Moving to an assisted living facility

J

jerry and paula

New Member
Hello to all
We are new to the forum and would like some input on whether to move out of our home. My wife is limited to a wheelchair and suffers from agrophobia. She has a fear of getting out in public. Have been looking into assisted living but concerned about the cost. We would have to sell our home and even with those funds and our retirement our number of years in the facility would be limited. Any help/comments are appreciated.
 

My impression of assisted living places is that they overly confine people, take people's personal rights away, abuse them, force them to take drugs against their will, and whatever else they can get away with to hasten their deaths. The sooner the people confined there die, the more those places profit by taking the people's remaining assets, then replacing them with new people and doing the same things again.

Personally I'm planning to live in my home by my choice and terms until the end of my life, and if no one finds me for awhile afterward then that's fine with me too.

In your case what I would do is to spend those extra funds to make your home more accessible for your wife and yourself. For example, make sure your wife has the best wheelchair possible, where she can push herself around herself, and you can also push her around, or perhaps have 2 or 3 different wheelchairs for different purposes. To help her agoraphobia, perhaps push her around the block every morning, or a couple times a day, so she can get out more, see the sights and feel more comfortable.
 
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jerry and paula said:
Hello to all
We are new to the forum and would like some input on whether to move out of our home. My wife is limited to a wheelchair and suffers from agrophobia. She has a fear of getting out in public. Have been looking into assisted living but concerned about the cost. We would have to sell our home and even with those funds and our retirement our number of years in the facility would be limited. Any help/comments are appreciated.
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Like @John cycling above, my plan is to live in my own home no matter what. I know people who live in sheltered housing where they have a flat or bungalow and there is help on site if they ever need it. Most seem happy with that but, it is expensive and I'd think the stress of knowing your funds might run out before you do, doesn't sound like a nice way to live.

I would stay where you are, if you are both happy. Use the funds you do have to have any adaptions made to make life easier. You sound as if you are your wife's carer? If that is the case, be mindful of your own health too and try and organise things so you have time for yourself.
 

John cycling said:
My impression of assisted living places is that they overly confine people, take people's personal rights away, abuse them, force them to take drugs against their will, and whatever else they can get away with to hasten their deaths. The sooner the people confined there die, the more those places profit by taking the people's remaining assets, then replacing them with new people and doing the same things again.

Personally I'm planning to live in my home by my choice and terms until the end of my life, and if no one finds me for awhile afterward then that's fine with me too.

In your case what I would do is to spend those extra funds to make your home more accessible for your wife and yourself. For example, make sure your wife has the best wheelchair possible, where she can push herself around herself, and you can also push her around, or perhaps have 2 or 3 different wheelchairs for different purposes. To help her agoraphobia, perhaps push her around the block every morning, or a couple times a day, so she can get out more, see the sights and feel more comfortable.
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Some employees at those places have personality hang-ups, such as being racist, and will take out their grievances on certain residents they consider deserve to be punished. I found my mother had been physically attacked and they refused to tell me who had done it. They did not inform me when she died and sent her to be cremated.
 
jerry and paula said:
Hello to all
We are new to the forum and would like some input on whether to move out of our home. My wife is limited to a wheelchair and suffers from agrophobia. She has a fear of getting out in public. Have been looking into assisted living but concerned about the cost. We would have to sell our home and even with those funds and our retirement our number of years in the facility would be limited. Any help/comments are appreciated.
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Welcome to the forum...

Could you say which country you're in,..that would help people to know what is available for you...
 
Here in Canada we have 2 types of assisted living:
a) Sponsored by non profit organizations such as Kiwanis or Lyons. These are reasonably priced, the service is good and the people who get in there are pretty happy to be there.
b) Totally for profit: These are the vultures that will squeeze all the money out of you. They are always looking for "fat cats" with a lot of money. They are always advertising in all the senior papers. Buyer Beware; I say!

By the way, if you want to get into a nonprofit place, there is a waiting period of anywhere from 2 years and up.
The private (greedy) ones always have room.
 
I only know a few people, friends of my family who ended up in assisted living, and some are OK others depressed and nearly vegetative.

