Lonely in your empty nest?

D

Dora

New Member
Does anyone else feel a longing for your adult children? I have a daughter, age 23. We don't live together and I live alone. She's told me that I need to have other things that feed my self-esteem other than her. I tried living with someone I met through online dating. That was disastrous for 2 years but I stayed in that relationship until I realized I was more lonely in the relationship than without it. I've tried volunteer work. I've tried meeting other people. I'm trying online dating. But nothing really fills the loneliness I feel. It takes a long time for another person to know you. What are some things you do that actually work to prevent loneliness?
 

You are obviously someone who needs the companionship of other people....which is perfectly natural. Don't you belong to any groups or clubs? A person's religious beliefs brings them into contact with like-minded people.
We are all different. I've raised a family but I live alone now, and it suits me very well. I do my best to avoid people, but that's just me being unsociable. I prefer the company of my pets.
 
It sure is a shame that when you hardly realize it your growing older it seems at a rate all too fast.

It's not funny, that this is not what I had planned, it seems was hidden to find out after giving birth to your children they don't care to visit at all.

I too tried living with someone, I was not a happy camper something wasn't right.
I did love him though, abuse was not a good factor

You sound as many people do feel.
Including myself. And I have a grandson I do not see. Before the Covid-19 came along he was here with his father though he left in a flash as I thought we would all share a home together.

He did mention his grandmother would had loved seeing her grandson too. Before she died. And I guess he blames me. He's so mean about this he left in a rush must had planned to as he was on the phone. He Wanted me to buy him a new iphone since his was cracked probably because maybe my daughter (not the daughter who gave birth to my grandson) from my first marriage bought it for him. They all live 5 hours away from me in another state.

He told me he was moving to Mississppi, I do not believe he did
I feel he is in my home state with the rest of them.

It's not a good picture yet I can understand your loneliness.

I read, watch movies, keep saying I will finish the hobbies I started.
Now I am making a mad dash around this apartment to clean out the long closet. Inspection how I dislike it I can't do everything fast enough and I have one day left.
Will I be homeless too. God help me. This is a time I wish my ex was faithfully in love with me.
He is strong and 6 feet tall. But sweet one time and mean another when he wanted something too much out of his reach.
Reading and dvds from Netflix. Some I buy.
Sometimes working out. If you can walks in the park unless the rains appear. Online recipes.
Now I am buried under spring cleaning with one day for inspection annual every three months for bed bugs nice isn't it. I feel I'm in jail. I better be quiet saying to much negs ruffles up the feathers of some of these seniors from a more privilege living arrangements.

Most are wonderful people hear helps with the loneliness
 

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@Dora Do you live somewhere big enough that there are MeetUp groups? Most are specific and you can probably find one for older people (not necessarily all women).

I'm not a "joiner" so a group wouldn't do for me, but for people who are more social, MeetUp groups are a fine way to meet others of like mind.

For myself, I work five days a week and live in a granny flat attached to my DD's home so loneliness can rear up sometimes, but mostly I have enough contact with others of the "human" persuasion that I'm okay. And I have a cat, too. Life is better with a cat!😼
 
Georgiagranny said:
@Dora Do you live somewhere big enough that there are MeetUp groups? Most are specific and you can probably find one for older people (not necessarily all women).

I'm not a "joiner" so a group wouldn't do for me, but for people who are more social, MeetUp groups are a fine way to meet others of like mind.

For myself, I work five days a week and live in a granny flat attached to my DD's home so loneliness can rear up sometimes, but mostly I have enough contact with others of the "human" persuasion that I'm okay. And I have a cat, too. Life is better with a cat!😼
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In my area, the few Meetup groups that are still in existence, only meet online. Same with other groups, like church, political groups etc. Most are still social distancing around here. For the best, I guess: a friend of ours almost died of Covid and he was miserable and in the hospital for 3 weeks.
 
@Bellbird Those days aren't gone except in the case of estrangement between family members. Once our kids are grown and gone, they have their own lives, friends, jobs, homes, partners, children, and as parents we need to accept that. After all, we had our "turn" at leaving the nest.

The days that are "gone" are the days when most of us lived in small towns, often being born/living in the same place all our lives. Families lived closer then; nowadays it's not unusual for families to live in suburbs of the same big city but still many miles away from one another. For instance, my son lives a 60-mile round trip from me and now with the cost of gas, a once-a-month visit is what he can manage.

Now it's up to us to adjust to our different circumstances. Our kids are raised, some of us are widowed, some retired, some financially secure and some not so financially secure, but we need to make the changes necessary to keep living fulfilling lives. Church? Friends? Part-time jobs? Travel? Volunteering? Taking a class in something we've always wanted to learn? Or maybe even pursuing a degree (or another degree). Whatever it takes to continue to be aware, awake, with it, and not turn into bored old folks. Bored people (no matter their ages) are boring people.

