grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
You don't have to apologise for going to church for those reasons, (how can you be absolutely sure we're not all there for the same reasons?)!
Mary Whitehouse, (1960s campaigner on decency etc.), and joining up the dots to today!
- Thread starter grahamg
- Start date
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
A bit of research is called for here I believe, (though you/we dont have to accept it all verbatim!):
https://scholarworks.merrimack.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1049&context=honors_capstones
Abstract:
"Fatherless households are becoming increasingly common throughout the United States. As a result, more and more children are growing up without the support of both parents, and this may be causing developmental consequences. While there has been significant research conducted on the effect of absent fathers on children in general, there has been far less research regarding girls specifically. As discovered in this paper, girls are often impacted differently than boys when it comes to growing up without a father. The current research paper aims to discover just exactly how girls are impacted by this lack of a parent throughout their lifetimes, from birth to adulthood.
The Developmental Effects on the Daughter of an Absent Father Throughout her Lifespan
The 21st century phrase “daddy issues” is used ubiquitously in society, particularly on social media. This colloquial term references the psychological issues that often arise in women who have grown up without a father figure. Although it is typically used in a colloquial manner, there is a lot of truth behind the phrase. There are in fact numerous challenges that inevitably come along with the lack of a father figure from one’s life, particularly a female’s. While both genders may experience detrimental consequences from growing up fatherless, this phenomenon is known to affect women differently, and debatably more drastically.
There are various potential theories to explain the reason why girls of absent fathers are impacted more than boys. One of these theories is self-in-relation-theory, which proposes that the sense of self develops differently in males and females (Brown, 2018). A male’s sense of self, according to this theory, comes about through gradual separation from the adults in his life (Brown, 2018). First he separates from the care of his mother, then from the rest of his family, and eventually from any mentors that have helped guide him (Brown, 2018). They achieve their sense of self via autonomy and independence (Brown, 2018). For women however, their identities are achieved through relationships with others (Brown, 2018). They tend to define themselves based on the quality of their relationships with family, friendships, as well as any other kind of relationship (Brown, 2018). Therefore, the lack of a father-daughter relationship for a girl may make her feel incomplete as an individual.
In any case, there are many potential reasons why a father is absent from his daughter’s life, whether that be death, incarceration, or divorce. In this paper, however, we will be specifically focusing on circumstances in which a father actively chooses not to be part of his daughter’s life. In other words, throughout this paper, the term absent father will not refer to a father who is deceased, but rather one who has an abnormal or non-existent relationship with his child. An abnormal relationship may refer to a relationship in which there is some, but very little communication and/or time spent together between father and daughter. The reason in which we will be omitting death as a form of absence in this paper is because some research indicates that the reason behind a father’s absence plays a major role in how the child handles it from a social-emotional standpoint. According to O’Dwyer (2017), while the death of a parent is certainly traumatic for a child, it also comes along with “a certainty and a sense of clarity”, whereas paternal absence through divorce often comes along with a sense of abandonment. Regardless of the reason behind it, the absence of a father figure alone is harmful to a child. Girls may feel unaffected by their father’s absence, especially if he was never around, because you can’t miss what you never had, right? Well, wrong. It has been proven that the absence of a father, whether females are aware of it or not, often has dramatic effects on their social-emotional development through adulthood. Girls may feel unaffected, especially if their father was never there, but their lives and the way they go about relationships with others may prove otherwise."
