Not that anyone is asking

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
I remember when my girls were that age and I thought I would lose my mind! So cute but got into everything!
These two are never more than a few feet apart, so while they're getting into things there's a lot of jockeying for position, which involves pushing, which ends in falling, and then there's crying and apologizing and hugging, and we're good to go get into more stuff 😊
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
I got some bad news yesterday. I've kept in touch with the former foster parents of Paxton's twin siblings/little brother and sister. They got the twins right out of the NICU. In fact, the foster mother, Melody, was one of their nurses (and foster dad, Mike, works at the same hospital). CPS took the twins the day they were born because they tested positive for meth, and their mom still had an open case (re: Paxton). They were born premature, underdeveloped lungs w/upper respiratory issues, and one of them was unresponsive and required resuscitation a couple of times.

So, the babies got healthy enough to be discharged, and Melody and Mike, both CPS-certified for foster to adopt, took them home. I'd had Paxton for 10 months at that point (he was 3 1/2 weeks old when I got him). When the twins were healthy enough, Melody reached out to me about getting together so Paxton could visit his brother and sister, and since Paxton's parents had started coming here a couple times a week for supervised visits with Paxton, CPS said the twins could come over on those days. They were about 7 months old, just starting to crawl around. That went on until covid restricted physical visits.

When that happened, Melody reached out to me again and suggested having Google Duo visits (it's like Skype) for the kids. They really enjoyed it; Paxton showed little bro and sis his favorite toys, and Landon especially paid close attention to all the cool stuff, he sang the alphabet song to them, which Zoey especially liked, and it was all good. (I don't have a camera on my computer and no internet on my phone, so my upstairs neighbor actually came down with his phone twice a week at 4pm so we could do this. Shout-out to Jacob!)

Anyway, Mike and Melody had the twins for 2 years, being assured all along that adoption was imminent. But a family court judge disagreed, and their mom was granted custody of all 3 kids in late Oct 2020. Eight or nine months later, CPS took the kids again, this time in another county. They've been in their new foster home for about 4 months now, and during that time Mike and Melody have been in touch with that CPS to let them know they'd like to adopt all 3 kids if the time comes. And it seemed that time was indeed coming when that county's CPS contested reunification at the Family Court hearing about a month ago.

(Finally) the bad news is, Melody found out yesterday, from the kids' CPS appointed attorney, that their caseworker, Tara, is IN FAVOR of reunification! Tara was assigned as the kids' temporary caseworker. Their new caseworker is Christy. I don't know when she's supposed to fully take over, but she probably has by now, a month on from the hearing. The actual trial will be on Thursday the 24th. So you've got a caseworker who JUST took over the case from a temp-caseworker who's in favor of giving bio-mom custody, and who's supervisor wants to terminate bio-mom's parental rights. All this time, Tara gave me the impression that she was NOT in favor of reunification, and, as though she was building a case against Paxton's bio-mom, Tara asked to see those photos of injuries he got during the 8 or 9 months he lived with her. So I emailed them to her. And I'm sure she showed them to bio-mom.

So I have no doubt that if bio-mom is granted custody of the kids (within 2 weeks 😰), I'll never see Paxton again. She's not gonna let him come over here. She'll probably tell him I'm a mean, horrible man so he'll stop asking to go see Unca Pwank.

My hopes are pinned on the caseworker's supervisor and the kids' attorney, who will request termination of parental rights. And hopefully, Christy will get on board with that.
 

Pepper

Well-known Member
Location
NYC
I'm so sad for you Frank. My second job was in adoption/foster care and the focus, the big push, is always for reunification. You, Mike, and Melody may be with your kids again. Tara still may be in no position to care for them.

My heart goes out to you guys, but it's too early to give up hope. Sorry, real sorry.
 
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Murrmurr

Well-known Member
I'm so sad for you Frank. My second job was in adoption/foster care and the focus, the big push, is always for reunification. You, Mike, and Melody may be with your kids again. Tara still may be in no position to care for them.

My heart goes out to you guys, but it's too early to give up hope. Sorry, real sorry.
Tara (their mom) is so good at lying. So good, she does it all the time cuz it pays off. Plus, it's obvious that Tara (the caseworker) is naive or inexperienced or maybe just stupid, because Tara (mom) has pulled the wool over her eyes twice now; first time is when she closed the case two months early because the house was clean and mom passed a drug screening, and secondly, now, even after mom tested positive for meth, the father gave testimony against her, it's the second CPS case within a year, and these pictures prove she either abuses Paxton or allows Landon to abuse him or both. Even after all that. It blows me away, seriously.