And BTW, in most places, once you've turned 65 and are a resident of your state, college tuition is free. Still have to pay for books but many fees no longer apply to older students, not to mention that student ID issued to students garners a whole lot of discounts!
 
Dora said:
Does anyone else feel a longing for your adult children? I have a daughter, age 23. We don't live together and I live alone. She's told me that I need to have other things that feed my self-esteem other than her. I tried living with someone I met through online dating. That was disastrous for 2 years but I stayed in that relationship until I realized I was more lonely in the relationship than without it. I've tried volunteer work. I've tried meeting other people. I'm trying online dating. But nothing really fills the loneliness I feel. It takes a long time for another person to know you. What are some things you do that actually work to prevent loneliness?
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It is hard to fill the spot of a person who knows your true self .....
i have tried to connect with past friends ... had some luck with that ...
I find talking with someone ... even a one on one chat online with a person that you can let you be you helps as well...
People are very busy or it seems like which is hard to connect when i truly need it......... my daughter goes through phases when some days she calls or texts all the time and then times when i call or text and get ... " Hey, I will get back to you later"
frustrating and i am trying to prepare for more of those days too.
 
I found it helps to live in an area where there are more people. I lived in the country in a very secluded spot and barely saw any other people. Then I moved here to a downtown location in an apartment building. I can stay in my apartment if I want to be alone or go for a walk downtown to stores, the library, coffee shop, restaurant or to one of the parks. In my building I have made many friends and I can go to their apartments if I feel lonely.

I stay busy though with my routines for daily living. My pet bunny involves some daily chores as well as the companionship he gives me.

As far as relationships go, I have one but do not live with him. We do things together and that works for me. If you meet someone just keep it more like dating not living together. Even if you fall in love. It gives you independence and still have someone to talk to or go out to activities with (if that is what you want). Plus it keeps the relationship more fun and exciting when you see each other. That is just my opinion according to what I wanted to do.
 
I live alone... my daughter lives 2 hours away, and visited last Christmas, but hasn't been since. ..she 's always too busy.. even at weekends she says she can't leave the dogs by themselves to come , because they're elderly , and one excuse afterthe other not to come, ..granted she's having her new house renovated.. but I could go there.. but there's been no invite ..

I live in a semi rural area, and there's nothing here for people my age as a singleton to do.. like others, any 'meets' that are available are done online... so I've lived alone for the last 9 months for the first timein decades , and it's very lonely..

I'm happy I have my garden , if I lived in an apartment I might go a little bit mad unless I had some outdoor space.

I live only 20 miles from the centre of London, and I often wonder if I should just move into the city before I get too old to do it.. but then I think of the crime , and worry that I would be a target as a senior on my own .
 
hollydolly said:
I live alone... my daughter lives 2 hours away, and visited last Christmas, but hasn't been since. ..she 's always too busy.. even at weekends she says she can't leave the dogs by themselves to come , because they're elderly , and one excuse afterthe other not to come, ..granted she's having her new house renovated.. but I could go there.. but there's been no invite ..

I live in a semi rural area, and there's nothing here for people my age as a singleton to do.. like others, any 'meets' that are available are done online... so I've lived alone for the last 9 months for the first timein decades , and it's very lonely..

I'm happy I have my garden , if I lived in an apartment I might go a little bit mad unless I had some outdoor space.

I live only 20 miles from the centre of London, and I often wonder if I should just move into the city before I get too old to do it.. but then I think of the crime , and worry that I would be a target as a senior on my own .
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@hollydolly would you consider moving elsewhere in Europe, to a place that is safe so you don't feel like a target as a senior on your own, that provides some opportunity to meet new people and where you could have a home to your liking with a small garden? Maybe Portugal?
 
My nest has been empty for a long time. My daughters live in other states so most of our face-to-face interaction during COVID has been via Zoom. The small town in which I live offers some activities for seniors and there is a small "main street" with shops and restaurants. It's quiet and safe here. The nearest large city is 175 miles away.

I also have my little dog who has more energy than I do most times. And I have a good man in my life. And when I need new sites (and when I can afford it), I travel.
 
hollydolly said:
I live alone... my daughter lives 2 hours away, and visited last Christmas, but hasn't been since. ..she 's always too busy.. even at weekends she says she can't leave the dogs by themselves to come , because they're elderly , and one excuse afterthe other not to come, ..granted she's having her new house renovated.. but I could go there.. but there's been no invite ..

I live in a semi rural area, and there's nothing here for people my age as a singleton to do.. like others, any 'meets' that are available are done online... so I've lived alone for the last 9 months for the first timein decades , and it's very lonely..

I'm happy I have my garden , if I lived in an apartment I might go a little bit mad unless I had some outdoor space.

