"Just managing", (a discussion about those seemingly intent on "managing" anything and everything!)

grahamg

grahamg

Old codger
Location
South of Manchester, UK
We all probably would like to think we're helpful people whenever we can be, so those people who are perhaps more guilty than most of trying to manage anything and everything going on around them, can have an excuse for their "helpfulness", (otherwise known as treating you like a child, and questioning every decision you make, and expecting you to justify yourself all the time!).,

No doubt we're all prone to see things differently alot of the time, and my dear mother, who could certainly be a control freak at times, would also emphasise the need for "positive neglect" as she'd call it, whereby you allow your children some space to make their own mistakes, and not be on at them all the time.

As I've said we're all different, and for many with very busy lives, feeling in control of whatever might seem absolutely essential all the time, but as a good friend of mine once said to her partner, (who was maybe trying to control everything), "Whatever happened to spontaneity"?
 

A bit of research:
"Controlling people try to control others or situations. They may do so out of anxiety because they worry that if they do not maintain control, things will go wrong. Others adopt controlling behaviors to assert dominance, and this is a form of abuse. To an extent, everyone tries to control what happens in their lives."

Causes of Controlling Behavior

The most common are anxiety disorders and personality disorders. People with anxiety disorders feel a need to control everything around them in order to feel at peace. They may not trust anyone else to handle things the way they will.

Another source says this:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ho-cant-control-themselves-try-control-others

Quote:
"They picture me as the eternal "rugged individualist," advocating an "I don't need anybody attitude" and ignoring people's healthy dependency needs. Needless to say, these are not easy people to win over. But it happens more often than not and it's interesting how this occurs.

First off, I point out that if I was advocating an "I am a rock, I am an island" philosophy, I wouldn't be talking about their impact on other people!

Next, I tell them a basic theorum of my Crucible Approach, which makes even the most defensive listener nod in agreement: People who can't control themselves control the people around them.

To help folks see the profoundness of this notion, I offer different mental images that include:
  1. People who can't control their emotions, like their anger or hair-trigger temper.
  2. People who are insanely jealous or stalking their partner.
  3. Emotionally insecure people who demand constant affirmation from others.
  4. People who abuse drugs and alcohol as ways of anesthetizing their feelings, dampening their anxieties, or drowning their sorrows.
  5. Parents who push their children to be outstanding athletes, musicians, artists, or students because the parents need the reflected glory"
 

Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: RFW
More research on control freaks, (I may have referenced this site before?):
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/insight-is-2020/201604/5-signs-you-are-dealing-control-freak

Quote:
"1. Correcting people when they're wrong

People with a high need for control often feel the need to correct others when they're wrong. They correct someone due to an irrational argument; they correct spelling or pronunciation; they correct details of what happened in the past; they correct bad manners; they correct people when they do something wrong or inappropriate. It's important to understand, though, that underneath the motivation to correct others is the belief that they are usually—or always—right.

2. Always trying to win the argument or have the last word

High-control men and women are difficult to have relationships with because they like to set the rules—and subsequently enforce them. They act superior to others and are determined to show everyone that they are the most practical, logical, and intelligent person in any crowd.

3. Refusal to admit when they're wrong

Hands down, one of the traits that most annoys friends, romantic partners, and colleagues is the refusal on the part of high-control men and women to admit when they are wrong. It could be the smallest, simplest issue, but high-control people don't care—they just want to make sure they don't admit they were wrong. Their thinking is distorted to the point that they believe others may use their admission against them or will perceive them as incompetent or foolish because of one simple error. As a rule, these individuals present all-or-nothing, black-or-white thinking; dealing with anything in between is uncomfortable for them.

4. Judging or criticizing others

Some of the most judgmental individuals you will ever meet are men and women with a high need for control. They are highly principled, with opinions on everything from how people should hold their fork to how people should live their entire lives. These men and women have an answer for everything, and they come across as sanctimonious or hypocritical to those who know them well.

5. Driving with rage

People with a high need for control often get very frustrated while driving. They believe they are the only ones who know how to drive correctly. They often put other drivers down, make nasty faces at them, or even curse or issue profanities when someone on the road does something that bothers them. Yet the most common problem with high-control men and women on the road is their own impatience. They get annoyed because drivers go too slow or too fast. They treat pedestrians as interference getting in the way of accomplishing their goals. Again, in the minds of these individuals, it's all about them and they don't spend time trying to imagine what anyone else thinks or feels in the same situation.

The takeaway

High-control men and women, the people we call "control freaks," engage in a series of behaviors that frustrate others and cause resentment. These individuals operate the way they do because they believe that they need to in order to meet their needs and accomplish their goals. If you see yourself in some of these high-control behaviors, take a step back and ask yourself whether you are exhausted from always trying to control everything. If you see someone you love in these behaviors, it's time to have a chat about what bothers you, so that your resentments don't get worse, jeopardizing the future of the relationship. If you point out to a high-control man or woman that you have a problem with them, give them a few concrete examples of what they do that bothers you—and give them time to work on changing."
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top