Break
Conclusion:
"In conclusion, there are in fact various inevitable consequences that come along with the absence of a father from one’s life. Because growing up without a father is becoming so common, we may tend to overlook the repercussions that arise as a result. Both boys and girls will experience these repercussions, yet the effects of a fatherless childhood may present themselves differently among genders. Fatherless women tend to encounter difficulty in regards to heterosexual romantic relationships, hence the use of the term “daddy issues” which has become quite popular in the media. Other potential consequences include but are not limited to early sexual development, poor mental health, and an insecure attachment pattern. Researchers have performed numerous studies to evaluate and prove these developmental deficits that tend to emerge in fatherless individuals. However, despite factual evidence of some of these issues, growing up without a father does not indicate that a child is doomed. Children who grew up without the support of a father still have the potential to thrive and flourish."
https://scholarworks.merrimack.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1049&context=honors_capstones
Abstract:
"Fatherless households are becoming increasingly common throughout the United States. As a result, more and more children are growing up without the support of both parents, and this may be causing developmental consequences. While there has been significant research conducted on the effect of absent fathers on children in general, there has been far less research regarding girls specifically. As discovered in this paper, girls are often impacted differently than boys when it comes to growing up without a father. The current research paper aims to discover just exactly how girls are impacted by this lack of a parent throughout their lifetimes, from birth to adulthood.
The Developmental Effects on the Daughter of an Absent Father Throughout her Lifespan
The 21st century phrase “daddy issues” is used ubiquitously in society, particularly on social media. This colloquial term references the psychological issues that often arise in women who have grown up without a father figure. Although it is typically used in a colloquial manner, there is a lot of truth behind the phrase. There are in fact numerous challenges that inevitably come along with the lack of a father figure from one’s life, particularly a female’s. While both genders may experience detrimental consequences from growing up fatherless, this phenomenon is known to affect women differently, and debatably more drastically.
There are various potential theories to explain the reason why girls of absent fathers are impacted more than boys. One of these theories is self-in-relation-theory, which proposes that the sense of self develops differently in males and females (Brown, 2018). A male’s sense of self, according to this theory, comes about through gradual separation from the adults in his life (Brown, 2018). First he separates from the care of his mother, then from the rest of his family, and eventually from any mentors that have helped guide him (Brown, 2018). They achieve their sense of self via autonomy and independence (Brown, 2018). For women however, their identities are achieved through relationships with others (Brown, 2018). They tend to define themselves based on the quality of their relationships with family, friendships, as well as any other kind of relationship (Brown, 2018). Therefore, the lack of a father-daughter relationship for a girl may make her feel incomplete as an individual.
In any case, there are many potential reasons why a father is absent from his daughter’s life, whether that be death, incarceration, or divorce. In this paper, however, we will be specifically focusing on circumstances in which a father actively chooses not to be part of his daughter’s life. In other words, throughout this paper, the term absent father will not refer to a father who is deceased, but rather one who has an abnormal or non-existent relationship with his child. An abnormal relationship may refer to a relationship in which there is some, but very little communication and/or time spent together between father and daughter. The reason in which we will be omitting death as a form of absence in this paper is because some research indicates that the reason behind a father’s absence plays a major role in how the child handles it from a social-emotional standpoint. According to O’Dwyer (2017), while the death of a parent is certainly traumatic for a child, it also comes along with “a certainty and a sense of clarity”, whereas paternal absence through divorce often comes along with a sense of abandonment. Regardless of the reason behind it, the absence of a father figure alone is harmful to a child. Girls may feel unaffected by their father’s absence, especially if he was never around, because you can’t miss what you never had, right? Well, wrong. It has been proven that the absence of a father, whether females are aware of it or not, often has dramatic effects on their social-emotional development through adulthood. Girls may feel unaffected, especially if their father was never there, but their lives and the way they go about relationships with others may prove otherwise."
Break
Conclusion:
"In conclusion, there are in fact various inevitable consequences that come along with the absence of a father from one’s life. Because growing up without a father is becoming so common, we may tend to overlook the repercussions that arise as a result. Both boys and girls will experience these repercussions, yet the effects of a fatherless childhood may present themselves differently among genders. Fatherless women tend to encounter difficulty in regards to heterosexual romantic relationships, hence the use of the term “daddy issues” which has become quite popular in the media. Other potential consequences include but are not limited to early sexual development, poor mental health, and an insecure attachment pattern. Researchers have performed numerous studies to evaluate and prove these developmental deficits that tend to emerge in fatherless individuals. However, despite factual evidence of some of these issues, growing up without a father does not indicate that a child is doomed. Children who grew up without the support of a father still have the potential to thrive and flourish."
