Never too old to learn

AZ Jim

AZ Jim

R.I.P. With Us In Spirit Only
Location
SURPRISE, ARIZONA
I have always considered myself fully equipped to live alone and be fine. I was so wrong. My wife was my reason for feeling so "self contained". Well, the truth is she was the reason I felt that way. SHE was my confidence, my sense of well being. She left me due to her terrible bout with Cancer. I admit, I am now nothing....she was my everything including my pride, independence, self confidence...everything. I am floating aimlessly in a world I don't know anymore. My message is spend every moment of life enjoying your supporting mate for our time can be very limited. Love him or her with all you have today.....it may be later than you think.
 

Jim, I'm sure I'd feel like you do if I ever lost my husband, he is always there for me and has made me feel secure in troubling times. I have depended on him for decades to make important decisions and take care of problems we might encounter, not sure how I'd fare without him by my side. We do love each other and show it all the time in many ways, you're right, you never know what tomorrow will bring. I'm glad you're posting and trying to make the best of life without Detta, she'd want you to be happy and continue to do well without her....hugs, thinking of you.
 
Iā€™ve gotta agree with Seabreeze. If I lost my man Iā€™d be a basket case. I count on him for a lot of things including emotional support. Detta would want you to still have a rich meaningful life without her. Well without her physical presence that is.
She will always be with you spiritually.

Iā€™d like to also commend you on posting and keeping in touch. I can only imagine your pain.:love_heart:
 
AZ Jim said:
I have always considered myself fully equipped to live alone and be fine. I was so wrong. My wife was my reason for feeling so "self contained". Well, the truth is she was the reason I felt that way. SHE was my confidence, my sense of well being. She left me due to her terrible bout with Cancer. I admit, I am now nothing....she was my everything including my pride, independence, self confidence...everything. I am floating aimlessly in a world I don't know anymore. My message is spend every moment of life enjoying your supporting mate for our time can be very limited. Love him or her with all you have today.....it may be later than you think.
Click to expand...


Yep, so trueā£ļø
 
I am currently watching on Netflix 'After Life' with Ricky Gervais. 6 half hour episodes; I am going to watch 3 & 4 tonight. It is a hilarious comedy about a man who just lost his wife of 25 years. It is a tad poignant, though not sad. I really broke out laughing from quite a few scenes. It is not disrespectful in any way. Want to watch it with me, Jim? I am a widow, so I understand the loss of a life partner who didn't complete our journey together. Hugs to you, and lots of sympathy.
 
AZ Jim said:
I have always considered myself fully equipped to live alone and be fine. I was so wrong. My wife was my reason for feeling so "self contained". Well, the truth is she was the reason I felt that way. SHE was my confidence, my sense of well being. She left me due to her terrible bout with Cancer. I admit, I am now nothing....she was my everything including my pride, independence, self confidence...everything. I am floating aimlessly in a world I don't know anymore. My message is spend every moment of life enjoying your supporting mate for our time can be very limited. Love him or her with all you have today.....it may be later than you think.
Click to expand...

Thanks Jim, my wife and I have been together for over 60 years (55 married) and I don't know what I would do without her..

Some say that I have family , but I understand that would not be the same as they've got their own live to live.
 
Hi Jim,I don't have a spouse but I can understand what you are going through,I lost a very close church friend 2 yrs ago who was part of my 'extended family'
Rose was like a ' surrogate mother',we would talk couple times/wk and afterwards at church.I'd ask her for advice if something was bothering me
When she left us,I was lost for awhile, after my grief subsided,I went on with my life.I miss her,thankful&blessed she was in my life Sue
 
I'm glad you posted Jim. I think it helps the grief process to communicate everything you're going through, and I can only imagine that the despair at times must be overwhelming.

Have you considered seeing a grief counselor? I've never personally used one, but I have two very close friends who lost spouses of 40+ years, and both of them were encouraged to go by family. One took a lot longer to agree than the other, but in both cases, they said the counseling helped enormously. The one friend is continuing to go to group sessions and feels so supported and relieved to know that there are other people who feel exactly as he does.
 
Jimā€”ā€”Have you given some thought to joining a support group in your area for people that have recently lost a spouse? When you are with people that are in the same situation as yourself, you can help each other through the grief process by expressing your feelings without fear of embarrassment or having that ā€œno one understandsā€ what I am going through attitude.

I have been told that these support groups work really well. It may be a good idea to go to just a meeting or two and see if it helps.
 
911 said:
Jimā€”ā€”Have you given some thought to joining a support group in your area for people that have recently lost a spouse? When you are with people that are in the same situation as yourself, you can help each other through the grief process by expressing your feelings without fear of embarrassment or having that ā€œno one understandsā€ what I am going through attitude.

I have been told that these support groups work really well. It may be a good idea to go to just a meeting or two and see if it helps.
Click to expand...

If his wife had hospice care, like my husband did....grief counseling or support group is part of the package but they usually want you to start 3 months after the death...this was 15 years ago for me so I may be remembering the details wrong and Iā€™m sure not all hospices are the same.

Honestly, I donā€™t know if it helped that much but did a little...just to be with people going through the same thing.
 
When my husband passed away, I had several friends that told me to call them if I needed to talk. These friends had lost their husbands several years earlier. I took their advice and called them. Talking to them did me more good than anything. One reason I believe it did is because I knew they understood. There were times I didn't have to tell them how I was feeling, they told me because they had been through this. Jim, if you can find someone that has lost their spouse, just talking to them will help you so much or at least it did me.
 
AZ Jim said:
I have always considered myself fully equipped to live alone and be fine. I was so wrong. My wife was my reason for feeling so "self contained". Well, the truth is she was the reason I felt that way. SHE was my confidence, my sense of well being. She left me due to her terrible bout with Cancer. I admit, I am now nothing....she was my everything including my pride, independence, self confidence...everything. I am floating aimlessly in a world I don't know anymore. My message is spend every moment of life enjoying your supporting mate for our time can be very limited. Love him or her with all you have today.....it may be later than you think.
Click to expand...

My condolences, Jim. When you are the half of a long term marriage, losing your partner is like losing an identical twin. So much of your life was interwined with her life for so long that you actually became one person. Things will get better eventually, I second the advise to join a grief group, since they will understand what you are going through.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top