My close relative's disregard for her own health

D

dani_inf

New Member
Hi,

Forums can be such a useful thing!

I'm posting here, because I've got a close relative (baby boomer generation), who I've recently noticed is very neglectful when it comes to her own health:
- There's strong evidence that a local steel factory nearby her home is causing serious air pollution (people noticing black sediment on their window sills and cars, also very small metal particles etc.) and things like this can cause serious illnesses (cancer, lung disease, stroke, heart disease etc.). I mentioned this to her, along with a news article that reported about this and strongly suggested to her that she has an air filtration system installed, instead of airing her flat via the windows, yet she's refusing and doesn't seem to consider this as a big issue at all. She can easily afford the filtration system.
- She's cooking on gas, and is refusing to have a fire alarm installed, despite me offering to come and install it for her. I sent her several articles reporting on people saved by a fire alarm to demonstrate their effectiveness. After a lot of nagging I somehow managed to have her install at least a CO alarm.
- She also cooks with a teflon coated pan, and is using steel utensils when taking the food out of it. Multiple times, I've warned her that this is dangerous, since damaged teflon can leak into food and is toxic and urged her to use plastic or wooden utensils, yet she doesn't see this as an issue either.

There are also other things like her propensity to consume unhealthy food etc.

She's also quite stingy when it comes to all kinds of things, and is focused solely on the price, almost completely neglecting the health impacts (e.g. cooking on gas vs electricity).
She has also several times mentioned that if she ever gets seriously ill, as in a chronic illness, she wouldn't want to be a burden to her close ones.

I consider all of this to be very worrying signs that she values her own health very little. Given that my recommendations, backed up by health science, aren't really working, I'm wondering what are some other ways to get her to value her own health more?

Greatly appreciate any advice here!

Dani
 

dani_inf said:
Hi,

Forums can be such a useful thing!

I'm posting here, because I've got a close relative (baby boomer generation), who I've recently noticed is very neglectful when it comes to her own health:
- There's strong evidence that a local steel factory nearby her home is causing serious air pollution (people noticing black sediment on their window sills and cars, also very small metal particles etc.) and things like this can cause serious illnesses (cancer, lung disease, stroke, heart disease etc.). I mentioned this to her, along with a news article that reported about this and strongly suggested to her that she has an air filtration system installed, instead of airing her flat via the windows, yet she's refusing and doesn't seem to consider this as a big issue at all. She can easily afford the filtration system.
- She's cooking on gas, and is refusing to have a fire alarm installed, despite me offering to come and install it for her. I sent her several articles reporting on people saved by a fire alarm to demonstrate their effectiveness. After a lot of nagging I somehow managed to have her install at least a CO alarm.
- She also cooks with a teflon coated pan, and is using steel utensils when taking the food out of it. Multiple times, I've warned her that this is dangerous, since damaged teflon can leak into food and is toxic and urged her to use plastic or wooden utensils, yet she doesn't see this as an issue either.

There are also other things like her propensity to consume unhealthy food etc.

She's also quite stingy when it comes to all kinds of things, and is focused solely on the price, almost completely neglecting the health impacts (e.g. cooking on gas vs electricity).
She has also several times mentioned that if she ever gets seriously ill, as in a chronic illness, she wouldn't want to be a burden to her close ones.

I consider all of this to be very worrying signs that she values her own health very little. Given that my recommendations, backed up by health science, aren't really working, I'm wondering what are some other ways to get her to value her own health more?

Greatly appreciate any advice here!

Dani
Click to expand...
I would just like to remind you that it is her life and her choice to live it as she sees fit. That said, would you want someone dictating how you live your life once you've seen all those years? She has the right to do what she wants. You can't control her. And trying to control is not a very kind thing to do.

And her not wanting to be a burden to family if she becomes chronically ill is also her choice. We have a right to make decisions for ourselves regardless of what someone else thinks or believes.
I think it's great that you care about her but you need to resepect her wishes.

Frankly if it were me, I wouldn't see any point in wasting money on a filtration system if I were in my 80s. She could have it installed and pass away the next day. Just let her be, let her live the rest of her life as she sees fit. She deserves to be who she is and live as she chooses until it's time for her to leave this world.
 
hollydolly said:
Cooking on Gas ?.. Why do you think that's so dangerous ?..I've cooked on gas all my life
Click to expand...
Gas is more of a fire hazard; you're more likely to get accidental burns from it, compared to induction stoves; gas is most of the time leaking from the stove very slowly, even in a stove that's turned off and well functioning and estimates are that if you're using it your whole life, your lifespan is reduced by up to 1 year due to this effect.
 
dani_inf said:
Gas is more of a fire hazard; you're more likely to get accidental burns from it, compared to induction stoves; gas is most of the time leaking from the stove very slowly, even in a stove that's turned off and well functioning and estimates are that if you're using it your whole life, your lifespan is reduced by up to 1 year due to this effect.
Click to expand...
Oh I beg your pardon, I didn't see where you said she had dementia ? :unsure:
 
dani_inf said:
Hi,

Forums can be such a useful thing!

I'm posting here, because I've got a close relative (baby boomer generation), who I've recently noticed is very neglectful when it comes to her own health:


Greatly appreciate any advice here!

Dani
Click to expand...
My advice is to have her determined to be mentally incompetent, set up & pay for a care facility that has a 5 star rating. Be prepared for many years of paying for her care.

Or

Realize it's her choice on how she wants to live, and just be there for her when & if she asks for your help.
 
dani_inf said:
Hi,

Forums can be such a useful thing!

