Not that anyone is asking

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
How soon can the powers that be, put Paxton with you and Michelle? If he's self-harming, the sooner the better.

I can't see how it can be beneficial to the twins, Paxton, or you - to have the twins over.

I hope they can get the ball rolling, and not waste any more valuable time in getting Paxton on the road to healing.
I honestly don't think the judge will allow us to adopt Paxton because of my age and health issues.

But a trial is scheduled for Nov 4th, 8:30am. The kids' attorney asked me to keep that date open as she may ask me to testify.
I'm ready for that! This crap's gone on long enough; these kids need stability asap.
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
I went to the Pain Clinic yesterday all jazzed up thinking I was gonna get the epidural corticosteroid injection. It was for a consult. A PA asked me 20 questions and we played the Rate Your Pain game.

One question was "Are you okay?" because she could tell I was PO'd. She apologized, but it wasn't her fault. The insurance company just has to have a "consult" ...still, after answering the same firkin questions every single visit for nearly a decade, which could have been done over the phone. But noooo, I had to shower and shave, find something smart yet comfortable to wear, and refrain from smoking the whole drive over there.

Ok, not that tough, but I was in the mood for pain relief, not answering the same monotonous list of questions and pointing to numbers on that stupid pain-level chart. "9. 9. Yep, also 9. It's always gonna be a 9."
 

Kaila

SF VIP
Sometimes I wish we could remind them to read our chart, or look at our conditions, and ask how they would feel; or that we wish they could walk in our shoes for only 1 month....but I understand all the reasons they started asking that, repeatedly.

Because they hadn't ever asked it, at so many times in past decades, to people they should have simply listened to. Ugh.:confused:

So now they are required to write down a number, endlessly, and we are required to be polite and patient, and to remember, it's not their fault. :oops::rolleyes:I know, you know all of that too!

But now it is overused, when it shouldn't need to be asked again, or made into a full appointment, without any relief efforts made.

Perhaps you should have taken your avatar pumpkin along, and pointed to him as your replies;:sneaky:
Or better yet, washed him up and sent him, in your place! :giggle:
 

Kaila

SF VIP
I had a thought, not for right now, but later ,
If you get to the point of making an all-out case for custody of Paxton, perhaps you might involve your children in demonstrating that they too, want to help to create a whole family for him, which would provide lots of support and safety net, for him and your potential parenting.
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
Sometimes I wish we could remind them to read our chart, or look at our conditions, and ask how they would feel; or that we wish they could walk in our shoes for only 1 month....but I understand all the reasons they started asking that, repeatedly.

Because they hadn't ever asked it, at so many times in past decades, to people they should have simply listened to. Ugh.:confused:

So now they are required to write down a number, endlessly, and we are required to be polite and patient, and to remember, it's not their fault. :oops::rolleyes:I know, you know all of that too!

But now it is overused, when it shouldn't need to be asked again, or made into a full appointment, without any relief efforts made.

Perhaps you should have taken your avatar pumpkin along, and pointed to him as your replies;:sneaky:
Or better yet, washed him up and sent him, in your place! :giggle:
With all the forms and questionnaires and charts I've filled out online and on paper, the only question that needs to asked is "Have there been any changes?"

Same with my address and phone number; do they really have to say those out loud when I finally reach the counter and there's still 5 people behind me? Can't they just ask if my address and phone number have changed? Or just give me a few digits instead of going all the way to the end of the zip code and barking out my whole entire phone number.

(I'm still miffed)
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
I had a thought, not for right now, but later ,
If you get to the point of making an all-out case for custody of Paxton, perhaps you might involve your children in demonstrating that they too, want to help to create a whole family for him, which would provide lots of support and safety net, for him and your potential parenting.
CPS is FINALLY at one with the kids' attorneys. CPS will recommend termination of services for their mother at trial on Nov 4th. If the court agrees, she's pretty much done. She'll even lose her CPS appointed attorney; she'll have to actually hire one if she wants to appeal or whatever.

So, this means the kids are much closer to being available for adoption through CPS. Also, it looks like CPS is considering the current foster parents' recommendation to split the kids up - Paxton to one adoptive, the twins to another, because of Landon's frequent physical attacks on Paxton. Their CPS worker called me today and asked for the twins' former foster parents phone number. She wants to set up a visit to see if the twins remember them, how they react and respond to them. They were taken from those people (given back to their mom) when they were 22 months old. They're 28 months old now.

