I moved in with my parents in 2001, when my dad had a devastating stroke and my mom was not physically able to care for him. I still worked full time, so I took a split-shift. That way I could take care of dad mornings and evenings. I also did all his yard and garden work.
In 2005, I came home from work one afternoon and found both my parents on their bedroom floor. Mom tripped and fell, so dad got out of bed to help her. He fell while trying to pick her up. They'd laid there for over 2 hours, waiting for me to get home.
That's when I quit working to care for them full time. Mom's disabilities had worsened, so I also did most of the housework and cooking.
Dad died in 2007, and mom asked me to stay with her. Of course I did; she needed me to.
In 2010, I was sick of the city and my parents' huge house, and I told mom I wanted to move back to my cabin up in the hills. She was happy to come with me. She loved it up there. She made a lot of friends, and her sister and lots of other family members loved coming up to visit her there.
I was sick of not working, too, so I bought half of small grocery/liquor/convenience store that was within walking distance from the cabin. 7-days a week, I worked the closing shift, and my partner and co-owner worked the opening shift. I dealt with the beer, liquor, and tobacco distributors, and the bank. He dealt with the grocery, deli, and convenience distributors, and the state lottery, licensing and tax people.
Every morning, I showered and dressed my mom, did her hair up, cooked breakfast, and we ate together. At 11:30am, I took her to her favorite diner for lunch. All the servers knew her by name. When we got home, I cooked dinner and stuck it in the fridge, so all she had to do is heat it up. Then we'd relax until I left for work at about 2.
I took care of mom and worked full time at my little store until 2015, when my back just couldn't do it anymore.
At work, I hoisted cases of beer, soft drinks, and water, arranged and rearranged them in our 12 coolers, loaded kegs of beer into customer's trucks, set up displays of cases of wine, and mopped and buffed the floors.
At home, I took care of mom, which included lifting her. I made her bed every day and changed her bed linens every week, cleaned the house, did the laundry and all the cooking. I took mom to all her doctor appointments, to massage therapy on Wednesdays and physical therapy on Thursdays, and took her shopping when she asked me to. (I also hosted all our holiday dinners, but the family helped a lot.)
Five years of that totally wrecked my back (which already had old injuries and issues), so in 2015, mom went to live with my brother and I moved to an apartment close to my sons. I was in a wheelchair for almost a year.
In 2016, I had major spinal surgery and several months of physical therapy. I worked really hard....really hard, and I was out of the wheelchair in about 6 weeks, and after about 4 or 5 months, I didn't even need a cane.
Yikes. I got to rambling.
In short, I took care of my parents for about 4 years, and then only mom for about another 10.
Mom was ok alone while I worked the late shift, but she required complete care during the last 5 of those 10 years.
It took a toll on me physically, but I wouldn't do anything differently.
We had a great time those last 5 years. A GREAT time.....mainly because she loved it.
My brother placed mom in a nursing home in 2020. It was a nice one; private rooms, lots of trees and a pond; but I don't think she liked it very much.
She died in 2021.