I'm posting here, because I've got a close relative (baby boomer generation), who I've recently noticed is very neglectful when it comes to her own health:
- There's strong evidence that a local steel factory nearby her home is causing serious air pollution (people noticing black sediment on their window sills and cars, also very small metal particles etc.) and things like this can cause serious illnesses (cancer, lung disease, stroke, heart disease etc.). I mentioned this to her, along with a news article that reported about this and strongly suggested to her that she has an air filtration system installed, instead of airing her flat via the windows, yet she's refusing and doesn't seem to consider this as a big issue at all. She can easily afford the filtration system.
- She's cooking on gas, and is refusing to have a fire alarm installed, despite me offering to come and install it for her. I sent her several articles reporting on people saved by a fire alarm to demonstrate their effectiveness. After a lot of nagging I somehow managed to have her install at least a CO alarm.
- She also cooks with a teflon coated pan, and is using steel utensils when taking the food out of it. Multiple times, I've warned her that this is dangerous, since damaged teflon can leak into food and is toxic and urged her to use plastic or wooden utensils, yet she doesn't see this as an issue either.

There are also other things like her propensity to consume unhealthy food etc.

She's also quite stingy when it comes to all kinds of things, and is focused solely on the price, almost completely neglecting the health impacts (e.g. cooking on gas vs electricity).
She has also several times mentioned that if she ever gets seriously ill, as in a chronic illness, she wouldn't want to be a burden to her close ones.

I consider all of this to be very worrying signs that she values her own health very little. Given that my recommendations, backed up by health science, aren't really working, I'm wondering what are some other ways to get her to value her own health more?

Greatly appreciate any advice here!

Dani
Click to expand...
Try not to worry. You said your piece to her, now let it go, or you could worry yourself sick.
 
hollydolly said:
No, but what's the lieklihood of her being burned by a gas cooker... she can be burned by an electric cooker.... just as much.....

I'm 70 years old I was using gas cookers when I was 10..I've still be burned by them....
Click to expand...
An induction stove only heats when the pot is directly on it, plus the heating source exposure is a lot smaller. There's plenty of people who've burned themselves on them, I'd be willing to bet on it. You're just a single data point.
 
dani_inf said:
Gas is more of a fire hazard; you're more likely to get accidental burns from it, compared to induction stoves; gas is most of the time leaking from the stove very slowly, even in a stove that's turned off and well functioning and estimates are that if you're using it your whole life, your lifespan is reduced by up to 1 year due to this effect.
Click to expand...
This women hasn’t asked for your help. Right? Then don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. You’ve heard the phrase ‘mind your own business!’ You need to step back and mind your own business.. From your perspective, it seems like everything she’s doing, she’s doing wrong. Leave the poor women alone.
 
dani_inf said:
An induction stove only heats when the pot is directly on it, plus the heating source exposure is a lot smaller. There's plenty of people who've burned themselves on them, I'd be willing to bet on it. You're just a single data point.
Click to expand...
did you say induction initially......or did you just plump for electric... and now changed to Induction when it suits...?

Clearly this person must be very incapable of looking after themselves, if you are so mightily concerned, in which case you should folow @Knight advice, and book them into a nursing home.

You've had our advice, ...goodnight, don't let the bed bugs bite
 
dani_inf said:
An induction stove only heats when the pot is directly on it, plus the heating source exposure is a lot smaller. There's plenty of people who've burned themselves on them, I'd be willing to bet on it. You're just a single data point.
Click to expand...
You ignored my other post & advice. Maybe this advice will help.

Ask her to live with you until you can pay to filter her home, have her home wired to supply the power needed for the stove that you think she should have. Lastly buy her the top model of induction stove.
Or

Realize it's her choice on how she wants to live, and just be there for her when & if she asks for your help.
Click to expand...
 
dani, you didn't mention where your close relative lives. Depending on where she lives, it most probably is illegal NOT to have a smoke detector. Here, in Pennsylvania, they will not grant a Certificate of Occupancy unless there is a smoke detector. In Massachusetts, it has to be hard wired in.
You could nag her to death about the other health related concerns, but I doubt any of it will sink in. Maybe just settle for a smoke detector for now.
 
You have a point on the fire alarm and I agree everyone should have one of those.

The other things - her choice and giving continual advice about petty things like Teflon pans or gas vs electric cooking seems really OTT to me.
I much prefer cooking on gas stove myself. Other people prefer electric - personal choice.
Of all the things that could lessen our lives by 1 year, gas cooking rates far behind well known issues like weight, smoking etc. I'm happy to take my chances and won't be replacing my gas stove either.

You do you and back off and let her do herself. Choices other people want to take, unless directly impacting on us, are not our business or our call to make.
 
My view is that your relative is living as she wants to live.
She has made it this far and understands that we all have to die from something.
The things you talk about, air pollution, teflon leakage, are not going to strike her down overnight.
Unhealthy food? Same same, yes, might lead to coronary problems but she has made the decision as she sees fit.
I say let her live her life as she wants to.
She is a little contented living this way?
 
hollydolly said:
did you say induction initially......or did you just plump for electric... and now changed to Induction when it suits...?

Clearly this person must be very incapable of looking after themselves, if you are so mightily concerned, in which case you should folow @Knight advice, and book them into a nursing home.

You've had our advice, ...goodnight, don't let the bed bugs bite
Click to expand...
Sorry, I meant induction stove (which do use electricity as well).
 
Perhaps I wasn't clear enough in the beginning, but I'm looking for advice on how to persuade her, and that doens't involve me forcing her into something or having her declared insane. Mostly I'm looking for people with similar experiences that have managed to get them to change their minds.

I'm all for freedom of choice, but then again I do become concerned when these choices are putting her in significant danger, and there's an easy way to remove that danger.


I appreciate your opinions.
 

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