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
I've had the chance to listen to all this video clip now, and again I'm impressed with the way Mary Whitehouse argued her case. She was quick witted, not fazed by tough, probing questions, and able to point out the weaknesses in the interviewers position, and the assumptions behind the questions she posed, (we learnt the interviewer didn't see graffiti posted on the backs of toilet doors in railway carriages etc. which must be an odd thing to profess, and she assumed "they'd" achieved some great success socially through this
!).Moving on, a question directed at no one in particular, (maybe towards myself even?), "Who is to love the unlovable in our society"?
Its a challenge isn't it, (I'm not sure which category I fit into btw!
)
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
There is an excellent obituary here to Mary Whitehouse, published in one of the UK's daily newspapers in 2001:
https://www.theguardian.com/media/2001/nov/24/guardianobituaries.obituaries
And more views on her impact and relevance today perhaps:
https://unherd.com/2020/10/what-mary-whitehouse-got-right/
Quote
"The infamous campaigner Mary Whitehouse is one of history’s losers. Born in 1910, she never let go of her Edwardian sensibilities, even as the society she knew collapsed around her ears. She spent 37 years organising letter-writing campaigns in an effort to halt the arrival of what she called the ‘permissive society’, horrified as she was by the displays of sex and violence that suddenly appeared on British television screens from the 1960s onwards. A contemporary of Whitehouse’s described her in The Financial Times as a “little Canute, exhorting the waves of moral turpitude to retreat”. She didn’t campaign for change, she campaigned for stasis. And she failed utterly, in a grand display of public humiliation.
Some of Whitehouse’s concerns look rather silly now. She and her fellow campaigners expended a huge amount of energy on the kind of sauciness that nowadays seems quaint. The double entendres in songs like Chuck Berry’s My Ding-A-Ling and sitcoms like It Ain’t Half Hot Mum all provoked letters, as did a suggestively placed microphone during Mick Jagger’s appearance on Top of the Pops."
Break
"Her reputation as a bigoted fuddy-duddy means that if Whitehouse is remembered now, it is usually as a punchline. And indeed in her own lifetime she was the subject of constant ridicule. One of her books was ritually burned on a BBC sitcom, her name was used in jest as the title of the hit comedy show The Mary Whitehouse experience".
Break
"With no figure like Mary Whitehouse to block them, advertisers and filmmakers have produced increasingly shocking and titillating content, doing their very best to capture our attention and using every tool available, no matter how profane. Just imagine Whitehouse’s face if she could watch Cuties, or WAP, or a new adaptation of The Lord of the Rings which will apparently include graphic sex scenes. The devoted Catholic J. R. R. Tolkien would have been appalled at such an idea, and even just 20 years ago, Peter Jackson added no more than a bit of light snogging to his otherwise chaste films. But then, in a free market, sexualisation goes in one direction, and one direction only, and for a simple reason: sex sells.
Whitehouse really was a “little Canute”, clinging onto the past even as she was swamped by emergent cultural elements that soon became dominant. Few people have ever been as loudly consistent in their beliefs as Mary Whitehouse was. And few people have ever lost as hard as Mary Whitehouse lost."
And more favourable comments here in another UK newspaper in 2008:
https://www.independent.co.uk/extra...ry-whitehouse-was-right-all-along-828784.html
https://www.theguardian.com/media/2001/nov/24/guardianobituaries.obituaries
And more views on her impact and relevance today perhaps:
https://unherd.com/2020/10/what-mary-whitehouse-got-right/
Quote
"The infamous campaigner Mary Whitehouse is one of history’s losers. Born in 1910, she never let go of her Edwardian sensibilities, even as the society she knew collapsed around her ears. She spent 37 years organising letter-writing campaigns in an effort to halt the arrival of what she called the ‘permissive society’, horrified as she was by the displays of sex and violence that suddenly appeared on British television screens from the 1960s onwards. A contemporary of Whitehouse’s described her in The Financial Times as a “little Canute, exhorting the waves of moral turpitude to retreat”. She didn’t campaign for change, she campaigned for stasis. And she failed utterly, in a grand display of public humiliation.
