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Seeincolors

New Member
13 years ago I, for all practical purposes “died” when my husband of 35 years moved out. I thought he was going through a midlife crisis and would come back when he realized he wasn’t any happier alone. Instead, 6 months later he told me he was ready to make the split permanent and filed for emergency divorce. On Friday I was served papers and ordered to be in court on Monday and walked out of there divorced, with no longer the love of my life or my identity or my friends.

He had been showing all the “signs” of having an affair but vehemently denied it. I even begged my “friends” to tell me if they knew anything, and they all denied it. But they stopped calling or visiting. 2 years later he built a mansion for his girlfriend (whom he was seeing all along) on the property where we had always talked about building.

We have 3 grown children who do their best to spend time with each of us. I have met his “whore” once, at my granddaughter's high school graduation. I was civil, but that’s it.

There are so many reminders of him in this small town. He is a builder and built practically the whole town. I have developed a genuine fear of going anywhere, because I’m sick of hearing “Oh, I haven’t seen you for so long! What have you been doing with yourself?” I never know what to say- my phone number hasn’t changed, nor has my address. I have literally said to them I miss my friends, we should get together! But no calls and no visits. But I see they go out with ex and whore. I can’t offer them anything. He can do business with them.

I have vision loss and must rely on family to drive me anywhere. Lately I’ve had lots of health issues so mostly where they take me to is this or that doctor or surgery or eye injections.

I guess I’m sounding off and having a putty party, but for a long time now I can’t figure out why I’m even still alive. I guess loneliness does that to you? My kids are getting burned out by me, I feel. What makes it worse is that none of them are on the same page with me, politically, so we can’t really talk about anything. I’m 72 and feel like an expendable. Any enlightenment for me?
 

hollydolly

SF VIP
Location
London England
13 years ago I, for all practical purposes “died” when my husband of 35 years moved out. I thought he was going through a midlife crisis and would come back when he realized he wasn’t any happier alone. Instead, 6 months later he told me he was ready to make the split permanent and filed for emergency divorce. On Friday I was served papers and ordered to be in court on Monday and walked out of there divorced, with no longer the love of my life or my identity or my friends. He had been showing all the “signs” of having an affair but vehemently denied it. I even begged my “friends” to tell me if they knew anything, and they all denied it. But they stopped calling or visiting. 2 years later be built a mansion for his girlfriend (whom he was seeing all along) on the property where we had always talked about building.
We have 3 grown children who do their best to spend time with each of us. I have met his “whore” once, at my grandaughter’s high school graduation. I was civil, but that’s it.
There are so many reminders of him in this small town. He is a builder and built practically the whole town. I have developed a genuine fear of going anywhere, because I’m sick of hearing “Oh, I haven’t seen you for so long! What have you been doing with yourself?” I never know what to say- my phone number hasn’t changed, nor has my address. I have literally said to them I miss my friends, we should get together! But no calls and no visits. But I see they go out with ex and whore. I can’t offer them anything. He can do business with them.
I have vision loss and must rely on family to drive me anywhere. Lately I’ve had lots of health issues so mostly where they take me to is this or that doctor or surgery or eye injections.
I guess I’m sounding off and having a putty party, but for a long time now I can’t figure out why I’m even still alive. I guess loneliness does that to you? My kids are getting burned out by me, I feel. What makes it worse is that none of them are on the same page with me, politically, so we can’t really talk about anything. I’m 72 and feel like an expendable. Any enlightenment for me?
My heart breaks for you..:(:(. I know exactly what you've been through...I wish I could give you advice but I'm not in that position yet. It's so much more difficult to go on, when your marriage has disintegrated in your senior years, especially when it's happened suddenly.. when you're middle aged, or younger you can step up, brush yourself down, and try and mend you broken heart immersing yourself in work, and activities, and new friends.. In your senior years that is so much more difficult to do.. so you have your mind for company which has also turned on you, and giving you nightmares..and day-mares of your past, your present and worst of all your future without the person you believe would always be there for you...

Time is barely a healer when you're older.. you don't have that time to heal... especially when the cause of your hurt is still right in your eye line essentially , ..where you can see them or hear about them on a regular basis..

