Intimacy & Older Age

I'm 88 and my wife is 84. We have been married 63 years. We have 2 kids, 6 grandkids and 3 great grandkids. We obviously had sexual intercourse to have the 2 kids. However, for the last 40 years we have stopped having any sex or even show physical affection. We have simply become partners in our life experience. I never did like kissing anyone since I feared the passage of germs. I have not been able to even masturbate for the last 40 years.

So what? I am having a great life playing chess at Chess.com and Civilization VI at Steam.com. That has become my entire enjoyment.
 
Human beings are actually never too old to enjoy a happy and healthy sex life. Despite this, many people, young and old alike, are astounded at the idea of people remaining sexually active in their sixties and beyond. It is frequently assumed that older people lose their sexual desires or that they are physically unable to perform.

For the elders, the ability to remain sexually active is a major concern in their lives. Fear about the loss of sexual prowess in older males is common. Older women also express sexual desire, but may fear their interest is undignified and disgraceful. Some older people may even freely accept their interests in sex, but their children or grandchildren may disapprove, making them feel guilty.

The elderly often view sexuality as an expression of passion, affection, admiration, and loyalty, a renewal of romance, a general affirmation of life, especially the expression of joy and a continuing opportunity for growth and experience. In addition, sexual activity is a means for the elderly to affirm physical functioning, to maintain a strong sense of identity and establish self-confidence, and to prevent anxiety. It remains a mode of pure physical pleasure as well.

Whilst there is no conclusive evidence that frequent ejaculation reduces the risk of prostate cancer, it is a case of, use it or lose it. That's why my lady refers to sex as: "Looking after his prostate."
 
A little over 5 years ago things stopped. They just stopped. There has been a lot of discussion but no resolution. And it is not mutual. My question - If I like avocados and my partner doesn't, does that mean that I must never eat another avocado again, ever?
 
MikeyDude said:
A little over 5 years ago things stopped. They just stopped. There has been a lot of discussion but no resolution. And it is not mutual. My question - If I like avocados and my partner doesn't, does that mean that I must never eat another avocado again, ever?
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I'm sorry. I know that must be very frustrating but I read this, looked over at your avatar and thought " Well that answers that" šŸ™‚
Seriously though, and forgive me, have you brought up counseling? Seems like things would slow before they abruptly stop.
 
hearlady said:
I'm sorry. I know that must be very frustrating but I read this, looked over at your avatar and thought " Well that answers that" šŸ™‚
Seriously though, and forgive me, have you brought up counseling? Seems like things would slow before they abruptly stop.
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My avatar? Not too sure what that has to so with it? Don't you like Zantis? LOL

We tried counseling in the past and it went nowhere. Counseling has to be a 2 way street. It doesn't do much good to talk about something, then forget about the talk as soon as you're done with it. After a while you reach a point where you just stop trying because the effort is futile.

I just chalk it up to, "Oh - this is what we're doing now."
 
MikeyDude....speaking from experience sometimes in life we have to decide what is really important to us. Accept it or move on if no other options are available. What you should not do is be constantly upset. That is not healthy for either of you.

You probably already know this!
 
My husband and I have been married for 26 years and have been together several years before that as well. We have raised two grown daughters ages 25 and 22 and the 22 year old still lives with us. That being said we are both only 55 years old and still quite young and from what it seems very young for this site. Our intimate lifestyle is just as good if not better than the first time I was ever intimate with him back in college. I hope our intimacy goes on for decades.
 
My wife for the last 16 years has had no interest in intimacy. I understand her feeling, sheā€™s had ā€œfemaleā€ surgeries and I havenā€™t been able to perform since a major health issue 14 years ago. My problem is that I still love touching. I get a warm stimulation whenever I see her undressed, when we unexpectedly touch or sit close together. Several years ago we started discussing our differences toward intimacy. We had had conversations on and off since with no resolution yet. I want to start stimulating myself, which I know she will find weird. Any recommendations on how I can approach her to better accept my desires?
 
Showman51 said:
My wife for the last 16 years has had no interest in intimacy. I understand her feeling, sheā€™s had ā€œfemaleā€ surgeries and I havenā€™t been able to perform since a major health issue 14 years ago. My problem is that I still love touching. I get a warm stimulation whenever I see her undressed, when we unexpectedly touch or sit close together. Several years ago we started discussing our differences toward intimacy. We had had conversations on and off since with no resolution yet. I want to start stimulating myself, which I know she will find weird. Any recommendations on how I can approach her to better accept my desires?
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I'm 60 and still very interested in sex. My girlfriend of 5 years is 8 years younger. She has lost almost all interest in sex. It's frustrating. I also wonder if it's sex with ME she has no interest in.
 
Most people are reluctant to say that they have no desire or ability for intimacy at all ages and everyone exaggerates on this subject. False bravado.
A joke. A neighbor tells lady next door that her husband is chasing some women. She says." So what?"He says ," don't you care?" She says " not really. I let my dog chase cars but even if he catches one he still won't be able to drive it"
 
SeaBreeze said:
I agree. We have been married for 46 years and living together even longer. We are both very much in love with each other still, and enjoy intimacy in our relationship, although not quite the same frequency as in our younger years. However, our bond is solid and strong, which is very comforting as we get older.
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My partner and I are the same. We might not be as physically intimate as we were when we were younger but we still enjoy holding hands together while walking ( which we do a lot of ).
We snuggle together while watching movies and absolutely love spooning each other.
We are definitely still deeply in love with each other
 
I have been married to my husband for 44 years and known him for 4 years prior to that. We have raised one daughter who is now 42 years old and we have a grand-daughter who is 16 years old. I enjoy intimate times with my husband still to this day as it was like we first met back when I was just 18 years old. The only difference is we both have a lot more wrinkles and grey hair. :)
 
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