The more money you have and the more attentive family members you have the better it is for the person in the facility. I would not want this for myself and must plan ahead to see that it does not happen but the person I know who is doing the worst in assisted living was an authoratative person used to being in charge of everything. She had a fall one day a few years ago and simply never recovered. Her children stuck her in assisted living and she's depressed and more dead than alive now. It's truly pathetic.
 
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My biggest concern with entering assisted living on a limited budget is what happens when your nest egg from the sale of your home is depleted?

Will you and your spouse qualify for your states Medicaid program?

Will you be able to continue living in the same assisted living facility or will you be forced to move?

Ask the tough questions and do your own research now while you still have a few options.

Would it be possible to compromise by selling your home now and moving into an apartment until you both require more care?

The good news is that today we have transportation services, grocery delivery services, cleaning people, meals on wheels, etcā€¦ that can help us create many of the things offered by an assisted living facility.

Good luck to both of you with this difficult decision. šŸ¤—
 
Start first with in-home care. Either part time or full. Assisted living should be costed out as a DAILY expense.
You might be surprised how reasonable it is when considering the expenses you will NOT be paying. Utilities, food, security, etc.
It's STILL a big cost. That's why I suggest in-home care in its various forms.
Look around. There are also consultants who can help with your choice.

:)
 
We put our parents in an assisted living facility and it was a wonderful experience. They were lovingly cared for. It was peace of mind for us knowing that help was a button push away. There were many off-site activities and in-house activities for those that couldn't get out. The grounds were well taken care of; there were many family events. Every service has a cost; we had someone administer their daily medications and help my mother to take a shower. Laundry and housekeeping services were included in the price. There was also a hairdresser/barber at a small cost.

We looked at many facilities in our area and chose this particular one because it was small and had just two floors. My parents were in one apartment together. Feel free to private message me with any questions and I can give you an idea of how much we paid, three years ago.
 
100% agree with @John cycling
We have ( had ) dear friends ( A married couple ) in our dancing group still very active they were out and about most days dancing 3 days a week ā€¦bingo / lunch / playing pokies then their daughters insisted they move to an assisted living which after much fuss they did 6 months ago .

( The daughters insisted because M had minor fall)
Well they were only there 5 months and they were restricted to catching buses / boring assisted living outings.

(He died while we were in QLD )
He was still driving before the daughters insisted they move ā€¦..he was 101 still dancing and living in their own unit
Now M is all alone they were married 79 years
 
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One thing to keep in mind about having stuff done to the home one currently lives in (referred to sometimes as "aging in place remodeling") instead of moving to a place that's more senior-friendly, is it can be quite expensive. Sure, if all you need to do is add a "grab bar" to the shower, that doesn't cost an enormous amount (although it's not cheap either). But what if you need to have doorways widened to allow a wheelchair through? What if you need to add even just one ramp? What if you need to have a shower put in or remodeled that can accomodate a wheelchair or even just a shower stool? It can add up to a lot of money.
 
AnneTeak said:
We put our parents in an assisted living facility and it was a wonderful experience. They were lovingly cared for. It was peace of mind for us knowing that help was a button push away. There were many off-site activities and in-house activities for those that couldn't get out. The grounds were well taken care of; there were many family events. Every service has a cost; we had someone administer their daily medications and help my mother to take a shower. Laundry and housekeeping services were included in the price. There was also a hairdresser/barber at a small cost.

We looked at many facilities in our area and chose this particular one because it was small and had just two floors. My parents were in one apartment together. Feel free to private message me with any questions and I can give you an idea of how much we paid, three years ago.
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I had the same experience with my parents.
I went to 6 different facilities to personally check them out. The facility that they went to they were well cared for. They had their own room and were together which was a huge concern for them. They had great food served to them as well as people to talk to. Their brains needed an outlet. They needed company which they got. Unfortunately my dad died January 20 of this year. He was 95. My mom doesnā€™t communicate. She says nothing at all. Iā€™m not sure how much longer she will hang on.