Some of Whitehouse’s concerns look rather silly now. She and her fellow campaigners expended a huge amount of energy on the kind of sauciness that nowadays seems quaint. The double entendres in songs like Chuck Berry’s My Ding-A-Ling and sitcoms like It Ain’t Half Hot Mum all provoked letters, as did a suggestively placed microphone during Mick Jagger’s appearance on Top of the Pops."
Break
"Her reputation as a bigoted fuddy-duddy means that if Whitehouse is remembered now, it is usually as a punchline. And indeed in her own lifetime she was the subject of constant ridicule. One of her books was ritually burned on a BBC sitcom, her name was used in jest as the title of the hit comedy show The Mary Whitehouse experience".
Break
"With no figure like Mary Whitehouse to block them, advertisers and filmmakers have produced increasingly shocking and titillating content, doing their very best to capture our attention and using every tool available, no matter how profane. Just imagine Whitehouse’s face if she could watch Cuties, or WAP, or a new adaptation of The Lord of the Rings which will apparently include graphic sex scenes. The devoted Catholic J. R. R. Tolkien would have been appalled at such an idea, and even just 20 years ago, Peter Jackson added no more than a bit of light snogging to his otherwise chaste films. But then, in a free market, sexualisation goes in one direction, and one direction only, and for a simple reason: sex sells.
Whitehouse really was a “little Canute”, clinging onto the past even as she was swamped by emergent cultural elements that soon became dominant. Few people have ever been as loudly consistent in their beliefs as Mary Whitehouse was. And few people have ever lost as hard as Mary Whitehouse lost."
And more favourable comments here in another UK newspaper in 2008:
https://www.independent.co.uk/extra...ry-whitehouse-was-right-all-along-828784.html
Capt Lightning
Well-known Member
- Location
- Historic Buchan, Scotland
She was an interfering old bat who still clung on to the beliefs and standards of her childhood. My mother who was of a similar age had similar views, though she didn't preach them outside the family. However, whether TV and the media in general precipitated a 'moral decline' or whether it simply reflected current trends is a another debate.
Now, I fear, we are getting to a point where we can't make fun of or offend anyone for fear of the woke police arresting us for 'hate crime'.
Old joke .......
Comedian : I was talking to this Indian chap....
Heckler in audience : Racist !
Comedian (changes tack) : There as this woman ....
Heckler in audience : Sexist!
Comedian (what the devil can I talk about?) : Funny weather we've been having ...
Heckler in audience : Meteorologist!
You just can't get away with anything.
Now, I fear, we are getting to a point where we can't make fun of or offend anyone for fear of the woke police arresting us for 'hate crime'.
Old joke .......
Comedian : I was talking to this Indian chap....
Heckler in audience : Racist !
Comedian (changes tack) : There as this woman ....
Heckler in audience : Sexist!
Comedian (what the devil can I talk about?) : Funny weather we've been having ...
Heckler in audience : Meteorologist!
You just can't get away with anything.
Last edited:
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
She may have been"an interfering old bat" but was she ultimately proved to be right in much that she said is the point here?
I'll put forward this thought to you, as a way of prising out your deepest views on marriage, the associated vows, adultery, the right to happiness, and all the rest of it.
Would you consider a relationship with a married woman, firstly at all, where your actions could play a large part in the marriage heading for the rocks, (putting aside cases where the marriage was more or less over when you met the married woman, and she wasn't living with her husband etc.)?
Many men I feel would have no hesitation in starting a relationship with a married woman, (if she was up for it so would they be you could say), and no doubt there are many women who feel "alls fair in love and war" too.
