Is it weird to realize you to know you will

B

Blessed

Well-known Member
possibly be on the internet forever. When we pass, chances are that an obit will published that others can access at any time in the future unless we inform our loved ones not to have to have access to that information. I do not want to be out there, I want a passing that is not is open to the public. Death should be a quite private thing. No one should have access to know to this information other than the family and close friends unless the person, the deceased want it published. What are your thoughts on this?

what the
 

Blessed said:
possibly be on the internet forever. When we pass, chances are that an obit will published that others can access at any time in the future unless we inform our loved ones not to have to have access to that information. I do not want to be out there, I want a passing that is not is open to the public. Death should be a quite private thing. No one should have access to know to this information other than the family and close friends unless the person, the deceased want it published. What are your thoughts on this?

what the
Click to expand...
Oh yeah. I agree. I've known people who passed but still have an open Facebook page. I don't know if that's good or bad. I have posted heavenly birthdays to them .🤷🏼‍♀️
 
Lewkat said:
I have instructed my son to make certain that there is no obituary, funeral or any of that. Instant cremation, Ashes to the winds since it signifies what a free spirit I was. He can let close friends and a what few relatives we have left know.
Click to expand...
I have done the same...
 
I stay in touch with a few FB friends that have died. I’m not the only one that remembers them and takes the time to post on their timelines.

I prepaid for a simple, inexpensive, direct cremation with no viewing, service, obituary, etc…

A simple stone is already in the family plot and the undertaker has been paid to have a final date added.

None of it is right or wrong, people should do what is comfortable and customary in their families.

When my grandfather died his calling hours were held at home. There were racks around the living room and dining room that held huge floral tributes, people brought enormous amounts of food, and there was a professional photographer that created an album for my grandmother.

Times change.
 
Lewkat said:
I have instructed my son to make certain that there is no obituary, funeral or any of that. Instant cremation, Ashes to the winds since it signifies what a free spirit I was. He can let close friends and a what few relatives we have left know.
Click to expand...
Agree. No obit, no funeral, but the family may have a service in my church, not the funeral home handling the cremation, no viewing.
My wife and children know what I want done with my ashes.
 
My last wishes for a traditional burial have already been made known to those who will be responsible for carrying them out. I don't care whether or not an obituary is published, but I have already written my own and it's on file with my estate documents, should they choose to use it. It is customary for the funeral home here to post an online obituary, and I have no objection to that.
 
I am pleasantly surprised to see that I am not the only one who has instructed my family to have no obit and no service, just cremation. I told my daughters they can either toss my ashes or leave them at the crematorium to be disposed of.

I think they thought the no-obit, no-service request was odd, but now I know I'm not alone in that.
 
KSav said:
I am pleasantly surprised to see that I am not the only one who has instructed my family to have no obit and no service, just cremation. I told my daughters they can either toss my ashes or leave them at the crematorium to be disposed of.

I think they thought the no-obit, no-service request was odd, but now I know I'm not alone in that.
Click to expand...
Several of my friends also have requested all this. Why waste a lot of money on a big send off? I am just an ordinary person, not some famous individual whose lives will be altered in any way by my passing.

I know what it cost my son when my daughter in law died. But her father and step mother insisted on this great big funeral with all the bells and whistles. Even she would have cringed at the inordinate amount of money all this cost.
 
Even though I want no posted obituary and no service I want to add something.

A guy I was friends with for many years died three weeks ago, his brother called to let me know and to tell me there will be no service or obituary. It's an unsettling feeling for him to just be gone, I've lost other friends and the service does give a bit of closure, he's the first of my friends to pass and no service or even an obit to read over. He and I were a lot alike so I can relate to his wishes, but it did make me reconsider my own final wishes, not enough to change them though.
 
This is a question I debate with my other half----my emotions. I do not want to be buried for many reasons but I do want to be cremated and my ashes can go anywhere someone wants to put them. As for an obit, could care less. I must say tho that having one is very helpful for genealogists.

I am 79 years old today and I woke up feeling wonderful.
 
