Overwhelmed!! Have to Sell Family Home!

SeniorDan

SeniorDan

New Member
Location
Santa Monica, CA
After 50 years in the same wonderful home, my folks have reached the point where they can longer stay there. As heartbroken as we all are, none of us "former kids" want to live in the house, so they HAVE to sell it and they are wholly unprepared. GOT ANY SUGGESTIONS?

SeniorDan
 
The first thing would be to decide where they will live....with one of their kids, or a senior facility, etc. Then, start getting rid of anything that they can't take with them in their new home. That can be the hardest part, especially if they have a lifetime of "collectables". Then, once the move is made, fix up the house and make any minor repairs necessary...painting, etc. Finally, sell the house and use the proceeds to support them in their final years.
 
Don M. said:
The first thing would be to decide where they will live....with one of their kids, or a senior facility, etc. Then, start getting rid of anything that they can't take with them in their new home. That can be the hardest part, especially if they have a lifetime of "collectables". Then, once the move is made, fix up the house and make any minor repairs necessary...painting, etc. Finally, sell the house and use the proceeds to support them in their final years.
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Don has it right. A family gathering would be a good time to parcel out the things they can't take with them. We garage saled a large amount of things before our last move. That takes time, effort and energy, but it worked. We have since donated a lot of things that should not have made the move.
 
Manatee said:
Don has it right. A family gathering would be a good time to parcel out the things they can't take with them. We garage saled a large amount of things before our last move. That takes time, effort and energy, but it worked. We have since donated a lot of things that should not have made the move.
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Good advice!!!
 
The most important thing though is where they are going to move to so that they will be happy there. Everything else will fall into place. Material things, possessions, collections, don't mean a thing.

The house is soon forgotten. Every house has to be sold sooner or later.

I brought too much stuff over with me when I moved due to emotional attachment.

Now I am trying to get rid of it.
 
The personal information about why they HAVE to sell & the "former" kids not wanting to live there should make it easy, but probably isn't.


Their health, their financial needs, their age & mental capacity all factors that should be part of helping with decision making. Above all concensus among siblings & the parents if they are not mentally incapcitated what is best has to be decided. When it comes to money & inheritance unless there is a will to specify exactly who gets what, greed can rear it's ugly head. If there is no will and the folks are mentally competent to outline in a will what they want, I think would be the best 1st. step






The various suggestions are all good, prioritizing them should help you.
 
Camper6 said:
The most important thing though is where they are going to move to so that they will be happy there. Everything else will fall into place. Material things, possessions, collections, don't mean a thing.

The house is soon forgotten. Every house has to be sold sooner or later.

I brought too much stuff over with me when I moved due to emotional attachment.

Now I am trying to get rid of it.
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Please come and explain that, in detail, to the Spousal Equivalent's 94 1/2-year-old mother. Two years later, she is still mourning...on a daily basis...every single thing that she couldn't take with her. She has a mind like a steel trap and forgets nothing. Nothing. The figurine of the little boy holding a fishing pole, the pretty postage stamp on a letter that someone sent her from France, an English coin that a British sailor gave her in 1942, the chest of drawers she liked, a bowling ball her husband used, everything she ever owned. We get a phone call just about every day about something that she's thought of and that she WISHED.SHE.COULD.HAVE.KEPT.IT. There's no reasoning with her.
 
Patience is a virtue. Be thankful she can remember things. Perhaps pictures of those near and dear collections could be helpful mounted in an album. Now that's another idea for the move.In fact I'm going to start one for myself.
 
"Please come and explain that, in detail, to the Spousal Equivalent's 94 1/2-year-old mother. Two years later, she is still mourning...on a daily basis...every single thing that she couldn't take with her. She has a mind like a steel trap and forgets nothing. Nothing. The figurine of the little boy holding a fishing pole, the pretty postage stamp on a letter that someone sent her from France, an English coin that a British sailor gave her in 1942, the chest of drawers she liked, a bowling ball her husband used, everything she ever owned. We get a phone call just about every day about something that she's thought of and that she WISHED.SHE.COULD.HAVE.KEPT.IT. There's no reasoning with her."
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I have the same type of memory, but my logical mind tries to reason with my sentimental mind that tells me to hold onto "stuff" that brings back other memories. It's rough to let go, at times.
 
