Pros and Cons of Senior "Co-Housing", Like The Golden Girls

SeaBreeze

SeaBreeze

Endlessly Groovin'
Location
USA
Right now I'm thinking if something ever happened to my husband, I would want to stay living in our home although I would be alone. I don't think I would want another woman to live with me for company or financial reasons, but I don't know how I'll feel in the future and I try to 'never say never'. More here.

Picture it: A hit 1980s sitcom in which four senior women share a home in Miami. Hilarity ensues, and the world falls for "The Golden Girls." But more than just a beloved television show, the concept on which their wise and friend-first adventures were built is becoming a more common arrangement for regular people to age in place and get the most out of their later years with friends by their side.

Senior or elderly co-housing "isn't a new concept," says Sue Johansen, vice president of partner services with A Place for Mom, a senior referral service based in Seattle. "But what is new is that people are trying to explore it in different ways. What we're seeing today is that seniors are wanting to stay in their homes longer," with two primary reasons driving that move: socialization and cost-sharing.

"It's usually the financial piece that's the stronger driver that we've seen," Johansen says. Co-housing offers multiple seniors who'd rather not move into an assisted living community or nursing home another option for staying at home longer while spending less money to keep up a separate household.

"It allows both the senior who owns the home and others who rent a room to be in an independent environment for longer, to pool resources financially, to live more comfortably and to share an environment with somebody who may face similar challenges."

Socialization Advantages

There are lots of reasons why an older adult might find him or herself feeling isolated or lonely. For one, divorce among seniors is on the rise. According to the Pew Research Center, since the 1990s, the divorce rate among adults aged 50 and over (so-called "gray divorce") has more than doubled. For others, death leaves the surviving spouse living alone. The U.S. Census Bureau reports that 28 percent of people aged 65 or older lived alone when the census was conducted in 2010.

And these individuals are more likely to be female, given that women's life expectancy is 81.2 years versus 76.4 years for men. (Life expectancy in the U.S. has been following a downward trend over the past several years, with an editorial in The BMJ reporting the cause being despair resulting in increased suicide and substance abuse.)

Social isolation and loneliness are associated with higher mortality in older adults, and senior co-housing might be an option for alleviating some of this isolation. Simply living with another person or people – especially if you have shared experiences or other things in common – can provide a wonderful opportunity to socialize and feel part of something bigger than yourself. Who wouldn't want to live with friends? Much like any other shared housing arrangement, this one can yield a new partner or friend with whom to have adventures and good times.

Disadvantages of Senior Co-Housing

There can also be a downside to senior co-housing. As with any roommate situation, conflicts can crop up over everything from dishes in the sink to household expenses. And as vexing as such discord can be when you're in your 20s, it may be compounded later in life by health issues and other age-related factors such as cognitive deficits or reduced mobility.

"The bandwidth of dealing with the ramifications if you get into a bad situation tend to be overwhelming. That's the deterrent that has kept this from being a larger portion of what we're seeing in the marketplace in general," Johansen says.

One way to reduce the chances of having a bad match is to carefully select your living partners and to set out all expectations clearly and in writing right from the outset. "If they're going to go into a co-housing situation, the homeowner really needs to take the time and expense to get a rental agreement drawn up," Johansen says. That agreement should call out the specific needs that each senior has and wants to ensure are met.
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That is something I have considered myself. My attempts at having housemates here years ago were not good experiences. Not sure I am up to doing it again.

But if I were alone, I am not sure it would be financially feasible for me to stay alone. It is a tough decision to make. I have a friend, about 10 years younger than me who has a nice, ranch style home. She broached the subject of my moving there if I were ever alone.
We have known each other about 30 years. I would be afraid of it not working out and I would hate to hurt our friendship.
I am anxious to hear what others say
 
Marie5656 said:

But if I were alone, I am not sure it would be financially feasible for me to stay alone. It is a tough decision to make. I have a friend, about 10 years younger than me who has a nice, ranch style home. She broached the subject of my moving there if I were ever alone.

We have known each other about 30 years. I would be afraid of it not working out and I would hate to hurt our friendship.
I am anxious to hear what others say
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Marie, our house is ranch style and that's one of the reasons I would like to stay here as long as possible, or until the end. There's only one staircase that leads to the finished basement and laundry room, and it's narrow with banister (and wall) on one side and wall on the other, so it's pretty secure to go up and down.

