just one post from me

JaniceM

JaniceM

Well-known Member
Location
still lost between two shores..
Last night I was so distraught I couldn’t sleep. And I’m one of those people who almost never gets even slightly rattled by much of anything. I guess it came down to the last straw.

For a few days I’d been gathering info to contribute to a thread- interesting thread, and the topic was interesting to me for personal reasons- but it occurred to me ‘why bother,’ as no one is really interested in anything I say anyway.

When I was reading the thread though, I noticed posts/comments that again showed my place- or lack thereof. Individual was posting about sharing pictures, members ‘knowing’ various things, etc., and it had something in common with posts I’d seen from others that said their ‘friends’ on SF knew their real names, etc.

I’ve been a member since 2017. To the best of my recollection I’ve only known 3 members’ real names, and that’s only because they wrote books. To the best of my recollection only 2 people ever sent me direct messages, one who just wanted to complain about nearly everybody on the forum and the other who had basic questions/comments about forum.

I’ve also noticed when I contact anyone the members generally reply to a question or comment, and that’s it- unless I push and push, I never hear from them again. I’m not in the habit of pushing myself on people; if people don’t want to hear from me I don’t make an issue of it.

I’m also not in the habit of pushing in where I’m not wanted- but that seems to be what I continued to do here on SF for years. I have no idea what I’ve been doing wrong, but whatever criteria individuals have for considering people to be their ‘friends,’ I’ve never made the grade. Even after 5+ years, it’s like “being on the outside, looking in.”

And for whatever reason no one thinks I’m interesting enough, or attractive enough, or important enough to want to get to know as a person, I’m tired of being an outsider. I think it’s been more than long enough to try to be Accepted yet somehow failing every step of the way.
 

JaniceM said:
Last night I was so distraught I couldn’t sleep. And I’m one of those people who almost never gets even slightly rattled by much of anything. I guess it came down to the last straw.

For a few days I’d been gathering info to contribute to a thread- interesting thread, and the topic was interesting to me for personal reasons- but it occurred to me ‘why bother,’ as no one is really interested in anything I say anyway.

When I was reading the thread though, I noticed posts/comments that again showed my place- or lack thereof. Individual was posting about sharing pictures, members ‘knowing’ various things, etc., and it had something in common with posts I’d seen from others that said their ‘friends’ on SF knew their real names, etc.



I’ve been a member since 2017. To the best of my recollection I’ve only known 3 members’ real names, and that’s only because they wrote books. To the best of my recollection only 2 people ever sent me direct messages, one who just wanted to complain about nearly everybody on the forum and the other who had basic questions/comments about forum. I’ve also noticed when I contact anyone the members generally reply to a question or comment, and that’s it- unless I push and push, I never hear from them again. I’m not in the habit of pushing myself on people; if people don’t want to hear from me I don’t make an issue of it. I’m also not in the habit of pushing in where I’m not wanted- but that seems to be what I continued to do here on SF for years. I have no idea what I’ve been doing wrong, but whatever criteria individuals have for considering people to be their ‘friends,’ I’ve never made the grade. Even after 5+ years, it’s like “being on the outside, looking in.”

And for whatever reason no one thinks I’m interesting enough, or attractive enough, or important enough to want to get to know as a person, I’m tired of being an outsider. I think it’s been more than long enough to try to be Accepted yet somehow failing every step of the way.
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That sucks. Are you on any other forums? That might help to spread your eggs into more baskets. Of course real life might be even better but who can remember? We stopped going to the Y which had been a regular place to socialize too. But we’re in permanent lock down owing to my wife’s medical conditions. So it pretty much got to be virtual now. Not ideal.
 
Do not look at it that way. This is a place anyone can share what is going on in daily life and struggles. A place to pour out your heart. Your fears, your sadness, your struggle. It is also a place to share your joy, your passions, your accomplishments.

We maybe different but we are all the same. We all need to talk, have connections, to be heard. Just let this place be somewhere you can put it out there, for the most part you will not be judged in any way.
 
JaniceM said:
And for whatever reason no one thinks I’m interesting enough, or attractive enough, or important enough to want to get to know as a person, I’m tired of being an outsider. I think it’s been more than long enough to try to be Accepted yet somehow failing every step of the way.
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Don't sweat it - I'm already getting messages from people demanding that I don't tell them my name!
 
Janice, have you ever been the first to send people messages rather than waiting for others to PM you? ..or follow up with PM's ?

Try not to get despondent about this.. I've been here 9 years.. and I only know a handful of people's real names, because in truth when I receive or send a Pm for most reasons I sign myself off as Holly..not my real name...and that's for everyone except my closest friends

There's probably 7 or 8 people who know my real name... which is a pretty low number for 9 years.., only because I don't give it..Holly is perfectly acceptable...

Those who do know my real name and I theirs, have been here generally speaking for as long as I have.. or have been the first to tell me their real name..

Don't go thinking that people are having a forum life behind the scenes and you're being left out.. mostly it's not the case.. The truth is those who constantly PM behind the scenes are usually those who like to stir trouble... Occasional friendly PM's are a different thing..

I have several people here who I would class as close friends because when I was going through a very bad time, they were the ones who reached out to me, and stayed with me and cared enough to get me through it..

Oh ETA... also there's a couple of members here who I knew from British forums.. Pre this one.. so longer than 9 years ago...
 
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@JaniceM, When people open their hearts, like you just did, others are going to take notice!
@Blessed said it best. Don't think I can improve on what she said.
Personally, I mostly just babble! I don't have any interaction with anyone except for this forum.
This is a place where you can talk about your feelings, (as you just did) or be corny.
Others don't bring you happiness. You make your own happiness.
They can accept your words or deny them It doesn't matter.
You know what's true and real. This is a place you can express anything., (almost)
People DO read and give worth to other's opinions. Don't you go away!
 
