I Wonder: Were/Are My Siblings and I as Bad as My Parents Said We Were?

officerripley

officerripley

Well-known Member
Location
Porlock, Calif
Were/are my Siblings and I as bad as my parents said we were? Or were we really not that bad and some or all of it was my parents' fault? I'll tell you this: neither one of my parents should've ever been parents; my mom was in some ways nice but not mother-material at all (scared of her own shadow) and my dad was a self-centered rageaholic. But did my siblings and I turn out the way we did entirely because of my parents? Or are some people just born with flaws? I wonder sometimes.
 

officerripley said:
Were/are my Siblings and I as bad as my parents said we were? Or were we really not that bad and some or all of it was my parents' fault? I'll tell you this: neither one of my parents should've ever been parents; my mom was in some ways nice but not mother-material at all (scared of her own shadow) and my dad was a self-centered rageaholic. But did my siblings and I turn out the way we did entirely because of my parents? Or are some people just born with flaws? I wonder sometimes.
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Unfortunately parents are not required to get a parenting certificate before becoming parents. They should. i have a cousin who is married and without children. Her and hubby applied with the local adoption agency to adopt a child. The agency investigated their past and the present and determined that they would make 'unfit parents'. Both are teachers in public schools. Too bad ALL parents are not so investigated before they are allowed to become parents. Many would be disqualified on the grounds they would make 'unfit parents' I believe. Would that be a solution? Maybe and maybe not. But, it would be a giant step in the right direction.
 
officerripley said:
my mom was in some ways nice but not mother-material at all (scared of her own shadow) and my dad was a self-centered rageaholic.
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Do you think it was because of the rage in your dad that your mother was overly scared/timid? In any case, I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Seems to me you turned out pretty darn special despite all that. šŸ«‚
 
I'm so sorry this happened for you. Every child born deserves the love of their parents/carers. Reading so many stories here helps me realize how lucky I was despite my plethora of complaints. I raised my son with total love. Anyone who meets him can see it. He raises his son the same.

I've had my share of awful, but my parents weren't among this except for when I lost them.
 
My parents should not have had children either. They couldn't take care of themselves very well and then added children into the mix. People back then didn't think much about children being immature people who need care I guess. At least that's what it seemed. Unfortunately my husband had worse parents than I did. His mom married a psychopath then they had five children together. I don't know, it was a different generation back then that's all I can figure. When people my age go on about family I sort of chuckle to myself. Yeah I grew up in a family they are all dead, now what?
 
officerripley said:
Were/are my Siblings and I as bad as my parents said we were? Or were we really not that bad and some or all of it was my parents' fault? I'll tell you this: neither one of my parents should've ever been parents; my mom was in some ways nice but not mother-material at all (scared of her own shadow) and my dad was a self-centered rageaholic. But did my siblings and I turn out the way we did entirely because of my parents? Or are some people just born with flaws? I wonder sometimes.
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The way you grow up is determined because of your parents or in spite of them.
 
CallMeKate said:
Do you think it was because of the rage in your dad that your mother was overly scared/timid? In any case, I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Seems to me you turned out pretty darn special despite all that. šŸ«‚
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Yes, I think it was and also because of the rage in her own dad who was 1 of those kind of guys that out in public seemed jovial and everybody liked but was an angry tyrant only behind closed doors to mom, her mom but not to mom's brother. Since women were a lower life form to him, dontcha know.

Thanks for saying I turned out special, means a lot. I think I don't feel special since the more I think about it, I think I've been afraid--not just of my angry (maybe even socio/psychopathic?) dad but also my older sis who turned out just like him--all my life.

I no longer have contact with the sister who lives 2 states away but I'm still afraid, of being even older than I am now, of the way the world's going and especially things in my area: the sky-high cost of housing especially for seniors, higher & higher electrical bills for air conditioning since this area has always been hot and getting even hotter with climate change. I know compared to a lot of people I'm lucky but I'm just not at all optimistic about the future at all.

Sorry for the rant and thanks for listening.
 
officerripley said:
Were/are my Siblings and I as bad as my parents said we were? Or were we really not that bad and some or all of it was my parents' fault? I'll tell you this: neither one of my parents should've ever been parents; my mom was in some ways nice but not mother-material at all (scared of her own shadow) and my dad was a self-centered rageaholic. But did my siblings and I turn out the way we did entirely because of my parents? Or are some people just born with flaws? I wonder sometimes.
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No. Some parents arenā€™t prepared or equipped for healthy parenting. Of course you arenā€™t bad. Thatā€™s just a manipulative ploy or an excuse for the need of punishment. Itā€™s a nasty excuse for treating you badly.
 
Robb.hisself said:
Unfortunately parents are not required to get a parenting certificate before becoming parents. They should. i have a cousin who is married and without children. Her and hubby applied with the local adoption agency to adopt a child. The agency investigated their past and the present and determined that they would make 'unfit parents'. Both are teachers in public schools. Too bad ALL parents are not so investigated before they are allowed to become parents. Many would be disqualified on the grounds they would make 'unfit parents' I believe. Would that be a solution? Maybe and maybe not. But, it would be a giant step in the right direction.
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Great post!
 

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