Lonely But Not Alone

LindaB

Member
I'm sure I'm not the only one but I am 72, married for 36 years and I do love my husband. He is 5 years younger than me and is still working. Unfortunately he loves working crazy hours, like 2 AM on. Even when he's not working, he's up in the middle of the night. It's like we live on different planets. He goes to bed by 6 PM . He gets up when I'm going to bed. I spend every evening alone. Thank heaven for my dogs. We really have nothing in common any more. I'm just really lonely and I'm trying to find ways to cope. Armchair therapist suggestions?
 

hollydolly

SF VIP
Location
London England
I'm sure I'm not the only one but I am 72, married for 36 years and I do love my husband. He is 5 years younger than me and is still working. Unfortunately he loves working crazy hours, like 2 AM on. Even when he's not working, he's up in the middle of the night. It's like we live on different planets. He goes to bed by 6 PM . He gets up when I'm going to bed. I spend every evening alone. Thank heaven for my dogs. We really have nothing in common any more. I'm just really lonely and I'm trying to find ways to cope. Armchair therapist suggestions?
well for a start you've made the right move by coming here and having all of us to chat to .. :) I don't know where you are situated but we have people from the USA/Canada/ The UK./ Australia and more on here so people at all times of the day and night to chat to if you want some company..
 

Gaer

Senior Member
I'll add my 2 cents! Treasure him! Treasure every single moment with him. Light up and run and kiss him when he walks in the door. Don't sit alone while he's sleeping! Crawl in bed with him! Snuggle up to him! Pretend this is the first time you've ever been with him! Give him LOVE!!!!!
Nothing in common? MAKE things in common! Get up at 3 AM with him and make him hot cocao or an omelet! Find out what interests him and develop a STONG interest in it! Be exciting! Be fresh! Be new! Play the music he loves. Cook the food he loves! Give all you are to him!
Adapt your schedule to HIS. Be asleep when he's asleep and be up when he's up! be there for himinEVERY WAY!
You don't know what a great gift it is to find love! To have this man as your own! Just love him like crazy!!!!! That's all i have to say.
 

I'll add my 2 cents! Treasure him! Treasure every single moment with him. Light up and run and kiss him when he walks in the door. Don't sit alone while he's sleeping! Crawl in bed with him! Snuggle up to him! Pretend this is the first time you've ever been with him! Give him LOVE!!!!!
Nothing in common? MAKE things in common! Get up at 3 AM with him and make him hot cocao or an omelet! Find out what interests him and develop a STONG interest in it! Be exciting! Be fresh! Be new! Play the music he loves. Cook the food he loves! Give all you are to him!
Adapt your schedule to HIS. Be asleep when he's asleep and be up when he's up! be there for himinEVERY WAY!
You don't know what a great gift it is to find love! To have this man as your own! Just love him like crazy!!!!! That's all i have to say.
Well said, Gaer.
 

Ronni

The motormouth ;)
Location
Nashville TN
I'll add my 2 cents! Treasure him! Treasure every single moment with him. Light up and run and kiss him when he walks in the door. Don't sit alone while he's sleeping! Crawl in bed with him! Snuggle up to him! Pretend this is the first time you've ever been with him! Give him LOVE!!!!!
Nothing in common? MAKE things in common! Get up at 3 AM with him and make him hot cocao or an omelet! Find out what interests him and develop a STONG interest in it! Be exciting! Be fresh! Be new! Play the music he loves. Cook the food he loves! Give all you are to him!
Adapt your schedule to HIS. Be asleep when he's asleep and be up when he's up! be there for himinEVERY WAY!
You don't know what a great gift it is to find love! To have this man as your own! Just love him like crazy!!!!! That's all i have to say.
I get where you’re coming from in terms of working to create the kind of relationship you want.

It’s not however a one sided endeavor. It takes two people, working in unison, to breathe new life into a relationship.
 
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gennie

Senior Member
Location
USA
I was going to say, don't feel bad because some of the loneliest people I know are married but on second thought, why not try what Gaer suggests? Sounds like fun and whatcha got to lose? By the way, welcome.
 

