Planning a wedding!

My brother and his wife were married in Oahu, Hawaiian style. Just the two of them. I have photos .. it was beautiful.


 

We had about 80 at our daughter's wedding and reception. My husband told her he'd make a big pot of Kool-Aid and hand out Twinkies to everyone as they came in the door. So her husband to be paid for it. She gave me the album full of beautiful photos. The marriage lasted about 5 years.

I vote for elope but that's only because you asked Ronni. I am not one to butt into other people's business. Do what will make you and Ron happy and I wish you both the very best.
 

A number of my friends have suggested elopement too and I completely understand why. My daughter is laughing at me, kindly of course, asking me don't I remember how we both agonized over HER guest list for HER wedding? It was such a PITA that I'd completely blocked it from my memory!!!

Here's the thing though. I WANT to have a big celebration!!! I never expected to be getting married again, don't ever intend to do this again, I am over the moon about how happy I am/we are, and so I want to celebrate that! I just want to throw a HUGE party!! Point being, even if we elope, I STILL want to have a big celebration. So there's that organized, practical part of my mind that says "Well OK, if that's what you want, DO IT! And by the way, if you're going to get everyone together for a grand party, then just get married at the same time!" And so the wheels start turning agin and I'm off and running once more!
Ron's no help. I ask him and he just tells me "baby, I want whatever makes you happy." :aargh:

He's actually been very involved in discussions about this. We've talked over and around and through this whole thing several times now, and he's genuinely interested, just not as opinionated as I am. ;) Really the ONLY thing he's talked about really wanting, just like me, is that we have a big party with everyone!!! He said he'll let me know if there's something I suggest he doesn't like, but other than that, to plan whatever makes me happy and he'll be all in!

I appreciate you all being my sounding board!
 
If I ever married again it would be a big deal but I can think of a lot of better things to do with the money a big wedding would cost...I just don’t think it’s worth the hassle or money but everyone is different.

If you make it more like a big party than a tradional reception it will be somewhat cheaper and less stressful in my opinion.
 
CeeCee said:
If you make it more like a big party than a tradional reception it will be somewhat cheaper and less stressful in my opinion.
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Thats absolutely true, and consequently the only way I would even consider such a celebration!! And because I’m a dancer and Ron is learning (even though he already has great rhythm and great moves) it’s going to be a dance party too! Lots of music to dance to whether free style, ballroom or line dancing, I intend to have it all!!
 
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Need input about this...just came up.

I think I told you, Ron's daughter Krystal is also getting married, they're planning for the Spring of 2020. I told Ron that unless we get married right away (and for a variety of reasons that's not feasible) we should wait till after Krystal gets married, around the Fall of that same year. (I don't want to do it in the heat of the summer.) My rationale is that this is her first marriage, and it's the biggest moment in her life so far, and I don't want anything to overshadow or take away from that. So I'd rather wait till AFTER her marriage to do ours so she's in the limelight! He agreed completely.

So, the other day, when Ron mentioned to Krystal that we were thinking of getting married in the Fall of 2020, she "got a funny look" as Ron related it to me. He asked her, and she admitted to being a bit disturbed by our date. Because both Krystal and Ron will be inviting some of the same people (relatives mostly, but a couple close friends too) from up North, Krystal is concerned that they won't want to travel twice, and so will choose to come to our wedding rather than hers, her rationale being that they're mostly older relatives..her Aunts and Uncles (Ron's siblings) and some close family friends who are once again older people.

So funny how two people can think so differently! I'll be talking to Krystal about this more, but the way I see it, most folks won't even know about WHEN we're getting married till we invite them, and we're not going to be sending out invitations 6 months in advance! They won't get an invite to our wedding till long AFTER Krystal has had hers! If anyone suffers from not having guests come it will be us.

What do you all think? Is there another take on this that I'm not seeing?
 
Yeah, don't have a big wedding. Go on a great vacation, get married someplace amazing, and celebrate, just the two of you. You can always have a dinner, with close friends and (easily available) family when you get back. Congratulations, and best of luck!
 
Ronni said:
Need input about this...just came up.

I think I told you, Ron's daughter Krystal is also getting married, they're planning for the Spring of 2020. I told Ron that unless we get married right away (and for a variety of reasons that's not feasible) we should wait till after Krystal gets married, around the Fall of that same year. (I don't want to do it in the heat of the summer.) My rationale is that this is her first marriage, and it's the biggest moment in her life so far, and I don't want anything to overshadow or take away from that. So I'd rather wait till AFTER her marriage to do ours so she's in the limelight! He agreed completely.

So, the other day, when Ron mentioned to Krystal that we were thinking of getting married in the Fall of 2020, she "got a funny look" as Ron related it to me. He asked her, and she admitted to being a bit disturbed by our date. Because both Krystal and Ron will be inviting some of the same people (relatives mostly, but a couple close friends too) from up North, Krystal is concerned that they won't want to travel twice, and so will choose to come to our wedding rather than hers, her rationale being that they're mostly older relatives..her Aunts and Uncles (Ron's siblings) and some close family friends who are once again older people.

So funny how two people can think so differently! I'll be talking to Krystal about this more, but the way I see it, most folks won't even know about WHEN we're getting married till we invite them, and we're not going to be sending out invitations 6 months in advance! They won't get an invite to our wedding till long AFTER Krystal has had hers! If anyone suffers from not having guests come it will be us.

What do you all think? Is there another take on this that I'm not seeing?
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If you really don't want to "overshadow" her big event, then postpone yours longer or just elope. I guess I don't understand huge production weddings at all, so my opinion probably isn't the one you're seeking.
 