As you know it is easy enough to justify breaking up a marriage by saying "they mustn't have been happy anyway, or the affair wouldn't have happened", or "Its better for the children if the husband and wife split rather than try to stay together for their children's sakes", (as used to happen a lot).
Somewhere down the line the individual thoughts and actions of each one of us affects other people, if we dont think fidelity in marriage important then why should others for example(?).
I'll leave my pro Mary Whitehouse argument there, but do try to consider, (I mean anyone reading this), just how much our being prepared to "lie to serve our own purposes" comes into all this, "deceive others", (the jilted wife/husband perhaps), and where is the direction of travel?
Capt Lightning
Well-known Member
- Location
- Historic Buchan, Scotland
What I would or would not do is up to me. Similarly, what I would or would not watch on TV is up to me. What I don't want is the Mary Whitehouses of the world dictating how we should live or restricting our choices through over zealous censorship.
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
We can agree on the need to avoid over zealous censorship, but maybe not on the rest of your statement, because as John Donne famously said:
'No Man is an Island'No man is an island entire of itself; every manis a piece of the continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as any manner of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind. And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. |
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
A good friend of mine who is no longer with us, was someone I imagine most people might have admired, as a resourceful woman, who ran various businesses, caring at the same time for severely disabled people, (whilst she was capable of doing so).
She used to use a "hardnosed expression", one I've never liked, and I dont think showed her true feelings at all, but nonetheless she did say it once or twice at parties she organised, where people/friends used to echo the sentiment I dont like, ("but maybe I'm too soft"!).
This is the one, and I imagine Mary Whitehouse might not have liked it either to connect this post back to the thread topic:
She used to use a "hardnosed expression", one I've never liked, and I dont think showed her true feelings at all, but nonetheless she did say it once or twice at parties she organised, where people/friends used to echo the sentiment I dont like, ("but maybe I'm too soft"!).
This is the one, and I imagine Mary Whitehouse might not have liked it either to connect this post back to the thread topic:
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
Just to pursue the theme of whether there has been a deterioration in terms of what is "permissible" in society (or thought good/decent behaviour), and what on earth might be done about it, here is a song sung by a popular singer in the UK called Kathy Kirby, (who I'd almost completely forgotten about):
Here are the lyrics too (written by Jimmy Durante) to "Make Someone Happy", and my comment is you cannot imagine these lyrics being written today:
Make Someone Happy
It's so important to make someone happy
Make just one, someone happy
Make just one heart to heart you, you sing to
One smile that cheers you
One face that lights when it nears you
One girl your, your everything to
Fame, (if you win it) if you win it
(Comes and goes) comes and goes in a minutes
(Where's the real) where's the real stuff in life, to cling to?
Love is the answer
Someone to love is the answer
Once you've found her
Build your world around her
Make someone happy
Make just one, someone happy
And you will be happy too
Here are the lyrics too (written by Jimmy Durante) to "Make Someone Happy", and my comment is you cannot imagine these lyrics being written today:
Make Someone Happy
It's so important to make someone happy
Make just one, someone happy
Make just one heart to heart you, you sing to
One smile that cheers you
One face that lights when it nears you
One girl your, your everything to
Fame, (if you win it) if you win it
(Comes and goes) comes and goes in a minutes
(Where's the real) where's the real stuff in life, to cling to?
Love is the answer
Someone to love is the answer
Once you've found her
Build your world around her
Make someone happy
Make just one, someone happy
And you will be happy too
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
On the 22nd of April 2022 new divorce laws will come into force in England meaning that couples can be divorced in six months (and one party might only hear he or she is about to be divorced with less notice than this!), and here is the government paper laying out the justifications for the further slackening of divorce laws here:
https://researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/SN01409/SN01409.pdf
https://researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/SN01409/SN01409.pdf
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
What number 1 cause of divorce?
1) Adultery is the most common reason cited for divorce. It is considered to be adultery when a spouse has a sexual relationship outside the marriage. Being committed to one another is what a marriage is built on, so it is only natural that infidelity defies the very definition of matrimony.