Whether or not me and Michelle will be considered to adopt Paxton, the worker didn't say. But yes to your comment; CPS sent each of my kids a form to fill out that asked about my parenting style, my financial responsible-ness, their involvement as family, and even if they could basically be back-up parents if anything happened to me. It was all good.
 
Ok, not that tough, but I was in the mood for pain relief, not answering the same monotonous list of questions and pointing to numbers on that stupid pain-level chart. "9. 9. Yep, also 9. It's always gonna be a 9."
I hate the pain level chart. I always think that level 10 is akin to one cutting off one's arm without anesthesia. Plus, people rate pain differently. I am rather stoic, but do not have a higher pain tolerance ... just because I don't show it, doesn't mean I'm not in pain. Plus, I can't decide whether my pain is level 3 or say, 7. I do know that my back pain can be so severe that it requires percocet to make it diminish at all (it takes away the pain completely, and nothing else works at all). I have taken it only twice in a few years, so I'm not well on the way to becoming an addict. I had saved the percocet from a dentist after having a tooth pulled.
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
I hate the pain level chart. I always think that level 10 is akin to one cutting off one's arm without anesthesia. Plus, people rate pain differently. I am rather stoic, but do not have a higher pain tolerance ... just because I don't show it, doesn't mean I'm not in pain. Plus, I can't decide whether my pain is level 3 or say, 7. I do know that my back pain can be so severe that it requires percocet to make it diminish at all (it takes away the pain completely, and nothing else works at all). I have taken it only twice in a few years, so I'm not well on the way to becoming an addict. I had saved the percocet from a dentist after having a tooth pulled.
Aside from Norco, all the pain relievers I've tried make me sleepy. Probably because my liver doesn't function optimally.

I do my best with their stupid pain level charts, ticking off the number that's most honest, but I think they just use them to see if you're consistent. The problem I have with it is, (as you probably know) you can have 4 or more different types of pain in the same area and you can tolerate some types better than others. I suspect some person who worked for an insurance company invented that chart; some person with a healthy back.
 

dobielvr

Senior Member
Location
California
One thing about that pain chart is that your (my) pain level is different every day. How are you supposed to gauge that?
I haven't had to do one in along time...but really it just depends on the day.

I think they need it for insurance purposes too.
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
Got a text from this young lady named Alex who oversees the CPS visitors center, where Paxton and his siblings visit with their parents and grandmother. After I told the kids' caseworker that I don't think having the twins on alternate weekends is of any benefit to them, that had us back to Paxton coming here every other Fri through Sunday, but Alex just text me to ask if I'd like to have Paxton every weekend. Oh hell yeah!

I'll pick him up every Friday and they'll come and get him on Monday! Yay!

This makes me wonder if CPS plans to let him move here if court decides to terminate services for his mother. The trial is on Nov 4th. So it's possible Paxton will be moving here in a couple of weeks! :love:

Also, the kids' caseworker called me yesterday and asked for the phone number to the twins' former foster mom, and I gave it to her. They want to set up a visit between the twins and their former foster parents to see if the twins remember them, see how they interact, etc. So it seems like they're thinking about sending the twins to live with the former foster parents, and Paxton to live with us. This is IF the court terminates bio-mom's services, which is one step closer to terminating her parental rights.

It could be several months before the kids are available to adopt, and maybe that won't even happen, but meanwhile, Pax might be living here and the twins might be living with the family who had them for the first 22 months of their lives.

*happy dance*
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
From this coming Friday until the following Wednesday we'll have all 3 toddlers here; 3yr old Paxton and his 2 yr old brother and sister, who are twins. 🤪

Their foster mother has to go out of state for a few days, and asked us to provide what CPS calls Respite Care. The last family that provided respite sent all the kids home sick; vomiting, watery stools, fever, and tummy-aches; so she asked me and Michelle to take them this time. My granddaughter, Ariel, will come and help, too, bc Michelle has school and a part-time job.

