Loneliness After Retirement

A

annele

New Member
I retired 3 years ago from a career in elementary education. I loved my job, had a good group of friends, and had many exiting adventures living/working overseas. I left international teaching to return stateside because my first grandson was born. At that point, I continued to teach until the COVID debacle ran rampant in public schools. It was time to give it up.

Retirement has not been an easy transition. Many retired friends have moved or suddenly became distant. Most still have spouses and they embarked on the quintessential retirement lifestyle of spending all their time together. As a divorced woman of many years, I am tired of being a third or fifth or seventh wheel in social situations. I began to withdraw more and more until I now find myself very lonely, looking for new friends and companions. But this seems to be a very difficult search. My current unstructured life, lack of interesting/fun social life, and having no "purpose" are causing depression. I want to create a new life but am a loss at how to make this happen. Does anyone else have these same issues? If so, what are you doing to change the situation? Meetup groups, dating websites, joining clubs - do any of these work for you?

I currently live in New Jersey and am beginning to explore the idea of cohabitation groups in the NJ/PA area. Any leads?
 

in most cases others will not solve our own personal lonelinesses - we do have to make decisions that will solve it ourselves hard though it may be - but the seeking of alternatives can be interesting if not exciting - I usually start by reading local notices on the library/woolworths/post office and any other wall available - it is truly amazing wots out there at the tap of a phone and sometimes even with an offer of transport. The secret is imo that WE have to reach out ourselves - others will not reach in for us? welcome Annele!
 

WELCOME !!! šŸ’
Annele, I am one who retired and spends time with my husband.
Most of my friends were from work.
If I wasn't married I would definitely join some senior clubs and/or volunteer somewhere.
Our senior center has a hiking club that sounds interesting.
I've also gotten to know my neighbors better as I get out and walk around the circle.
It's hard to put yourself out there but gets easier if you practice.
Thank you for your service as a teacher. One of the hardest jobs these days IMO.
 
Hi Annele.. I think many of us find ourselves in a similar position as yours after Divorce and or Retirement.

I live in a rural area so that doesn't help either..

anyway you'll find many people here to chat to when you want to...




welcome-London-Big-ben.webp
 
davey said:
in most cases others will not solve our own personal lonelinesses - we do have to make decisions that will solve it ourselves hard though it may be - but the seeking of alternatives can be interesting if not exciting - I usually start by reading local notices on the library/woolworths/post office and any other wall available - it is truly amazing wots out there at the tap of a phone and sometimes even with an offer of transport. The secret is imo that WE have to reach out ourselves - others will not reach in for us? welcome Annele!
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So true about taking responsibility for yourself and not expecting others to pave the way for you. Thanks for the leads on where to look for new opportunities.
 
Welcome, yes you are right, it is not an easy transition. I am also alone, widowed and have struggled quite a bit the last few years. The only thing I can suggest is to look at what is available in your community.

Since you have the background maybe volunteer in your local school system helping during lunch time or recess. Your local library may also be a good place to help. Those things would give you needed social contact and help you build a network of new friends.
 
Join the Local Theatre Group don't have to act there are numerous off-stage things to do, I have done this when moving to a new area, and have had a great time and made new friends for life! type: "New Jersey amateur theatre group" in Google there are many in your neck of the woods. "Just do it"
 
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You seem to be a people person so I understand your plight. I on the other hand am not, and actually enjoy the solitude and not having to put up with the jerks you inevitably run across when socializing. To each their own and welcome from PA.
 
@annele Hello and welcome to Senior Forums! It's been awhile since you posted....hope you haven't given up on us.

It seems you have been able to handle your employment well, so as you have made the turn into retirement, I am sure you will be able to adapt to the new challenges of this part of your life as well. Don't be a stranger.

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annele said:
I retired 3 years ago from a career in elementary education. I loved my job, had a good group of friends, and had many exiting adventures living/working overseas. I left international teaching to return stateside because my first grandson was born. At that point, I continued to teach until the COVID debacle ran rampant in public schools. It was time to give it up.

Retirement has not been an easy transition. Many retired friends have moved or suddenly became distant. Most still have spouses and they embarked on the quintessential retirement lifestyle of spending all their time together. As a divorced woman of many years, I am tired of being a third or fifth or seventh wheel in social situations. I began to withdraw more and more until I now find myself very lonely, looking for new friends and companions. But this seems to be a very difficult search. My current unstructured life, lack of interesting/fun social life, and having no "purpose" are causing depression. I want to create a new life but am a loss at how to make this happen. Does anyone else have these same issues? If so, what are you doing to change the situation? Meetup groups, dating websites, joining clubs - do any of these work for you?

I currently live in New Jersey and am beginning to explore the idea of cohabitation groups in the NJ/PA area. Any leads?
Click to expand...
Howdy, annele. Yes, I'm in a similar situation. I never had many friends to begin with, and I didn't maintain the friendships with the ones I did have. Though always a loner, I read often how important a social life is to one's health as we age. Success in meeting new people and establishing friendships is still just out of my grasp, though not for lack of trying. Meetup.com hasn't worked for me the way I'd hoped, so here I am on seniorforums.

FWIW - thank you for your education service. We should revere and reward teachers at the highest levels. All the best to you with your efforts. Here's wishing us both luck :)
 

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