I will drink the wine while it is warm and never let you catch me looking at the sun

friar

friar

New Member
some nights the moon howls and the wolves are silent. the things we have seen and we ourselves are now invisible to most because of age. I don't blame anyone because everyone fears the reminder that life ends one day. I so wish it did not have to end in loneliness for some of us. But as Robin Williams said , it's not dying alone but dying with people who make you feel alone that is the worst. I am that old lion on the rock overlooking a kingdom I once owned and wincing with my last roar. I miss love. Most of all.
 

My parents always loved me in their own ways - I just didn't return it enough and now no one will give me the chance to return and make amends? Same with my kids? and then grandkids - there are of course always exceptions - many of us seem to spend so much time working through our lives ; worrying daily and having our own fun - that we never have enough time for others? but what to do from 24 hrs shifts - sleep; work and some play? hectic bloody life heh? Will I fear dying - never - will I fear others watching me - maybe?

My son phones several times a week ; occasionally makes dashing w/end visits ; lavishes me with gifts but doesn't know how to show love more directly perhaps - but maybe I taught him wrong?
 
smiley said:
My parents always loved me in their own ways - I just didn't return it enough and now no one will give me the chance to return and make amends? Same with my kids? and then grandkids - there are of course always exceptions - many of us seem to spend so much time working through our lives ; worrying daily and having our own fun - that we never have enough time for others? but what to do from 24 hrs shifts - sleep; work and some play? hectic bloody life heh? Will I fear dying - never - will I fear others watching me - maybe?

My son phones several times a week ; occasionally makes dashing w/end visits ; lavishes me with gifts but doesn't know how to show love more directly perhaps - but maybe I taught him wrong?
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Smiley, the first thing about making a change is to realize you need and want it, not only for yourself but for the important people in your life. lt won't be easy but even one small change each day will exercise that caring muscle and you'll you
build that relationship with your family that you so desire and they will realize that they want it too. You can do it, Don't wait
another day.
 

not sure if I do need or want it any longer - have come to terms with my own style and really am in no morbid way looking forward to the next adventure - the one beyond the stars!! so many people to catch up with there!!
 
We all have moments where we’re overcome by how blessed we are, relationships, opportunities, the beauty around us, and want to take a moment to express it. Sometimes we're simply too distracted to count our blessings. The obligations of responsibilities like family, work, and finances can cloud our vision to the blessings around us. In times like these, take a moment to find something to be thankful for. It can be something small, like the glorious sunrise I watched earlier today, or something bigger, like the support and love of someone very special.

On the other hand, maybe you're feeling less than blessed and need a few words of strength to pick you up during a difficult time. Regardless of whether you're feeling blessed, remember what a blessing it is to be a blessing. Sometimes a random act of kindness toward a friend (or even a stranger!) is the easiest way to pick yourself up out of a slump. Through the small act of a home cooked meal or a hand-written letter, remember that you have the power to turn someones average day into a blessed day.

If we counted our blessings instead of our money, we would all be rich. Linda Poindexter.
Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.
Charles Dickens.
 
friar said:
some nights the moon howls and the wolves are silent. the things we have seen and we ourselves are now invisible to most because of age. I don't blame anyone because everyone fears the reminder that life ends one day. I so wish it did not have to end in loneliness for some of us. But as Robin Williams said , it's not dying alone but dying with people who make you feel alone that is the worst. I am that old lion on the rock overlooking a kingdom I once owned and wincing with my last roar. I miss love. Most of all.
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I really like the way you said that.
Thanks
 
smiley said:
My parents always loved me in their own ways - I just didn't return it enough and now no one will give me the chance to return and make amends? Same with my kids? and then grandkids - there are of course always exceptions - many of us seem to spend so much time working through our lives ; worrying daily and having our own fun - that we never have enough time for others? but what to do from 24 hrs shifts - sleep; work and some play? hectic bloody life heh? Will I fear dying - never - will I fear others watching me - maybe?

My son phones several times a week ; occasionally makes dashing w/end visits ; lavishes me with gifts but doesn't know how to show love more directly perhaps - but maybe I taught him wrong?
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.....
 
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well if that was meant for me - we talk at least once every week and he buys we expensive chinese watches and crates of wine etc - it's my daughter non of us can crack! multi personality syndrome I believe? thinks the world owes her a buck? funny how they turn out heh?
 
friar said:
some nights the moon howls and the wolves are silent. the things we have seen and we ourselves are now invisible to most because of age. I don't blame anyone because everyone fears the reminder that life ends one day. I so wish it did not have to end in loneliness for some of us. But as Robin Williams said , it's not dying alone but dying with people who make you feel alone that is the worst. I am that old lion on the rock overlooking a kingdom I once owned and wincing with my last roar. I miss love. Most of all.
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Thank you for this beautifully written poem (yes, it feels like a poem), @friar. Missing love is something I used to feel after my husband died, and I would feel sorry for myself. But I have learned to overcome it by doing things that bring me joy, like music, writing, art, and flowers, and that's how I enjoy being by myself.

Even more, I have gotten out of my shell and am attending and participating in more events outside of the home, like volunteering, taking art at the senior center, or joining a social group. Each time I go out and enjoy myself (not evenings, though), I feel happy when I return home. I don't have to be on a date. It could be a group of us. That happy feeling from the oxytocin hormone lasts me for a few days. Each time I go to an event with friends, where we laugh and chat, I get my energy replenished, if that makes sense.

Being on here is another feel-good activity. Enjoy!
 
Twostep said:
You may be correct. My father cared very deeply for me and did everything he could. I could talk to him
palides2021 said:
Thank you for this beautifully written poem (yes, it feels like a poem), @friar. Missing love is something I used to feel after my husband died, and I would feel sorry for myself. But I have learned to overcome it by doing things that bring me joy, like music, writing, art, and flowers, and that's how I enjoy being by myself.

Even more, I have gotten out of my shell and am attending and participating in more events outside of the home, like volunteering, taking art at the senior center, or joining a social group. Each time I go out and enjoy myself (not evenings, though), I feel happy when I return home. I don't have to be on a date. It could be a group of us. That happy feeling from the oxytocin hormone lasts me for a few days. Each time I go to an event with friends, where we laugh and chat, I get my energy replenished, if that makes sense.

Being on here is another feel-good activity. Enjoy!
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about everything and he went to bat for me more than once. He hugged me once as an adult. At the airport when he dropped SO and me off to our first round of USA. He slid a red gold and turquoise antique necklace and 10k into my coat poat pocket. He just was not a toucher. Scared to get too close? One of Mumsy's resentments towards me me is that when they visited us in Birmingham, AL and he saw houw our life ran smoothly with yes/please/thank you/ little shows of affection he asked her where they erred.
Please talk to your son. Write it down if you do not dare to talk. Don't expect him to know or understand immediately but do not miss your chances!
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beautifully expressed thanks
 

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