You know, I have to add this: I played hundreds, if not thousands, of big weddings, during my career as a professional musician. Out of all of those celebrations, only two deaths occurred, due to heart failure, directly attributable to over-partying: One occurred as this woman danced madly about as we played Proud Mary. The other happened about ten hours after the reception. The father of the bride was dancing his butt off as we played, throughout the night. The following morning, he woke up in his hotel room, told his wife he was going to take a shower, came back to bed, laid down, and was gone. I got that from the rabbi who officiated, the night before.

Point is, if you are so set on having a big whoopty doo, and many attending the same will be older folks who are thinking they're back in their twenties, as you seem to want to be, with this big wedding trip, then you really need to consider that you may actually be exposing these folks, who haven't been to any big weddings in quite a while (where they felt that they were going to be among their peer group during the festivities), to potential over exertion, partying hardy, getting down to getting down, at the cost of their good health and, maybe, their lives. Something to think about. None of us, at 65-85, are what we were at 25-45, although we tell ourselves differently, I'm sure.
 
Ronni said:
I'll be talking to Krystal about this more, but the way I see it, most folks won't even know about WHEN we're getting married till we invite them, and we're not going to be sending out invitations 6 months in advance! They won't get an invite to our wedding till long AFTER Krystal has had hers! If anyone suffers from not having guests come it will be us.
What do you all think? Is there another take on this that I'm not seeing?
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Exactly, seems like there's a problem being created where there is none. If the potential guests won't know about your wedding date until long after Krystal has had her wedding, then you would be the one who may not have some guests show up. I could see her worrying if you planned your wedding right before hers. I don't see an issue. :)
 
treeguy64 said:
Point is, if you are so set on having a big whoopty doo, and many attending the same will be older folks who are thinking they're back in their twenties, as you seem to want to be, with this big wedding trip, then you really need to consider that you may actually be exposing these folks, who haven't been to any big weddings in quite a while (where they felt that they were going to be among their peer group during the festivities), to potential over exertion, partying hardy, getting down to getting down, at the cost of their good health and, maybe, their lives. Something to think about. None of us, at 65-85, are what we were at 25-45, although we tell ourselves differently, I'm sure.
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Here's the thing though treeguy; is it really MY responsibility to monitor or make decisions for others? To not have my wedding be a certain way, or the way I want it to be, in order to stave off possible health issues of one guest or another?

I may be a bit tender about this kind of thing. I actually had a discussion with a friend of mine, not a close one, but still, over who to invite. She was so hot about this that it would have escalated to an argument if I hadn't disengaged. I have friends all over the country...hell, all over the world! Australia, Holland, France etc. My friend contended that I shouldn't be inviting anyone who lived far away, whether in another state or another country, on the basis that it might result in financial hardship for them if they felt obligated to attend, or wanted to attend but couldn't afford it, and that I should be thinking of them and their issues with not wanting to disappoint me but having to struggle financially or logistically to show up. That I shouldn't be putting them in the position of having to make this kind of choice.

MY take is that I'm going to invite everyone I would like to be there, so that they HAVE a choice as to whether or not they can make it. My friends know me well enough to know that I won't be offended in the LEAST if they can't make it or don't want to come for whatever reason, and I'm certainly not going to run the risk of hurting their feelings by not inviting them because I presume to know whether or not it will be difficult for them.

So I kinda feel the same way about the point you raised. If my friends decide they want to party hard, then that's on them, not me. If they're so inattentive to their health, that they might overdo things at my wedding reception, then that's an issue that has nothing to do with me.....the venue isn't the problem, it's that they could just as easily have issues from overexertion anywhere.
 
SeaBreeze said:
Exactly, seems like there's a problem being created where there is none. If the potential guests won't know about your wedding date until long after Krystal has had her wedding, then you would be the one who may not have some guests show up. I could see her worrying if you planned your wedding right before hers. I don't see an issue. :)
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Yes, exactly!!! I don't see the issue either. I felt like I was doing the right thing to have our wedding AFTER hers. I'll be seeing her this w/e and I'll talk to her in person. She's a sweetheart, easy to talk to, we get along well, and perhaps her Dad didn't relay her concerns exactly. Or he did, but it will just take some one on one from me to her to sort it out. I am NOT highly opinionated as to the when of the wedding, so if there is something I'm not seeing right now, I'm more than happy to be flexible.
 
Well, Ron's daughter's wedding plans have taken a left turn and now it's a totally different event than they were originally planning. Check this out! This is where Krystal and Christian decided to have their wedding. They completely changed their plan and vision for what they wanted and now they're doing it here, this May!

www.airbnb.com/rooms/15114390?source=explore_tabs&check_out=2019-05-05&guests=1&adults=1&check_in=2019-05-03&user_id=19655885&ref_device_id=35c713c2510da496fdbb9e68516615d04f6a53f5&s=23&_branch_match_id=627139915252336046

14 Bedrooms, 21,000 square feet. Very small wedding, just family and several close friends, and it's just outside of Chattanooga. It will be a weekend affair...arrive Friday, big dinner friday night, fun and frolicking Saturday (racketball, pool, tennis, jaccuzi, sightseeing etc,) then Wedding Saturday evening and catered food/wedding dinner after that, with lots of music and dancing. Sunday breakfast with everyone and then we leave. Gonna be quite the weekend!
 
If it were me, I'd go casual. A church wedding and a cake and punch reception in the church hall, perhaps. Or that BBQ in the park thing would work very well for me, as well. Or a backyard beer bash.
 
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