Reframing attention seeking behaviors

Ronni

Ronni

The motormouth ;)
Location
Nashville TN
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I’ve been doing a bit of research on this because one of my teen granddaughters is acting out. Also because I’m somewhat of a Student of Human Nature, when I’ve see anyone acting in a way that seems to be looking for attention, it’s been a curiously to me. So I’ve done a bit of reading

"Attention seeking" can be a need for things other than attention, like connection or attachment as the chart indicates. Also apparently the need for attention can become more confronting, confusing or chaotic to match the underlying need and emotion. I’ve observed this is my grand.

I’m still learning about this...anyone have any insight?
 

I would talk to her about it, and let her know that you’re there for her, the teenage years are so tough I remember my teenage years as that’s when it all went downhill for me for about 7 years it’s a very critical make or break time, I would spend as much time with her as you possibly can wishing you all the best!
 
Ok! I’m going to play devils advocate here on this one.

The way you have started your opening post implies that any attention seeking behaviour is negative and I whole heartedly disagree.

The number one need after survival basics, like food and shelter, is to connect with others. We all do that in our own unique way, on our own time table.

Are musicians who sing or play instruments for an audience attention seekers and if so, should they seek counsel?

What about all the poets and actors in the theatres, cinemas and movies we watch and enjoy? Are these people attention seekers and do they need counselling?

We all connect with others in our own unique way. We are all looking to be heard and understood by others. Some people are just more polished with their attention seeking than others but who are we to judge?

Even members coming to a site like this are seeking attention of some sort. It’s human nature to want to reach out and connect with others.
There are many attention seekers here , whom I personally find amusing and entertaining.
I’ve no doubt , I’m one of them. 🤪


People who seek our attention consistently who become obnoxious, annoying and , or destructive to others might need counselling of some sort but unless this particular person is which you speak of, I’d leave be and let this person express them self exactly how they’d like without interference.

Note: I hope you aren’t offended by my frankness and honesty
 

Keesha said:
Ok! I’m going to play devils advocate here on this one.

The way you have started your opening post implies that any attention seeking behaviour is negative and I whole heartedly disagree.

The number one need after survival basics, like food and shelter, is to connect with others. We all do that in our own unique way, on our own time table.

Are musicians who sing or play instruments for an audience attention seekers and if so, should they seek counsel?

What about all the poets and actors in the theatres, cinemas and movies we watch and enjoy? Are these people attention seekers and do they need counselling?

We all connect with others in our own unique way. We are all looking to be heard and understood by others. Some people are just more polished with their attention seeking than others but who are we to judge?

Even members coming to a site like this are seeking attention of some sort. It’s human nature to want to reach out and connect with others.
There are many attention seekers here , whom I personally find amusing and entertaining.
I’ve no doubt , I’m one of them. 🤪


People who seek our attention consistently who become obnoxious, annoying and , or destructive to others might need counselling of some sort but unless this particular person is which you speak of, I’d leave be and let this person express them self exactly how they’d like without interference.

Note: I hope you aren’t offended by my frankness and honesty
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Not offended in the least! I have a lot to say in response to this, but I am flying out the door for work right now, but this is exactly the kind of feedback I’m looking for. So thank you. 💕
 
I agree with Keesha. There are a lot of attention seekers out there. It's something I'm guilty of, although I'm self-described as an introvert. It's easy for me to come online here, and act silly, I'm hidden behind a computer. I see my children and grandchildren acting out. I just see them as kids being kids. There are a lot of personality types. Some people are the personality type to draw attention to themselves, and some are more withdrawn.

I think it depends on the way that she is acting out. If it's wearing all black and shaving her head, I think those are her choices, maybe. I did try to talk with one of my sons at that age, and all I got was that he wanted to live with his dad.

There can be other signals that things are wrong for her. That's where you might need to talk, or she might need to talk to a counselor. Some people react to differently. I'm good with a counselor. I have a son that thought the world had some to an end when I suggested it for him. So there are lots of variables for each individual.
 
Before we discuss anti- "attention seeking" measures, we ought to discuss why you believe your granddaughter needs them. "Acting up" covers a lot of territory. And a teen "acting up" isn't exactly "BREAKING NEWS". Some might be scandalized if she didn't make her bed twice this month. Or it might be extremely dangerous to her health and well being.
 
Beats me!

I agree with LcJones, talk to her privately and tell her what you've noticed, why you are concerned and ask what if anything you can do to help.

One tip! Sometimes young people have trouble dealing with a face to face conversation but they will tend to open up in a conversation that takes place in the car where both people are facing the windshield. I know it sounds odd but it does seem to work.

Good luck to both of you.
 
The attention seeking I’m talking about is different than what entertainers do or how we get goofy here or have back and forth discussions.

What I’m talking about is an almost pathological need to command the attention of others, to do whatever necessary to draw attention to oneself by whatever means necessary, I think to solve some unmet need.

I know folks like this. No matter what the circumstance they will strive to be the center of attention, making any situation or social gathering about them. As one example of many, they attend someone else’s birthday party, yet they do whatever they can to make it about them.