This will be educational (positive spin). And probably the first thing we'll learn is that we definitely need a bigger place. Two adults and 4 kids in a 1 bedroom apartment. If nothing else, it'll be cozy. But I'm thanking myself for ignoring an impulse I had a few months ago to adopt a dog or two.
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
What a heck of a system that ‘tries’ different people to see what works for babies/kids. After 22 months it was pretty darn obvious that any of the kids were happy in their original placements and devastated when they were removed.
In California (and probly most states) CPS shoots for getting young children into a permanent home by the age of 18 months. For some reason the Family Court judge was extremely lenient with Paxton and the twins' mom. (If I had to guess, I'd say they were meeting somewhere outside the courtroom.) He gave her not two, but three chances to start over - she dropped out of rehab twice, and each restart cost the kids 6 months.
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
Sounds like you do need a bigger place. Do you have some sleeping bags for the kids. Mine used to like to sleep in them on the floor of their room.
We already plan to buy a house next year. We were thinking 2 bedrooms, but we've decided to get a 3-br house.

When the twins were spending weekends here I made a bed for Zoey using parts of Paxton's old crib. It's really easy to assemble and disassemble, so it's stored in our closet until needed. Plus we have a folding cot stored under our bed, our couch converts to a double bed, and Paxton has his own bed.

If the 3 kids are placed here permanently, Michelle and I will have to sleep in the livingroom until we get a bigger place because, per CPS regulations, children over age 2 cannot sleep in the same room as the parents (at least, not until after the parents are granted full legal custody, and it's no longer CPS's concern). Still, we'll want 3 bedrooms.
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
Sounds like you do need a bigger place. Do you have some sleeping bags for the kids. Mine used to like to sleep in them on the floor of their room.
Oh, and also, CPS says No to kids sleeping on the floor, even if their on a mattress.

Paxton's bed (that he still has) was on the floor, and the home inspector liked it a year ago, but this year she said it had to be off the floor, so I built a platform for it on 5" legs. I couldn't buy a bed frame because it's an odd size; 3ft x 4ft. (It's actually a dog bed for very large dogs)
 

Murrmurr

Well-known Member
2 1/2 days down, and 2 1/2 to go. The kids will be picked up on Wed at 1pm. Have to admit I'll be watching the clock that day.

Things have gone pretty well, considering. Ariel's been a big help. Hope she's not worn out yet because the weekdays is when I'll need her most. She has school until 1pm, and Michelle works until about then, so I'll be pretty much on my own in the mornings. Then Michelle has school in the evenings and it'll be me and Ariel managing the kids' dinner, baths, and bedtime (and whining and arguments and toilet training and boo-boos).

We're expecting huge rain and hail storms the next couple days, so we won't be able to play outside, and we'll probably lose power, so no children's TV or radio, and maybe no phone from time to time. Me and Michelle cooked up a bunch of food that we can heat up on the propane stove, just in case, and I shoved a bunch of ice in the freezer to stick down in the fridge if needed. Snow blizzards are expected in the Sierras so it could get pretty cold in here if we lose the heater, but fortunately, we bought the kids some winter clothes already, and we have a ton of blankets.

It'll be bad enough I'll have to manage 3 toddlers on my lonesome for a big part of the next few days, losing power would make it feel much more lonesome.
 

dobielvr

Senior Member
Location
California
2 1/2 days down, and 2 1/2 to go. The kids will be picked up on Wed at 1pm. Have to admit I'll be watching the clock that day.

Things have gone pretty well, considering. Ariel's been a big help. Hope she's not worn out yet because the weekdays is when I'll need her most. She has school until 1pm, and Michelle works until about then, so I'll be pretty much on my own in the mornings. Then Michelle has school in the evenings and it'll be me and Ariel managing the kids' dinner, baths, and bedtime (and whining and arguments and toilet training and boo-boos).

We're expecting huge rain and hail storms the next couple days, so we won't be able to play outside, and we'll probably lose power, so no children's TV or radio, and maybe no phone from time to time. Me and Michelle cooked up a bunch of food that we can heat up on the propane stove, just in case, and I shoved a bunch of ice in the freezer to stick down in the fridge if needed. Snow blizzards are expected in the Sierras so it could get pretty cold in here if we lose the heater, but fortunately, we bought the kids some winter clothes already, and we have a ton of blankets.

It'll be bad enough I'll have to manage 3 toddlers on my lonesome for a big part of the next few days, losing power would make it feel much more lonesome.
Yikes! Good luck w/all of that.
But. I know you Love it...
 

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