If you are or have been married/partnered .. reflecting on that now.

[Pepper]

I have a leather 2 seater loveseat in my livingroom.. along with a matching 3 seater sofa.. very nice leather which I've had for more than 10 years.. but it's not a Chesterfield, which is defined by it's large rolled arms which are the same height as the back...

We also call a seat where the arms are the same height as the back by the name Tuxedo.

 

[Verisure]

Or, perhaps, a chesterfield.

I've heard Americans from the south call it a davenport.

 

[MarkD]

1 - If you feel like it worked well, what do you think made the difference. If it didn't, what do you feel you could have done better now?

My current marriage will reach Y40 next September. I consider this one a win.

My first 3 year starter marriage taught me loads about myself but I’m so glad it didn’t last.

2 - What was/is the best part of that relationship?

We like and respect each other and we enjoy the time we spend together. Since we each need a healthy amount of time to ourselves to pursue our separate interests it is easy to balance us-time with me-time. I suspect sharing similar needs balancing those things can only help a relationship.

3 - Thinking back to its beginning, do you feel you were ready for it when you got together? What learning/growing did it require of you?

First one- not at all ready. But I learned that our feelings aren’t up to us. I was so cerebral I didn’t know feelings wouldn’t conform to reason. Imagine my surprise and horror.

Current one - absolutely. But we both were a little shell shocked from having our first spouse split. So we did a little couples therapy at the start just to make sure we had our eyes open. Her ex was an angry guy who didn’t know how to recognize it early - in fact, he was in denial about being an angry guy so he was explosively angry when he lost control. I’m not like that but I can be judgmental which isn’t too great either. But I rarely lose perspective any more and can laugh about my foibles

4 - Was there something the other person brought into your life that was especially valuable to you?

Art was an interest of mine but i had neither the talent nor the drive to pursue it. She has both and it’s fun to have it in my life on the side. We both have creative interests and appreciate what other does. Funny story: when we met I took her to my place on our second or third date and showed her some drawings and paintings before I knew what she did. She was kind. I’d say my compositional sense is pretty close but color, while fun to play with rarely comes together for me where she seemingly can do no wrong. She was teaching textile art when we met at a private art college and showing her work all over the world.

Beyond that her grandfather was an early botany professor at UC Berkeley. So college was in here genes. I was taking some JC courses on the side while working when we met. She pushed me to go to Cal as she and her mother had. It was a good decision but I never would have done if she and one one my JC profs hadn’t twisted my arm.

5 - If you get extra post-relationship innings in your life what aspects would you seek to replace? How did/would all this influence what you look for next?

I profoundly do not know. I wouldn’t automatically look for a live together arrangement let alone marriage and I’ll never share a bedroom again. The older I get the more challenging sleep becomes. But I expect intimacy and company would continue to be welcome if I’m the last spouse standing. But I’d be very careful to feel out how much alone time they’re comfortable with as I’d still want time for working on my garden, reading and walking the dogs. My wife and I play cards at nearly every meal. I’m not sure whether I’d seek to replicate that.

 

[palides2021]

I have no idea what Kool Aid is.. it's not a term used in the UK

I remember drinking Kool-Aid when I was young during the summers. It was usually a powdered drink that you mixed with water and ice cubes, and it had flavors like strawberry, cherry, and orange, etc. I looked it up, and it seems to have expanded into producing food also: https://www.koolaid.com

 

[Been There]

One lady in Texas did just that. To more than one husband:
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjI9sGM2-v7AhVuMUQIHR5bD5YQFnoECAwQAQ&url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betty_Lou_Beets&usg=AOvVaw3FR8TnoFhLxQycnCarZj4s
Betty Lou Beets, 46, had an ornamental wishing well in her yard near Gun Barrel City, Tex. She used it as a place to plant some begonias, a few petunias — and one husband.
Days before she killed him, Betty had begged her fifth spouse, retired Dallas Fire Department Capt. Jimmy Beets, also 46, to build the well to beautify the property that held her trailer home.
Beets cheerfully went about the task, unaware he was digging his own grave.
He was also blissfully ignorant of Betty's true motive when she insisted some time earlier that he build a shed on the property. She told him it was needed to store stuff that was cluttering the house.

Its real purpose was to conceal the final resting place of husband No. 4, Doyle Barker. When Barker vanished in 1981, Betty told friends and neighbors that the couple had had a fight and he took off, leaving his truck behind, wrote Irene Pence in a book on the case, "Buried Memories."

Betty reported Capt. Beets missing on Aug. 6, 1983, saying he had gone night fishing and never came home. About a week later, people spotted his boat drifting in a lake, empty. Nitroglycerin tablets scattered at the bottom of the boat suggested that he had had a heart attack and fallen into the water.

Beets (seen in 1998) got two of her children to help her hide the bodies and tried to shift the blame onto them before being found guilty. (Texas Department of Criminal Justice/Reuters)
The notorious Black Widow of Texas was born in 1937 in North Carolina, the daughter of an alcoholic tobacco farmer. Betty would later accuse her father and other male relatives of ****** assault.
Her first marriage, to Robert Branson, lasted from 1952, when she was 15, to 1969, and produced six children.
By 1970, the shapely bottle blond had snared another man, Billy Lane. It was stormy from the start — he once broke her nose — and they split less than a year later.
After the divorce, Lane appeared one night at Betty's house. Her story is that he saw her at a bar with another man, flew into a rage, followed her home and threatened to kill her.
His story was that she had called him and begged him to come over. When he got there, she pulled a gun.

My mom, before she died, told me a story about her favorite male cousin who lived in Chicago. He was married to a really good looking woman and he thought they were happy, but she wanted out of the marriage. My mom's cousin was well off and gave her most anything she wanted. She divorced him anyway and married another man who she ended up murdering. I was a little boy about 7 or 8 and I remember thinking "I wonder if it's OK to do that?" I asked my mom that if you get married and you don't like who you married, it's OK to kill them? My mom kind of tilted her head and looked at me for what seemed like a minute, but was probably only a few seconds and said, "NO!"