Mother's Funeral Cost?

Patnono

Active member
Location
Whittier,Ca
When I was a young single mom my dad died. I have 8 siblings who all had jobs. No one would help pay his funeral cost. My aunt was making the payments, I thought that wasn't her responsibility. So I took over the payments, didn't Ask the balance just felt like it was the right thing to do. Well, now I'm waiting for that phone call about my mom, she's in poor health. I know there is nothing financially set up for her funeral. I don't feel like I should help pay for her funeral? I'm now retired. My health isn't good either. My savings is half gone, and everyone who's collecting SSI knows it doesn't pay much. My other siblings are in a better financial place than iam. Am I Wrong?
 

Patnono

Active member
Location
Whittier,Ca
Original Poster
I agree, the thing is my mother is a devout Catholic her wishes were that she'd be buried next to her dad. I will bring up cremation to my siblings because of the cost and see what they say? The Catholic Church now allows cremation, a good compromise could be cremation and putting her ashes in the ground with him?
 

hypochondriac

Well-known member
Location
Australia
ive thought about this. for my own funeral i mean. can we just skip the funeral? im opting for cremation for sure.as drifter said ...the cost of dying.
by the way your parents felt no obligation to leave some money aside?
 

Patnono

Active member
Location
Whittier,Ca
Original Poster
ive thought about this. for my own funeral i mean. can we just skip the funeral? im opting for cremation for sure.as drifter said ...the cost of dying.
by the way your parents felt no obligation to leave some money aside?
Thanks for writing, my parents were in no position to leave any. I told my kids that I would like to be creamated so they won't feel the need to visit my grave.
 

Rosemarie

Well-known member
Location
England
ive thought about this. for my own funeral i mean. can we just skip the funeral? im opting for cremation for sure.as drifter said ...the cost of dying.
by the way your parents felt no obligation to leave some money aside?
Yes, we all have to die. It seems very selfish not to make some preparation for our funeral instead of leaving it for others to sort out. It is possible to actually pay for a basic funeral before you die. I have set aside a sum of money which should cover the cost and my children know this, and what my wishes are.
 

Ken N Tx

Older than Dirt !
Location
Texas
ive thought about this. for my own funeral i mean. can we just skip the funeral? im opting for cremation for sure.as drifter said ...the cost of dying.
by the way your parents felt no obligation to leave some money aside?
Most people bypass a funeral and just have a memorial sometime later..
 

Ken N Tx

Older than Dirt !
Location
Texas
My wife and I both opt for a cremation. The serving spouse will pay for the cremation and burial in my parents plot. At that time, will arrange for the other spouses costs.
 

Patnono

Active member
Location
Whittier,Ca
Original Poster
Yes, we all have to die. It seems very selfish not to make some preparation for our funeral instead of leaving it for others to sort out. It is possible to actually pay for a basic funeral before you die. I have set aside a sum of money which should cover the cost and my children know this, and what my wishes are.
Life such as it is, not everyone can do that. My dad was mentally ill, do never worked. My mom didn't work till later in life because she had to raise 7 kids on her own. I will suggest cremation to my siblings
 

HazyDavey

Do not place near heat or open flame.
I've had to take care of two cremation burials in our family, along with the two memorial services. One was at the church, the other memorial was at the grave site. We've got it set up when our time comes we'll be doing the same cremation burial in the family plot. To me, it's just easier all the way around and it seems a lot of folks that I've known also gone that direction.
 

Patnono

Active member
Location
Whittier,Ca
Original Poster
I've had to take care of two cremation burials in our family, along with the two memorial services. One was at the church, the other memorial was at the grave site. We've got it set up when our time comes we'll be doing the same cremation burial in the family plot. To me, it's just easier all the way around and it seems a lot of folks that I've known also gone that direction.
That's what I've told my kids that I want. Or there's something called the Neptune Society don't Know if anybody's heard of that? You donate you're body and nobody pays for anything. My kids did not like that Idea. You can have a memorial service.
 

Marie5656

I'm awake. Best I can hope for.
Location
Rochester, NY
really?? i wasnt aware of that
This is what I did for my husband when he died in April. Had him cremated and did his memorial a couple weeks later at the funeral home. No fancy casket or viewing. Still cost $3000, but that was OK. My niece, who is my executor will do the same for me. I have money set aside to pay for it.
 

treeguy64

Hari Om, y'all!
Location
Austin, TX.
We had my alcoholic, pita mil cremated, put in a cardboard box, and buried in a prepaid plot. We did our own graveside service. Total cost: $750.
 

toffee

Well-known member
Location
uk
In both our countries its a rip off' cremation is the cheapest-and the ashes can be kept where ever your happiest with ' my friend lost her hubby only in his 40s..i went to visit her after the funeral - she took me upstairs to a little sitting room and he is kept in a lovely urn on a table
where she goes to sit and chat to him -if it helps why not' my sis does the exact same -so when they both go they are put together ..
 

