Ring on or off, your thoughts please

R

RobinWren

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Location
BC
It will soon be nearly three years since my husband passed away. Within weeks of his passing I found a grief support group, I needed them I was a wreck. One of the members broached the subject of the wedding ring, he had been asked if he would take off his ring now that his wife had passed away. I still wear my wedding ring and do not see me taking it off in the foreseeable future. Am I married? Not anymore. Society tells me I am a widow, what a horrible word though I guess I am still married to the memory.
 

There is no time frame for when you should stop wearing your wedding ring. It's a personal choice. You do what feels right for you.

My friend, after several years, decided to put her ring on a chain and wear it as a necklace.
 

RobinWren said:
Am I married? Not anymore. Society tells me I am a widow, what a horrible word though I guess I am still married to the memory.
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You are indeed married. Death is not a divorce, the spirit of your wonderful husband lives within you. Wearing, or not wearing your wedding ring, is something that you don't need advice on. You will feel it, if taking it off is the right choice. More than that, you will sense your husband's approval. How do I know, Mary Elizabeth Frye explains it better than I ever could:

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

You have spent a lifetime together, your's is a bond that, not even death can break. I grieve with you, share your pain and I wish you well, just as your husband does. Peace be with you.


Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/do-not-stand-by-my-grave-and-weep-by-mary-elizabeth-frye
 
A wedding ring is not a binding legal agreement. That’s what the marriage license is for.

A wedding band is a symbol. If you truly loved your mate, then it symbolizes that love and commitment. That commitment, that binding of the heart, doesn’t die when your spouse does. You’re still wed, connected by those heart strings, when your loved one passes away. So removing that symbol has to be a very personal choice, dictated not solely by circumstance or intellect, but by emotion and sentiment.

Of course if your marriage was not a happy one, the death of a spouse may be occasioned by some relief, which would tend influence the decision to remove one’s rings.
 
RobinWren said:
It will soon be nearly three years since my husband passed away. Within weeks of his passing I found a grief support group, I needed them I was a wreck. One of the members broached the subject of the wedding ring, he had been asked if he would take off his ring now that his wife had passed away. I still wear my wedding ring and do not see me taking it off in the foreseeable future. Am I married? Not anymore. Society tells me I am a widow, what a horrible word though I guess I am still married to the memory.
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First of all, I am very sorry your husband passed away. I haven’t had to go through that yet so can only imagine how hard it must be. My prayers will be with you 🙏
That whole wedding ring tradition is weird, isn’t it? I would guess it’s a signal, so to speak, to others if you are looking to meet someone again. If no t, I would leave it right where it is if it brings you comfort and peace. My mother switched hers to her right hand after Dad died, only because “tradition” said that is what you were supposed to do.
 
If you feel good wearing your wedding ring, wear it. Do not let anyone tell you to put it away. Love never ends when someone passes away. I have a friend who was a widow, she wore her ring, then when she remarried she put it on her other hand and her new husband did not mind. What a gentle man!
 
Robin, if you do not see yourself taking off the ring in the foreseeable future, I think you already answered the question.;) If you still feel married, then you are. It's different for everyone. If there ever comes a time when taking it off feels right, you will know it. And that time might never come.
 
As suggested, moving it to the other hand was always the custom from my roots. It’s what you feel comfortable with.
 
Do what makes you feel good. I think it's sweet for you to wear them. I'm just different, maybe because of my circumstances. For me, even though my love for my husband was over the top, and still is, my wedding ring was just a material thing. It came off early on. I still have it though. Almost over night my focus narrowed to our children. My purpose widened to be the best two parents I could be. I had no chjoice but to move on as quickly as possible.

I felt he wedding ring was nothing compared to my husband and it wasn't going to bring him back. I got very practical I guess. I was trying my best to let go and focus on the future of raising my family. It wasn't about appearing single. In fact, I never remarried. Maybe my children would have done well to have a new father...but maybe not. And if not, that would have derailed my dreams for them.
 
Absolutely your choice.

I took mine off right after he died because I thought it would help me heal faster. It took me four years though to finally
heal enough to be my own person again. I was kind of a basket case at the time! I know most people don't understand
why a death of a spouse hurts so much, but it does!
I DO think taking off the ring made me realize I had to bring out
any inner strength I might have had.; realize I was completely alone!
When you're young, being alone is so natural but after years of marriage, it's completely different! A total life change!
 
Neither my father nor I ever had wedding rings. They can be hazardous working around machinery. His father did wear one.

I never met my mother's parents, they were gone before my arrival.
 
Gaer said:
Absolutely your choice.

I took mine off right after he died because I thought it would help me heal faster. It took me four years though to finally
heal enough to be my own person again. I was kind of a basket case at the time! I know most people don't understand
why a death of a spouse hurts so much, but it does!
I DO think taking off the ring made me realize I had to bring out
any inner strength I might have had.; realize I was completely alone!
When you're young, being alone is so natural but after years of marriage, it's completely different! A total life change!
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Losing a partner does hurt very much but I think that I am pretty resilient and able to deal with the highs and lows. But, you are right it is a total life change, the activities that interested me before do not interest me now. Sometimes I feel that I am coasting.
 
Thank you all for replying and stating your points of view, I will keep it on, although my ring he wore it for a good few years of our married life. We had identical rings but he lost his and so he wore mine. So during that time I was ringless, sounds crazy.
 
Shero said:
If you feel good wearing your wedding ring, wear it. Do not let anyone tell you to put it away. Love never ends when someone passes away. I have a friend who was a widow, she wore her ring, then when she remarried she put it on her other hand and her new husband did not mind. What a gentle man!
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Your reply reminded me of one of my aunts who wore the rings her husband gave her and also wore the rings that were from the young man who was killed in a car accident on the day before they were to be married.

Her husband never minded that she wore those rings. He loved her so very much.

Such a sad and tragic time for my aunt; we all think she never stopped loving that young man.
 
PamfromTx said:
Your reply reminded me of one of my aunts who wore the rings her husband gave her and also wore the rings that were from the young man who was killed in a car accident on the day before they were to be married.

Her husband never minded that she wore those rings. He loved her so very much.

Such a sad and tragic time for my aunt; we all think she never stopped loving that young man.
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So sorry about the sadness in your aunt’s life Pam, she sounds a beautiful soul. She had a wonderful husband, I love the fact he was so secure in his love for her and did not feel threatened in any way makes him an exceptional human being.
 
I do not wear jewelry.

I had wedding rings for the wedding 😂. Then they sat in a box for fifty years. Last year I gave them to my daughter. She can sell them or save them for her daughter. She also has my mother’s wedding ring, and wears her wedding ring.

Her cup of weddings rings runs over 😂😂😂.

I have no advice on what to do.
 
I had lost a significant amount of weight after Bill passed.I was playing tennis ball with our lab and it must have come off while I was throwing it without me realizing it...I was heartsick for a very long time!
 

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