Gaer

Senior Member
Oh! i gotta say more, I'm sorry! Please don't be apathetic! Apathy is the death of love! Find what brought you together the first time. There was some reason you married him! Try to find that again! Don't even think about yourself and how YOU feel. THINK ABOUT HIM!!!
Love should be Extraordinary! Exciting, Amazing! Magical! You have that inside you! Mediocre love is not worth anything. Don't let it happen! Look for ways to make him feel happy and wonderful! Not you. HIM!!!
I'm not saying your feelings don't matter. They DO! But you need to bring back some magic in your marriage! Try it! You can do this!
Make love to him inevery way all the time. FEEL LOVE! FEEL IT!!!! OK. I'm done.
 

peppermint

Senior Member
Location
East Coast
Linda B, That is so sad....I won't give you some stupid thing to do....But Gear summoned it up...Try it.....You never know....He is your husband
so stay close....
 

Kaila

SF VIP
I would talk with him, and try to come up with a plan, together.
Remind each other of things you used to have in common, and then try to find one of those you are both still interested in, or a new interest that you could both share, and then, make a plan together, to do something that involves it.
 

Gaer

Senior Member
Sorry,Don't mean to butt in again but one more thing. This is important. Don't ever complain. Don't talk about your aches and pains. Don't gossip. Don't ever ctiticize. if you give up these things, wonderful things will begin to happen in your life!
Your entire life will begin to change! This is REAL magic!!!
 

hollydolly

SF VIP
Location
London England
Oh for goodness sakes.. poor LindaB... this lady has signed up for someone to chat with and pass the time with... and she's getting lectured on her marriage of 36 years.. !! Wow, don't you think at 72 years old and 36 years together that she knows how to treat her man.. good grief, give the woman a break she's come here to chat not for marriage guidance from people who don't even know her circumstances !!

Linda.. don't feel you have to justify your marriage or your self here.. come and join us on another happier thread or on the games section.. 🤗
 
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EllisT

New Member
Location
West Texas
Oh! i gotta say more, I'm sorry! Please don't be apathetic! Apathy is the death of love! Find what brought you together the first time. There was some reason you married him! Try to find that again! Don't even think about yourself and how YOU feel. THINK ABOUT HIM!!!
Love should be Extraordinary! Exciting, Amazing! Magical! You have that inside you! Mediocre love is not worth anything. Don't let it happen! Look for ways to make him feel happy and wonderful! Not you. HIM!!!
I'm not saying your feelings don't matter. They DO! But you need to bring back some magic in your marriage! Try it! You can do this!
Make love to him inevery way all the time. FEEL LOVE! FEEL IT!!!! OK. I'm done.
post of the evening right here!
 
Well, regardless of how you may choose to handle your situation, Linda, welcome to the forum. I've been a widow for many years, and have one son who himself was recently widowed. Yes, I am alone but I rarely feel lonely. I guess my dog and of course before I retired, what with my profession and raising my son, I was a rather busy bee. Now, in the days of advanced technology, I am happily chatting on places such as this forum and just enjoying meeting all the wonderful people world wide. I was able to do this in person when I was young, but big time traveling is not something I am wont to to these days. I just got over having had the COVID-19 virus and thankfully survived it fairly unscathed. I, like you have my dog with me and I talk with my son a lot. So, now I am off to read a good book. I hope your situation improves soon and your loneliness won't be an issue for you.
 

win231

Well-known Member
Location
CA
I'm sure I'm not the only one but I am 72, married for 36 years and I do love my husband. He is 5 years younger than me and is still working. Unfortunately he loves working crazy hours, like 2 AM on. Even when he's not working, he's up in the middle of the night. It's like we live on different planets. He goes to bed by 6 PM . He gets up when I'm going to bed. I spend every evening alone. Thank heaven for my dogs. We really have nothing in common any more. I'm just really lonely and I'm trying to find ways to cope. Armchair therapist suggestions?
Have you thought about a medical issue? I'm 67 & I often have trouble sleeping due to severe tinnitus & diabetes - I'll have rapid blood sugar swings, both up and down that make sleep impossible. And neuropathy & leg pain from varicose veins, etc. Maybe discuss that possibility with him.
BTW, my usual bedtime is 2:00am. But when I can't sleep, it's sometimes 3:00am, 4:00am, 5:00am or 6:00am. :)

ETA: It's 3:00am now & I just got up. Couldn't sleep.
 
