Mea culpa

Colleen

Senior Member
Location
Pennsylvania
Since I haven't been on here in months and I see I haven't been missed, I think it's time for me to apologize for some things I said to Gaer that were taken as a criticism because I was bombarded by nasty comments and that's why I left. It's a new year and it's come to my attention yesterday that I have to re-evaluate myself and what I say. Not only here, but in my personal life.

Gaer....I apologize for upsetting you about your postings regarding angels. I was only giving my opinion on how I felt. I realize now that, even though this an open forum, opinions cannot be freely shared without them being picked apart and thrown back at you. You have a right to express/believe what you want and I shouldn't have tried to point out anything contradictory to what you believe. Mea culpa.

Another confession I have to make is my fragile relationship with family members that have been pointed out to me as of yesterday that I was unaware of. Let me explain. I need to get this off my chest.

On Saturday, I saw an obituary online of our sister-in-law, Susan, who passed away on the 17th. She was 77. She was married to my husband's brother, Jon, who predeceased her in 2019. They were like the black sheep of the family. No one had anything to do with them except my husband and I. They lived in a run-down trailer with their dogs and spent most of their money on cigarettes and vet bills. We never judged them. We invited them to our house for dinners. No one else in the family did. They said they didn't feel welcome even when they did get invited and would go. They felt that everyone was looking down their noses at them....and I believe that was right. They quit going altogether and just stayed home. We continued to visit them at their house (trailer) until we moved to AZ in 2014. My husband would call Jon occasionally to talk to him. I stayed in contact with Susan through email and FB.

Then, in 2019, we received word from my step-daughter that Jon was in the hospital and was dying. Evidently, he had been lying in bed for days with no food and he was unwashed. He had cancer and my husband tried to encourage him (for years) to see a doctor because of some health issues he was having. Jon was afraid of doctors and said he'd rather not know anything. I have no idea why Susan didn't call an ambulance days before but she didn't. When he died, my husband's sister, who lives just a few miles from Jon and Susan's place, called and said she was getting a lawyer to file a suit against Susan for neglect. She never did. This is the same sister that quit talking to us years before. She use to invite us to dinner and spend Thanksgivings with her and her family. She and I used to go shopping together and go to craft fairs, etc. We never knew what happened. We tried so many times to talk to her and get it straightened out, but she wouldn't, so we gave up and when Jon died that was the first time she talked to my husband in years (and she hasn't talked to us since).

When I saw the notice of Susan passing, I contacted my niece, Della (who is the daughter of the sister that hasn't spoken to us in years) and asked why no one let us know what was happening to Susan. Since all this other stuff had gone on with her mother not speaking to us, I asked Della if we weren't part of the family any more. Her answer to me was that Susan and I had "caused our share of animosity in the family". I was shocked. I asked her to explain that remark but she has blocked me from Messenger on FB.

Animosity is a nasty word. I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking about that word. I have been thinking about nothing else except trying to figure out what I did or said that would cause her to use such a word. I honestly don't know. We were gone for 9 years to AZ and had no communication with any of them so I'm at a loss as to what she is talking about.

In the years before we went to AZ, we did a lot of things with his family that was in the area. My husband was more vocal about the way they treated Jon and Susan. He asked his sister when she called to say she was getting a lawyer to file neglect charges against Susan, why she never went to see him or pick up the phone to call him if she cared about him. I know it made her mad and she is one to hold a grudge until doomsday, but I have no idea what I ever did.

Now, since Della has cut ties with me and won't talk to me (even though in her message to me, she said she believes if there is a problem, people should talk it out and straighten it out), I'm at a loss as to what to do. I'm guessing nothing. What can I do? I don't want to keep it going. It hurts me that this is just another family thing that will never be resolved.

If I'm at fault, then I take responsibility for it. I'd like to know what I did to offend and alienate them, but I feel it's probably best to let it go.

So, that's my mea culpa. I don't intend to stay on here. I seem to say the wrong things and get people upset. That's on me. I don't always express myself clearly. I apologize for offending anyone else. I hope I can be forgiven for being clueless.
 

I used to often ask myself, what did I do? I finally realised if I have no concept of anything I did wrong and no one wants to talk to me about it, just maybe it is not my problem, but theirs. People have many reasons for behaving the way they do and most of the time, I am finding, it is about them and not about you.
 
I vote for you to stay. This is a forum and it is different from talking face to face.
Meanings get misconstrued because there is no facial expression outside of a silly meme.
I would move on from your family situation. You can't please all of the people all of the time.
Sounds like you did your best.
 
So, that's my mea culpa.
None needed for me anyway.
I don't intend to stay on here.
I hope you change your mind!
I seem to say the wrong things and get people upset.
Not me, not many "wrong things" to say here.
I hope I can be forgiven for being clueless.
I don't think you are clueless or in need of forgiveness. Not that I know of anyway.

Hang in here with us girl, we'll all be better for it!
 
Thanks for all the kind and encouraging words.

I had a discussion with my husband after lunch today and asked him to tell me if he knew what I had done/said to be considered hurtful (hateful) for us to be blackballed by his family. I knew he wouldn't "sugar-coat" anything and would be totally honest with me. Know what he said?....he told me to forget about it and don't lose any more sleep over it. He said it was a couple things that we both have said to his sister over the years and she wears her feelings on her sleeve and blows things all out of proportion. We talked about those little things we might have said that with any one else wouldn't have bothered them, but she has always been someone you had to be very careful around. It was always like walking on eggshells. I felt much better talking to him :)
 
I get your apology; none needed to me.

One thing I absolutely don't do is talk to people about their religious beliefs (or whatever you want to call them). Who am I to tell people what to believe? And who would I have to be to interfere with their experiences?
 

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