Parents Outliving Their Children

debodun

debodun

SF VIP
Location
way upstate in New York, USA
Do you know any situation (relatives or friends) where the parents outlived any of their children?

My paternal grandfather outlived my dad by 3 years, but my dad died on the young side at 61.

My maternal grandmother outlived my mother's youngest brother, by a year and a half.
 

My mother buried my brother (30) and my sister (42), it crushed her to outlive her babies.
 

My cousin died after a prolonged and very painful battle with cancer. He wasn't a young man, late 60's, and had had a full and mostly happy life. Most of the family, while sad to see him go, were glad that his suffering was over. He himself had always said he wished he would be allowed to go. My favourite aunt (his mother) was inconsolable and tired of everyone telling her that she should be glad he no longer had to suffer.

We were very close and one day, when my mother (her sister) was trying to console her with that same platitude, she came to me and softly said, "It's just not natural for a parent to outlive their children, no matter how old that child happens to be." I never forgot those words.
 
Such sad stories.. so sorry to everyone for your losses.

My baby sister lost 2 of her 3 children...by the time she was 32... one at 4 months and one in a road traffic accident at 15 years old..


My own mother died at 39 years old, my maternal grandmother outlived her by 11 years..
 
Both paternal grandparents were alive when their 3 y/o daughter was struck by a car (this was in the 30s) and when my father was killed (plane crash) in 1954 and when another daughter was killed in a car crash (also 1954). My maternal grandmother lived to over 90, and outlived two daughters.

My daughter died at age 18
 
There was a time when it was fairly normal and more accepted, not that it hurt any less. Not that long ago, many children never had a chance to grow up. Children often died from disease epidemics, accidents on the farm, all kinds of other things. Many people from the US have died in wars, most of them leaving parents behind. It seems to have become a common belief since WWII that children should outlive their parents, but I doubt it was ever all that true.

No doubt it hurts horribly to lose a child, but it's not that unusual, even today. I personally knew too many people who died young to believe the myth.

Two of my brothers died before my mother. My grandmother lost a son in WWII.
 
My Grandfather out lived his son and recently my sister in law lost her oldest daughter to Addison's disease. My sister in law has MS and I think all the stress since her daughters death has worsened her condition.
 
I talked to a Mortician who told me he'd had a lady in her 90s come in to make arrangements for her 70 some year old daughter's funeral. He said that age makes no difference, a parent burying their child is devastating. He said you could just see the grief and sadness on the poor lady's face.

My mom had 3 children die, one at birth, one at age 6 and one at age 25.
 
My maternal grandparents outlived their eldest daughter who died of TB back in the 20's. One of my cousins outlived two of her sons before she passed.
 
My sister has outlived two of her children -- a boy who died not long after being born, and a daughter who died two years ago at age 40 of cancer.

My paternal grandparents outlived at least two of their children, both of which died in childhood.
 
It's a situation I wouldn't wish on anybody. Ever. It never stops hurting. There's one thing, though...to me my son will always be young and strong and handsome, and in my memory he'll always be the same 41-year-old son as he was when he died.
 
GeorgiaXplant said:
It's a situation I wouldn't wish on anybody. Ever. It never stops hurting. There's one thing, though...to me my son will always be young and strong and handsome, and in my memory he'll always be the same 41-year-old son as he was when he died.
Click to expand...

Absolutely. I know my hurt will never stop. :( However... like you my daughter will always be forever young. :love_heart::love_heart:
 
I know of several. First, my son and DIL lost their first child. He was full term but stillborn. They believe the cord somehow got wrapped around his little neck. He was the spittin' image of my son. My DIL's twin had a baby who wound up having to stay in the hospital for 6 months before he died. I have several online friends who have lost their children or grandchildren. I have a cousin (by marriage) who lost her son (who was the blood relative) and two grandchildren in an accident in Texas. It made the news. I have another cousin who just passed recently. She lost two sons and a daughter over the course of several decades. Two of her children had cancer and I think the first son OD'd. She also lost her grandson to a tragic accident on his birthday. I had another cousin, also recently deceased, who lost one of her daughters (Dot) to cancer. She had several children and a few of them died before Dot. A friend (now deceased) lost 4 of her grown children over the course of several years. I keep the parents and grandparents who have lost children in prayer. It's the most heartbreaking thing that could ever happen.
 
My mother outlived her eldest daughter, who died of ovarian cancer at the age of 38. It knocked her for a loop, emotionally.

Since my mother was a functioning alcoholic, she reacted by becoming drunk and extremely unpleasant to me. Fortunately my brother came in after a few hours and calmed her down. Otherwise we probably would never have spoken again.

I didn't hold it against her. She literally never remembered anything once she sobered up the next day.
 
I know people who had a miscarriage 50 years ago and they talk about the baby just as if they graduated college or something. They always get a mention when talking about their family when certain topics are brought up.

Unfortunately I know others who are basically on a death watch for the alcoholic and/or drug addicted adult children actively hoping they pass before their kids. We try to tell them the kids had their chances, they gave more opportunity and/or support which included much needed retirement money than most parents(which they did). Pretty bad when someone is actively waiting or hoping to die before someone who quite frankly doesn't deserve to outlive them.
 
I saw my uncles wife outlive three of her kids. Since she had so many, it didn't seem to have such a great impact judging from the calm way she reacted or didn't seem to react at all.
 
I read a wonderful book once based on a true story (and a movie was made of it) called "Mrs. Mike". In the book, a young Irish woman from Boston becomes the wife of a Mountie and follows him to the Northern Territories. She said that the women up there referred to their "first family" and "second family" and "third family". She found out it meant that diphtheria or other diseases would sail through and kill all the children in a family. Then another set of children would be born and perhaps they would die in childhood, too. She then loses both of her children to a diphtheria epidemic.

I think that was quite common back then in the rural areas.
 
All of you who have experienced these losses, I'm so sorry for your pain. It is life-changing. My mom outlived my sister. She set a large picture of her in an easy chair about 5 feet away and would gaze at it. Her finger prints were all over it. I remember what my cousins grandmother Hazel, said when her daughter died. Grandma Hazel said, "It should have been me, Lord. Why didn't you take me instead?" I have a feeling I will out live my husband's kids. They are 20 and 21 years younger. But they have not eaten right and have done way too many drugs, prescription and illegal, and too much alcohol and have not eaten right. I take good care of myself.
 
Sometimes I wonder what's keeping me alive when my high school classmates are departing left and right. I hardly ever do what you'd call exercise and my diet is atrocious - mainly bread, pasta and cereals. Once in a while I make myself a tossed salad out of packaged veggie mix only because I feel guilty about not eating right, not from any desire to eat veggies. About the only thing going for me is that I don't smoke, do drugs recreationally (the scrips I get cost enough!), and hardy ever touch alcohol (except as a skin antiseptic)
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top