I live only 20 miles from the centre of London, and I often wonder if I should just move into the city before I get too old to do it.. but then I think of the crime , and worry that I would be a target as a senior on my own .
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Oh,my Holly, you sure are now feeling the lonely spikes of being alone.
Yes, London, would be fun!
I live in a city and have to worry about that crime issue, since the Homeless Shelter is not far away from where I live.
Like last summer, I chose to venture to the CVS for bread and milk a pharmacy with some items of food conveniences.
This man a young African, American took to holding the door for me to enter that store.
I was sincerely hoping I would get there before he could cross the street.
I did my thing, and noticed he was at the counter where the checkout lady was talking to her.
I did a back walk into the previous isle until I felt he was gone of course I had to rewalk back until I felt he'd be ridicules talking and buying nothing.
I was right.
Funny thing is on my way back since too, this was all in the morning when the store opened at 8:30.
Meaning no one around he and I were thr only ones outside!
Freaky, due to pandemic results.
I noticed only him up further right at my street corner facing the now closed Dunkin Donuts. A business that closed down I believe the start of small businesses not opening.
He noticed me and was trying his best to seem like he was just dumbfounded that it was closed. As if to say he had money to even buy a coffee and donut.
I felt he was posing in waiting for me to turn up to him.
I stopped and waited fixing my sandal kind of act.
He finally walked toward the end opposite from where he came. Going toward the only women's shelter opposite ends.

So. It would be to plan things better for more people are outside in the afternoon or late a.m.
When I did arrive home
I researched online for that alarm on a keyring and ordered one that the police recommends. Of course I receive 2.
Funny how that too happens.

Where you go you must begin to be AWARE. He probably wanted money, yet there is also city conveniences as ATM right at the corner of my street by a restuarant. As I live in a many many stores and restuatants etc. Of businesses. This is already longer than I wanted it to be, however. I FELT IT imPORTANT to post for you
 
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Leann said:
@hollydolly would you consider moving elsewhere in Europe, to a place that is safe so you don't feel like a target as a senior on your own, that provides some opportunity to meet new people and where you could have a home to your liking with a small garden? Maybe Portugal?
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well I already lived for 10 years in Spain.. until just a few years ago. That's the trouble with us being on the wrong side of the planet.. all other English speaking countries are not in Europe ..everything means learning a new language, new customs and worst of all new bureaucracy. The red tape in Spain and the corruption within local govt and the police, is rife, I mean in your face you can't ignore it even if you were blind and deaf ..rife!! It got too much for me so I came back to the UK..at least in England you can deal with red tape ..(which by and large the UK i is not corrupt )... in English..

All other English speaking countries won't accept a woman my age without a job, or sponsors... or a vast amount of savings ( new Zealand for example for the latter)...otherwise believe me I would move from this country in a heartbeat that's already beaten...
 
It's too soon @hollydolly to be making major plans. You are not even divorced yet, am I right? You must give your mind some peace to be thinking of major changes. Glide & slide with the wind. You will know when you are ready, and if you do move...........CANADA! Then, you can visit everybody and winter in a warm state.

Too soon right now, give it a rest. 🤗
 
Pepper said:
It's too soon @hollydolly to be making major plans. You are not even divorced yet, am I right? You must give your mind some peace to be thinking of major changes. Glide & slide with the wind. You will know when you are ready, and if you do move...........CANADA! Then, you can visit everybody and winter in a warm state.

Too soon right now, give it a rest. 🤗
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I cannot move to Canada... I don't have the necessary requirement needed ... .. I may not be divorced yet, , but this is not a new thing me wanting to leave the UK..which is why I moved to Spain way back 20 years ago..or so... I am very ready to leave my country, I have nothing keeping me here...but there's no English speaking country willing to allow me in.. not at this age . ,,madness, because I can move to just about any European non English speaking country.. or even to Asia if I want , but not one of our English speaking colonies or ex colonies...
 
Leann said:
What is the requirement to move to the States? Actually, I'm looking it up now.
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I couldn't tell you off the top of my head it's a few years since I looked.. but I know that I didn't fit any English speaking country's criteria... too old mainly..

Even my friend who is alone, can't go and live with her son and his family in Australia, she doesn't fit the criteria.. so she has to make a month long trip..on a very long plane journey to Australia then save like mad to go back 2 years later.. in the meantime she lives alone, when in fact her son has said he'd have her living with him...

It seems all these countries just want either Millionaires, or people of working age with a job ready to go to...
 
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hollydolly said:
I couldn't tell you off the top of my head it's a few years since I looked.. but I know that I didn't fit any English speaking country's criteria... too old mainly..

Even my friend who is alone, can't go and live with her son and his family in Australia, she doesn't fit the criteria.. so she has to make an annual month long trip..on a very long plane journey to Australia once a year then save like mad to go back 2 years later.. in the meantime she lives alone, when in fact her son has said he'd have her living with him...

It seems all these countries just want either Millionaires, or people of working age with a job ready to go to...
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A co-worker of Huzz's wanted to join his grown son who had immigrated to Australia but Australia wouldn't take the co-worker and his wife--he is a chemist (at least on degree in it) and she's a certified nursing assistant (elder care) but they were "too old" (in their early 50s). o_O
 

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