JaniceM said:
And for whatever reason no one thinks I’m interesting enough, or attractive enough
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Well, I looked at this thread;

(1) Whatcha’ll look like now, hmmmm? | Page 12 | Senior Forums

And yer pic was no longer available

'Attractive enough'

The intent of that thread is not so much how attractive folks are, but what one looks like at our age
Character lines seem to define what we've all been thru or put ourselves thru
Get a certain age, it happens

I have noticed your likes and loves, of which also defines a person....

Anyway, I think yer a sweet lady and would miss your contributions...
 
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I guess I'll throw my two cents in here although I'm a newbie. I've enjoyed the posts of yours I've seen, @JaniceM . I didn't even know that "real names" was a thing to hide and blurted mine out even in my handle. 🤭 I also didn't know how private messages were thought of/accepted here, or if that was something to avoid doing... I joined because I really *really* wanted to see if there could be some genuine friendships formed since I'm pretty much "alone" emotionally except for immediate family. Oh well, I'll live and learn. If friendships form in messages or even email, I'd be thrilled... but if not, I'm enjoying every minute I spend here and that's a very good thing, too.
 
I should not dare to leave my friend,
Because—because if he should die
While I was gone—and I—too late—
Should reach the Heart that wanted me—

If I should disappoint the eyes
That hunted—hunted so—to see—
And could not bear to shut until
They "noticed" me—they noticed me—

If I should stab the patient faith
So sure I'd come—so sure I'd come—
It listening—listening—went to sleep—
Telling my tardy name—

My Heart would wish it broke before—
Since breaking then—since breaking then—
Were useless as next morning's sun—
Where midnight frosts—had lain!

Emily Dickinson
 
Janice, I go out of my way to not give my real name. There’s a forum that I’ve been on for over a dozen years. One fellow was very interesting and we discussed some things in PMs, mostly political stuff, nothing bad. One day the owner sent me a link to his prison history. He’d spent 7 years in jail and was/is a registered pedophile. Sometimes you’re just better off knowing some people. It’s so hard to know, so I avoid PM chat.

I always recognize you when you’re posting and that makes you one of my ‘online friends.’ I hope that’s ok.
 
You're not doing anything wrong @JaniceM. I haven't been here as long as you have, and I don't consider myself on the inside or the outside, I'm just here. I read more than I post and don't respond to everything. I've occasionally posted threads and most times very few people respond, but I'll continue posting about what interests me. If people respond, great, if they don't, oh well.

I know I'm not everyone's cuppa cappuccino, and there are some people here that I'm not particularly fond of. There are a few members who like to boast about "knowing" things as if they have a secret inside track on information not generally known to others, or about how long and how well they know other members and what good friends they are. That's just the way it is on social media platforms.

You said you've made the first move and reached out to others. That's all you can do. If they're disinterested, move on, there are others who might be interested.

As far as sharing "real" names, my real nickname is Bella and on a forum, that's as real as it's gonna get.

I like you and your posts. I consider you my friend. :) If I've been remiss in responding to you, I'm sorry. I'll try to remedy that in the future. You have a place, and it's here with us. Please don't go anywhere. 🤗


Bella ✌️
 
When I was just a guest on Senior Forums, not yet a member, I would often see threads I wanted to respond to or had ideas for a thread subject. But once I became a member I found I often felt like I had nothing to contribute to a thread or was just repeating what had already been said. Sometimes I felt as you do, Janice M, that no one really had interest in what I had to say. I’ve never initiated a thread topic myself even though I’ve thought surely to God I can think up a thread idea. Haven’t so far.

I don’t know any member’s real name. They don’t know mine. I personally don’t feel the need to know. I’ve never sent or received a direct message. Don’t really know how to. Maybe I don’t have my settings right.

I still feel like I know some of the members. I want to know what Katlupe is doing; I worry about her elevator. I want to know what Gary O is building in his shop. I enjoy Hollydolly’s photos and descriptions of life in England as I’ll never get to visit there. I could name probably 15 more members I care about though they would not be aware of it.

I hope you’ll stay, JaniceM, and keep contributing. It takes all of us to keep Senior Forums active and engaging.
 
I have mostly enjoyed my stay and indeed felt supported in a time when I needed to spout off about things going on in my life.
However, I do wonder (and sometimes worry} , when I make a post, about the reaction with one of those emojis, never quite sure about it and also wonder about no reaction at all from one member who is otherwise busy reacting to other people.

Then I think...did I say the wrong thing, was I too naughty:unsure: but then I just let it go.........................................
I am not concerned about knowing the real name of people just happy to have them the way they are.
My posts are not on an intellectual level coz I am here for lighthearted fun and camaraderie ( had to Google that for spelling:p ) but I have spouted off a few times.
So dear @JaniceM , keep on posting, we need you.
 
Nathan said:
@JaniceM , I've always thought highly of you, please don't feel badly. 🌹
I never noticed if this forum can do friend requests, but I'll have to check that out. ;)
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Now that you mentioned this, @Nathan , I didn't remember if I did any settings for that in preferences so I went to look. I don't see a friend request, just a follow. But I did notice that we can choose who can send us private messages. I have "members only" marked... I assume that's the best way? Wouldn't letting non-members write invite spam? Or maybe I'm missing something? I'd enjoy getting messages, but I didn't know that people not members here could write to members. How does that work?
 


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