Manic Depression or Bi-Polar?

oldman

oldman

Well-known Member
Location
PA
I wan't sure where to post this, so I decided "General Discussions" was as good of a place as any. Since I was forced into retirement not so long ago, I have wondered if anyone misses their job? Not the people around you, or the daily routine, but the actual working part of the job that you held.

I was an airline pilot for almost 34 years before being forced into retirement by the FAA's 65 mandatory retirement law. Since then, I have been unable to sleep, I have lost 12 pounds and at 6'4" and weighing around 200 lbs., I certainly did not need to lose weight. I have also lost interest in most things, except maybe my family. Last Thursday, I started going to see a shrink at my former company's advice. It was our first ever visit together and he mostly did a work-up on a profile of me, or at least that is what he called it. We did discuss some of what's going on with my life and he did give me some suggestions of things to begin working on, but so far, the things that he gave me to work on hasn't helped one iota. I know it's only been 4 days, so I will continue to do what he has suggested, but at this point, I am not convinced that it's going to help. I still go out to the airport to watch the planes takeoff and land. I will sometimes even park my car across from the terminal and go inside the terminal just to watch people and check everything out that's going on. I know, it sounds insane.

On Saturday, I decided to put my uniform on and take a selfie showing how much weight I have lost, but I could't get the pants to stay up, so I then decided to pack all of my uniforms, caps and such into a large box and stick them into the attic above our bedroom. Then, I told my dry cleaner about how I packed these items and she told me to get them out of the attic and box, or they will be destroyed by insect infiltration. She advised me that if I wanted to keep them that I should give them to her, so that they could pack them specifically for long term storage.

I guess that I am also going to join a support group in my area consisting of people that also are dealing with separation issues related to losing their job. For me, this has really been a terrible, traumatic experience to this point. I never dreamed that I would be so miserable not doing the job that I did for those 34 years. I had always told people that flying was my passion, but I always thought those words to be just a figure of speech. Little did I know how true my words would turn out to be. I miss everything that was connected to my job, but especially flying the plane and greeting my passengers.

Just a few months ago, I was on one of my daily walks/runs and I stopped to speak with a former school teacher that lives just up the street from me and after I asked her how she was doing, (just being polite), she started telling me about how miserable she was not being able to go to work. And, now, how ironic it is that I find myself in the same boat. Who would have thought?

I am hopeful that in the coming weeks or months this depression will subside considerably. I keep hearing those words, "Turn right to heading one-eight-zero and then you are clear to land."
 

I'm not sure where the title of your thread comes from, but I strongly doubt you are bi-polar or 'manic depressive'. It is not usually a condition that develops later in life for a start. I was a psychiatric social worker in my mid-thirties and I do have some background in this.


Which is not to say you are not suffering from depression. It does sound rather like you are depressed and if you have lost your passion in life, as you describe,it would not be surprising.


I was a senior managerin my organisation and the day after I retired I found a skip (dumpster) and threw my briefcase – a symbol to me – into it. Ialso took off my watch and have not worn it since! I was that pleased at the time.


It was only with a little time elapsing that I too realised how much I missed the job. I had control of a large budget and planned services for kids with special needs and the like. It really felt like it made a difference and I missed that.


There is life after retirement though. I think the problem of people who struggle with it is vastly under-recognised and there is not a lot of sympathy out there – after all most people if asked like the idea of 'doing nothing all day'. The reality is of course very different. It took me a couple of years to slow down, find new interests and also reap the benefits of the two border terriers I got specifically to make sure I got out of the house for an hour or two every day.


I think I was depressed too. But it was only by actively seeking things to keep me interested in life that got me over it. Photography is a passion for me these days for example.


By the way – the weight loss may well be part of your low mood, but you might want tocheck out that it isn't something else.

All the best to you!
 
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Just because you can`t fly commercially,you can still fly other planes,can`t you? Is there an age limit on that?
 

Oldman,

Best wishes for finding your way to better mood management. I retired in 2012, after 26+ years on the job, by 2014 I was looking to hire on a similar job, just so I could feel "normal". I did get hired, and have been working now for a little over 2 years.

Working the job was good therapy for me. I now feel ready to go ahead and retire, for good now. I'll be 65 in June, and am getting S.S. and Medicare set up; it finally all feels right.
 
My hubby retired at 62 as the owner of the auto body shop where he had worked since age 15. For a couple of years,it was OK,but then he started getting "the itch." He is now back to running a shop-although not his own,so fewer headaches. He will be 69 in September and sees no specific time when he wants to retire (again).
 
oldman said:
I am hopeful that in the coming weeks or months this depression will subside considerably. I keep hearing those words, "Turn right to heading one-eight-zero and then you are clear to land."
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Retirement Does take some getting used to. I was planning on retiring at age 62, then the company announced an early buy out when I was almost 60....they offered a years pay to take early retirement. I thought about that for a couple of days, then took it...didn't make sense to work two more years for only 1 more years pay. I had some projects to do around the house, and finished those in the first month or so, then the "boredom" began to set in. Not having to get up at all hours of the day/night to take a service call, and not having the constant stress of the job, or not fighting rush hour traffic was a bit of "sticker shock". To help ease the transition, we closed up the house for almost a month, loaded up the truck, and headed for Canada...with no itinerary. That was a marvelous trip, and completely took my mind off work. Then, when we returned, it became obvious that I needed something to occupy my days, and stay out of the wife's hair, so we began traveling around the state looking for a place in the country. We finally settled on a nice piece of land in the deep woods...just close enough to the family that we can easily stay on contact. Now, for the last 15 years. I have totally adapted to being a "country boy", and have any number of outdoor activities to do any day the weather permits. This has been the best "health care plan" for both of us, as we stay quite physically fit in this clean environment with no worries about all the crime and nonsense in the cities. At this point, I wouldn't want to go back to work for twice what I was making.