I'm so sorry.. for you... , btw did you mean 13 years ago..or was that a typo ?
 

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hollydolly

SF VIP
Location
London England
Sorry I forgot to welcome you...please stay with us , you'll find lots of friends here...

 

moviequeen1

Well-known Member
Location
Buffalo,NY
Hi Seeincolors,welcome glad you found us
I'm sorry you are dealing with a family situation,you will meet a wonderful group of members from around the world here at SF which makes it a great place to meet new friends,be supportive/give advice to you.
Enjoy yourself here,please stay
Sue in Buffalo,NY
 

officerripley

Senior Member
Location
Porlock, Calif
Welcome, seeincolors. My heart goes out to you. I was in my 30s when my first marriage split up but I had the same thing happen, dropped by all our friends while they stayed in contact with my ex-husb. And in the years since, I've heard that that's usually what happens: people try to fix the ex-husb. up with somebody but try to forget the ex-wife exists. A sort of similar thing even happens when the marriage ends in death: widowers have people bring them food and trying to matchmake them with a lady; the widows get forgotten about; I've seen it and heard about it over and over. Sad but true.
 

Liberty

Well-known Member
Location
Texas
As best you can, enjoy "NEW" interests...like taking advantage of audio books - my mom loved them when she became legally blind it was a godsend. Explore that part of yourself that was all "wrapped up" in your husbands world. Break it free and discover your new world.
 

Seeincolors

New Member
My heart breaks for you..:(:(. I know exactly what you've been through...I wish I could give you advice but I'm not in that position yet. It's so much more difficult to go on, when your marriage has disintegrated in your senior years, especially when it's happened suddenly.. when you're middle aged, or younger you can step up, brush yourself down, and try and mend you broken heart immersing yourself in work, and activities, and new friends.. In your senior years that is so much more difficult to do.. so you have your mind for company which has also turned on you, and giving you nightmares..and day-mares of your past, your present and worst of all your future without the person you believe would always be there for you...

Time is barely a healer when you're older.. you don't have that time to heal... especially when the cause of your hurt is still right in your eye line essentially , ..where you can see them or hear about them on a regular basis..

I'm so sorry.. for you... , btw did you mean 13 years ago..or was that a typo ?
Yes 13 years ago and I’m still in denial and hoping he will see the error of his ways. I’m an awesome person. Talented, intelligent (but not incredibly so, or why can’t I do what my head tells me to do?). I used to be beautiful and that is what attracted me to him. I always new that was a shallow reason for him, but I loved him as a person. I always knew I was more intelligent than him, and had to tiptoe around some things in order to keep the piece. It all comes down to when I stopped being eye candy in his eyes, he was not willing to overlook that and all he saw were qualities that threatened his manhood. We had many fun times, and that is what I hang on to and keep going by remembering them. He was an asshole to me in so many ways, but I kept coming back for more because I loved him. No physical abuse, only mental.
Thanks for taking the time to talk.
 

Seeincolors

New Member
Welcome, seeincolors. My heart goes out to you. I was in my 30s when my first marriage split up but I had the same thing happen, dropped by all our friends while they stayed in contact with my ex-husb. And in the years since, I've heard that that's usually what happens: people try to fix the ex-husb. up with somebody but try to forget the ex-wife exists. A sort of similar thing even happens when the marriage ends in death: widowers have people bring them food and trying to matchmake them with a lady; the widows get forgotten about; I've seen it and heard about it over and over. Sad but true.
Yes. Women can really be bitches! Seems like no invitations came because this attractive and interesting person just might hit on their husbands, lol.
 
13 years ago I, for all practical purposes “died” when my husband of 35 years moved out. I thought he was going through a midlife crisis and would come back when he realized he wasn’t any happier alone. Instead, 6 months later he told me he was ready to make the split permanent and filed for emergency divorce. On Friday I was served papers and ordered to be in court on Monday and walked out of there divorced, with no longer the love of my life or my identity or my friends.