Other common reasons being cited are as follows:
"According to various studies, the three most common causes of divorce are conflict, arguing, irretrievable breakdown in the relationship, lack of commitment, infidelity, and lack of physical intimacy. The least common reasons are lack of shared interests and incompatibility between partners."
What are the factors leading to increased rate of divorce?
Over the years, researchers have determined certain factors that put people at higher risk for divorce: marrying young, limited education and income, living together before a commitment to marriage, premarital pregnancy, no religious affiliation, coming from a divorced family, and feelings of insecurity.
1) Adultery is the most common reason cited for divorce. It is considered to be adultery when a spouse has a sexual relationship outside the marriage. Being committed to one another is what a marriage is built on, so it is only natural that infidelity defies the very definition of matrimony.
Other common reasons being cited are as follows:
"According to various studies, the three most common causes of divorce are conflict, arguing, irretrievable breakdown in the relationship, lack of commitment, infidelity, and lack of physical intimacy. The least common reasons are lack of shared interests and incompatibility between partners."
What are the factors leading to increased rate of divorce?
Over the years, researchers have determined certain factors that put people at higher risk for divorce: marrying young, limited education and income, living together before a commitment to marriage, premarital pregnancy, no religious affiliation, coming from a divorced family, and feelings of insecurity.
JaniceM
Well-known Member
- Location
- still lost between two shores..
I disagree with the modern approach that marrying young is a bad idea.. although it depends on one's definition of 'young.' In recent decades, everybody from Oprah to some guy that has an online 'dating' site have had this approach.
However, from my own knowledge, it's people/couples who married their 'high-school sweethearts' or someone shortly thereafter, that have had the most solid, long marriages.
I agreed with one of my Aunts who said, long ago, that after people reach and pass their late twenties, they're often less likely to be willing to make sensible compromises, etc.
And also, are more likely to have 'my/mine' everything.
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
100% agree with your assessment, and it fits in with my fathers old saying:
"Farming, (like marriage), should only be undertaken before you've got any sense, or after its all gone"!
Capt Lightning
Well-known Member
- Location
- Historic Buchan, Scotland
I remember going to see the minister to make arrangements for my wedding. The first question he asked me was, do you have your own house? Young as we were, we had saved enough for a deposit on a new build 3 bed semi. The minister was pleased and explained that in his experience, one of the biggest source of problems in marriage was not having your own house and a secure financial base.
We married when I was 22 and OH was 19. We've been married 48 years now with three grown children.
My two elder children acknowledge the fact that they are 'set in their ways' and would find it difficult to settle down to a married life, so perhaps marrying young is the best way. However, buying your first house is becoming increasingly challenging for young people, so this might partly explain why the average age when couples marry is rising.
We married when I was 22 and OH was 19. We've been married 48 years now with three grown children.
My two elder children acknowledge the fact that they are 'set in their ways' and would find it difficult to settle down to a married life, so perhaps marrying young is the best way. However, buying your first house is becoming increasingly challenging for young people, so this might partly explain why the average age when couples marry is rising.
JaniceM
Well-known Member
- Location
- still lost between two shores..
I've heard that approach, too. Kinda like the Queen said about Diana, that she was young enough she could be 'taught to obey..'100% agree with your assessment, and it fits in with my fathers old saying:
"Farming, (like marriage), should only be undertaken before you've got any sense, or after its all gone"!
But that's not what I meant.
JaniceM
Well-known Member
- Location
- still lost between two shores..
I can't think of anyone I knew who owned a house when they got married.
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
With you, and my dads comment had an element of joking about it dont forget, as he wouldn't have liked to be anything other than married with a family around him, (his charm and strength of character would have meant he'd have had plenty of takers, should he have needed them too!).I've heard that approach, too. Kinda like the Queen said about Diana, that she was young enough she could be 'taught to obey..'
