Need some advice (living alone, meeting someone)

M

Mggs11

New Member
I’m going on a year now of living alone after ending a 5yr relationship. Living alone has been an adjustment,since I’ve never gone this long without being with someone. I am finding I’m becoming somewhat depressed even though I remain very active. I have found meeting single men at this age is hard. Have any of you experienced this,and will it eventually subside. I hope so.
 

I get it, @Mggs11 ! Not only is it harder to meet men, but it's harder to imagine ever getting together with one, even if I did meet him.

Some people seem to be fine with being alone. Others are made differently. A male friend told me he missed having "someone to do things for." Volunteer work, etc., doesn't fill the gap.

I hate being alone. I was not meant to be alone. But here I am.

I'm trying to develop other interests and relate to people in new ways. Having different kinds of conversations, etc., and viewing friendships differently. It helps some.

But yeah, I just feel like a leftover. I'm afraid I don't have the answer.
 
We've spent our years taking care of a man, feeding him, laughing with him, intimacy, loving him.
Now, It's just US!
Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves, realize we are not on this world to be with
another soul. We are here to grow and evolve within ourselves. BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE.

Make yourself happy by doing what you love. This will radiate to your surroundings and to
everyone. This will make you strong and self-actualized. When you start creating, being happy,
you'll be surprised at your full potential. Go where you want, do what you want, eat what you
want, enjoy nature. Read, meditate. Enjoy LIFE! Start enjoying YOU!

"Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment". Be ready for the wonders to begin!
You don't have to worry, or be in fear, or live in sadness. Be thankful. Start having FUN!
 
debodun said:
I've never been in a romantic relationship and I've been alone since mom passed in 2006. I've been alone so long it bothers me somewhat to be with people. I really only get out to go to church, Bible study and grocery shop.
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Deb, do you think you would be as bothered by people, if you didn't have us..AKA a forum where you chat with people on a daily basis ?.. Do you think you might feel differently about connecting with people in real Life, if you had no Virtual chat every day ?
 
Mggs11 said:
I’m going on a year now of living alone after ending a 5yr relationship. Living alone has been an adjustment,since I’ve never gone this long without being with someone. I am finding I’m becoming somewhat depressed even though I remain very active. I have found meeting single men at this age is hard. Have any of you experienced this,and will it eventually subside. I hope so.
Click to expand...
I don’t know where you are but here in Maryland there are a lot of Senior Centers. I used to attend 3 of them in my area . I can‘t tell you how many of my friends met and began seeing men attending activities there. I noticed that a lot of them hooked up in dance classes like ballroom dance or line dancing 😉 good luck!
 
Well if you move to my neck of the woods there is no problem meeting either sex. The town itself has the reputation of being a senior town. In my neighborhood alone there has been two marriages, three live togethers and a whole lot of he-ing and she-ing going on.
 
A pet would help you so much. When my spouse passed away, I had never lived alone but I still had my pet. This pet not only helped me through the grieving of losing my spouse but also helped me adjust to living alone. Now my pet has died and I don't mind living alone. I have adjusted to it so much it doesn't bother me. If you like animals, it could help you.
 
My area has a lot of activities, but they are not geared toward seniors, and it's not a lot of fun to go by yourself. The "senior centers" that are around here are nursing homes and senior daycare centers, neither of which I need. I want active companionship. In the one active senior center I've been to, I found the seniors attending to be much older, not very active (unless you consider bingo active), and not very friendly.

If I wasn't still being careful to keep my distance from others because of the pandemic, it would be easier to get out and perhaps meet people. I'm happy for anyone who's truly content with being all alone. Personally, I could do with a bit more companionship.

I've commented on the pet thing several times. I'd love to have a pet, but because, as I've said before, I have limited contact with others because of the pandemic, rescuing a pet and keeping it socially isolated from others isn't a good thing. It's different if you had the pet before the pandemic. It's probably already been properly socialized and is happy enough to just be with you. Also, I worry about a pet outliving me. No one I know would be willing to take it. As for adopting a senior pet, that sounds good and like a lovely thing to do if you want to incur costly medical bills for their health problems, which I do not.

It ain't easy getting old alone, unless that's what you really want to do.

Bella ✌️
 
hollydolly said:
Deb, do you think you would be as bothered by people, if you didn't have us..AKA a forum where you chat with people on a daily basis ?.. Do you think you might feel differently about connecting with people in real Life, if you had no Virtual chat every day ?
Click to expand...
Agoraphobia runs in my father's side of the family. My father's brother lived alone and never married. He was such a recluse, he'd open the door of his apartment a crack to make sure nobody was in the hallway before he took his trash out. I also have a cousin that never leaves her trailer.
 
NorthernLight said:
I get it, @Mggs11 ! Not only is it harder to meet men, but it's harder to imagine ever getting together with one, even if I did meet him.

Some people seem to be fine with being alone. Others are made differently. A male friend told me he missed having "someone to do things for." Volunteer work, etc., doesn't fill the gap.

I hate being alone. I was not meant to be alone. But here I am.

I'm trying to develop other interests and relate to people in new ways. Having different kinds of conversations, etc., and viewing friendships differently. It helps some.

But yeah, I just feel like a leftover. I'm afraid I don't have the answer.
Click to expand...
How long have you been alone?
 
Gaer said:
We've spent our years taking care of a man, feeding him, laughing with him, intimacy, loving him.
Now, It's just US!
Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves, realize we are not on this world to be with
another soul. We are here to grow and evolve within ourselves. BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE.