He had been showing all the “signs” of having an affair but vehemently denied it. I even begged my “friends” to tell me if they knew anything, and they all denied it. But they stopped calling or visiting. 2 years later he built a mansion for his girlfriend (whom he was seeing all along) on the property where we had always talked about building.

We have 3 grown children who do their best to spend time with each of us. I have met his “whore” once, at my granddaughter's high school graduation. I was civil, but that’s it.

There are so many reminders of him in this small town. He is a builder and built practically the whole town. I have developed a genuine fear of going anywhere, because I’m sick of hearing “Oh, I haven’t seen you for so long! What have you been doing with yourself?” I never know what to say- my phone number hasn’t changed, nor has my address. I have literally said to them I miss my friends, we should get together! But no calls and no visits. But I see they go out with ex and whore. I can’t offer them anything. He can do business with them.

I have vision loss and must rely on family to drive me anywhere. Lately I’ve had lots of health issues so mostly where they take me to is this or that doctor or surgery or eye injections.

I guess I’m sounding off and having a putty party, but for a long time now I can’t figure out why I’m even still alive. I guess loneliness does that to you? My kids are getting burned out by me, I feel. What makes it worse is that none of them are on the same page with me, politically, so we can’t really talk about anything. I’m 72 and feel like an expendable. Any enlightenment for me?
You are welcome here! I'm somewhat new myself, and in no time at all, I found some of the most amazing and supportive people ever....all right here! (Hey! You know who you are....luv U! 💓). Just jump right in.....I'm glad you joined!
 

officerripley

Senior Member
Location
Porlock, Calif
Yes. Women can really be bitches! Seems like no invitations came because this attractive and interesting person just might hit on their husbands, lol.
Yes, so true! When my marriage was ending a divorced female co-worker told me, "You're going to lose all your married friends. Unless you and she were friends before either one of you got married." I didn't believe her but found out she was right. And in the years since, several studies have found that the reason--by their own admissions--that still-married women will drop their divorced or even widowed friends is jealousy (that this newly single female may attract their husbands), their husbands' fear that this divorce thing might be contagious, inability to deal with another's emotions ("she's turned into a real downer"), etc. So sad but true.
 

horseless carriage

Senior Member
My heart breaks for you..:(:(. I know exactly what you've been through...I wish I could give you advice but I'm not in that position yet. It's so much more difficult to go on, when your marriage has disintegrated in your senior years, especially when it's happened suddenly.. when you're middle aged, or younger you can step up, brush yourself down, and try and mend you broken heart immersing yourself in work, and activities, and new friends.. In your senior years that is so much more difficult to do.. so you have your mind for company which has also turned on you, and giving you nightmares..and day-mares of your past, your present and worst of all your future without the person you believe would always be there for you...

Time is barely a healer when you're older.. you don't have that time to heal... especially when the cause of your hurt is still right in your eye line essentially , ..where you can see them or hear about them on a regular basis..
Holly articulated perfectly that which I would have loved to say, but having never experienced such travesty, I wouldn't be in a position to respond the way Holly did. I do wish you well and hope that, having found us, you stay a while. We Brits are good at tea & sympathy but that's a tad frivolous. Stay, I promise that others will give you much more sound advice than I.
 

Aneeda72

Well-known Member
So you have been divorced for 13 years and are still waiting for him to return? Why? When my first husband and I divorced, he waited, oh, wait. Let me think. He waited for the ink to dry at the courthouse before he remarried. Yup.

As for me, I never looked back at that marriage except with relief to be rid of him. How long has your ex been remarried? Why do you keep calling his current wife a whore? Sounds more like a saint of a woman who took your cheating husband off your hands.

Sadly, when we reach our 70’s many of our adult children drift off, as far off as possible, as they do not want to become our caretakers. My daughter moved several states away for this reason. Even though she claims it was for her husbands health-a warmer drier climate.

My son, who lives nearby, is always busy at work, busy with his SO, busy with his children, busy with his grandchildren. Or is he just avoiding me? Idk. As for my current husband, ugh, just ugh. Anyway, lots of people here to keep you company. You will love it here. Jump right in.

PS. You don’t have to answer any of my questions. I am just curious. I used to live in Kansas.
 


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