Any serious mental illness is hard on everyone, especially family members. How do you explain to a child that daddy prefers to be in the laundry room smoking cigarettes, listening to the radio instead of upstairs spending time with family? This went on for 30 years until I changed due another psychotic breakdown and I woke up to be the type of father I should have been in the first place.
Although all is forgiven, I think about how much I've missed because of schizophrenia, but not that much, as I try to make up for time lost instead of moaning about it.