Neither a lender nor a borrower be.....

Wren

Wren

Well-known Member
Location
Europe
I don’t make a habit of it but, I’ve recently lent a DVD and a necklace to friends and I’m still waiting for them to be returned....I know I’ll have to ask for them but find it really annoying

Are you guilty of not returning borrowed items or do you make sure they’re returned as soon as possible ?
 

Absolutely not. I hate borrowing anything for the very reason that I might lose it or worse, break it.
The worst person I’ve dealt with in this area is my neighbour. Anything I lead her I usually never get back. We’ve been neighbours for over 20 years. One year one of their dogs died and she was so upset that I lent her my entire library of cassette audio tapes on spirituality; featuring Wayne Dyer, Depak Chopra, Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, etc and about 10 years later she returned it. The last book I lent her I hadn’t finished reading myself but figured she could use it more than me and I still haven’t seen it. She’s since asked me to sew her cat bag for her but I won’t for that reason alone. If she has no consideration for me then I can’t keep being considerate to her.

I hate lending or borrowing stuff.
 

I try not to borrow things from people but I do make small loans when asked.

IMO you can learn quite a bit about people by making them a small loan of some kind.

It's interesting/amusing that the lender always thinks making a loan is a big deal and the borrower seldom does.
 
I never ever borrow anything from anyone...but on many occasions I've lent things to not have them returned.

I remember my mother saying never lend Books , Tools, or Money to anyone, you won't get them back.. , so for a long time now, I don't lend anything.
 
I lend hand tools out
And when lending, my parting shot;
‘I expect it back when yer done’

With a sincere expression

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So far, all returned sooner than expected


I give all a fair chance to show themselves
But just that one
If they don’t return what I lent ‘em, they don’t get another

And if they have the guts to ask to borrow something else, I plan to say ‘just as soon as you return what you borrowed last’…not giving them a clue as to what it is

Haven’t had to use that yet

If anyone needs something more than a hand tool, I come attached to one end


I don't borrow
It niggles at my mind too much
 
I remember my mother saying never lend Books , Tools, or Money to anyone, you won't get them back..

whoa.....DVD and a necklace is one thing, nobody would stand a chance with borrowing money ! ;)
 
My late neighbor,Gerry who lived next to me would sometimes ask me for a loan until he got paid.He always gave me the money back
In college I lent out books to friends,telling them 'you have 3 months to read,then return it to me', never got them back
Whenever I lend books out now,I tell friends the same but with a different rule. If I don't get book back within 3 months,they buy me a new one. Sue
 
I've long since stopped having any expectation that I'll actually get the item back that I lend. So I will only lend something if I'm actually done with it. Then if I don't get it back, no problem. Same with money. Any money I lend I consider it a gift, though I don't tell the borrower that. If it will be a struggle for me to not get it back, I won't lend the money.

There have been several exceptions to that over the years. Various of my children have wanted to borrow larger sums for a variety of valid reasons. I told each of them when I loaned the money that this IS a loan, that I expect it back (in payments, or one lump some, whatever we worked out) because it would be a great hardship to me if it wasn't returned, and that if they didn't hold up their end of the bargain, they would not ever be able to borrow money from me again. Without exception, each child returned the money to me in a timely manner.
 
I've got gobs of tools, and sometimes lend some to the Son-in-Laws if they are doing a project. They always return them, undamaged, in a timely fashion, so that saves them from having to buy something they might only need once. However, one time a neighbor borrowed my nice Little Giant ladder, and somehow managed to mangle one of the steps....and acted like it was no big deal. I was able to fix it fairly well, but that was the Last Time I ever loaned him anything.
 
They say never to lend anything (money, items, etc.) that you can't get along with never getting back. Always consider it a gift and then hope to be pleasantly surprised when it comes back.

Polonius:

Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 75–77
 
I learned as a young man that if you borrow something, be very prompt about returning it. Then if you need to borrow something at another time, the lender will remember that and be willing to lend again.
 
Ronni said:
I've long since stopped having any expectation that I'll actually get the item back that I lend. So I will only lend something if I'm actually done with it. Then if I don't get it back, no problem. Same with money. Any money I lend I consider it a gift, though I don't tell the borrower that. If it will be a struggle for me to not get it back, I won't lend the money.