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SeaBreeze

Endlessly Groovin'
Location
USA
I'm sure I'm not the only one but I am 72, married for 36 years and I do love my husband. He is 5 years younger than me and is still working. Unfortunately he loves working crazy hours, like 2 AM on. Even when he's not working, he's up in the middle of the night. It's like we live on different planets. He goes to bed by 6 PM . He gets up when I'm going to bed. I spend every evening alone. Thank heaven for my dogs. We really have nothing in common any more. I'm just really lonely and I'm trying to find ways to cope. Armchair therapist suggestions?
@LindaB , first of all, congratulations on your long marriage, my hubby and I have been married for over forty years and having such a long term relationship is very special and always has some challenges. We both retired at the same time, so it must be hard for you to still have him working at such odd hours. That's hard to keep up with, I wouldn't even try, I certainly wouldn't bend over backwards trying to insert yourself into his busy schedule.

Are there any days he doesn't work that you two can spend some time together at home, have a nice dinner and chat with each other? I would definitely shoot for that goal, to spend a little time letting each other know you still care. Honestly though, aside from his hectic work life, there are a lot of folks in marriages where the love is there, but there is loneliness. Have you had a heart to heart with him to express how lonely you're feeling? Does he show you affection often, even a little hug or kiss when its a slow time?

Do you have a friend who you can talk to, spend time with and do things with? That would help if you did. As already mentioned, the members here are very caring and there are many interesting threads, posts, pictures, videos, etc. to browse through when you have time.

What kind of dogs do you have, do you take them out for daily walks? I take my dog to the park every day, he follows me around the house like my shadow. :)
 

Ronni

The motormouth ;)
Location
Nashville TN
I was married for 30+ years to an abusive, controlling man, and felt extremely lonely in that relationship. Please understand, I'm not for a moment suggesting your husband is dysfunctional, just that one can feel lonely even surrounded by people.

I'm not sure what you're looking for here. You asked us to be armchair therapists. In what regard? Are you wanting to be counseled about how YOU can feel better about your situation? Or are you looking for suggestions regarding ways to fix your husband?
 

old medic

Member
Location
Western NC
Even when he's not working, he's up in the middle of the night. It's like we live on different planets. He goes to bed by 6 PM
Honey.... Is that you???? I thought you were 5 years younger than me???? And we've only been married 35 years....
I always joked that the secret to our long marriage was to buy a big house, work opposite shifts and just stay the hell away from each other.
2.5 years now in a 225 SqFt camper and she aint killed me yet....

On the serious side, 1st off welcome from NC. Congrads on the 36 years. Gaer's reply is awesome, but again it cant be one sided.
People and their interest change over time, and the key is to accept and fall in love with the new person....
Definitely talk to him about your your feelings, Find some new common grounds and enjoy life...
 

LindaB

Member
Original Poster
Sorry,Don't mean to butt in again but one more thing. This is important. Don't ever complain. Don't talk about your aches and pains. Don't gossip. Don't ever ctiticize. if you give up these things, wonderful things will begin to happen in your life!
Your entire life will begin to change! This is REAL magic!!!
 

LindaB

Member
Original Poster
I get where you’re coming from in terms of working to create the kind of relationship you want.

It’s not however a one sided endeavor. It takes two people, working in unison, to breathe new life into a relationship.
 

LindaB

Member
Original Poster
Thank you, Ronni. Please don't assume that I sit around feeling sorry for myself.
I get where you’re coming from in terms of working to create the kind of relationship you want.

It’s not however a one sided endeavor. It takes two people, working in unison, to breathe new life into a relationship.
 

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