Perspectives on becoming selfish

os cash, I did the same when one friend had Alzheimer’s and one was dying and didn’t seem to know I was there. I figured on some level they could feel my love and would hope someone would do the same for me.
 

Looks to me as though there is a lot of agreement that it is okay to do the things that make us happy. For some of us at least for a while we may have locked ourselves into roles and relationships that required that we put others first to a point that we lost track of our own needs. When that happens it is time to assert our right to invest time doing what we most need for our own soul survival. But ordinarily one of the things we need is meaningful, caring relationships with others. It needn't be either or.
 
oscash said:
Now that I have been living alone for the past 14 years since my husband died, I really do enjoy my time alone. I will always be available to my family and friends i.e., helping them move, lend an ear to those going through a bad time, and sitting with my dear friend whom I've known for 65 years and fading, in the nursing home. She doesn't know I'm there most times and people say, "Why do you bother"? Why not, maybe one day when it's my time some kind person will do the same for me.
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She knows you are with her. It is a great thing that you do.
 

chic said:
Selfishness will never be fashionable but putting yourself last could hurt you in the long run. So it makes sense to care for oneself. Don't you think so? :unsure:
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It not only hurts the person not putting self first, it can hurt others---if you put everyone else first all the time, it can deplete you to the point you don't have the physical or emotional energy you need for the people who matter most to you when they need you most. We all have a right/responsibility to set priorities for our lives.

When my kids were minors they were always my top priority--but i realized i had to take care of myself to care for them properly. Once they were grown they were still the most important people to me, but i trust i'd raised them well enough to do the basics for themselves and to ask if they needed my help or advice.
 
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It's not selfish to take care of yourself. But people can tell you it is because you are not doing what they want.
 

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