My life

P

Poodles

New Member
I’m a 61 year old from Canada. I live alone but I’m married. Strange yes. My spouse is disabled and extremely stubborn. He will be 81 in May . His health is deteriorating quickly. He is at the point where he needs help with everything but he refuses. I’ve had anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember and have always put my husband first. This has cost me many friendships over the years. Looking for support new friends.
 

I have been in your situation of being a caregiver, not an easy job but try to look at it as a rewarding one. It is hard for some men to admit to needing help. What help has he refused Poodles?

I do not quite understand why putting your husband first would cause you to lose friends, can you elaborate?
 
That is to be expected when you marry someone who's 20 years older than you.
 

I don't know your situation. Is he in a home or are you the caretaker? It's tough to be the only one caring for him.

I can understand that your friends are more fixated on not understanding your problems instead of helping to solve them.
 
Lee said:
I have been in your situation of being a caregiver, not an easy job but try to look at it as a rewarding one. It is hard for some men to admit to needing help. What help has he refused Poodles?

I do not quite understand why putting your husband first would cause you to lose friends, can you elaborate?
Click to expand...
He is refusing home care help, mostly for bathing. He has been disabled for many years, walks with crutches but generally everything is getting more difficult and he is in denial about getting to this stage. Over the years the few friends I did have disappeared because I spent all my time with him. Most of them never liked him very much. The contact with them faded gradually.
 
Disgustedman said:
I don't know your situation. Is he in a home or are you the caretaker? It's tough to be the only one caring for him.

I can understand that your friends are more fixated on not understanding your problems instead of helping to solve them.
Click to expand...
Right. My friends didn’t get it. He was my focus. His health issues started many years ago. He is not in a home. He lives alone in an apartment. I do his laundry and his groceries. he Has very little appetite theses days and is wasting away. He doesn’t want to talk about it or do anything to help himself. He has an older sister who I always thought would be there for him but that is not the case. He has a fractured relationship with his family doctor but he needs help.

I talk about my friends in the past tense because they have been absent for some time now.
 
HI Poodles... despair no longer about lost friends, you'll find some albeit Invisible but very real friends here...

welcome-London-Big-ben.webp
 
Welcome! I was also a caregiver and people do drift away. It is often the fear of what is happening, they don't know what to say or do too help. So, we are left to find our way through the maze of doctors, hospitals, insurance, all the while trying to keep things as normal as possible for the family.
 
Welcome, Poodles. I'm also in Canada - Toronto. You've come to the right place for support and friendship.
It sounds as though your husband should be in a care facility. Would he consider that?

toronto.bw.jpg
 
Pinky said:
Welcome, Poodles. I'm also in Canada - Toronto. You've come to the right place for support and friendship.
It sounds as though your husband should be in a care facility. Would he consider that?

View attachment 266528
Click to expand...
hello. Toronto too. He will not really talk about it but I think he knows. He’s a very smart man. If I try to suggest that he just changes the subject. Very hard to get older. He’s dealt with pain and poor health for many years already. He’s frustrated and angry
 
Welcome, Poodles. I'm so sorry to hear about the situation with your husband. There are a lot of caring people in this forum and it seems to be a great outlet for sharing your feelings and forming cathartic connections. Please reach out.

welcome from Dallas.jpeg
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top