As I’ve mulled this over I’ve come to the conclusion that my granddaughter’s acting out isn’t in the same category as the attention seeking behaviors I’m talking about. Her behavior is part of a typical teen growth pattern, though in her case it’s definitely compounded by the tragedies she’s suffered in her young life. Still it’s not the same as the middle aged folks I see who make everything about them ALL THE TIME.
 
RadishRose said:
Everyone needs attention. Just give it to them.
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I agree. I think that’s a valid statement. I need attention from Ron and he from me. That’s appropriate.

I guess what I find difficult is that some people absolutely require that they be the center of attention at all times. From everyone.
 
Ronni said:
I agree. I think that’s a valid statement. I need attention from Ron and he from me. That’s appropriate.

I guess what I find difficult is that some people absolutely require that they be the center of attention at all times. From everyone.
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I know few like that. So annoying,
Maybe they wouldn't get like that if they got what they needed to begin with...jmo.
 
RadishRose said:
I know few like that. So annoying,
Maybe they wouldn't get like that if they got what they needed to begin with...jmo.
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Well Rose it doesn’t work that way for the ones that I know. It doesn’t matter how much attention they get they continue to want more. It’s like they have to have the attention of everyone in the room focused on them the whole time. I was just at a bridal shower where this happened. One person dominated the event the whole time. Every game, the present opening, the food presentation...it was all about her. It was embarrassing.
 
Ronni said:
As I’ve mulled this over I’ve come to the conclusion that my granddaughter’s acting out isn’t in the same category as the attention seeking behaviors I’m talking about. Her behavior is part of a typical teen growth pattern, though in her case it’s definitely compounded by the tragedies she’s suffered in her young life.
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They’d a good conclusion to settle on. 🥰
She’s young. It’s pretty much considered normal at that age.
 
Aunt Bea said:
Beats me!

I agree with LcJones, talk to her privately and tell her what you've noticed, why you are concerned and ask what if anything you can do to help.

One tip! Sometimes young people have trouble dealing with a face to face conversation but they will tend to open up in a conversation that takes place in the car where both people are facing the windshield. I know it sounds odd but it does seem to work.

Good luck to both of you.
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Yes, conversations in the car work wonders. You can't look at them.
 
The talk I have had with all the boys at 15 or 16.

Yours is a really difficult age. You are no longer a child, but not yet an adult. There will be days when nothing goes right and days filled with happiness. Your hormones are all over the place and all you can do is try to recognize how they make you feel.

But remember, this is all normal. Every person goes through this time of life. When you are somewhere between 18 and 20 things get easier - I promise.
 
I was raised by the "you are to be seen but not heard child rearing method". You are to be entertainment for the children of the adult visitors. To this day I really resent that. You are not important enough to be with the adults. No way would I have dared to argue or be the center of attention. That's why to this day I switch between being a somewhat aggressively assertive adult and a shy wall flower. I don't know what would have happened if I decided to be a teenage rebel. Probably happier but I didn't grow up in one place ever long enough to have friends to be a rebel with. This teenage girl that is the topic of this thread is missing something in her life. Or she's just a brat. Hard to tell with the very little teeny bit of information we have. But she at least has someone concerned enough to notice what is going on with her and hopefully figure it out before she gets herself into trouble with that kind of attitude.
 
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Ronni said:
Well Rose it doesn’t work that way for the ones that I know. It doesn’t matter how much attention they get they continue to want more. It’s like they have to have the attention of everyone in the room focused on them the whole time. I was just at a bridal shower where this happened. One person dominated the event the whole time. Every game, the present opening, the food presentation...it was all about her. It was embarrassing.
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Oh dear, Ronnie, this sounds like an extreme case, not the normal human desire for some attention and affection, maybe this girl needs therapy. There seems to be an insatiable need.
 
I was the teenage rebel and it never quite wore off.
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I think it's much easier being a teenage rebel when your folks don't care enough about you, and your life and what you're doing. In my case, I could have used a little less caring and restrictions. Yes, I know what that sounds like compared to what you went through and still are, and I thoroughly understand where you're coming from and that you had and have the strength to be a rebel. I really do.
 
I know someone who turns every conversation to be about her. She shows no understanding at all of others or their situations yet turns everything to be about her. She once was my friend but I had to let her go because of this problem she has. I found her utter selfishness to be repulsive after awhile and even confronted her about my own needs as a person. She refused to hear me or show any caring or understanding. She is certainly not a happy camper and probably needs help which I had tried to give her but that was doing me harm so I had to let it go.
 
Patio Life said:
The talk I have had with all the boys at 15 or 16.

Yours is a really difficult age. You are no longer a child, but not yet an adult. There will be days when nothing goes right and days filled with happiness. Your hormones are all over the place and all you can do is try to recognize how they make you feel.

But remember, this is all normal. Every person goes through this time of life. When you are somewhere between 18 and 20 things get easier - I promise.
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Beautifully said. True for girls and boys.
 
Ronni said:
I agree. I think that’s a valid statement. I need attention from Ron and he from me. That’s appropriate.

I guess what I find difficult is that some people absolutely require that they be the center of attention at all times. From everyone.
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Just out of curiosity is she being ignored or does she feel like she's being ignored? She may not be but, if she perceives that she is then that could be where this is stemmed from. Maybe she's experiencing some issues in one part of her life and it's leaking into other areas.
 

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