Capt Lightning
Well-known Member
- Location
- Historic Buchan, Scotland
I doubt if I'm unique in that respect. I imagine that many people buy a house, however modest, while they're single or about to marry.
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
You've done well, (just wanted to throw that positive comment in!).
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
I managed it too, (helped by the fact my future wife had access to a special deal on mortgage through her job).
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
Some more research:
https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a28186035/how-to-have-a-happy-marriage/
Quote:
"The Secret to Having a Happy Marriage · First of all, even happy couples argue. · Focus on each other's strengths."
And this one:
https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-marriage-really-make-us-healthier-and-happier
Quote:
"Back in 1986, when I was just 19 years old, Newsweek magazine struck terror into the hearts of an entire generation of educated single women with a viral news story, claiming that by prioritizing education, women were significantly reducing their chances of ever getting married.
The article titled, “Too Late for Prince Charming?” warned that if an educated woman was still single on her 25th birthday, she only had a 50% chance of marrying. By age 30, that probability fell to 20%, and by age 35, that chance fell to 5%. And if—God forbid—a woman was still single at the age of 40, she was more likely to get struck by lightning than to ever walk down the aisle clutching a bouquet of flowers.
More than 30 years later, we know how wrong these predictions were: even among those women who postponed marriage until after the age of 40, almost 70% eventually married.
And it didn’t take 30 years for evidence to become available that these predictions were just plain wrong—despite being made by reputable academics from Yale and Harvard. The research was unpublished and, hence, not peer reviewed.
But despite being false, this belief became part of the social narrative where women were warned, over and over, that if marriage was not prioritized over everything else, then (horrifyingly!) it might never happen. And we would be left to a life of misery.
Break
Are Married People Happier?
"The cautious answer to this question is, yes: married people do appear to be happier than people who are not married, including people who are never married. And, in fact, contrary to the assertion made in The Guardian, marriage appears to make women happier than men.
But this is a difficult relationship to unpack, and not only because happiness is a hard concept to measure. That really is a small part of the problem since we can ask people subjective questions like “On a scale of one to 10, how satisfied are you with your life right now?”
The larger issue is that people who are happy with their lives are also more likely to get married."
https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a28186035/how-to-have-a-happy-marriage/
Quote:
"The Secret to Having a Happy Marriage · First of all, even happy couples argue. · Focus on each other's strengths."
And this one:
https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-marriage-really-make-us-healthier-and-happier
Quote:
"Back in 1986, when I was just 19 years old, Newsweek magazine struck terror into the hearts of an entire generation of educated single women with a viral news story, claiming that by prioritizing education, women were significantly reducing their chances of ever getting married.
The article titled, “Too Late for Prince Charming?” warned that if an educated woman was still single on her 25th birthday, she only had a 50% chance of marrying. By age 30, that probability fell to 20%, and by age 35, that chance fell to 5%. And if—God forbid—a woman was still single at the age of 40, she was more likely to get struck by lightning than to ever walk down the aisle clutching a bouquet of flowers.
More than 30 years later, we know how wrong these predictions were: even among those women who postponed marriage until after the age of 40, almost 70% eventually married.
And it didn’t take 30 years for evidence to become available that these predictions were just plain wrong—despite being made by reputable academics from Yale and Harvard. The research was unpublished and, hence, not peer reviewed.
But despite being false, this belief became part of the social narrative where women were warned, over and over, that if marriage was not prioritized over everything else, then (horrifyingly!) it might never happen. And we would be left to a life of misery.
Break
Are Married People Happier?
"The cautious answer to this question is, yes: married people do appear to be happier than people who are not married, including people who are never married. And, in fact, contrary to the assertion made in The Guardian, marriage appears to make women happier than men.
But this is a difficult relationship to unpack, and not only because happiness is a hard concept to measure. That really is a small part of the problem since we can ask people subjective questions like “On a scale of one to 10, how satisfied are you with your life right now?”
The larger issue is that people who are happy with their lives are also more likely to get married."
grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