My mother in law isnā€™t doing well either. She fell and broke her shoulder a couple of weeks ago. Itā€™s not easy knowing the right thing to do
 
Aunt Bea said:
My biggest concern with entering assisted living on a limited budget is what happens when your nest egg from the sale of your home is depleted?

Will you and your spouse qualify for your states Medicaid program?

Will you be able to continue living in the same assisted living facility or will you be forced to move?

Ask the tough questions and do your own research now while you still have a few options.

Would it be possible to compromise by selling your home now and moving into an apartment until you both require more care?

The good news is that today we have transportation services, grocery delivery services, cleaning people, meals on wheels, etcā€¦ that can help us create many of the things offered by an assisted living facility.

Good luck to both of you with this difficult decision. šŸ¤—
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Excellent points Aunt Bea.

 
I had to move into a nursing facility, if I had my choice assisted living would be it. You'll have company and don't have to worry about bills or home maintenance, but try to find a good home health agency first and do some modifications widen doorways, remodel the bathroom, and add a ramp if necessary stay in your house as long as possible.

When you have to move on you'll know it accept it and do it.
 
TheOtherRick said:
I had to move into a nursing facility, if I had my choice assisted living would be it. You'll have company and don't have to worry about bills or home maintenance, but try to find a good home health agency first and do some modifications widen doorways, remodel the bathroom, and add a ramp if necessary stay in your house as long as possible.

When you have to move on you'll know it accept it and do it.
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Good points except in every case in my experience (with elderly parents/step-parents, in-laws, friends, etc.) when it was time to move on, they (or at least one if it was a couple) refused to accept it and move and made things even more difficult (usually for the other spouse or family members) than it would've been if they'd planned ahead and moved when they should have. I've seen this and am seeing it over and over.
 
I live alone in my home, have no intention of moving. Some of the things I think about are:
1. Doctors may at any time not allow me to return home. This happened to my husband.
2. The upkeep on my house is difficult because labor is scarce. I need yard work done, the house painted, electrical work, etc.
3. Winters are difficult and dangerous.
4. What will reach up and bite me next??
I try to take these difficulties as they come, finding and assigning the Top Priority, resolving it, and going on to the next one. Good for the old noodle.
This site is very helpful!
 
When we were looking at assisted living facilities for our parents, one director pointed out making a decision; which one we preferred, rather than scrambling at the last minute and risking availability of an opening. They could no longer cook for themselves. it is difficult to open an oven when u have a walker in front of you. we were taking meals over but realized they weren't eating them, opting instead for take-out meals being delivered. They weren't taking their medications. They were isolated and needed people around them. They needed to be monitored 24 hours a day. It was the best decision we made.

We did try home health care through Senior Services. However, I didn't trust the caregivers who were coming in. Sometimes they didn't show up. I wondered if they were stealing from them.

It was costly and that bothered my father. He would say this is your inheritance and I would tell him, this is how i want to spend it; making sure you were safe. "I am not living my life thinking I am going to profit off yours". It was the most difficult time in my adult life. I was so stressed. They were there for a year; both dying of Covid within days of each other; a caregiver had brought it into the facility. I was relieved and i struggled for three years after but I did the best I could at the time. I have no regrets.
 
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AnneTeak said:
When we were looking at assisted living facilities for our parents, one director pointed out making a decision; which one we preferred, rather than scrambling at the last minute and risking availability of an opening. They could no longer cook for themselves. it is difficult to open an oven when u have a walker in front of you. we were taking meals over but realized they weren't eating them, opting instead for take-out meals being delivered. They weren't taking their medications. They were isolated and needed people around them. They needed to be monitored 24 hours a day. It was the best decision we made.

We did try home health care through Senior Services. However, I didn't trust the caregivers who were coming in. Sometimes they didn't show up. I wondered if they were stealing from them.

It was costly and that bothered my father. He would say this is your inheritance and I would tell him, this is how i want to spend it; making sure you were safe. "I am not living my life thinking I am going to profit off yours". It was the most difficult time in my adult life. I was so stressed. They were there for a year; both dying of Covid within days of each other; a caregiver had brought it into the facility. I was relieved and i struggled for three years after but I did the best I could at the time. I have no regrets.
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Sad but so true; great post, thanks.
 

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