Moved my mom into long term care

[MountainRa]

Some of you know my 91 year old mother has lived with me for several years. She fell in June and cracked her knee cap . She has been in short term rehab for little more than a month. The goal was to get her mobile enough to return home with me.

We’ve had to face the reality that will not likely happen. She made slow progress but eventually began refusing all physical and occupational therapy or to leave the bed. At that point, of course, insurance would no longer pay for rehab and she would have to be discharged. But she was not well enough to come home.

So we moved her to a long term care facility very close to all our family. I think Mom has possibly made a decision to give up the struggle though she may yet rebound.

I’m exhausted from trying to navigate the American healthcare system on her behalf. I don’t know how any one gets through this stage of life without someone to advocate for them.

Mom has good insurance but it doesn’t pay for long term care and she has too much money in the bank to qualify for Medicaid.

My mom started adult life as an orphan without a penny to her name. She was proud that she worked hard, owned her own home, put kids through college and managed to build up savings she wanted to leave to loved ones. You could achieve that in America back then.

Now, like for many senior citizens in this stage of life, the issue is will she outlive the savings she scraped to hang onto.

So far we’re satisfied with the facility she is in. All the staff seem caring and helpful. But it’s an institution and everything revolves around keeping the institution running smoothly. It can’t be like home as I have to keep reminding myself. And I am struggling with accepting I can release some control over care giving for her and let others help. It may not be identical to the care I would give but it is care.

Thank you for listening to me vent.

 

[MACKTEXAS]

That's a heavy burden for you to carry. I know, because I've been there, and navigating the system has become more difficult these days than when I had to do it.

In general, if your mother did not move a significant portion of her assets out of her name at least five years before admission to the facility, the part of the monthly charge over and above what her Social Security pays will probably be her responsibility.

But , you expressed some hope where you wrote "she may yet rebound." Maybe she will, in a few weeks, recover enough to return to your home. Just being admitted to long term care doesn't mean she has to always remain there. Some go in for a month or two and that's all. I hope it all turns out better than it may seem at this time.

 

[jujube]

It's a heavy burden, indeed.

My mother put her property into a trust about 10 years before she died, so that it was safeguarded.

She never did have to go into care and died at home at 95. It would have driven her insane to give the government the advantage of any of her money.

 

[OldOld]

I’m exhausted from trying to navigate the American healthcare system on her behalf. I don’t know how any one gets through this stage of life without someone to advocate for them.

Mom has good insurance but it doesn’t pay for long term care and she has too much money in the bank to qualify for Medicaid.

My mom started adult life as an orphan without a penny to her name. She was proud that she worked hard, owned her own home, put kids through college and managed to build up savings she wanted to leave to loved ones. You could achieve that in America back then.

Now, like for many senior citizens in this stage of life, the issue is will she outlive the savings she scraped to hang onto.

So far we’re satisfied with the facility she is in. All the staff seem caring and helpful. But it’s an institution and everything revolves around keeping the institution running smoothly. It can’t be like home as I have to keep reminding myself. And I am struggling with accepting I can release some control over care giving for her and let others help. It may not be identical to the care I would give but it is care.

Thank you for listening to me vent.

1. Your mom is fortunate enough to have you arranging everything for her.
2. Many seniors plan/manipulate their asset so they can qualify for Medicaid. It's better to consult an attorney who specializes in elder law. If not, your mom can pay for the assisting living until she runs out of money, then be qualified for Medicaid. If she out-lives her saving, there is Medicaid and social welfare to keep her alive, although it may not be a nice arrangement.
3. We live in a capitalist society. Everything is about money. The assisted living facilities are there to make money. It doesn't matter if they say they are non-profit or for-profit, everybody wants pay raises and bonuses as much as they can get away with. It's human nature in the capitalism society.

 

[CinnamonSugar]

@MountainRa, you are tired emotionally, mentally and physically through this ordeal (the long-haul)... you are probably also grieving: what you hoped for your mom as far as being able to care for her and your expectations of your own ability to care.

Please give yourself grace and time. You have done your best. Grief is not always linear... sometimes those five steps repeat or double back on themselves... ((hugs))

We're here to listen when you need us.