Make yourself happy by doing what you love. This will radiate to your surroundings and to
everyone. This will make you strong and self-actualized. When you start creating, being happy,
you'll be surprised at your full potential. Go where you want, do what you want, eat what you
want, enjoy nature. Read, meditate. Enjoy LIFE! Start enjoying YOU!

"Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment". Be ready for the wonders to begin!
You don't have to worry, or be in fear, or live in sadness. Be thankful. Start having FUN!
Click to expand...
You sound like you practice and are spiritual as I am,but at this moment am feeling a setback
 
Marian said:
I don’t know where you are but here in Maryland there are a lot of Senior Centers. I used to attend 3 of them in my area . I can‘t tell you how many of my friends met and began seeing men attending activities there. I noticed that a lot of them hooked up in dance classes like ballroom dance or line dancing 😉 good luck!
Click to expand...
Yes I belong to one,but it seems they’re all married
 
Mggs11 said:
How long have you been alone?
Click to expand...
I've lost track! This time around, I think 4 years.

My current location and my previous location are both quite small and isolated. So everyone is connected in some way (best friend's ex, neighbor's coworker, etc.). And then if you break up, it's awkward, because you'll run into them everywhere.

In a more populated area, not only is it more likely to find someone (numbers game), but it's easier to take a chance -- because if it doesn't work out, you can probably avoid them.

"At this age," many people have given up, or have changed their views on what they want from a relationship. Would you mind saying how old you are (more or less)?

I'm 70ish. Five years ago, I was still young. Now I'm not. The next person could say something completely different. There are so many factors at work.
 
Hey Mggs11, don't be too anxious to jump into something. Take each day as it comes and take what it gives you. Being alone is different than being lonely. Two entirely different things. At least in my opinion.

Widowed in 2009, I was alone for 3+ years. They were not lonely years. They were just years I was alone. Pressured continually to "get out there, volunteer. Meet someone. Mingle and reach out."

So yeah, I did that. Online. Mistake. Sharon and I have been together for ten years now, but truth be told, I much preferred being alone. She's a good lady, but not my best life decision. Anyway, my 2cents. For what it's worth.
 
Mggs11 said:
I’m going on a year now of living alone after ending a 5yr relationship. Living alone has been an adjustment,since I’ve never gone this long without being with someone. I am finding I’m becoming somewhat depressed even though I remain very active. I have found meeting single men at this age is hard. Have any of you experienced this,and will it eventually subside. I hope so.
Click to expand...
I am in no position to offer any helpful advice, but I hope you can find a way to be happier, you got a lot of good advice from others.
NorthernLight said:
I'm 70ish. Five years ago, I was still young. Now I'm not.
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Hey, we are about the same age, I don't think we are much "older" now than we were 5 years ago. You still have a lot of years ahead, I hope I do too.
 
Mggs11 said:
How long have you been alone?Going on 1 yr
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NorthernLight said:
I've lost track! This time around, I think 4 years.

My current location and my previous location are both quite small and isolated. So everyone is connected in some way (best friend's ex, neighbor's coworker, etc.). And then if you break up, it's awkward, because you'll run into them everywhere.

In a more populated area, not only is it more likely to find someone (numbers game), but it's easier to take a chance -- because if it doesn't work out, you can probably avoid them.

"At this age," many people have given up, or have changed their views on what they want from a relationship. Would you mind saying how old you are (more or less)?

I'm 70ish. Five years ago, I was still young. Now I'm not. The next person could say something completely different. There are so many factors at work.
Click to expand...
I’m 66
 
ArnoldC said:
Hey Mggs11, don't be too anxious to jump into something. Take each day as it comes and take what it gives you. Being alone is different than being lonely. Two entirely different things. At least in my opinion.

Widowed in 2009, I was alone for 3+ years. They were not lonely years. They were just years I was alone. Pressured continually to "get out there, volunteer. Meet someone. Mingle and reach out."

So yeah, I did that. Online. Mistake. Sharon and I have been together for ten years now, but truth be told, I much preferred being alone. She's a good lady, but not my best life decision. Anyway, my 2cents. For what it's worth.
Click to expand...
Thank you can you please elaborate on why not best decision.
 
Living alone was not hard for me after my husband passed away 10 years ago (although I experienced much grief) because I had my son. He was cheerful and a blessing. When he started college a few years ago, I still saw him on holidays, etc, I went back to school then and got a higher degree that has earned me an online job teaching. Now, he will be leaving out of town for good to go to seminary. I am experiencing "teenage" feelings of "freedom" and trying out new things. I have been going to a watercolor paint class these past few weeks. I also started playing again in an orchestra

I have decided that I am where I need to be in this moment in life. No more. No less. And I am happy with that. I hope you find your happy spot.
 
It is what it is, there are many a nice person out there but I do not have the need or strength to sort it out. If I were to try to have a relationship with someone it would take years to build any kind of trust, to allow someone to get comfortable with anyone coming to my home. Male or Female. I might have a superficial friendship but it would not become a relationship. There are too many out there looking for an easy way out, I am way past the point of taking things of face value.

There were many people that contacted me after my husband died. They would have kept a relationship with us all those years but did not. Now they were like vultures seeing if there was anything they might could gather after the death. For those of us who have been widowed, you must be vigilant about those who you let in your life. Just because you knew them many of years ago does not mean that that they will not take advantage. Yes it is sad, it is heartbreaking but it is the truth.
 

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