Thanks, EVERYONE for your thoughts on my question... One thing that keeps coming up in our conversations is HOW MUCH there is to do in a finite amount of time and HOW LITTLE we all know about making sure we DO IT RIGHT!! There are so many well-meaning but potentially ignorant errors we can make... DOES ANYONE KNOW OF A SERVICE who can help us through this?
 
Legal advice would be the way I'd go if I were in your situation. Check out this type of legal service. Google


What does a trusts and estates lawyer do?


See if that describes your need to get it right. Sometimes paying a fee to prevent legal grief is actually less of a cost long term.




Your situation is exactly why my wife and I have done everything possible to make sure our children don't experience what you are going thru.
 
I'm not so sure I'm going to do well should I be the one remaining and must move. We had this house built but that won't be the problem. It will be my possessions. So many times while cleaning my home I think what in this room would I leave behind or sell. Most everything has sentimental value. I come up with nothing. Recently I did give up a few things trying to clean out a bit. Someone suggested taking photos of items that have meaning to them. I did that and it helped so much. I look at the scrap book once in awhile and it seems to be enough for me. If possessions became a problem, another possibility is renting a small storage unit. It will give comfort knowing the items are within reach and not gone. Kids can sell the items at a later date.
 
Dan, you asked if there are any services that could help. Here in Rochester we have something called Lifespan http://www.lifespan-roch.org/ They offer resources and services for seniors. Check the link and you will get an idea of what they do. I would bet there is some equivalent in your area.
 
SeniorDan said:
What did you do?
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We converted our 401ks to self directed IRA's . A strategy to conserve the deterioration the amount we put away for retirement. Downsized our home used the profit to live mortgage free, one car instead of two, moved to where all income except federal are tax free. Once our financial was in place we pre paid our all burial expenses. Wills with specific instruction not the typical boiler plate kind. DNR on file, kids have copies of those. Filled out signature cards so all 3 can access safe deposit box with complete description of all assets. Last but not least was to outline the need to use the lawyer we have to process everything. The fee will be nominal but the relief of zero legal hassle for all 3, will be worth it.

All they have to do is show up to watch the ashes that are in bio degradable urns be placed in the ground. IMO the worst thing a parent can do is die leaving heirs to figure out what to do.

We are used to planning ahead, at age 30 we set a goal of retiring at 55. My wife worked long enough to qualify for full soc. sec. benefits & I beat that by retiring at age 54. 23 years into retirement now.
 
Dan, first, I'm sorry you and your parents are having to go through this...it's hard. But have your parents take what they want that will fit in their new location. Talk with them, family intervention style, about letting go of the rest until they are comfortable. Get a small temporary storage pod if they just aren't ready to let go. But storage units are expensive to rent and not worth it...except for allowing extra time for your parents to let go.

Then draw straws and take turns with family members taking what they want. Then call a place that does estate sales for the rest. They will come first to assess if it's worthwhile to them. They'll take a large percentage of the proceeds but they'll do everything and just get it done quick and easy for you. Proceeds can go to your parents to help them.

Estate businesses may refuse to take it on if there isn't enough for them to make a minimum amount for themselves. My sisters and I shared in taking most of my mother's things so when the estate company came there wasn't much left. They said their minimum they had to make was $2,000 and if the sale didn't bring in that much they would charge us the 2K. There wasn't that much so we just called some antique places and had our own private sale between 3 local antique store owners (or you can do you're own garage sale). What was left over we donated to charity. They came and picked it all up.

Don't expect to make much at all. It's sad but no one wants collectibles these days unless there's sentimental attachment. This generation is more minimalism.

Estate Sale companies organize all the collectibles, appraise them, price them, box them up in lots if need be, advertise, invite regular buyers and antique business owners, and run a two day weekend garage-sale-style (but inside the house) sale of everything. The second day is usually half price. Or you can call an auctioneer and and have them do it estate-auction style. Like I said, prepare for disappointment because you won't make much from it.
 
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We are going through this right now with my MIL. The house had to be sold fast and it was full to the brim with years of keepsakes. If your parent is going to be very upset parting with things take pictures and make a scrapbook of memories. Maybe note who took possession of certain things and how they will enjoy them.
 
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