Ronni
Well-known Member
- Location
- Nashville TN
My son ( 40 yrs old) responded to an email from his dad/my ex in which my ex just wished us a safe and happy Thanksgiving. It's been the first time in 4 years that anyone has responded to him. The kids and I basically cut him off years ago, after a heinous history of abuse and control, the likes of which are too extensive to list here, but suffice to say that he is a classic emotional/mental abuser to the children, and additionally a sexual/financial abuser to me while we were together. The physical abuse of me didn't surface until he understood that I was going to leave him.
My daughter (the youngest of the 5 kids) is experiencing some degree of turmoil as a result of the response of my ex to my son's (her sibling's) recounting of his conversation with his Dad. She's feeling relieved that he’s doing well. Guilty that she hasn't reached out. Skeptical of him being any different. Angry that he’s never mended the bridge he burned. Emotional at the thought of ever talking to him again. Sad that she may not. Longing for a real dad. Y’know, the usual.
God this sucks.
It's been many years since I've had any response to him in spite of his random emails and text messages over the years wishing us well. But after my son talked to him, I began it realize that he's now an OLD MAN ( he's a few years older than me) and that time hasn't been kind to him. He is ill and ailing and suffering from COPD and overweight and other health issues. My son was shocked at how different he sounded, how OLD and frail he seemed to be, and was very much taken aback that the former combative, confrontational, aggressive person he was just doesn't seem to be there any longer.
My kids are struggling with whether or not to reach out to him. So I threw myself under the bus, as it were. Reached out. Told him we're all doing well. and told him of my recent marriage, and that the grands are wonderful and that our children are awesome, and that I no longer hold any resentment or ill will.
I don't know where this will go. I DO know that my kids will follow my lead, and that if at any time he shows any animosity or control or domination (the aspects of his personality that were so prevalent in our lives together) I will cut off contact in a heartbeat.
He seems to be a sad and sorry old man. My son honestly was devastated at the sound of his Dad's voice, now high and reedy and feeble compared to the strong and arrogant and commanding voice of his youth.
I am sad for him. He was so certain, so arrogant, so completely RIGHT in his domination of his kids and me. And now? He seems just broken.
I don't quite know how to feel.
My daughter (the youngest of the 5 kids) is experiencing some degree of turmoil as a result of the response of my ex to my son's (her sibling's) recounting of his conversation with his Dad. She's feeling relieved that he’s doing well. Guilty that she hasn't reached out. Skeptical of him being any different. Angry that he’s never mended the bridge he burned. Emotional at the thought of ever talking to him again. Sad that she may not. Longing for a real dad. Y’know, the usual.
God this sucks. It's been many years since I've had any response to him in spite of his random emails and text messages over the years wishing us well. But after my son talked to him, I began it realize that he's now an OLD MAN ( he's a few years older than me) and that time hasn't been kind to him. He is ill and ailing and suffering from COPD and overweight and other health issues. My son was shocked at how different he sounded, how OLD and frail he seemed to be, and was very much taken aback that the former combative, confrontational, aggressive person he was just doesn't seem to be there any longer.
My kids are struggling with whether or not to reach out to him. So I threw myself under the bus, as it were. Reached out. Told him we're all doing well. and told him of my recent marriage, and that the grands are wonderful and that our children are awesome, and that I no longer hold any resentment or ill will.
I don't know where this will go. I DO know that my kids will follow my lead, and that if at any time he shows any animosity or control or domination (the aspects of his personality that were so prevalent in our lives together) I will cut off contact in a heartbeat.
He seems to be a sad and sorry old man. My son honestly was devastated at the sound of his Dad's voice, now high and reedy and feeble compared to the strong and arrogant and commanding voice of his youth.
I am sad for him. He was so certain, so arrogant, so completely RIGHT in his domination of his kids and me. And now? He seems just broken.
I don't quite know how to feel.