It's so nice of your friend to offer that you stay with her rather than live alone, very kind of her, a good friend for sure. I can understand your being hesitant to take her up of the offer though if you were alone, no guarantee it would work out and the friendship may be lost or weakened.

Guess I would just keep an open mind in having a roommate, but I think it would be more if I needed assistance and help with housework and shopping, rather than just for company. I'd have to really trust the person though, would hate to be taken advantage of or scammed in my old age by someone living under my own roof.
 

I would never want to have a housemate as long as I have someone in the area for emergencies. In my case I have my son and daughter. If I couldn't swing it financially then I'd find someplace more affordable. I'm just to picky and set in my ways to have a housemate. Items in my kitchen moved about. Some ugly vase staring at me everyday. Oh! the horror of it all!
 
I think that it could be a great option for some folks and absolute hell for me.

I will go it alone for as long as possible then crawl into an assisted living facility and wait impatiently for a ride to the cemetery.
 
It could work with the right people.
But what happens when your too sick to do your share?
Your back to being at the mercy of the state or your 'well meaning' family.
Not being negative just being realistic.
If the seniors children cared about them like they use to before the 1950s and 60s,there would not be so many parents in this kind of situation.
It is really scary out there now.
People taking care of Americas elderly are low wage and many of them don't like 'certain' kinds of people.
wish we had more options about what to do with those who can't do for themselves.
 
Aunt Bea said:
I think that it could be a great option for some folks and absolute hell for me.

I will go it alone for as long as possible then crawl into an assisted living facility and wait impatiently for a ride to the cemetery.
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Me too Aunt Bea! But assisted living is only for those who can basically care for themselves.
 
SeaBreeze said:
Right now I'm thinking if something ever happened to my husband, I would want to stay living in our home although I would be alone. I don't think I would want another woman to live with me for company or financial reasons, but I don't know how I'll feel in the future and I try to 'never say never'. More here.
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I value my alone time, in fact sufficient alone time is a must for me. For that reason my second marriage was a non-traditional one It worked for us for 25 years. Although he was the love of my life, the adjustment of having a husband around (albeit not 24/7) was hard for me and took quite awhile to adjust to. My husband passed away in December and fortunately I don't need to get a housemate to help pay my expenses. Good thing because I wouldn't want one. The Golden Girls were fun to watch but in real life....might not be much fun.
 
It would NEVER work for me, I am too much of a loner and need lots of privacy. I would rather scrimp pennies than have roommates. I think the arrangement would probably work for extroverts but would be difficult for introverts. And with females, sharing a kitchen and a bathroom would be a deal breaker, even if each person has her own bedroom. It might work if all the tenants have basically the same housekeeping habits and can be trusted to pay the bills on time. I can just imagine a slob and a neat-freak living together, oh the horror!
 
RadishRose said:
I'm not totally against it. MYOB, and cleaning up after oneself immediately would be necessary. Also, no regular babysitting the grands.
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I agree with RR and I'd add, no men friends hanging around all the time. If you want to watch TV with him go to his house. What would probably get me upset the most is a person who doesn't clean up immediately after themselves.
 
I can’t think of my life without my husband. He IS my life , my everything. I’m not sure what I’d do. Like PVC, I’m a total loner so would find it very difficult. Here in Canada there are homes dedicated to Senior citizens where you pay to have your own room but share common rooms like the kitchen / living room however you each have your own bathroom. Your rent is based on how much you’d like to contribute. There are doctors and nurses on call 24/7.
This is something I might be able to do and it’s either mixed gender or just one gender. The choice of course is yours.
Its something I don’t want to think about much cause it tears me up everytime. I’d be lost without my man. :(
 
Keesha said:
I can’t think of my life without my husband. He IS my life , my everything. I’m not sure what I’d do. Like PVC, I’m a total loner so would find it very difficult...it tears me up everytime. I’d be lost without my man. :(
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I'm sorry to get a little off-topic of co-housing but...You are stronger than you realize Keesha. I "see" that strength in you now even. After a time of mourning, you will "wake up" and be motivated to find yourself and follow your purpose...and you will stay focused and grow. Of course you will always miss your man but that can't be changed. What can change is you. And you will become a better version of yourself through it. You will once again find joy. And you will fulfill your purpose.