There have been several exceptions to that over the years. Various of my children have wanted to borrow larger sums for a variety of valid reasons. I told each of them when I loaned the money that this IS a loan, that I expect it back (in payments, or one lump some, whatever we worked out) because it would be a great hardship to me if it wasn't returned, and that if they didn't hold up their end of the bargain, they would not ever be able to borrow money from me again. Without exception, each child returned the money to me in a timely manner.
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Borrow again? Ever try saying "No"? Wouldn't it be better to help them budget and to build or improve their credit so they can get a loan from a bank or whatever? That way they could be more self-sufficient. That would be a win-win for everybody. Otherwise, as long as you keep lending they'll keep borrowing.
 
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applecruncher said:
Borrow again? Ever try saying "No"? Wouldn't it be better to help them budget and to build or improve their credit so they can get a loan from a bank or whatever? That way they could be more self-sufficient. That would be a win-win for everybody. Otherwise, as long as you keep lending they'll keep borrowing.
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Well of course I've done all that with them! I'm not stupid! It's how they've ultimately been able to increase their credit scores, purchase homes and cars and the like. But I also had no objection to giving them a leg up in their beginning stages of making a life for themselves.
 
Generally speaking, I don't borrow something unless I absolutely have to - and then I give it back the moment I am able. Lending, I only agree to lend what I can do without, and I don't expect it back.
 
I've lent money to my son on several occasions. He has always been absolutely scrupulous in paying it back as he says he will, and even insists on paying interest, which of course I do not ask him to do.

My next door neighbor, whom I've known about 50 years, and I borrow back and forth if we need to (stuff like tools, etc.) and we've never had a problem. But he's the only one.

Against my better judgment, I loaned my hand truck to my great nephew. After I harassed him to death to return the dang thing, he left it on my porch with broken wheels, and without comment. Needless to say, I will never lend him ANYTHING again. EVER! It's not so much that he broke the wheels, but that he didn't have the decency to apologize or anything, and just left the thing on my porch.
 
It's been a long time but an aunt helped me out financially and she specified she did not want the money back. Later when I tried to pay her back, she actually became irritated and said she didn't want to discuss it. She wasn't mad; just didn't want to talk about it. Go figure. A good woman, though, and we've always had a nice relationship.

I've given money to a few siblings - they didn't ask but I had the resources and knew they were going thru tough times or they had helped me in other ways. No payback, and that's fine. :shrug:

Years ago I lived in an apt bldg which was quite lovely when I moved in, but throughout the years the quality of tenants deteriorated and the turnover became more frequent. The last 2/3 yrs I was there a couple of my neighbors became quite annoying.

There was a grocery store and a drugstore within a block - very close. Sometimes as soon as I came home from shopping someone would knock on my door and want to borrow something - an onion, a couple eggs, a cup of sugar. I had a standard answer: "I don't buy extra groceries". In other words >>No.

Some of you might think that was not very neighborly. Well, I never borrowed from them, and I had no desire to be their friend other than exchanging a 'hello'. They didn't like my answer, but the way I saw it they could go to the store as easy as I could. It's not like they were sick in bed or anything.

OTOH I've had/have a few neighbors I consider friends, but borrowing/lending doesn't enter into the equation.

When I was working, there often were people who were moochers...money for vending machine, lunch money, money for parking, a cigarette, hand lotion, bus fare, etc. Other than chewing gum or hard candy/mints (which I gave away), I never got into a loaning arrangement. I mean, really, unless you lose you wallet what adult comes to work without bus fare or lunch money? :rolleyes: I used to smoke but never "bummed" cigarettes. Once in awhile I'd give/sell someone a cigarette,but that got old real fast. I told a couple people "If you can't afford cigarettes, maybe it's time to try to quit smoking".




 
I don't borrow and no one of my friends asks me to.

If it's something that someone I know and hold dearly, I'd just as well give it as a gift.
 
I got the necklace back yesterday and the DVD is being returned next week :clap:
 
so it seems more people never give back 'makes me wonder - hoping you will forget it '
I lent some money to a very close friend of mine to take her cat to the vet which was put down -I even took her but that did not matter -but 2 months past by so I thought iam gonna ask her for it ; I did she gave it back to me 'but she is a dear friend but like wren saids sometimes its no ...
 

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