Ruth n Jersey

Well-known member
My Grandparents bought plots and stones many years ago. Enough for generations to come. I want the simplest funeral possible. No viewing,special attire or flowers. Donations can be made to a local animal shelter.

A little off topic,but is anyone not going to be buried with their spouse? I always intended to be buried in the family plot. Hubby is welcome there also but chooses to be buried in a plot his parents bought for him. Do you find this strange and is it a common occurrence?
 
We do cremations and memorial services later in our family.

My father's service was on the beach. We had a bonfire and beer and shot off fireworks. Ashes scattered in the surf. Very little cost as he had a pre-paid cremation policy.

My husband's was at his favorite fish camp three weeks after he died. We had beer and BBQ (liquid libations from Costco and the rest catered by the fish camp) and went out in a flotilla of boats to scatter his ashes at his favorite fishing spot. Cost for cremation and one heck of a party (we had a good-sized crowd) came to less than $1500.

My sister's memorial service last year six weeks after her death was held in a meeting room in a historical building that looked like the inside of an old sailing ship. She would have loved it. We had a family-only gathering later on their boat and then went to her favorite body of water and scattered her ashes. We also did a memorial cruise with the boat.

My aunt's memorial service this year was at her son's beach condo two months after she died. It was a low-key gathering of family and friends with a lot of stories told and some good food. Ashes scattered later in the surf.

One of my grandmother's last requests to my mother was, "Don't bury me with your father!" I think she couldn't face the prospect of having to listen to him complain for eternity. So we didn't. We had her name and dates chiseled on the other side of the double headstone and then scattered her ashes at the family farm where she was born. I'm sure she was much happier there.

The Spousal Equivalent's family, on the other hand, goes in for long drawn-out funeral affairs that are painful for everyone and end up with someone in debt for ages. He wants a traditional funeral. I said, "talk to your sons about it as I'm not going to do that". In fact, he already has his gravestone in place next to his parents in the family cemetery. Creeps the bejeezuts out of me to see that, as we did last week. He had his father, sister and brother moved there from another city to the family graveyard a few years ago. Boy, did that cost a pretty penny.

I just want to be cremated (my last chance to have a hot, smokin' bod), be scattered in a waterfall and then everybody have a drink in my honor at some funky bar.
 

Keesha

Playful Scamp
Location
Canada
That's what I've told my kids that I want. Or there's something called the Neptune Society don't Know if anybody's heard of that? You donate you're body and nobody pays for anything. My kids did not like that Idea. You can have a memorial service.
Your kids don’t need to like it.
It’s about YOUR wishes and what YOU can afford.
This isn’t about them.
 

treeguy64

Hari Om, y'all!
Location
Austin, TX.
Interesting how so many seem to believe that the dead still are attached to their old bodies/ashes. If our spirits actually exist, I can think of nothing worse than hanging out in a coffin or in a place my ashes might be stored/scattered, for eternity. If, after I breathe my last, I find my incorporeal self floating above my lifeless body, I will instantly take off and go cruise the universe, for eternity.
 

Patnono

Active member
Location
Whittier,Ca
Original Poster
In both our countries its a rip off' cremation is the cheapest-and the ashes can be kept where ever your happiest with ' my friend lost her hubby only in his 40s..i went to visit her after the funeral - she took me upstairs to a little sitting room and he is kept in a lovely urn on a table
where she goes to sit and chat to him -if it helps why not' my sis does the exact same -so when they both go they are put together ..
[/QUOTE

Probably? It only cost my sister $400 to cremate her dog. Either way cremation is cheaper than a funeral
 

Knight

Well-known member
When I was a young single mom my dad died.
I have 8 siblings who all had jobs. No one would help pay his funeral cost. My aunt was making the payments,
Commendable of you to take over the payments especially when supporting the cost to raise a child by yourself. Understandable that with 8 siblings putting away money for what we all know is going to happen wasn't likely.

I agree, the thing is my mother is a devout Catholic her wishes were that she'd be buried next to her dad.
Curious though why wouldn't your mother want to be buried next to her husband?

As a last gift to our kids. Prepaid cremation, the $50.00 cardboard box to cremate a person in & side by side plots translate into our kids not wondering what needs to be taken care of. They all know where the paperwork is, they know our wishes so there is no chance for the cremation to turn into a last minute emotional appeal for something more costly. Loss of a loved one isn't easy but to compound the loss by burdening them with debt too never seemed right.
 

hypochondriac

Well-known member
Location
Australia
This is what I did for my husband when he died in April. Had him cremated and did his memorial a couple weeks later at the funeral home. No fancy casket or viewing. Still cost $3000, but that was OK. My niece, who is my executor will do the same for me. I have money set aside to pay for it.
can we skip the memorial too?
 


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