There's a difference between being lost and feeling lost. Some passings of loved ones are long and there's time to come to terms with it (somewhat) but my man's passing was untimely and sudden (heart attack age 46) so I was in shock for two years and feeling numb and feeling lost. I didn't feel whole. There was a void inside me. But I always knew I wasn't really lost and I had a purpose in life that was uniquely designed for me. I wouldn't still be here if I had finished my purpose.

So after 2 years of feeling lost, I woke up. All of a sudden I was able to connect with my inner strength that was there all along. It gave me the power to move forward to make the best of the rest of my life (and the lives of the 4 little ones under my care). And I was able to fill that void I had with all the beauty and opportunity my Creator had gifted me with.

I never remarried but I gradually felt fulfilled with love and joy. Not the same as a spouse's love but fulfilling none-the-less. Then some days I'm just plain "full-of-it" :D

Regarding Co-Housing: It all depends on Who you're co-housing with.
If you get along well, both have a good sense of humor, and share laughter then maybe. Hopefully, yes. Always have a back-up plan if you need to split.
 
My older sis and I always said/planned we’d do the “Golden Girls thing” when our spouses passed. Well, mine has, her’s hasn’t and now I realize I’d be babysitting her the rest of our days (she’s 8 years older). No thanks. Then again, since my husband passed 10 months ago, I’ve come up with so many dumb ideas, it’s comical. Will deal with that situation when the time is right.
 
Neither wife nor I like being alone at all. We have to be when she is at work, but in the evenings and weekends.........always together. Us being "clingy" is a big thing that brought us together. Even getting into any kind of ladies group or me getting into a mens group, would be totally out for either of us.

As far as the Golden Girls thing, I could handle it, but definitely NOT living with the "Blanche" type that seemed like she was always having a man over to spend the night.
 
Damn, it's hard losing a spouse after 30-40-50 years. That's been your life and all of a sudden it's gone. We had 37 good years together and then he was gone in a flash.

My late sister and I had always planned on having side-by-side rocking chairs at the Home for Poor Old Ladies one of these days, still complaining about our husbands and our kids and planning our next escape. Alas, was not to be......due to the actions of someone who decided it was OK to drink and drive.
 
Butterfly said:
Me, too, Aunt Bea.
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Im the same! I have room for at least two roommates and it would be nice to get some help around here but I couldn’t do it.

Im too ocd and maybe a control freak too...at least in my house!

Thats why I haven’t moved to my daughter’s yet...I’m waiting for them to downsize in 3-4 years and buy a home with a mother in law or casita. That’s the plan.

After my husband died, a year later I met someone from Ohio and he moved in with me. I just couldn’t adjust although it was great to have someone as handy around the house as he was but he was also not as neat as I am. Although we weren’t getting along but when he left even though I was crying my eyes out I couldn’t wait for him to get all his junk out of the house..so it was a bitter/sweet day.

I can only think of one person I could live with and she’s in Romania and I’ve lost track of her.

She was a widow and a few years younger than me. When we lived in Hungary she became my live in Housekeeper (not expensive there) but we also became very good friends.

Her name was Piroska.
 
Co-habitation as young people is not the same as when we are in our silver years. We are set in our ways and to co-exist with another that is set in their way usually does not work.
 
I dunno. Can't imagine that two (or more) grown women who've each had their own households could peacefully co-exist under the same roof. In my case, I have my own space separate from DD/DSIL's and with my own entrance so it's okay. If I had to actually live in their house, or in a house with any other adults, I don't think it would be a success.

A funny...my space is down a back hall across from the laundry room. DD's office (she works from home) is upstairs on the other side of the house. When we "talk" to each other, it's almost always via text or call (except at suppertime) because it's "too far" to walk over there or for her to walk over here. LOL
 
I love Lara's point. I had thought of several options. Marrying again, turned up not happening. Maybe, I as an older lady and another lady, but it just doesn't resonate with me. So, probably not. However, if there was a time it looked beneficial to both of us, separate everything, we were both considerate, etc. Maybe. I love my life single, alone, and so it will probably stay this way for a while.
 
DGM said:
My father once told me "the roof hasn't been built that's large enough to house two women under it".
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I've read that it is much easier for men to share a household than for women, mainly because women have a stronger ''nesting'' instinct than men, they love being the ''queen'' of the hive.
 

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