Bottom line....find something you enjoy, then immerse yourself into it. Stay busy, stay active, take good care of your health, and retirement can be a real blessing.
 
I think it's normal to miss some things about your career when you retire. I've been retired now for 12 years, and I still have dreams where I'm back at work. And I miss the interaction with my co-workers. The stress I don't miss at all.

One thing about retirement is that it gives you more time to just sit and think. That can be a blessing or a curse. If you dwell on what you can't do anymore, it can get you down. It's better if you look around and see what you can do. I know some guys fly privately into their 80's. With your experience, you could be a great flight instructor. Will the FAA allow that?

Don
 
@ oldman ,
My nephew is Bi-polar.
It is a condition where the individual's moods swing between hypermania and depression.
It can be partially controlled with medication.
It is not just a depression condition.
I agree with Wintermint , and doubt very strongly that you have such a condition.
 
Yesterday, I asked my therapist just what it is that I was going through. He called it Clinical Depression. I looked it up n the internet and found out that this disease has many symptoms. Some of them I could relate to while others not so much. For the last sixteen years of my employment at the airline, I normally flew the first plane out at around 5:50 a.m. I still find myself waking up between 3:30-4:00 a.m. and going outside to go for a short run or a long walk. I have met several other early risers in my neighborhood while out walking or taking my short run. I just can't seem to go back to sleep once I am awake at that early hour.

I speak frequently with a friend of mine that also retired about a month before I did and I have asked him if he misses not going to work, He said that he really enjoys being retired and not missing the stress. This is where we differ. It was very seldom that I ever felt any stress. It was always exciting for me to enter the cockpit and prepare the plane for departure. Up and until the day that I retired, I always got those little butterflies in my stomach when I started the takeoff roll. Putting the nose wheel on the center-line of the runway and then accelerating the engines and releasing the brake to begin the takeoff roll was the most exciting part of the flight.

There is just no other feeling like it.
 
Mrs. Robinson said:
Just because you can`t fly commercially,you can still fly other planes,can`t you? Is there an age limit on that?
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Yes, I can still fly a private plane. But, believe me, it's a huge difference between flying a single engine gas plane compared to a wide body jet.
 
tnthomas said:
Oldman,

Best wishes for finding your way to better mood management. I retired in 2012, after 26+ years on the job, by 2014 I was looking to hire on a similar job, just so I could feel "normal". I did get hired, and have been working now for a little over 2 years.

Working the job was good therapy for me. I now feel ready to go ahead and retire, for good now. I'll be 65 in June, and am getting S.S. and Medicare set up; it finally all feels right.
Click to expand...

I was offered a job with the airline as a flight instructor on the Boeing 767, but it would have meant that I would have had to move to Denver. My wife put that idea to bed in a hurry. While I was still working with the airline, I did do some training in Denver with pilots that were trying to advance. It was very enjoyable, but you always have that one person that thinks they know more than you and will try to convince the Trainer that we should be doing a certain something his way. Those types of people usually were dropped from the program and sent back to flying their smaller plane. And, then of course, they would hate me forever and weren't afraid to tell me so.
 
oldman said:
Yes, I can still fly a private plane. But, believe me, it's a huge difference between flying a single engine gas plane compared to a wide body jet.
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I totally get that. I have a friend who was a Sheriff`s deputy for years. He had to drive his squad car back to the station in the middle of a shift one day because he was in such horrific pain due to bad knees. He got knee replacements but had to hang it up due to the inability to run any longer. He was only 44. They begged him to take a detective position but he just couldn`t. Told me he had to have the "adrenaline rush" that being on the streets gave him. I imagine it`s much the same for you. Sadly,he now sits home and drinks. And drinks. And drinks. Lost his house. Now lives back at his elderly parent`s. And has two DUI arrests. I`m glad that you are seeing a therapist to work through this-he did not.
 
I haven't taken up drinking 'yet.' I do belong to two men's social clubs, the American Legion and a men's stag club, which allows only men as members, however, female are allowed as guests. My first group session is next Wednesday and I am expecting it to be pretty interesting. It has to do with separation issues other than losing a loved one.

I thoroughly understand the FAA's "65" mandatory retirement age and I do not disagree with it. If I had it to do all over again, I would have tapered off my flying slowly the last year of working and maybe I would have been better prepared for what I am going through now. I flew four days a week right up to my date of retirement. Going from four days down to zero is a real eye opener.
 
I think the end of a loved career is a huge loss, right up there with loss of a loved one, as many of us, myself included, identify so much with our work. Loss of the career can mean a loss of purpose, loss of structure in our lives, loss of our perceived place in society and even a kind of loss of identity. For so many years you've said I'm a _____________, and now you're not anymore.
 
Butterfly said:
I think the end of a loved career is a huge loss, right up there with loss of a loved one, as many of us, myself included, identify so much with our work. Loss of the career can mean a loss of purpose, loss of structure in our lives, loss of our perceived place in society and even a kind of loss of identity. For so many years you've said I'm a _____________, and now you're not anymore.
Click to expand...

BINGO! That's about 100% correct. Airline pilots are treated with a lot of respect in the airports and on their plane. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I would be standing in line at a Starbucks inside the airport and passengers have offered to buy my coffee. Acts of kindness like this does not feed my ego, but it does make me feel like people do understand that pilots have an amazing amount of responsibility and they respect us for being up to the challenge. In return, I have also bought passengers their coffee a number of times. They sometimes will ask me why am I doing that. I tell them that it's just a random act of kindness and also to show that we appreciate their business.
 

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