I guess the kids have to be half-starved, live in a cage, and have broken bones and internal bleeding before anyone "in authority" does what's best for them.
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
The system appears to be very screwed up. I'm hanging on to the hope that the worst doesn't happen. Someone (other than you) needs to put these kids first. That doesn't seem to be happening.
It hasn't so far. These kids are gonna grow up *knowing* that no one has their backs, no one gives a crap, and they're on their own. :mad:
 

Pepper

Well-known Member
Location
NYC
It's not just the caseworker. They only report what they think they have seen. They have supervisors, and the supervisors have a supervisor. That's the way it was where I worked, a million years ago I know but I doubt if things changed much. I worked for a very famous adoption agency (one file I found was for Sammy Davis, Jr. & May Britt); when abortion came around they were all cursing "There's no WHITE BABIES Anymore!" Anyway, they contracted with the city to take on foster care.
They desperately try to reunify; so many times the kids wound up back in the same foster home that they came from, and often the kids were adopted by the foster parents. Adoption is where I came in.

I'm not hoping for Tara to fail, but it happened more often than not, no matter how many times the kids were reunified with their "Natural Parents."
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
It's not just the caseworker. They only report what they think they have seen. They have supervisors, and the supervisors have a supervisor. That's the way it was where I worked, a million years ago I know but I doubt if things changed much. I worked for a very famous adoption agency (one file I found was for Sammy Davis, Jr. & May Britt); when abortion came around they were all cursing "There's no WHITE BABIES Anymore!" Anyway, they contracted with the city to take on foster care.
They desperately try to reunify; so many times the kids wound up back in the same foster home that they came from, and often the kids were adopted by the foster parents. Adoption is where I came in.

I'm not hoping for Tara to fail, but it happened more often than not, no matter how many times the kids were reunified with their "Natural Parents."
Tara has failed, imo....as a mother. And it's not just the drugs; I'm absolutely convinced she has mental illness. My wish for Tara is that she get really good professional help. She's not a bad person, but she does bad things and I don't think she can help it. And that's not gonna change unless she gets professional help. But I'm talking years of therapy, because her mental health issues go way back, and meanwhile her kids need to be out of the picture so they won't be victims of her mental instability.

Unfortunately, counties and states refuse to invest in experienced, qualified psychologists/psychiatrists. They give a piss-poor stipend to "counselors" who are reformed addicts and maybe earned an associate's degree in Humanities or something.
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
So sorry to hear this. There has to be something you can do.
I think I'm doing all I can but I haven't contacted an ombudsman yet. That'll be my next step if the kids' CPS attorney isn't helpful. She's supposed to call me this week. She's NOT in favor of reunification. In fact, the only person who is in favor is the kids' old caseworker, and she's been replaced.

Here's a new development (a good one...kind of): The kids' grandma, Jackie, called me last night. The kids' father told CPS that he has a drinking problem now, and he asked them to help him get into rehab. Two good things about that is, 1) he recognized the problem and asked for help; 2) CPS deff won't want the kids to go home if he's still going to live there...and he is.

Drinking is a major factor whenever police have to go to their house for loud arguments and/or domestic violence. And they both drink. She always says she only had one or two beers, but he says they get a 12-pack every evening and she drinks 1/3 of it.
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
Today I read the results of an MRI w/contrast that I had a couple days ago. Even though the surgeon anchored a rod to my lumbar spine, the vertebra at L5 has slipped down slightly in front of L4. It isn't causing any narrowing the spinal canal but it's pressing down on the nerve root there. Plus, there are 2 slightly herniated disks and one of those is pressed up against the nerve root on the opposite side. There's a few other things happening that aren't good, but the slippage is why I'm having a lot more pain than usual, and that plus the herniation is what's causing one or both of my legs to go completely numb; literally causing temporary paralysis.

I'll see the specialist next week, and I'm almost positive he's going to want to do another surgery. That's good, though, 'cause the pain is horrible and sudden paralysis of my legs is extremely inconvenient....and scares the crap out of Michelle.
 


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