I don't care what they do with me after I die, except that I want to be cremated (causes pollution) or perhaps donated to the Body Farm in TN. I actually prefer green burial, but going to the Body Farm seems to be more oriented toward continuing to give something positive to humanity after death. IOW, I do care, but haven't decided anything except I do not want to be buried in the traditional way.

An obituary is a waste of money, IMO. It's not like I am young or well-known. Also, I don't want anyone to have advance notice in case I want to haunt them.

https://fac.utk.edu/body-donation/

Green Burial Defined

The Environmental Impact and Potential Human Health Effects of Cremation
 
Last edited:
I love the internet having obits for people, like there was a thread asking what was the earliest birth year of the oldest relative you personally knew (something like that anyway), and I had fun searching the internet for grandparents and great aunt/uncles etc to find out their birth year.

Also I managed to find an obit for a cousin that I sometimes had wondered whether he was still alive. It had almost no info which was disappointing, just the state and year that he died. I wish it had said where he worked or anything.

I don't really understand the motive behind not wanting an obit, what harm does it do if someone is curious about when we died?

There was a person I was friends with in an online game, I had no idea who he/she was, but when they passed away I could tell from their profile pic (because they'd linked their facebook image and it had been updated by someone to indicate in memoriam). I had to search a bit to find the right Facebook account, but then I saw that he'd been an old veteran living in a retirement home in Texas etc and I left something (forget what, a heart or a comment) to indicate he was missed.
 
C50 said:
Even though I want no posted obituary and no service I want to add something.

A guy I was friends with for many years died three weeks ago, his brother called to let me know and to tell me there will be no service or obituary. It's an unsettling feeling for him to just be gone, I've lost other friends and the service does give a bit of closure, he's the first of my friends to pass and no service or even an obit to read over. He and I were a lot alike so I can relate to his wishes, but it did make me reconsider my own final wishes, not enough to change them though.
Click to expand...
You still have the option of giving your friend a final send off if it’s important to you.

Raise a glass, say a prayer, buy a needy kid a new coat or do some other kind and thoughtful deed in his name.

I compromised by having a stone in the family plot so anyone that cares can stop by and pay me a visit.
 
It is weird to me to know some online friends will be gone and I won't know it. When I accidentally start reading a thread that is five years old and see names of people I liked and communicated with daily it shakes me up a little to think they have probably died.

I have asked to be cremated and to have a traditional Christian service. I don't care if anyone shows up but I do want those words said over me.

I told my brother my final gift to him is that he doesn't have to say anything. (He shares my dread of public speaking.) My son can do or say whatever he will be most comfortable with. He comes from a long line on his father's side of people carrying grudges into eternity over something done or not done at the death of someone else.

I would like a bit of an obituary in the local paper so my book club will know I'm not just pouting over the poor book selection. Just a short obit, none of that, "Della's gone home to be with Jesus," because that might cause a lot of skeptical comments.
 
HoneyNut said:
I don't really understand the motive behind not wanting an obit, what harm does it do if someone is curious about when we died?
Click to expand...
I don't either. I don't care if one is published in the newspaper, but the funeral home here who will be in charge of my remains charges nothing to post an obituary on their website. I know and like people who live here. Hopefully my cousin will notify them by phone, but they may not, or may miss some. If there is an obituary, at least people in my community can get the information online.
 
Blessed said:
possibly be on the internet forever. When we pass, chances are that an obit will published that others can access at any time in the future unless we inform our loved ones not to have to have access to that information. I do not want to be out there, I want a passing that is not is open to the public. Death should be a quite private thing. No one should have access to know to this information other than the family and close friends unless the person, the deceased want it published. What are your thoughts on this?

what the
Click to expand...

I got a message a few days ago linking me to an obit site. There I found out that a friend from many moons ago had passed. To my shame we had lost contact for a few years, and now he's gone. I only know it was cancer.

I have managed to find his wife's Social Media pages, and we are now in dialog.

For myself, I don't think anyone will be much interested in my passing. But, in the case of Neal (my friend) finding out of his passed (at 62) was a grim reminder that we're all here only fleetingly.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top