I Was Raised By My Grandmother

Bretrick

Well-known Member
Have your Parents/Grand Parents ended up in a nursing home?
My parents divorced when I was 7 and us children stayed with Dad. Mum got remarried immediately.
My mother's mother came to raise us kids. For 20 years she done everything required to raise 5 rowdy children.
When all is said and done, 15 years of her last 20 years were virtually as a maid running a household.
There came a time when at 75 years of age? she was too much for my Father to look after and a danger to herself being often at home by herself. Her mind had started to wander.
The final event was when she attempted to throw some rubbish into the creek running past our place. In throwing the rubbish, she ended up in the creek and was unable to get herself out.
Apparently she was laying in the slow running creek for at least 5 hours before a passer by heard her plaintive cries for help.
Unscathed really, she spent a couple of nights in Hospital and was back home.
Dad in the mean time had rung his ex wife and told her what had happened and said to her. "I can not look after her anymore and because she is your Mother I think she should go live with you."
Mum agreed and within 2 weeks my Grandmother had moved to Hobart, 260 km's away where she was almost immediately placed in a nursing home.
I went to visit several months later and my first view of her was my beautiful Grandmother tied to a chair.
I asked the staff why was that necessary? Their response was, "She likes to wander"
The Nursing home was fully fenced with a locked gate and a beautiful Flower Garden.
My Grandmother loved gardening. So before they come up with the tie down regime, nan would go out into the garden which the staff did not like residents to do.
My Grandmother died about 6 months after my visit.
So her last 20 years were not how she would have expected or wanted them to be .
So sad how many Western Families treat their elderly. Almost as if they are a burden, getting in the way.
 

Wow! So amazing to hear your story. Do you think that perhaps your grandmother had Alzheimer's?

I lost one grandmother to heart disease when I was very young. The other one was so negative I could have never imagined her raising me. She would say the most inappropriate things to me as a young boy, like "you will go to war and die". She was dark. She digressed quickly, and she had a collection of dolls, which is frequently the case with someone with Alzheimer's. Later in life, she would also "wander". She lived with my uncle and would get up in the middle of the night and head out of the house in her bedclothes. She spent her latter days in a nursing home and was completely lucid on her birthday, which was also the day she passed away.

Long story short, I could never have been raised by my grandparents, so you are lucky in that respect. And your'e right, it is a travesty the way we treat our elderly. I took care of my mother for 21 years after my father passed away because I felt that was my responsibility. She passed away on November 9 this year, and I felt like I had done everything I possibly could to make her life comfortable.
 
My mother lived in a comfortable assisted living facility for the last three years of her life. That was a first in my family.

Dying at home or in a care facility is still dying.

I’m sure that there are as many stories of neglect and abuse for people dying at home as there are about people dying in care homes.

My preference would be a care home with people coming and going, a fresh set of eyes every eight hours, etc...
 

Wow! So amazing to hear your story. Do you think that perhaps your grandmother had Alzheimer's?
I have no idea if Nan had Alzheimer's, I suppose I was about 21 at the time I saw her in the chair at the nursing home.
What I can remember is that she did know who I was but showed not a lot of interest.
I understand there comes a time when our older relatives need specialist care. I just find that the homes are understaffed and to control the residents, drastic measures are employed.
Our lives have become too busy and stressful to allow enough time to give 24 hour care to our elderly parents/grandparent.
A truly sad situation
 
No , none of my grandparents ended up in any nursing or care homes... they all died of age related diseases at home or in hospital.... except for my grandfather who died under the wheels of a bus in his 90's...:(

My paternal grandmother 'fostered' me when I was little for a couple of years before my parents started placing me and my siblings in community foster homes ,I loved her in my own way more than any of my other grandparents. She died age 82...in her own home, in Scotland, when I was 27.. and living far away
 
All of my grandparents passed away in there homes as did both of my parents . My mom the most recent in 2019. My dad however did need in home care from a Nurse as well as around the clock care that my mom who was up there in age herself provided in his last few months of life, but he stayed in the home. I really don't know how mom did it and I went back to Tennessee to help often during that time. As with my mom she suddenly passed so there wasn't much leading up to that.
 


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