On becoming more authentic

Ronni

The motormouth ;)
Location
Nashville TN
I've been reading a lot about living authentically and with mindfulness.

Some years back I stopped dying my hair, stopped wearing makeup all the time, stopped being so focused on my appearance, as my first step towards living authentically. It's not that I stopped caring about my appearance, just that I began approaching that differently than I had been doing all my life.

“Be yourself — not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.” — Henry David Thoreau

I laughed out loud when I first read this...such wisdom.

Being authentic is about staying true to what I believe. It's not about my image...what I want others to think of me. It's about being brave enough to express my genuine feelings and opinions no matter how unpopular or different or atypical they might be. It's making the way I behave on the outside match what I feel on the inside. It's being true to my own personality and character. It's not only being accepting of myself, with all my warts and bumps and imperfections, but allowing those flaws to be visible to others, accepting that they may be judged, that *I* may be judged, but allowing them to be seen anyway.

I realized very quickly that becoming more authentic, at its root, was becoming more self-aware. I can't BE authentic if I don't KNOW who I truly am at my core. For me it's been at times a scary journey, requiring some courage and grit as I stripped away the masks and facades and false fronts of my being, sort of like peeling an onion.

I'm a different person now than i was when I began. I'm not done, and i don't know that I will ever BE done, and that's OK, it just means I will continue to grow and change and flex and morph, and I don't mind that. Part of that continued growth, something I've begun to realize goes hand in hand with authenticity, is mindfulness...sort of the flip side of the same coin.

That's my next quest. 💖
 

I understand what you are saying but I can't help wonder if we have to think about it are we really being ourselves/authentic.

IMO we all wear a variety of masks or play a variety of roles depending on who and what we are dealing with in our lives. My version of my true/authentic self is just another one of those roles that I envision or aspire to for myself.

Like Judycat says it's a continual discovery.
 
it's been at times a scary journey, requiring some courage and grit as I stripped away the masks and facades
I think I've always been doing this. Years go by, not all of them good. Can't pretend unless the truth is unbearable. Then you have to take it in steps. I do.

I feel I know myself as well as I'll ever care to.

You've shown yourself to be a fine person, Ronni. You can stop messing with yourself now. :D
 
We are all under construction. The journey within is a fascinating and perilous journey at times. Often, as we become aware, we lose the capacity to lie to ourselves. That is both frightening and enlightening. I admire anyone with the courage to explore what lies beneath the surface.
 
Being authentic does not imply always to do as you please, let your appearance become unattractive,
dress sloppy and talk as if you don't care about another's thoughts and feelings. We don't want to cross the
line from authenticty to insensitivity. I am not reproaching you, Ronni, because I don't know you. I am speaking
to everyone who interacts with others. Some very reclusive people, will not matter.
Authenticty is fine within limits. I should speak my mind more often, instead of holding it in,
but that can stir up a hornet's nest in some situations. When I was raised, being "authentic" to do as I want
meant big arguments, punishment and alienation. Popularity is important.
 
Ronni! You have always appeared authentic to me. There doesn’t seem to be any pretentiousness about you. You are who you are and are ok with it. You seem to know yourself well and I sincerely admire people who understand themselves and aren’t on auto pilot.

Self discovery is an inner journey that not everyone is prepared to take. Not everyone is vulnerable or brave enough to look at their own inner demons or the lies the tell themselves each and everyday. Many people have a warped perception of who they are in relation to the rest of humanity. It takes humility to give yourself a reality check.

I try to be my authentic self at all times but there’s a fine line of being true to yourself and being a respect citizen of society. Sometimes they clash.
For the longest time I used to think in order to be my authentic self meant I had to be brutally truthful with others and this is not the case.

As long as WE are true to ourselves, what others think of us is none of our business. It’s about feeling good about our own actions and behaviour regardless of anything because even our own trurh is merely our own perception which isn’t stagnant.
It changes like everything else in life.

One of our greatest gifts is: To know thyself.
 
You've shown yourself to be a fine person, Ronni. You can stop messing with yourself now. :D
What a sweet thing to say Rose! Thank you for that. 🥰

@Aunt Bea wow what a fascinating thought trail you sent me down with your comment about if we have to think about it are we really being authentic! 🤯

And my response to that is totally the opposite of what you said. For the first time in my life, I’m NOT constantly thinking/worrying/analyzing what I’m saying,how I look, was I understood, did I offend, was I too loud....and on and on endlessly.

I recognize that much of that came from
my abuse history. I was never “enough” ... good enough, attractive enough, articulate enough, educated/intelligent enough etc. and That obviously had a profound effect and so my thoughts about and efforts to become more authentic, more real, are going to look different than someone else’s with a different history.

Thanks for the insight! 👍💕
 
Wow, this is such an interesting topic! I've always thought of myself as a genuine person, but I wouldn't tell someone "I think your shirt is butt ugly." I do try to be kind to most people. But I am true about who I am. People think I'm weird, have no boundaries. But I like me this way, can't be any other way actually.
 
Just playing the devil’s advocate, but isn’t it really up to the individual as to how they want to dress or behave? Most homes in my neighborhood have someone taking care of their property. The husband and wife directly across the street do not. The wife generally drives the lawn tractor while the husband does the trimming. The odd point to this is that she is dressed to the nines with her face and hair looking like a make-over. The husband wears long, work type pants and a short sleeve shirt. This has been going on for at least the last 10 years.

I think it’s odd and maybe a little over the top, but isn’t she just being herself? Each of us should do as we please to please ourself, not others. Isn’t that also being authentic or true to thyself? I nicknamed her Maybelline, just between my wife and I. My wife tells me to knock it off.
 
This is thought-provoking..

It seems Maybelline has low self confidence and it helps her to feel confident mowing the lawn in full make-up. I see what you mean. I guess then, she is pleasing herself. Well, whatever floats your boat, as long as you feel good.

Maybe I should wear make-up for watching TV. Then I could rename myself "L-Or'eal" (just kidding)
 
This is thought-provoking..

It seems Maybelline has low self confidence and it helps her to feel confident mowing the lawn in full make-up. I see what you mean. I guess then, she is pleasing herself. Well, whatever floats your boat, as long as you feel good.

Maybe I should wear make-up for watching TV. Then I could rename myself "L-Or'eal" (just kidding)

Thanks for my laugh of the day.
 
Shall i put on my authentic mask for this thread? 😊
my feeling now is that authenticity and mindfulness were buzzwords that many of us embraced.
part of me still thinks they have validity. im just thinking of my dear parents who were 'real' without even being conscious of it.
 
This is thought-provoking..

It seems Maybelline has low self confidence and it helps her to feel confident mowing the lawn in full make-up. I see what you mean. I guess then, she is pleasing herself. Well, whatever floats your boat, as long as you feel good.

Maybe I should wear make-up for watching TV. Then I could rename myself "L-Or'eal" (just kidding)

Maybeline probably wears her make up to bed as well as her bra because she’s being her authentic self 😂🥳7D9159A9-182E-4792-92B9-D1C404F81AAA.jpeg
 


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