and benefited being a designated beneficiary. They'll need a death certificate and maybe paper work from a lawyer. Keep them updated if someone passes. In some respects that's better than a will especially for non physical assets ie money, stocks, insurance policies etc.

Yes...I'm told that brokerage beneficiary designations supercede wills. I have more than one primary and secondary beneficiary on most of the accounts. Either way, if one of them dies before me (Lord I pray not), the assets pass to the next primary or secondary beneficiaries. But I do try to keep everybody updated and shoot for business meetings (separately) at least once a year.

@Brookswood See my reply #20 to @mathjak107 regarding my particular situation and money being at risk.
@Conce and @C50 I responded to you both in my reply #20 too, but I wasn't able to tag anyone that day for some unknown reason and I'm still notmable tomtag in that reply.

 

[Della]

Not to be morbid but what if you go before you get a chance to mention it to him? I've known people who had no clue what they were entitled to and trying to find out was going on with their parents' estate matters was very stressful for them, especially during the initial stages of grief.

I hear you, Diva, but I have a husband in the picture, too and it really would take a freak accident for both of us to go at the same time. The accounts and house title split three ways so at some point one of us will probably be alive and tell my son how things stand.

Also, my son's father, my first husband, has a rough idea that we've left everything to my son -- I told him to quit worrying about saving for him some time ago. My present husband, his step-father is five years younger than I am, so I worry a tiny bit that he will remarry after I go and things will change, but the older we get the less likely he'll have the energy for all that.

 

[Chet]

My nephew will be my heir so I included him as co-owner of one of my accounts with enough $$ to take care of business if he needs to. The other accounts are in trust for him also but he can't access the $$ until I'm kaput.

 

[Sippican]

My opinion on money and old folks is.
1) Many older folks watch too much TV....they see families squabble and argue, steal elderly monies on shows and think all families are like that. Talking about money with my parents was a difficult discussion to have. I started by saying I didn't want any of their money. They could do whatever they wanted with it, just as long as I didn't end up with a big tax bill to pay off. I say this because they haven't paid taxes in years. I don't need nor want their money. So that cleared the air that I may have had a motive to have the discussion. We settled on them having a 'box' put together. If anything happens to them, everything I needed to know was in the box. Lawyers, bank accounts, brokerage accounts, how they would be buried, where, etc.
I learned from this as something NOT to do. I share everything with my kids. Accounts, how much is in them, beneficiaries, the brokers information, etc. Actually, I give them money on a regular basis....just because. Why? Because I enjoy seeing them put the money to good use to better their lives. Why wait until I'm gone. The most enjoyment one can get from having money is watching loved ones put it to good use now, not when I die and can't see how they enjoyed it.

2) I see some of the most astute elderly minds navigate financials like a Wall Street broker. 95 year olds making trades from the old folks home, meeting with a line of brokerage houses in the community room where most are playing bingo or watching tv. But, with all that planning and investing and accumulating millions, yes, millions, it gets lost in the end when they are gone. so much of it could have gone to good uses for society, extended family, etc. but goes to financially abusive institutions. In hindsight, they were more interested in accumulation of money like it was a game to be won. This is another lesson I learned to be focused on, where will it all go when I'm gone and making sure it goes to good uses.
This is just a summarization of my observations, I'm sure there are many other stories of other experiences.
Anyway, thats my rant for today....thanks for listening!